Hey guys! Just something I noticed, I looked at the statistics of my story and chapter 7 has less views than Chapter 8. That's weird, did any of you guys skipped it or didn't noticed and clicked the latest chapter? I updated two chapters yesterday :/ For my subscribers, make sure to double check if you miss some chapters because sometimes I tend to post double chapters when I'm bored HAHAHA

Also! Xbowcrayy  found a loophole to my last chapter which made me realize, I take things veryyyy lightly regarding Dahyun and so I spent a long time reflecting about things about it. This chapter focuses more on the issue regarding her. I read a lot of stories regarding ual assault and even tried remembering how one of my friends confessed to me about her experience regarding it.

Please click off this page if the talk about ual assault triggers you, thank you so much! And if you're fine, feel free to continue reading. And comment! It encourages me to write more. Sorry for the long A/N, and enjoy the next chapter!

Chapter 9

The thing with Dahyun was a lot more serious than I thought. As I lay in bed, I cannot help but remember the words she had said to me.

Do you know what I had been experiencing all my life?

Of course, you don’t; because all you guys know about me, Dahyun, is the energetic carefree girl without any problems.

I guess you also don’t know that I was being ually-abused by my uncle when I was six until I was twelve. You don’t know of course, because you’re Son Chaeyoung. The perfect girl with the most sunniest disposition I know.

She was ually-abused until she was twelve. She had been keeping all these from her friends. I was the only reason she was alive. She almost killed herself in front of me.

No amount of excuses can make up the fact that I hurt a friend. I now knew how I tend to always make up excuses inside my head, filtering it. Sunniest disposition, more like a coward. It was my fault that she cracked and if Mina didn’t tackled her and if I didn’t stopped her from choking Dahyun, will I see her die in front of my eyes?

The world isn’t candies and sunshine. That much, I should know. Yes, the sun is blue yet I need to face the reality that not many people are open for that idea. No matter how hard I stop it, this world is effed up. No matter how hard I filter my thoughts, make excuses, things will still stay the same. Dahyun was still hurt.

She had a knife, silver gleaming a few inches away from my stomach.

Mina almost killed Dahyun.

I knew that. I won’t make excuses for that. Do I think Mina is a bad person? A normal person should. But I felt that there must be something about her that proved she’s not at all as bad as the warning signs in my head claimed.

Everyday, for the past whole week, I see her beat herself up because of the incident. I see her stiffen whenever people mention Dahyun’s name. I see the bags under her eyes darken and become bigger. I see the guilt ruining her.

It has been a week since the incident. Dahyun just disappeared. No one knew where she was until yesterday.

Everyday, I still hang out with our friends every lunch time. It felt empty. The others tried lightening up the mood yet still, something’s missing. I missed Dahyun’s smile. I miss her crazy 4-D personality that ties up our little group.

Yesterday, Jihyo received a message.

“Guys!” She said out loud, causing us to stare at her in curiosity.

“It’s Dahyun.” Suddenly every single one of us was paying attention. I remembered the knot on my stomach. The way Mina’s hand clenched on the grass. The way I gripped it tight for comfort.

“She wanted to say sorry for missing for a week. She said she was fine now and she wanted us to visit her tomorrow after school.” I heard Jihyo said.

I remembered Mina’s voice, soft and hesitant.

“Can I come too?” I remembered her voice cracking, breaking in tune with my heart.

I remembered Jihyo smiling at her and giving her a thumbs up, probably noticing something’s happening despite not knowing what it is. I remembered Nayeon and Jeongyeon not asking us about it which helped us coped with it just a little easier.

Tomorrow, after school I can finally talk to her. And I honestly do not know what to say. All I know is that I wish everything comes back from what it was. I hope everything’s going to be okay. Like before. Way, way before.

-----

I held Mina’s hand as we waited for Dahyun’s mother to open the gate. Jihyo and the others were also there. There was an obvious strained air, everyone was nervous. Finally, Dahyun’s mom opened the gate, smiling at us tiredly.

“Dahyunnie’s waiting for you. Thank you for coming.” She said. We gave her some expensive fruits (which Mina insisted she’ll buy despite everyone’s protest) then cautiously entered. Dahyun’s house was wide, clean and painted in a white color that reminded me of her milky skin.

She guided us towards her room. I felt Mina stiffen beside me as we were already in front of her door. I then looked at her reassuringly even though I was also incredibly scared of confronting her and apologizing to her.  

Her mother knocked then opened the door and we were greeted with a smiling Dahyun lying in her bed in pajamas.

I felt guilt ruining my senses and I quickly looked down, not having the strength to look at her. I heard a faint sound of heavy breathing and I quickly turned to stare at Mina as silent tears fell down her cheeks, her hand was clammy, shaking slightly.

“Guys.” She said softly. I finally direct my eyes towards her. She looked better right now since the last time I saw her. Her skin was back to the bright pale tone, no bags under her eyes and she was finally smiling, not in a fake way.

She moved, sitting up.

“I think I owe you an explanation.” She finally said, biting her lip.

“Jeong, can you get the folder in my desk?” She asked. Jeongyeon nodded, made her way towards her desk to get the folder.

“You can look inside it then read it out loud.” She said. Jeongyeon stared at the folder then hesitantly opened it.

“Kim Dahyun. 20 years old. Manic Depression. Bipolar Disorder.” Jeongyeon read.

Silence filled the room.

“Yes, I am diagnosed by Bipolar Disorder. I just knew a week ago.” She said. She stood up, walked towards Jeongyeon and took the folder away from her.

“I was on my own, having manic episodes and no one knew or noticed, not even myself. It’s not your fault. I’m just too good at pretending that everything’s okay.” She sighed to herself. I heard everyone’s intake of breath, until I realized that I was doing the same.

“Feel free to sit down on the sofa. We have a long story to talk about.” She said pointing at the sofa. The four of us sat down, while Jeongyeon sat on the carpeted floor, glancing at her as she put the folder in the desk before sitting on her bed.

“Once upon a time, there was this adorable pale skinned girl named Kim Dahyun.” She started with a slightly teasing smile.

“Who said you were adorable?” Nayeon interjected in hopes of lightening the mood.

“A gigantic bunny does not have the right to complain.” Dahyun said, playfully glaring at her.

She looked at us one by one, her stare lingering more on Mina and myself.

“That girl has a mother and father that works hard everyday in order to give the best they could give to their child.” She paused then leaned in towards us. “So they asked the father’s brother to take care of their child while they’re away.” Her eyes darkened.

“Oh, he took care of her real good.” She said sarcastically. I felt Mina’s hand tightened against mine.

“I was ually abused for almost six years straight. Never told anyone about it, not even my mum or my dad. Just let it happen. What can a girl like me do, right?” She said. I started tearing up and I knew everyone were too.

“I kept it all to myself. This darkness that I drowned in because I don’t want to burden anyone. I don’t want them to worry about me.” She said. “I thought of killing myself, every single day.” She looked down.

I struggled not to hug her, in fear that she would feel even worse if I do.

“But then I met Chaeng. And then I met you guys. I started to see the end of the tunnel.” She said.

“Chaeng, I’m sorry for what I did. It was selfish, you must’ve been so scared.” She said. I shook my head, letting go of Mina’s hand.

“No, I should be the one apologizing to you. If I had known about what happened to you, then this would’ve been fixed. I’m sorry Dahyun. You deserve so much better.” I told her. Tears were already streaming down my face. I hugged her, rubbing my face in her shoulder.

“No, you deserve better. Confess to Mina.” I froze when I heard her whisper those words.

“W-What?” I stuttered.

“You and Mina, you belong to each other. I know, trust me. I’m fine now. I realized that I have people caring for me.” She glanced at Nayeon and the others who were still crying. “He wouldn’t come back for me. He’s in jail now. My parents finally knew about it. I just started going to a psychologist in order to fix this.” She tapped her temple. “If you’re doubting your feelings for her because of certain things, don’t.” She said. Warm brown eyes stared into mine. “You’re free now. Go!” She pushed me playfully away.

I stared at her, wide eyes.

Nayeon and the others made their way towards her in order to give her a group hug. I quickly made my way and joined in.

“Stupid, we’re your friends! If you have problems, talk to us! That’s what friends are for.” She said in between sobs.

Nayeon hit her head. “We were worried sick about you, stupid.” She said harshly, though her quivering voice and tears on her face said otherwise.

I glanced and saw Mina standing near the couch. Her eyes stared at us with an unfathomable expression.

“Mina?” Dahyun called out. Mina met her eyes, dark eyes still wet with tears.

“Can we talk?” She asked. Mina nodded, eyes staring up at her filled with guilt.

“Mother probably prepared some snacks for you in the dining room. You guys can go ahead.” Dahyun said.

I glanced at the others as they made their way out of her room. I followed them, making sure to squeeze Mina’s hand in order give her comfort.

----

I heard them mumbling for almost 30 minutes. I rested my head on my arms, staring at the closed door of Dahyun’s door, cake untouched. I was incredibly worried.

Finally, the door opened and I was shocked to see the two people inside. They were laughing. Mina’s arm where intertwined with Dahyun as they animatedly talk to each other.

When Mina saw me, she flashed her gummy smile that- I can officially say this without denying- loved.

She made her way towards me then sat on my lap, making me blush.

“I’ll have a bite of this, okay?” She asked me with the same smile, head tilted to stare at me. I nodded dumbly and watched her take a forkful of cake.

My arms slowly encircled on her waist as I leaned in closer to her, her back glued to my front. I rested my chin on her left shoulder, remembering the dragon tattoo that was engraved on her skin. I felt slightly sleepy. The familiar vanilla perfume of Mina making me calm.

My eyes widened when I realized that Dahyun was there. I quickly leaned back, my arms falling limply on either sides of Mina’s waist and turned my head to face her.

She didn’t seem to mind it. In fact, she was smiling, albeit a bit sadly. She then mouthed of the words that made me gulp to myself.

“Confess to her.” Sunny smile.

I slowly nodded at her which made her smile that made her eyes almost close from crinkling.

Confess to Mina.

I stared at the way, her hair shook slightly as she tilted her head to the side in order to talk to Nayeon.

Fast heartbeat, the heat of her on my lap. The perfect waist that fitted perfectly in my arms.

The way she tries her best to protect me from danger, her dorkiness and even her silence. The stories she told me about the new books she read. Even, the nerdy talks about video and computer games which I don’t understand yet still listen to eagerly just to hear the soft tone of her voice.

I realized that I really do need to tell her how I feel because she deserves to know. And I deserve to tell her. And I want to tell her that even though I know I don’t deserve to love her, I will still continue to do so. Because she is the darkness and the light. The sweetness and the bitterness. The sadness and happiness that made me cry sometimes when I’m alone in my room.

I decided to myself; I’ll confess to her.