At the Coffee Shop

Now, This is Twisted

 

Chapter 6



Minho stared at SooYuri gulping down hot chocolate as it burned the insides of .
The longer the stares, the more incoherent Minho’s thoughts became, not able to understand how or why he had salivated for this hot mess of a girl for nearly all of his life.  Sooyuri looked up at Minho, amused.


It was the Saturday after school, and after some time of filling the other in on each other’s lives with the changes they had both gone through, they were slowly being pulled back into each other’s worlds. Yuri had described her adversity, and Minho had described his prosperity. To Minho, it was weird how quickly tables had turned, and he hadn’t quite adjusted to the switch. The confusion and dismay swimming in his mind was too much, it practically drowned his brain of thinking thoughts of only his trophy wife and how she had been demoted to Lady of the Trash. The confusion wasn’t mostly on the change, but if his emotions still leaped for her after it. The more he thought about it, his dream girl he built Yuri up to was nowhere to be seen. Shemay have been named the same way, but the Yuri he saw in front of him was more like pig iron opposed to gold.

“Still think I’m hot, huh? Well, I’m glad your not tripping over me this time,” said Yuri with diva-like confidence.

At this comment, a knot seemed to have untied in Minho’s mind, as if welcoming the snooty side of Yuri.  It was a side that he knew of her that he was well, comfortable with, in ways.

Maybe, just maybe, she’s not herself  today and is still my SooYuri ‘dream girl,’ he assured himself in thoughts repeatedly. Maybe its crack?

Minho looked up to see Yuri with her head in her cocoa cup, up all the remaining cocoa powder from the bottom to the rim.

“At least I’m not the one slurping up hot cocoa like it’s my last drink on Earth,” Minho answered with a smirk while wiping all of the cocoa stains off of her face.

Maybe not.

“Oh yeah,” SoYuri began, “I was wondering, what were you called up for?”

After the loud exclamation of their shock in the office, both of them were consequently asked to stay in the lobby for some time. Yuri had decide to sit at the opposite side of Minho and they didn’t murmer a word to each other. It was after the line had shortened that Minho was able to step back in the office. The day after that was when they decided to communicate.

“Oh,” Minho replied, “I was selected as a mentor by my homeroom, and they called me up to the office to mentor a transfer.”

“Oooh, cool. Is she nice?”
“Yeah.” He answered this question with hesitation, not daring to look into Yuri’s eyes; he was afraid if he had, he would give it away.
It, meaning his sudden attraction for the new girl. He still wanted to find his hidden feelings for Yuri, if any left, before taking in a new love.

“Is she pretty?” SoYuri asked.

“Waay prettier than you are”


were words almost sliding out of Minho’s mouth, but biting his lip cautiously, he replied calmly,  “Uh, I guess, but let me take my side of the questions.”

Yuri playfully rolled her eyes and sighed. “I told you already, my parents died and now I’m broke! I should be the one interrogating you with my questions. You never told me in depth how you changed. You just said you got money, and I don’t believe that.”

Minho was hesitant to tell Yuri about his audition two weeks from now. He didn’t want to jinx himself of being apart of the SM family, so he kept it low key, using his lie of working at a mall as his cover up.

“What’s there not to believe? Summer left me a lot of room to be able to think about myself and for myself, and I took the chance to change myself for the better.  No more, no less, that’s all that happened. “ Minho replied.

“Oh come on!” Yuri said while messing up Minho’s hair teasingly.  “There has to be more than that.  I mean, did anyone, you know, inspire you to change? Like, a girl?”  Sooyuri countered, batting her eyelashes up and down.

Well, yeah. But the ‘girl’ isn’t a girl anymore, Minho thought,  more like a pig with aegyo as annoying as Sunny’s from SNSD.

“Now, that is for me to know, and for you...not to know.  What’s with all of these obnoxious questions?” He sipped his coffee in an elegant manner, trying to lessen the rudeness in his tone.

SooYuri was startled with Minho’s strong choice of words. Obnoxious? I’m...obnoxious to him? Things really have changed.

“Well, I’m sorry, for actually trying to start a FUN conversation with you.  Guess  you’re too sophisticated for that kind of talk. You know what they say, once a nerd, always a nerd.”

“I guess the saying ‘once a queenka, always a queenka’ can be used now too. Even if the queenka doesn’t look like a queenka anymore,” Minho retorted suavely, enjoying himself in the battle of comebacks.

Minho took a quick glance at his watch and looked up to see Yuri’s eyes coldly glaring at his own.  Minho glared  back into her eyes ,matching her intensity with his own eyes engulfed with fiery flames.

The staring competition between the two was lethal, each sending rays of pressure to each other.  The competition went on for what felt like an hour, until Yuri cracked and started laughing like someone had just tickled her.

“Oh, Minho oppa, you’re just too much for me!” Yuri exclaimed between laughs.

Well that confirms it. She is on crack.



Minho stole another quick glance at his watch. “Ahh, well I guess it’s about time for me to go, lemme pay.”

“Oh, Oppa! Wait, I can pay!!” SooYuri suggested as she opened up her wallet to find nothing but a couple of Chon rolling around.
“Err, how about you pay for yourself, and I pay for myself?”

“Aigoo, I’ll just pay for us both to save you the trouble.”
He called for the waiter and dug his hand inside his back pocket. Out came a crumpled 10,000 won.

He placed it on the table, paying no attention to the amount he had given.

“Sir,” the waitress began, “this is more than enough. Do you wish for change?”
“Nah, you can keep it.”

“Oh. Well, thank you so much.” She bowed her appreciation.
SoYuri was awe-struck. He put down a crumpled 10,000 won, and didn’t even look at it!
Oy, how much money he waisted on coffee and hot chocolate! Geez, he must be loaded.

The waitress took his hardly touched plastic cup of coffee and her cup of small traces of chocolate and threw them inside a nearby trashcan.
Minho got up and brushed his thighs. “Well, guess it’s time to go.”

SoYuri followed suit and stood up. “Yep!” She extended her arm, asking for a handshake.
Minho grasped her hand firmly, causing Yuri to  yelped in pain.

“Aish,” she exclaimed, “you’ve been working out  over the summer as well, haven’t you?”
Minho blushed, embarrassed. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean--”
“No, don’t fret, it’s cool.” Fret. Really? Who says “fret” nowadays? “Bye!”


As soon as he left the complex, Minho quickly pulled out his phone and dialed a number.

“Yebosaeyeo?” the voice from the line had answered.  
“Guess who?” Minho replied flirtatiously.
“HO-HO! Hi! How are you?”
“I’m good. I was talking to Yuri seconds ago.”
“Oh...her again. Have you told her about me?”
“A little....I haven’t given her your name.”
“Did you guys talk a little about your transformations?”
“Yep.”
“And she’s still begging you to tell her?”
“Yep.”
“When is your audition by the way?”
“In two weeks.”
“OOH. You nervous? I’m sure you’ll do fine though! You’re an amazing rapper and you can dance. JEALOUS!!”
“Ah, thanks!”
“No problem. But one question?”
“Yeah?”
“Have you thought about it?”
“...Yeah.”
“Well?”
“I...I don’t know yet. Can you give me more time?”
“Sure. Anything for HO HO!”
“Thanks. And you need to stop callin me that. We’ve only known each other for four days and your calling me names!”
“Haha, well, time for homework! Bye, Minho.”
“Bye, Yuna.”


“I love you HO-HO!” CLICK.


Call Ended.

 
 
 
 
Hey, Ruki here. This has been sort of a filler chapter, so there's not much in this one, but trust us, you don't know what's in store for you.
Thanks for the support.
 
hola! its aslovefades! i think this was a fun chapter to write, hope its fun to read too.  comments make our day! silent readers ruin it. aha!
~kamsa
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Rini6189
#1
Chapter 10: That's understandable when you no longer have the drive to continue this story. It's normal for people to go through a phrase where they outgrow something. At least getting into K-Pop and fanfics is a good opportunity for you to do some exploring in the learning process. Having Ruki be there as support and guidance during that phase is a blessing for you to expand on your writing skill and broaden your horizon.

I haven't been on AFF for a long time when my interest drifted elsewhere and real life takes over to occupy my time. Now I'm dropping by to visit this site since I've missed it after a long absence. Through, there at come a time where I'd drift away from AFF and return later depending on where the feeling takes me.

If you do come back with new material to share with your readers and subscribers, it'll be something to look forward to. ..especially to see your growth as a writer.
Rini6189
#2
You're welcome! I'm glad to be of help, especially in giving constructive criticism when necessary. Since you mentioned in your author's note about accepting criticism that teaches you how to improve, I went all-out in my commenting. I don't have a problem with leaving comments since I'm openly expressive.<br />
<br />
Well, at least we get to understand Minho's character a little more better now. It's good that he hasn't completely changed after going through that transformation (just appearance-wise). He's still the same Minho inside but this time with a different life perspective and self-confidence. xD The so-called miracle of hormones causes confusion even among the brightest of minds regarding the matters of the heart. After all this time, the flame that he has for Yuri still hasn't died out. Being torn between the two girls must be troublesome for his male mind to take in. Then again, this could be just "a phase" like he said. Staying true to his heart can help him figure out the confusion. (Are you familiar with the song, "True To Your Heart?" That about explains it.) Rising to fame will be a challenging with plenty of obstacles along the way. The sentence in the end of this chapter makes him sound like the Minho we know in real life with a competitive streak. Now I'm anticipating Yuri and Yuna's encounter after they haven't spoken for a long time and the audition as well.
Rini6189
#3
I just couldn't help but spot these mistakes/typos because of my sharp eyes.<br />
<br />
Chapter 8 mistakes: <br />
<br />
1. I couldn’t help but to stare at her and her dramatic fashion sense at everyone chance I could, and she--she didn’t even say a word after that.<br />
* It's "every one chance."<br />
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2. If anyone were to help her, the best they could do is burst her bubble--get her out of the trap that every thing's fine.<br />
* It's "anyone was" and the other is "everything's fine." Since "everything" is another subject in this sentence, it's written as one word combined together. <br />
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3. But within a heavier note, I took a gander at the hallways, with busy body students traveling to their homeroom, and then found out, she was here today.<br />
* It's supposed to be "she is here" because the adverb "here" indicates present tense.<br />
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4. Sh scoffed.<br />
* "She" (I understand this mistake could've been made from typing fast.)<br />
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5. Jiyoung, on the other hand is a straight up play boy.<br />
Correction: Jiyoung, on the other hand, is a straight-up playboy.<br />
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6. Jiyoung slipped me an invite, which was in a black envelope with sticker of an apple on the flap and on the back, engraved in gold were the worlds “YOU’RE INVITED” in that little annoying capital letter font that literally stabs my eyes.<br />
Correction: Jiyoung slipped me an invite, which was in a black envelope with a sticker of an apple on the flap; and on the back, engraved in gold, were the words “YOU’RE INVITED” in that little annoying capital letter font that literally stabs my eyes.<br />
* Comma splicing<br />
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7. But then again, this also says I had some hometown competition...<br />
* It's "I have" since this sentence is written in present tense.<br />
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8. After more disrespectful jokes and erse laughter, the bell rung and it was time to disperse.<br />
* Past tense is "rang."<br />
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9. Just you wait, SM Choi Minho is coming to you guys soon.<br />
Correction: Just you wait, SM, Choi Minho is coming to you guys soon.<br />
* An extra comma is needed there since SM isn't a part of Minho's name.<br />
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Emperor_Kyungsoo
#4
Soooo daebak! 8D I'm only on chapter 5, but... im like... drawn in. 8D
crazyfreakygirly #5
Ooohhh supa dupa interesting!<br />
More updates please guys? ;D<br />
<3
wendyfrost
#6
THANKS FOR THE UPDATE YAYYYYYYYYYYY
Rini6189
#7
After seeing the title of this fic, it made me interested in finding out what the storyline will be about. I didn't expect to be so drawn into this story once I started reading it. The detailed descriptions help me clearly visualize in my mind about what's going on in the story. I like how in-depth you delve into the characters' thoughts and emotions. The angst is captured pretty well. Everything seems to be portrayed realistically. xD I couldn't help but think of Power Rangers when I see the title of the third chapter. Yuna's nickname for Minho is weird. After the tables have her, Yuri seems to have realized and begun to understand some things that weren't obvious to her before when she was still a "queenka." Change is what gets the two main characters, Yuri and Minho, to have a different outlook on life than the one they used to live by. It could be a good thing to build character. Minho seems to care for Yuri even though she didn't treat him fairly or take notice of him before. He's like the only hope she has left of thriving and forming a good potential friendship. I wonder if Yuna actually does miss Yuri after all that's happened even though Yuri seemed to have cut off ties with her after receiving a lecture from Yuna about taking the change as an opportunity to look at life differently. She seems hesitant in her speech as though she doesn't mean what she says. It couldn't be helped that time because Yuri was emotionally unstable from finding out that her parents had gone from her life forever. Still, a best friend can learn to forgive the other for his/her shortcomings.<br />
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I'm glad to have clicked onto this story's link. ^^ Now I'm looking forward to reading more.
Rini6189
#8
Chapter 7 mistakes (Part 2):<br />
<br />
6. In order to keep herself still sane, she yanked chords from her home phone in her room and took the battery out of her phone and flung it at the wall.<br />
* It should be "cords" instead of the "chords" that refers to music.<br />
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7. Trapped in her room for four days missing school calls for some time alone.<br />
Correction: She was trapped in her room for four days missing school calls for some time alone. <br />
* A subject is missing at the beginning of this sentence.<br />
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8. So that empty time was accompanied by reflection of her only companion, Minho.<br />
* The word "so" at the beginning of this sentence makes it a fragment (a dependent clause), and it should be excluded to make this a complete sentence.<br />
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9. And thinking of which stimulated her brain to start feeling remorseful.<br />
Correction: Thinking of that stimulated her brain to start feeling remorseful.<br />
* This looks like another sentence fragment beginning with a conjunction like "and."<br />
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10. Now, she thought, I have gone through the punishment and experienced some of the after-math. <br />
* "Aftermath" is one word alone without a hyphen.<br />
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11. It was then, when she had turned around, their eyes met.<br />
Correction: It was then, when she had turned around, that their eyes met.
Rini6189
#9
Chapter 7 mistakes:<br />
<br />
1. Joon and Yuri, or JuRi were the hottest couple on the campus. <br />
* An extra comma is needed after "JuRi" to separate it from the rest of the phrase since it serves as an interruption.<br />
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2. But Joon had commited such a horrible action, and with lots of pleading and begging, Yuri kindly took him back into her life as a close friend.<br />
Correction: Though, Joon had commited such a horrible action. With lots of pleading and begging, Yuri kindly took him back into her life as a close friend.<br />
* It's like a run-on with everything clumped together like that since the phrases refer to different subjects.<br />
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3. She thought Joon would be as thrilled to talk to her as she would him, but it turned out onto the contrary side.<br />
Correction: She thought Joon would be as thrilled to talk to her as she would to him, but it turned out on the contrary.<br />
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4. “She’s a ,” HyunSung said before jugging down a bottle of soju.”<br />
Correction: “She's a ,” HyunSung said before chugging down a bottle of soju.<br />
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5. After several more calls similar to the ones before, Sooyuri was on the vierge of tears.<br />
* It's spelled "verge." <br />
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Rini6189
#10
Chapter 6 mistakes:<br />
<br />
1. The confusion and dismay swimming in his mind was too much, it practically drowned his brain of thinking thoughts of only his trophy wife and how she had been demoted to Lady of the Trash.<br />
* Instead of putting the comma there to separate the two phrases, they could've been written as two separate sentences because it seems like a run-on here.<br />
<br />
2. “Still think I’m hot, huh? Well, I’m glad your not tripping over me this time,” said Yuri with diva-like confidence.<br />
* It's "you're" instead of the possessive adjective "your."<br />
<br />
3. "Yeah." He answered this question with hesitation, not daring to look into Yuri’s eyes; he was afraid if he had, he would give it away.<br />
Correction: "Yeah," he answered this question with hesitation, not daring to look into Yuri’s eyes. He was afraid that if he had, he would give it away.<br />
<br />
4. “Waay prettier than you are” were words almost sliding out of Minho’s mouth, but biting his lip cautiously, he replied calmly, “Uh, I guess, but let me take my side of the questions.”<br />
Correction: “Waay prettier than you are” were the words almost sliding out of Minho’s mouth. Biting his lip cautiously, he replied calmly, “Uh, I guess, but let me take my side of the questions.”<br />
<br />
5. He didn’t want to jinx himself of being apart of the SM family, so he kept it low key, using his lie of working at a mall as his cover up.<br />
Correction: He didn’t want to jinx himself of being a part of the SM family, so he kept it low key by using his lie of working at a mall as his cover-up.<br />
<br />
6. Minho grasped her hand firmly, causing Yuri to yelped in pain.<br />
* It should be in its stem form "yelp" since the preposition "to" is inserted before the verb to indicate the action.<br />
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7. I’m sure you’ll do fine though!<br />
* A comma is needed before the adverb "though."<br />
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8. We’ve only known each other for four days and your calling me names!<br />
* It's "you're."<br />
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