20 :  c o m e  w h a t  m a y

“I’m okay,” Donghae said for the tenth time that day. “You don’t have to coddle me like a baby.” Kyuhyun ignored him and continued to dab a soft cotton ball doused in antiseptic against Donghae’s burn wounds.

“Cooperate for once, Lee Donghae,” Kyuhyun nagged, shooting his best friend a sideways glance. “For once, just once, I need you to quit being a dickhead for the better of both of us.”

Donghae sighed in exasperation. He threw his hands up in the air as if to admit he’d given up; he knew that between the two of them, Kyuhyun had always been the more stubborn one, or at least he’d like to think that was the case. Kyuhyun pressed a cotton ball into one of his wounds.

“Be gentle!” Donghae chided, flinching at the pressure. “Jesus Christ.”

Kyuhyun smiled sinisterly. “Just remember that if not for me, you’d probably have been left for dead in that ty warehouse. I deserve to be called a genius.”

Donghae rubbed his temples. “How did you find me anyway?”

“Remember how you came running to me with your new phone a few years back? I helped you configure the settings using my iCloud account because your was incapable of doing it yourself. That gives me access to your phone’s last location, should I ever need to use the Find My iPhone function.” Kyuhyun blew a kiss, grinning. “Steve Jobs has my back.”

Donghae frowned. He didn’t exactly understand what Kyuhyun meant—he’d never been the type to understand tech jargon—but he secretly thanked God for Kyuhyun. Not that Kyuhyun had to know that or anything.

“Alright, dingbat, button up. We’re going to be late for our meeting with Jungsu-byeonhosa.” Kyuhyun reminded.

Quickly doing up the buttons of his off white dress shirt, Donghae glanced at the mirror to check his hair. He ghosted his fingers over the cuts on his face, sighing. Why is life so ing complicated, he asked himself before making his way to the front door.

The ride to Jungsu’s office felt extremely long since neither Donghae nor Kyuhyun had the heart to break the silence wafting around them like an odour that attracts flies to dung. Donghae couldn’t stop thinking about Jisoo; he was worried she wouldn’t turn up, to be honest. He kept reminding himself not to pine for her to be there once they’d arrived at the office. After all, she’d known the Lees for so long. Why would she choose to help him, a nobody, instead of remaining by her employee’s side? It wouldn’t make any sense.

Instead, they bursted into the office some forty minutes later and were greeted by the sight of Jisoo sitting on a couch in the waiting area dressed in a fuschia dress. Donghae blinked—he didn’t even realise how surprised he looked—and broke into a soft smile.

“Jisoo-ssi,” he called, stepping forward. Jisoo stood up and bowed respectfully. Once she’d straightened her back, she winked.

“Don’t act all surprised to see me here, Donghae-ssi.” She placed a hand on Donghae’s shoulder and smiled motherly. “If there’s one thing I don’t agree with, it’s injustice.”

Donghae introduced Kyuhyun and Jisoo to each other. The trio made themselves comfortable on the couch, waiting for Jungsu to come out and invite them to his office. Meanwhile, Haneul served them some tea.

“I apologise for the long wait,” Haneul said quietly. “Jungsu-byeonhosa has quite a few cases to handle at the moment.”

Donghae waved a hand, shaking his head.

“Don’t apologise,” he said firmly, raising a cup of tea to his lips. “We understand. It’s not like we’re in a hurry or anything.”

“Yeah, it’s not like we’re in a hurry at all,” Kyuhyun quipped, glancing at his watch. A dreadful expression took over his face; Irene would probably kill him for being late to their early dinner, not that it’s Donghae’s fault of course.

Jungsu opened the door to his office and joined the trio at the waiting area.

“You must be Jisoo-ssi,” he greeted and bowed, holding his hand out. Jisoo pressed her lips into a thin smile, shaking Jungsu’s hand firmly. Jungsu invited them into his office.

Jungsu’s table was in a mess, but Donghae understood from Haneul’s apology that Jungsu probably had a tough time organising everything from all the different cases he was handling at the moment. Despite being an attorney, Jungsu was human after all.

“First things first, I hope all of you are aware why you’re here today—especially you, Jisoo-ssi.” Jungsu began to flip through a thick file. He briefly glanced at Jisoo, who was nodding vigorously.

“I understand why I’m here.” Jisoo’s voice was firm and full of conviction. Donghae felt reassured by this.

Jungsu opens another file, a thinner one this time, unearthing some sort of formal document. He slid it across the desk to Jisoo and handed her a pen.

“I’d like you to read this form carefully and provide your particulars where applicable. Do take note of the segment regarding voice recordings. I usually record the voices of my witnesses to ensure that what they say in the confines of my office tallies with what they testify in court.”

Jisoo nodded. Donghae grabbed Kyuhyun’s hand, squeezing it tightly for comfort. He couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud, but he was almost certain they’d be able to win the case.

“By the way, Donghae-ssi,” Jungsu started, eyeing Donghae wearily. “What happened to your face? You look like you were caught in a scuffle.”

Donghae shook his head. “It wasn’t a scuffle. It was more like me getting ambushed, to say the least.”

“Boy, have we got some tea to spill,” Kyuhyun almost laughed. Jungsu shot him a curious glance before asking him to exit the room for a while with Donghae in tow. I need to speak to our witness in private to maintain fairness, he’d said.

“So what you’re saying is that Hyukjae’s mother kidnapped you and hired men to beat you up, and that you can’t give me any descriptions about any of them because you were tied up and blindfolded.”

“That’s right,” Donghae confirmed.

“That won’t do.” Jungsu rubbed his chin, thinking. “Since there are no recordings or other witnesses to what happened, it’ll be difficult using this as evidence.”

Kyuhyun grinned stupidly He slipped on a hand glove. “And that’s why I brought a baseball bat today!” He retrieved a rusty silver bat from his backpack and handed it to Jungsu carefully. “I figured you’d be able to track the person who used this as a weapon against Donghae down and make him confess to being hired by Deokboon.”

Jungsu almost gasped. “I’m impressed.”

Kyuhyun clicked his tongue, pointing at his temple. “Never underestimate me.”

Donghae had the urge to kiss his best friend and he wasn’t sure if it was because he was grateful for the man’s intellect or if he wanted to shut Kyuhyun up. He decided that it was the latter.

“Right, so now we have plenty of evidence to support our case.” Jungsu smiled confidently. “I’ll organise all of our evidence. In the meantime, do call me if you manage to retrieve more evidence regarding the case. I’ll update you regarding the case as soon as I’m done piecing everything together.”

“Thank you, Jungsu-byeonhosa.”

“Hurry up, Kyu.”

Kyuhyun and Donghae raced up the stairs (or more like Donghae raced up the stairs and Kyuhyun panted heavily in tow—why they’d decided to take the stairs instead of the lift was beyond Kyuhyun). Donghae pulled the door open and stumbled onto the hallway of the hospital. He darted his eyes before practically lunging himself towards Hyukjae’s ward. Once they’d entered the ward, Donghae rushed to Hyukjae’s side. Hyukjae froze, startled.

“Hyuk,” Donghae called out affectionately. “Hyuk, it’s me.” He curled his fingers around the hospital bed side rail.

“Relax, Hae.” Hyukjae managed to prop himself up onto his elbows, grimacing a little bit. “I’m not going to disappear or anything.”

“You better not.” Donghae deadpanned. Kyuhyun finally made it to Hyukjae’s bedside, doubling over with his hands on his knees. He panted heavily; any misinformed person would’ve thought he’d just ran a marathon.

“Kyuhyun, could you leave us for a sec? I wanna talk to Hyukjae in private.”

Kyuhyun threw his hands up in defeat. “Gee, thanks Donghae. I literally just got here.” Donghae glared at him. Kyuhyun knew that glare too much to even try arguing back.

“Fine, fine, I’ll wait outside.”

The room was empty, save for one patient sleeping on the bed near the window. Donghae cupped Hyukjae’s cheek in his palm, rubbing his cheek with his thumb.

“First of all, I’m sorry. Finding me wasn’t worth it at all.” Donghae smiled in spite of his cracking voice. “I’m a jinx.”

Donghae  barely realised the tears that had spilled over Hyukjae’s lids and collected on the palm on his hand. Hyukjae shook his head.

“You’re worth it.”

“Don’t be silly.”

Hyukjae shook his head again, this time offering a reassuring smile. “I’m more than willing to go through thick and thin for you, even if it kills me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I mean it.” Hyukjae removed Donghae’s hand from his face, kissing the back of his hand. “Stop belittling yourself, Hae.”

They stared at each other for a while, exchanging loving glances words would fail to describe. Donghae decided to break the silence.

“Why did you pretend you’d forgotten me?”

Hyukjae inhaled deeply and prepared himself for Donghae’s (adorable) pout and whining.

“I thought that pretending to have forgotten you would prevent my family from bothering you ever again.” Hyukjae hung his head. “Clearly I was wrong.” He reached his hand out to ghost his fingers over the scabs on Donghae’s face.

Donghae shrugged. “I’m fine now, so don’t worry, okay? It’s you who needs to recover.”

Hyukjae nodded.

“Also,” Donghae nuzzled Hyukjae’s hand with his nose, “don’t forget that I love you.”

“Not even if my memory gets wiped out.”

“Not even then.”

“I love you too, Lee Donghae.”

Kyuhyun mock-gagged from behind them, re-entering the room with a disgusted frown on his face. “If you guys keep this up, I might have to check myself into the hospital for suffering from trauma.”

“Ah, I nearly forgot how much of a brat your best  friend is.” Hyukjae said, rolling his eyes.

“I could’ve left you for dead, honestly, but I gave you a chance since my best friend’s obsessed with you,” Kyuhyun spat.

Donghae frowned. “I am not obsessed!”

Night engulfed the blue sky like a blanket pulled over a torchlight after what felt like forever. Donghae drew his knees to his chest, balancing a bowl of popcorn in between his thighs and chest. It’s movie night, and Kyuhyun had decided on rewatching Forrest Gump for the millionth time, not that Donghae had a problem with that. He’d taken a liking to that movie, and since it was probably his eight time watching it, he’d pretty much memorised Forrest’s famous lines.

“I’m not a smart man,” he echoed, “but I know what love is.” Donghae looked at his friend who was, to his dismay, lying on his belly with his legs sprawled out behind him, busy playing Pokemon on his vintage Gameboy. Donghae poked at his best friend’s with his foot. Kyuhyun tutted.

“What?” Kyuhyun responded with a voice reeked of irritation and impatience, barely taking his eyes off his device.

“Tsk, you aren’t even watching the movie!” Donghae huffed. “I could’ve watched something else!”

Kyuhyun sighed. “Fine, watch something else then, Mr Party Pooper.” He returned his attention to his device. For some reason, Donghae felt upset, but he couldn’t quite put a finger on what it was that was upsetting him.

“Kyu.”

“Mm?”

“I think I’m pregnant.”

Kyuhyun dropped his Gameboy and practically rushed to Donghae’s side, frantic.

“What do you mean you’re pregnant?!”

Donghae stared and waited, pursing his lips.

“Are you seriously telling me Hyukjae didn’t use a…..oh my god, I can’t believe this! Why now of all—” Kyuhyun paused, sighing loudly. “.”

Chortling, Donghae threw a few bits of popcorn at his best friend. “You idiot.”

“The audacity,” Kyuhyun scoffed. “Did you do that just to get me to stop playing with my Gameboy? ‘Cause I swear I’ll—”

“—kill me?” Donghae finished. There was an odd bitterness to his voice, and Kyuhyun wasn’t fond of it. “You’re not the only one who wants me dead.”

“I’m sorry, Hae. I didn’t mean it like that.” Kyuhyun placed his Gameboy on the coffee table. “I was joking. I didn’t mean to upset you.

Donghae pouted his lips and puffed up one of his cheeks. “It’s okay, Kyu. I think I overreacted.”

“No, you didn’t,” Kyuhyun said, shaking his head. “I’d be upset too. The past few months have been rough.”

“They have, haven’t they?”

“Absolutely.”

 “So it’s perfectly justified if I feel upset right? Even if I’m not exactly upset about anything in particular.”

Kyuhyun adjusted his glasses. “It’s fine. Do you wanna talk about it?”

“I don’t know. There doesn’t seem to be anything much to talk about. It’s not like you haven’t been with me every step of the way in the past few months,” Donghae said, shrugging.

Kyuhyun didn’t say it, but he was worried about his best friend’s mental health. Growing up together, he always noticed how Donghae had the tendency to isolate himself and give in to his demons. There were many times he’d caught Donghae screaming into his pillow, or punching a wall so hard his knuckles bruised and even bled sometimes. He recalled how Donghae had locked himself in his room on most days after finding out Hyukjae had been in a coma, and would only open it when Kyuhyun or his parents coaxed him to eat (to which he’d decline). The Donghae in front of him now seemed a little brighter, but there was still no telling what went through his mind. He was still scrawny from skipping meals, and his cheekbones jutted out more than they should. It worried Kyuhyun.

“I hope you always remember that you can talk to me if you need to pour your heart out, Hae,” Kyuhyun consoled. He didn’t like how that was all he could offer his best friend, but it was better than nothing.

Donghae nodded. He stuffed his mouth with popcorn and stared straight into the television screen. It was clear that he wasn’t exactly paying attention to the movie, though.

“I just think it’s a miracle I’m still alive right now,” Donghae said with a voice completely void if emotion. “Any other person would’ve probably gone mad dealing with the things I’ve been through up until now.”

Every person has their limits, and Kyuhyun feared Donghae was reaching his. He got onto his feet and gently removed the bowl of popcorn from Donghae’s grasp, placing it on the table. He sat down next to Donghae, snaking his arms around him and pulling him into a tight embrace And just like that, Donghae’s walls cracked and fell.

“What did I do wrong, Kyu?” Donghae sobbed into Kyuhyun’s shoulder. “What did I do wrong to deserve all of this? Why do I bring such bad luck to everyone I love?”

Kyuhyun wanted to scream at the universe for Donghae, for putting him through so much in all his tears of living. However, he knew he had to be the strong one, and so he slid his hands up and down Donghae’s back, patting him every now and then.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Hae.” Kyuhyun’s voice was hushed, almost like a mother trying to coo her crying baby. “Life can be cruel sometimes, but that doesn’t mean you deserve it. It shows how strong you really are.”

“What happens if I can’t be strong anymore, then?” Donghae asked in between sobs. It seemed to ring in Kyuhyun’s head like a siren; a warning sign. Kyuhyun tightened his embrace.

“Then take a break.” He gently pushed Donghae so he could meet him eye to eye. “Take as long of a break as you need. I’ll take care of the rest.

Donghae mouthed a thank you and rubbed his eyes. They were puffy and red and deservedly so, and Kyuhyun could tell that it was going to be a long night for the both of them. Despite the months, years even, that have passed, there was a pattern in which Donghae would almost always wake up several times in the middle of the night from a nightmare about the accident whenever he was sad. It wasn’t something anyone could prevent, and that knowledge alone broke Kyuhyun’s heart. It broke Donghae’s even more, of course. A final rogue tear trickled down his cheek before he broke away from Kyuhyun’s arms and reached for the bowl of popcorn.

It had been a while since Hyukjae really got to bask in the sun and feel its rays pinch at his pale skin. He made a small contented noise, pleased to finally be free from the confines of the hospital ward (at least for an hour or so). Donghae gripped the push handles tightly as he pushed the wheelchair up a small ramp, entering a garden hidden away on the rooftop of the hospital. They stopped near the glass railing and took in the sight of Jeju, an array of tall and short buildings sprouting from the concrete like sunflowers in a field. Hyukjae inhaled; breathing fresh air (fresh, outside air and not the air-conditioned air of a ward) brought him peace.

“This could’ve been really romantic if not for the fact that I’m dressed in a hospital gown and getting whisked to and fro in a squeaky wheelchair,” Hyukjae sulked.

Donghae knelt next to the wheelchair and smiled. “It’s for your own good. Anyway, who said it can’t be romantic for us despite our conditions? Being with you alone already makes things romantic.”

“I love you,” Hyukjae uttered softly, craning his neck towards Donghae for a kiss. Donghae willingly obliged, pressing his lips against Hyukjae’s only briefly.

“I love you too,” he echoed, smiling against his lover’s lips. He rubbed his nose against Hyukjae’s and smiled with his eyes. “I would risk my life for you, Hyuk.”

Hyukjae knew Donghae had meant that in a sweet, affectionate way, but he couldn’t help but to worry his lip. “I don’t want you to keep risking your life for me, Hae. It’s not worth it.”

“It is. It really is. You don’t get a say in this.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt again.”

Donghae shook his head and laughed, his voice small, maybe filled with uncertainty even.

“You’re one to talk,” he said sarcastically. “The very reason you’re in this position—” he wagged a finger at the wheelchair “—is because of me. So like I said, you don’t get a say in this.”

Hyukjae frowned. “I could’ve lost you.” He blinked back his tears. “I could’ve lost you after all these years trying to find you. Nothing hurt as much as that reality.”

“Likewise, I could’ve lost you, but we didn’t. We’re still here together, and I’ll make sure we never go through something this horrible ever again. I’m sorry you had to find out about what your family has been doing behind your back.” Donghae bowed his head, exhaling loudly.

“It’s okay,” Hyukjae reassured, reaching his hand out to caress Donghae’s cheek. “Ever since I found out, I became adamant on disowning them. I’d rather live without a family than to live with them.”

Donghae looked around, checking his blind spot to make sure there was nobody else on the rooftop with them.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked, his eyes glistening and full of sorrow. “Properly, this time.”

Hyukjae grinned his signature gummy smile and nodded, leaning forward. “Of course.”

They locked lips soon after, moving their mouths and jaws in sync. Hyukjae could taste a hint of strawberry tea as he gently pressed his tongue against Donghae’s. He wanted to get up and push Donghae against a wall so badly, but alas he could only afford to kiss him from his wheelchair. Donghae, on the other hand, didn’t think of anything other than how Hyukjae’s soft lips moved against his. He opened his eyes slowly, only to see Hyukjae staring right back at him.

“If I could walk I’d have made love to you behind that bush,” Hyukjae admitted after pulling away.

Donghae rolled his eyes. “Thanks for ruining the moment.”

“I’m sorry. It’s just….it’s been a while. I have needs too, y’know. I can’t even wank—”

“Lee Hyukjae. Stop.”

“Sorry.”

They continued to exchange the tastes of their mouths, drawing heavy breaths from each other. Hyukjae almost reached out to Donghae’s shirt (to which Donghae immediately showed his disagreement, slapping Hyukjae’s hand away). Instead, Hyukjae cradled his lover’s face in his palms. He decided in that moment that that was love; that being each other’s guidance on a dark road was enough for him. He swore he’d never felt love like the one he felt for Donghae. Donghae thought the same.

Hyukjae pulled away again, his face contorted into a look of thoughtfulness and contemplation.

“Do you think the hospital staff would kick us out of here if we just started having in front of a CCTV camera?”

For once, Lee Donghae, who had never been an advocate for violence, wanted to either punch Hyukjae in the face or push his wheelchair down a flight of stairs. He glared daggers into Hyukjae’s soul.

“I mean, it might get me out of the hospital quicker, no?” Hyukjae continued.

“If you keep this up you’ll never have with me. Ever.”

Hyukjae shrugged. “Okay fine, I was just trying my luck. Being stuck in the hospital drives me nuts. I just wanna get outta here, maybe sleep next to you instead of getting strapped to a stiff mattress, I don’t know.”

“Just endure it for a little longer, Hyuk. Give yourself time to recover. Give me time to put your family in jail.” Donghae paused for a moment. “Never thought I’d have to say that about my partner’s family.”

“Don’t worry. I don’t consider them my family—at least not anymore.”