To Transform is To...

Now, This is Twisted

 






1 full week of school, missed!

Soo Yuri crumpled up the notice she had received early in the morning that day and bit her lip. She was still practically poverty-struck, living with an apartment with her Uncle, occupying a small crowded bedroom (that was so crammed with moth-balled clothes and towers of boxes, it looked like it had previously belonged to a hoarder) but if she misses another day, of school, police may come rapping on her door. After all, skipping school was illegal.

        After several days of contemplation, Yuri had finally decided to go to school the following Monday. Her Uncle was a bit disappointed, for now, he had lost a huge hand to help his booming business.
“Ah, you’re going to back school?!”
“Ne, Soochum. I’m leaving for it tomorrow.”
“But—but don’t you want the money?”  
“I have made enough to last me some time. I appreciate your help, but I need my education.”
“I see.” His face calmed down and he his tiny black chin hairs. “Well, in that case, if you don’t want that pocket-money of yours to finish, I guess you will have to continue working here on weekdays under night shifts.”
“Nightshifts?! On school days? Uncle, I’ll be tired. I’ll have homework--”
“SooYuri, if you want to spend with your own money, you will have to work with your own time.  
She sighed in defeat. “Aigoo.”


As temperamental as Yuri was with her greedy uncle, she was actually calm and collected when speaking with him. Her uncle claimed to feel guilty whenever the thought of his niece skipping school in order to earn her own money slipped into thought, but several times he had given sneaky gestures happy that she, a naturally talented cook, was booming his business. He overworked her and forced her to do night shifts when the restaurant, Gyo Chi Cow didn’t receive many customers that day, and still, Yuri cooled her temper. Although, her uncle sometimes treated her like a slave, she looked onto how life would be like re-attending school, disregarding the thoughts of adversity and retaliation she had developed while working behind the counter.

        After a restless day of flipping burgers, she trudged on over to her bedroom and dived into her small bed still wearing her plastic hair cap. Before she could sigh, she was already fast asleep. 12:53 AM.



She had arrived at school the next day wearing nothing but a pair of cheap bellbottom slacks with a blue buttoned blouse and Payless black winter heels. Her once decorative artificial face was now washed, no make-up to cover the genuine circles under her eyes or to cover her , pink, dry lips. Her ears were bare with no rings, and no extra color was added to her pale cheeks. She was indeed rags.

The first thing she did was  navigate to the attendance office to hand in the long excuse note she had forged.  She pushed on the heavy weighted door, glanced at the line from the front desk,  and sat down in a comfy but tacky red love seat, waiting to be assisted. Her eyes wandered around the room as she nonchalantly felt for something near her hip. She reddened when she noticed she was groping nothing but air.

“Ah, I forgot,” she muttered quietly to herself, “no money, so no Louis Vuitton. Aw.”

Her hand dug inside a small pocket. Out came her new flip phone, a black…a black…Hmmm…it appeared the phone didn’t quite have a familiar name…

Her eyes fixed upon the device and her face wrinkled as she examined the bulky, thick sillouhette. Just glancing at it made her spine shiver.
EWWWW!

She hesitantly flipped it open, the corners of sinking.



“Choi Minho, please report to the Attendance Office. Choi Minho, please report to the Attendance Office.

 

 

“Uhh, I think that’s you!”
“Yeah, I guess it is. So see you girls around?”
“Sure. BYE.”
“Bye Minho.”
“BYE MINHO!”
“BYEEEEEEEEE MINHO!!!”

He left the parcel of girls practically swooning over him with a wave of his hand.
Walking down the Attendance Hallway, he had seen familiar faces stop and stare, some having the potency to utter sound.
“Woah…you’re Choi Minho?”,“Wow.” “Hey, I remember you from decades ago. WHAT HAPPENED?”, “Minho…is that you?”, and several of “Are you the new kid? I can show you around! Wanna hang out after lunch?”

Minho coolly kept in his tracks and just smiled at the compliments and shook his head at the questions. He wasn’t concerned about the new anymore; it’s been a whole week. Still, he wanted to see the face of his crush, Lee SooYuri.  The seven days had passed, and not one scent of the girl’s extravagant perfume-- permeating the air with the aroma of Liquid Love-- was to be sniffed.

He had arrived at the entrance of the Attendance Office and pushed the door with ease; the long hours of training over the summer had really paid off.

Acknowledging the line from the front desk, he sat at the far end of a banana-colored long couch; at the opposite end, a girl with brown hair, was leaning over, straining—it appeared to be—her eyes to focus on a small screen of a flip phone she was gripping. A Nokia 6136. That was Minho’s previous phone. His father gave it to him for his thirteenth birthday. He had had it for about 3 years straight.
But over the summer, Minho had upgraded to the new LG Optimus GT540, which made the girl’s Nokia  look like a feeble mouse and his a ferocious cat..

Coincidentally, BigBang’s “Lollipop” blared from his pocket.  Neck’s craned as he reddened and  swiftly clutched the phone from his tight pockets.  

It was a call from his Mom.
Sorry Umma, people are watching!  He thought.
Reject.

Sheepishly, he dared to look up. Attention wasn’t on him anymore. He sighed in relief as he set his phone to silent.



“I like your ringtone. Bigbang Hwaiting!”
The girl two cushions away was able to identify the song (playing for only about three seconds) from Minho’s phone  and whispered a comment.

Minho thought she was taunting him, ridiculing his sappy ringtone.
But being the tolerant guy he was, he decided to reply without sarcasm in his voice.

“Thanks.” He faced her direction for eye contact, but noticed that she was still straining.
He looked at the girl up and down. Hmm, he thought. She doesn’t look much on the wealthy side. I mean, look at her clothes; she’s dressed like a teacher. Her hair is pretty though, all brown and shiny, but does she know there is no uniform?  I wonder what year she’s in.

Bored with the waiting, he had decided to start up a decent conversation to quicken time.
“So……ummmm….you like Big Bang?”

She didn’t move her head. “Yeah. I love them. Them and SNSD are my fav’s.”

What a coincidence. “Really? Mine too! Hey what’s your name?”

To finish the introduction, she sat up straight, and her eyes

met

his

“CHOI MINHO?!”

“L-LEE SO YURI?!”

The entire office was staring, but Choi and Lee were too busy mirroring each other’s wide eyed, jaw dropping faces.

After seconds later of examining the transformed one in front , they had found the right words to say, and exclaimed  them at each other simultaneously :

“What HAPPENED to YOU?!”

~~~

 

Wattup, it's Ruki here posting our 5TH chapter. Silent Readers aren't allowed so comment and/or subscribe. Constructive criticism is allowed, but not any that doesn't actually teach us how to improve. Thanks. Keep Reading~~~~

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Rini6189
#1
Chapter 10: That's understandable when you no longer have the drive to continue this story. It's normal for people to go through a phrase where they outgrow something. At least getting into K-Pop and fanfics is a good opportunity for you to do some exploring in the learning process. Having Ruki be there as support and guidance during that phase is a blessing for you to expand on your writing skill and broaden your horizon.

I haven't been on AFF for a long time when my interest drifted elsewhere and real life takes over to occupy my time. Now I'm dropping by to visit this site since I've missed it after a long absence. Through, there at come a time where I'd drift away from AFF and return later depending on where the feeling takes me.

If you do come back with new material to share with your readers and subscribers, it'll be something to look forward to. ..especially to see your growth as a writer.
Rini6189
#2
You're welcome! I'm glad to be of help, especially in giving constructive criticism when necessary. Since you mentioned in your author's note about accepting criticism that teaches you how to improve, I went all-out in my commenting. I don't have a problem with leaving comments since I'm openly expressive.<br />
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Well, at least we get to understand Minho's character a little more better now. It's good that he hasn't completely changed after going through that transformation (just appearance-wise). He's still the same Minho inside but this time with a different life perspective and self-confidence. xD The so-called miracle of hormones causes confusion even among the brightest of minds regarding the matters of the heart. After all this time, the flame that he has for Yuri still hasn't died out. Being torn between the two girls must be troublesome for his male mind to take in. Then again, this could be just "a phase" like he said. Staying true to his heart can help him figure out the confusion. (Are you familiar with the song, "True To Your Heart?" That about explains it.) Rising to fame will be a challenging with plenty of obstacles along the way. The sentence in the end of this chapter makes him sound like the Minho we know in real life with a competitive streak. Now I'm anticipating Yuri and Yuna's encounter after they haven't spoken for a long time and the audition as well.
Rini6189
#3
I just couldn't help but spot these mistakes/typos because of my sharp eyes.<br />
<br />
Chapter 8 mistakes: <br />
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1. I couldn’t help but to stare at her and her dramatic fashion sense at everyone chance I could, and she--she didn’t even say a word after that.<br />
* It's "every one chance."<br />
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2. If anyone were to help her, the best they could do is burst her bubble--get her out of the trap that every thing's fine.<br />
* It's "anyone was" and the other is "everything's fine." Since "everything" is another subject in this sentence, it's written as one word combined together. <br />
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3. But within a heavier note, I took a gander at the hallways, with busy body students traveling to their homeroom, and then found out, she was here today.<br />
* It's supposed to be "she is here" because the adverb "here" indicates present tense.<br />
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4. Sh scoffed.<br />
* "She" (I understand this mistake could've been made from typing fast.)<br />
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5. Jiyoung, on the other hand is a straight up play boy.<br />
Correction: Jiyoung, on the other hand, is a straight-up playboy.<br />
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6. Jiyoung slipped me an invite, which was in a black envelope with sticker of an apple on the flap and on the back, engraved in gold were the worlds “YOU’RE INVITED” in that little annoying capital letter font that literally stabs my eyes.<br />
Correction: Jiyoung slipped me an invite, which was in a black envelope with a sticker of an apple on the flap; and on the back, engraved in gold, were the words “YOU’RE INVITED” in that little annoying capital letter font that literally stabs my eyes.<br />
* Comma splicing<br />
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7. But then again, this also says I had some hometown competition...<br />
* It's "I have" since this sentence is written in present tense.<br />
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8. After more disrespectful jokes and erse laughter, the bell rung and it was time to disperse.<br />
* Past tense is "rang."<br />
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9. Just you wait, SM Choi Minho is coming to you guys soon.<br />
Correction: Just you wait, SM, Choi Minho is coming to you guys soon.<br />
* An extra comma is needed there since SM isn't a part of Minho's name.<br />
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Emperor_Kyungsoo
#4
Soooo daebak! 8D I'm only on chapter 5, but... im like... drawn in. 8D
crazyfreakygirly #5
Ooohhh supa dupa interesting!<br />
More updates please guys? ;D<br />
<3
wendyfrost
#6
THANKS FOR THE UPDATE YAYYYYYYYYYYY
Rini6189
#7
After seeing the title of this fic, it made me interested in finding out what the storyline will be about. I didn't expect to be so drawn into this story once I started reading it. The detailed descriptions help me clearly visualize in my mind about what's going on in the story. I like how in-depth you delve into the characters' thoughts and emotions. The angst is captured pretty well. Everything seems to be portrayed realistically. xD I couldn't help but think of Power Rangers when I see the title of the third chapter. Yuna's nickname for Minho is weird. After the tables have her, Yuri seems to have realized and begun to understand some things that weren't obvious to her before when she was still a "queenka." Change is what gets the two main characters, Yuri and Minho, to have a different outlook on life than the one they used to live by. It could be a good thing to build character. Minho seems to care for Yuri even though she didn't treat him fairly or take notice of him before. He's like the only hope she has left of thriving and forming a good potential friendship. I wonder if Yuna actually does miss Yuri after all that's happened even though Yuri seemed to have cut off ties with her after receiving a lecture from Yuna about taking the change as an opportunity to look at life differently. She seems hesitant in her speech as though she doesn't mean what she says. It couldn't be helped that time because Yuri was emotionally unstable from finding out that her parents had gone from her life forever. Still, a best friend can learn to forgive the other for his/her shortcomings.<br />
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I'm glad to have clicked onto this story's link. ^^ Now I'm looking forward to reading more.
Rini6189
#8
Chapter 7 mistakes (Part 2):<br />
<br />
6. In order to keep herself still sane, she yanked chords from her home phone in her room and took the battery out of her phone and flung it at the wall.<br />
* It should be "cords" instead of the "chords" that refers to music.<br />
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7. Trapped in her room for four days missing school calls for some time alone.<br />
Correction: She was trapped in her room for four days missing school calls for some time alone. <br />
* A subject is missing at the beginning of this sentence.<br />
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8. So that empty time was accompanied by reflection of her only companion, Minho.<br />
* The word "so" at the beginning of this sentence makes it a fragment (a dependent clause), and it should be excluded to make this a complete sentence.<br />
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9. And thinking of which stimulated her brain to start feeling remorseful.<br />
Correction: Thinking of that stimulated her brain to start feeling remorseful.<br />
* This looks like another sentence fragment beginning with a conjunction like "and."<br />
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10. Now, she thought, I have gone through the punishment and experienced some of the after-math. <br />
* "Aftermath" is one word alone without a hyphen.<br />
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11. It was then, when she had turned around, their eyes met.<br />
Correction: It was then, when she had turned around, that their eyes met.
Rini6189
#9
Chapter 7 mistakes:<br />
<br />
1. Joon and Yuri, or JuRi were the hottest couple on the campus. <br />
* An extra comma is needed after "JuRi" to separate it from the rest of the phrase since it serves as an interruption.<br />
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2. But Joon had commited such a horrible action, and with lots of pleading and begging, Yuri kindly took him back into her life as a close friend.<br />
Correction: Though, Joon had commited such a horrible action. With lots of pleading and begging, Yuri kindly took him back into her life as a close friend.<br />
* It's like a run-on with everything clumped together like that since the phrases refer to different subjects.<br />
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3. She thought Joon would be as thrilled to talk to her as she would him, but it turned out onto the contrary side.<br />
Correction: She thought Joon would be as thrilled to talk to her as she would to him, but it turned out on the contrary.<br />
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4. “She’s a ,” HyunSung said before jugging down a bottle of soju.”<br />
Correction: “She's a ,” HyunSung said before chugging down a bottle of soju.<br />
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5. After several more calls similar to the ones before, Sooyuri was on the vierge of tears.<br />
* It's spelled "verge." <br />
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Rini6189
#10
Chapter 6 mistakes:<br />
<br />
1. The confusion and dismay swimming in his mind was too much, it practically drowned his brain of thinking thoughts of only his trophy wife and how she had been demoted to Lady of the Trash.<br />
* Instead of putting the comma there to separate the two phrases, they could've been written as two separate sentences because it seems like a run-on here.<br />
<br />
2. “Still think I’m hot, huh? Well, I’m glad your not tripping over me this time,” said Yuri with diva-like confidence.<br />
* It's "you're" instead of the possessive adjective "your."<br />
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3. "Yeah." He answered this question with hesitation, not daring to look into Yuri’s eyes; he was afraid if he had, he would give it away.<br />
Correction: "Yeah," he answered this question with hesitation, not daring to look into Yuri’s eyes. He was afraid that if he had, he would give it away.<br />
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4. “Waay prettier than you are” were words almost sliding out of Minho’s mouth, but biting his lip cautiously, he replied calmly, “Uh, I guess, but let me take my side of the questions.”<br />
Correction: “Waay prettier than you are” were the words almost sliding out of Minho’s mouth. Biting his lip cautiously, he replied calmly, “Uh, I guess, but let me take my side of the questions.”<br />
<br />
5. He didn’t want to jinx himself of being apart of the SM family, so he kept it low key, using his lie of working at a mall as his cover up.<br />
Correction: He didn’t want to jinx himself of being a part of the SM family, so he kept it low key by using his lie of working at a mall as his cover-up.<br />
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6. Minho grasped her hand firmly, causing Yuri to yelped in pain.<br />
* It should be in its stem form "yelp" since the preposition "to" is inserted before the verb to indicate the action.<br />
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7. I’m sure you’ll do fine though!<br />
* A comma is needed before the adverb "though."<br />
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8. We’ve only known each other for four days and your calling me names!<br />
* It's "you're."<br />
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