Now, This is Twisted

Description

Now, This is Twisted.

by aslovefades

Description

She's always been Ms. Popular, with all the attention.

He's always been the nerd dying for your attention.

What would happen if a few years later,

all he could wish for was less attention.

 

 
 
 
.

Foreword

 

Now, This is Twisted.

by aslovefades

Foreword

Soo Yuri had always been the it girl, the popular, the rich , the everything-you-wanted-to-be-all-wrapped-in-one-gorgeous-girl.


 

Choi Minho had always been the nerd, the one getting by on a scholarship, the one with a messy family background that no one wanted to hang out with. Most importantly, the one that would do anything just to get a little attention from his long-time crush, Soo Yuri.
 

After a wicked twist of fate,
 

Lee SooYuri had become the girl with parents that recently died, no stable money, no house to live in, and getting-by-paycheck-to- paycheck-from-working-at-her-uncle's-fast-food-restaurant-kind-of-girl.

and, as you all can most likely predict by now,

Choi Minho had become the charismatic flame, handsome, stormy rapper, rich  shinee member that he is now.

Now this, is twisted.

Other characters:

The rest of SHINee cast.

SooYuri's aunt and bossy uncle.

This story starts with Minho and SooYuri being 17, korean age, so, 16 internationally. 

3 years later, SHINee gets famous, and thats when Minho is 20, SooYuri, 20 korean age. You can figure out the SHINee members age from that, I guess.

Somewhat important note: 1st three chapters can be combined, they're so short. -_- at chapter 4, the story starts to really pick up. 

Also, thanks A+ CHANGJO for the poster!! The neeeew one :)

Comments

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Rini6189
#1
Chapter 10: That's understandable when you no longer have the drive to continue this story. It's normal for people to go through a phrase where they outgrow something. At least getting into K-Pop and fanfics is a good opportunity for you to do some exploring in the learning process. Having Ruki be there as support and guidance during that phase is a blessing for you to expand on your writing skill and broaden your horizon.

I haven't been on AFF for a long time when my interest drifted elsewhere and real life takes over to occupy my time. Now I'm dropping by to visit this site since I've missed it after a long absence. Through, there at come a time where I'd drift away from AFF and return later depending on where the feeling takes me.

If you do come back with new material to share with your readers and subscribers, it'll be something to look forward to. ..especially to see your growth as a writer.
Rini6189
#2
You're welcome! I'm glad to be of help, especially in giving constructive criticism when necessary. Since you mentioned in your author's note about accepting criticism that teaches you how to improve, I went all-out in my commenting. I don't have a problem with leaving comments since I'm openly expressive.<br />
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Well, at least we get to understand Minho's character a little more better now. It's good that he hasn't completely changed after going through that transformation (just appearance-wise). He's still the same Minho inside but this time with a different life perspective and self-confidence. xD The so-called miracle of hormones causes confusion even among the brightest of minds regarding the matters of the heart. After all this time, the flame that he has for Yuri still hasn't died out. Being torn between the two girls must be troublesome for his male mind to take in. Then again, this could be just "a phase" like he said. Staying true to his heart can help him figure out the confusion. (Are you familiar with the song, "True To Your Heart?" That about explains it.) Rising to fame will be a challenging with plenty of obstacles along the way. The sentence in the end of this chapter makes him sound like the Minho we know in real life with a competitive streak. Now I'm anticipating Yuri and Yuna's encounter after they haven't spoken for a long time and the audition as well.
Rini6189
#3
I just couldn't help but spot these mistakes/typos because of my sharp eyes.<br />
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Chapter 8 mistakes: <br />
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1. I couldn’t help but to stare at her and her dramatic fashion sense at everyone chance I could, and she--she didn’t even say a word after that.<br />
* It's "every one chance."<br />
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2. If anyone were to help her, the best they could do is burst her bubble--get her out of the trap that every thing's fine.<br />
* It's "anyone was" and the other is "everything's fine." Since "everything" is another subject in this sentence, it's written as one word combined together. <br />
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3. But within a heavier note, I took a gander at the hallways, with busy body students traveling to their homeroom, and then found out, she was here today.<br />
* It's supposed to be "she is here" because the adverb "here" indicates present tense.<br />
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4. Sh scoffed.<br />
* "She" (I understand this mistake could've been made from typing fast.)<br />
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5. Jiyoung, on the other hand is a straight up play boy.<br />
Correction: Jiyoung, on the other hand, is a straight-up playboy.<br />
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6. Jiyoung slipped me an invite, which was in a black envelope with sticker of an apple on the flap and on the back, engraved in gold were the worlds “YOU’RE INVITED” in that little annoying capital letter font that literally stabs my eyes.<br />
Correction: Jiyoung slipped me an invite, which was in a black envelope with a sticker of an apple on the flap; and on the back, engraved in gold, were the words “YOU’RE INVITED” in that little annoying capital letter font that literally stabs my eyes.<br />
* Comma splicing<br />
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7. But then again, this also says I had some hometown competition...<br />
* It's "I have" since this sentence is written in present tense.<br />
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8. After more disrespectful jokes and erse laughter, the bell rung and it was time to disperse.<br />
* Past tense is "rang."<br />
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9. Just you wait, SM Choi Minho is coming to you guys soon.<br />
Correction: Just you wait, SM, Choi Minho is coming to you guys soon.<br />
* An extra comma is needed there since SM isn't a part of Minho's name.<br />
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Emperor_Kyungsoo
#4
Soooo daebak! 8D I'm only on chapter 5, but... im like... drawn in. 8D
crazyfreakygirly #5
Ooohhh supa dupa interesting!<br />
More updates please guys? ;D<br />
<3
wendyfrost
#6
THANKS FOR THE UPDATE YAYYYYYYYYYYY
Rini6189
#7
After seeing the title of this fic, it made me interested in finding out what the storyline will be about. I didn't expect to be so drawn into this story once I started reading it. The detailed descriptions help me clearly visualize in my mind about what's going on in the story. I like how in-depth you delve into the characters' thoughts and emotions. The angst is captured pretty well. Everything seems to be portrayed realistically. xD I couldn't help but think of Power Rangers when I see the title of the third chapter. Yuna's nickname for Minho is weird. After the tables have her, Yuri seems to have realized and begun to understand some things that weren't obvious to her before when she was still a "queenka." Change is what gets the two main characters, Yuri and Minho, to have a different outlook on life than the one they used to live by. It could be a good thing to build character. Minho seems to care for Yuri even though she didn't treat him fairly or take notice of him before. He's like the only hope she has left of thriving and forming a good potential friendship. I wonder if Yuna actually does miss Yuri after all that's happened even though Yuri seemed to have cut off ties with her after receiving a lecture from Yuna about taking the change as an opportunity to look at life differently. She seems hesitant in her speech as though she doesn't mean what she says. It couldn't be helped that time because Yuri was emotionally unstable from finding out that her parents had gone from her life forever. Still, a best friend can learn to forgive the other for his/her shortcomings.<br />
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I'm glad to have clicked onto this story's link. ^^ Now I'm looking forward to reading more.
Rini6189
#8
Chapter 7 mistakes (Part 2):<br />
<br />
6. In order to keep herself still sane, she yanked chords from her home phone in her room and took the battery out of her phone and flung it at the wall.<br />
* It should be "cords" instead of the "chords" that refers to music.<br />
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7. Trapped in her room for four days missing school calls for some time alone.<br />
Correction: She was trapped in her room for four days missing school calls for some time alone. <br />
* A subject is missing at the beginning of this sentence.<br />
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8. So that empty time was accompanied by reflection of her only companion, Minho.<br />
* The word "so" at the beginning of this sentence makes it a fragment (a dependent clause), and it should be excluded to make this a complete sentence.<br />
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9. And thinking of which stimulated her brain to start feeling remorseful.<br />
Correction: Thinking of that stimulated her brain to start feeling remorseful.<br />
* This looks like another sentence fragment beginning with a conjunction like "and."<br />
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10. Now, she thought, I have gone through the punishment and experienced some of the after-math. <br />
* "Aftermath" is one word alone without a hyphen.<br />
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11. It was then, when she had turned around, their eyes met.<br />
Correction: It was then, when she had turned around, that their eyes met.
Rini6189
#9
Chapter 7 mistakes:<br />
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1. Joon and Yuri, or JuRi were the hottest couple on the campus. <br />
* An extra comma is needed after "JuRi" to separate it from the rest of the phrase since it serves as an interruption.<br />
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2. But Joon had commited such a horrible action, and with lots of pleading and begging, Yuri kindly took him back into her life as a close friend.<br />
Correction: Though, Joon had commited such a horrible action. With lots of pleading and begging, Yuri kindly took him back into her life as a close friend.<br />
* It's like a run-on with everything clumped together like that since the phrases refer to different subjects.<br />
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3. She thought Joon would be as thrilled to talk to her as she would him, but it turned out onto the contrary side.<br />
Correction: She thought Joon would be as thrilled to talk to her as she would to him, but it turned out on the contrary.<br />
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4. “She’s a ,” HyunSung said before jugging down a bottle of soju.”<br />
Correction: “She's a ,” HyunSung said before chugging down a bottle of soju.<br />
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5. After several more calls similar to the ones before, Sooyuri was on the vierge of tears.<br />
* It's spelled "verge." <br />
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Rini6189
#10
Chapter 6 mistakes:<br />
<br />
1. The confusion and dismay swimming in his mind was too much, it practically drowned his brain of thinking thoughts of only his trophy wife and how she had been demoted to Lady of the Trash.<br />
* Instead of putting the comma there to separate the two phrases, they could've been written as two separate sentences because it seems like a run-on here.<br />
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2. “Still think I’m hot, huh? Well, I’m glad your not tripping over me this time,” said Yuri with diva-like confidence.<br />
* It's "you're" instead of the possessive adjective "your."<br />
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3. "Yeah." He answered this question with hesitation, not daring to look into Yuri’s eyes; he was afraid if he had, he would give it away.<br />
Correction: "Yeah," he answered this question with hesitation, not daring to look into Yuri’s eyes. He was afraid that if he had, he would give it away.<br />
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4. “Waay prettier than you are” were words almost sliding out of Minho’s mouth, but biting his lip cautiously, he replied calmly, “Uh, I guess, but let me take my side of the questions.”<br />
Correction: “Waay prettier than you are” were the words almost sliding out of Minho’s mouth. Biting his lip cautiously, he replied calmly, “Uh, I guess, but let me take my side of the questions.”<br />
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5. He didn’t want to jinx himself of being apart of the SM family, so he kept it low key, using his lie of working at a mall as his cover up.<br />
Correction: He didn’t want to jinx himself of being a part of the SM family, so he kept it low key by using his lie of working at a mall as his cover-up.<br />
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6. Minho grasped her hand firmly, causing Yuri to yelped in pain.<br />
* It should be in its stem form "yelp" since the preposition "to" is inserted before the verb to indicate the action.<br />
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7. I’m sure you’ll do fine though!<br />
* A comma is needed before the adverb "though."<br />
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8. We’ve only known each other for four days and your calling me names!<br />
* It's "you're."<br />
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