Taemin was out of it. He had seen it. Minho’s face when Jaeyoon’s lips had landed on his own. He had been too distracted, too caught up in trying not to meet Minho’s eyes… that he hadn’t realized how close Jaeyoon was and what Jaeyoon had done and he closed his eyes, so they wouldn’t dart to Minho, now out of control, so his heart wouldn’t wish that it was Minho so close to him right now, so that his heart wouldn’t ache that it wasn’t Minho kissing him now. And when Jaeyoon broke away, he opened his eyes… to find the space Minho had inhabited along with Kibum, devoid of both of them.

Jaeyoon cupped his face, he was leaning in again but this time– this time Taemin turned his face away, stepping out of his arms.

“I don’t feel well,” He whispered, and it was the truth. His heart was aching because he had betrayed his own self, he had let Jaeyoon in the space that he had already given away to someone. He knew it didn’t matter to this someone if this space had been infiltrated. And hence it hurt more, that something so precious, he had lost today, in front of the one who he wished it truly belonged to, and it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter that now it was lost.

Everything hit him like a huge wave… that there would be countless things that he would lose from now on… and nothing of it, nothing of it would be of matter. And none of them, ever, could become things he could rewrite to Jaeyoon. They would all be in Minho’s name, given away, infiltrated by… lost to someone else.

“Okay, let’s leave, then?” Jaeyoon asked just loud enough so he wouldn’t disturb the slow melody filling their ambiance. Taemin nodded slowly. “Sit down for a while, I’ll find your brother and friends.”

Taemin headed away from the crowd and sat on the bar stool, staring at the dancefloor, at the space he had stood in, at the space Minho stood in, just mere steps away from him. It was getting filled with the changing beats resonating in the air, wiping what had just transpired. And he hoped that it would be the same, that it would get wiped from his mind… but it lingered in him, that feeling of devastation, even when he had turned away. It lingered in him as a slight tremble in his body, his hands that were fidgeting with his phone barely keeping it intact within his grasp.

Jaeyoon found him a couple of minutes later, “They are gonna wrap up things and head back separately. We can leave first.”

“Okay,” Taemin replied and glanced at the hand Jaeyoon had extended to him, which he took, hoping that Jaeyoon wouldn’t notice them tremble, hoping that they would calm in Jaeyoon’s hold instead.

They were standing in front of the parking garage, waiting for Jaeyoon’s driver to pull up the car. Taemin had his hands in his pockets, he was feeling calmer now, it was due to the cool breeze of the night, the change of atmosphere, but it was doing nothing to his heart, for, it was still stuck in that moment, in that terrible feeling, in that hurtful realization.

Jaeyoon had been speaking to his driver, and when he had finished the call, he stepped closer to Taemin, “Feeling better?”

“A bit, yes, thank you,” Taemin answered, looking somewhere else, at the swaying branches of the trees across the street, having no confidence of maintaining a straight face when looking at Jaeyoon.

“What was tonight all about, though?” Jaeyoon asked and Taemin blinked, “I told you, right. Jonghyun’s project–”

“No. What was that going on… between Minho and you?”

Taemin froze, slowly turning to look at  Jaeyoon, “Nothing.” He answered, “There was nothing going on.”

Jaeyoon seemed irritated at his answer, “I am not blind, Taemin.”

“I swear, there is nothing between us… there is not even much of a friendship left between us anymore.” Because his time is now Kibum’s and because I have ignored him more, afraid that I would give myself away in his company.

“Taemin, don’t lie to me–” Jaeyoon was fuming, “I’m going to marry you soon and if there is something, anything, you have to tell me–”

“But there is nothing to tell!” Taemin lost it too, “How many times do I have to tell you, that there was nothing, there is nothing, and there never will be anything between Minho and me.”

“Then what was that? The white roses? You never bothered to correct me when I got you the wrong flowers. What should I take that as? And that bastard gets you white roses… why would he? It was your friend’s day–”

“It wasn’t him, it was Kibum and it was a coincidence–”

“There’s no such thing as a coincidence when someone knows–”

“Jaeyoon, please.” Taemin breathed heavily, unable to keep his suffering from leaking onto his face, “Please, let’s stop this.”

Jaeyoon’s face had gone dark. It reminded Taemin of that time he had mercilessly beaten that guy at the party… and Taemin was already dealing with himself, the last he wanted was to push Jaeyoon off the edge because he knew, the way he was, he might end up saying things from his heart. They would hurt Jaeyoon. He didn’t want anyone more to hurt tonight.

“Then tell me one thing.” Jaeyoon whispered, stepping closer to him, placing his hands on Taemin’s shoulders, “Honestly, please. Promise me, you’ll be honest.”

“Jaeyoon–”

“The truth can hurt, but we can always rise up stronger from it. The lies won’t hurt now, but later, when we fall, we can never rise up. It will break us then. So you have to be honest now, so we won’t end up broken. I promise, your answer… it will change nothing.”

Taemin grew fearful, “What is it… that you are asking me?”

“Do you love him?” Jaeyoon asked, “Do you love Minho?”

“Jaeyoon, please, don’t– I told you–”

“Please, tell me! Tell me, do you love him?”

Taemin remained silent, turning his gaze away.

“Taemin!” Jaeyoon shook him by the shoulders, “Do you still love him?! Tell me, do you–”

“Yes!” Taemin shouted, irritated by how Jaeyoon’s volume had risen, by how he was shaking him for an answer, and it left him, his anger making him let go of every control over his heart, “Yes! Yes, I love him. I still love him.”

And Taemin realized it, what he had done, from the way fury shook in Jaeyoon’s body. His words had been empty. His answer… it would have kept nothing unchanged.

“How dare you–”

“Jaeyoon, no, I didn’t–”

“Shut the up!”

Everything spun around Taemin the moment Jaeyoon had shouted. His cheek hurt. His vision was blurred. He knew that he was upon the grass, fallen, he could feel the burn in his palms from the fall, he could also feel the wetness of the mud. And when his vision cleared, he saw a car stop– Jaeyoon’s car stop– Jaeyoon not glancing at him even once as he got in, rolled the window and passed him by.

And Taemin just remained there, sitting on the grass, glancing at his scraped palms, at the tears that fell upon them, tears that were red. He touched his face with shaky hands, it stung, it was bleeding, his tears were flowing over the wound, mingling with