As much as I would have liked it too, my life did not slow down once I began work for BTS. Day in and day out, we are always on our feet; the boys practice every chance that they get and there is not a moment to even take a break, let alone write a single song. No wonder they went looking for help, every morning we get up before sunrise and every night we end up getting home after the vampires come out. I mean, geez! I thought to be an intern was hard, but I think I’d rather be unpaid and manual labor than do what they do every day.

The work isn’t the problem though, every chance the boys got to spend time with me, they did so I could get a better idea of who they are as people. There have been plans canceled and even throwing me in some dressy clothes and making me tag along to big events like celebrity parties. Not that they wanted to go to those either. Suga’s face told me that he hated how much a party would turn out to be, but after a party one night, the boys started drinking with me around and I did get out a few little secrets from them.

They each have a girlfriend although I have not met any of them yet. Some of them sound just terrifying though. Suga told me about his girlfriend who was also a Korean Popstar by the name of Mi-Ok, but her stage name was Sinbi which went with her Lolita style (apparently). The thing is that each guy described Mi-Ok as the type of girl who doesn’t take very well to being told what to do and they say she is pretty scary with her popstar mask off (she has resting face or so they say).

Jimin explained to me that his girlfriend was a Social Media Consultant and that I would meet her pretty soon. Her name was Mun-Hee and she was some kind of genius. She had finished all of her school by the time she was sixteen and was on the board of her father’s company, Bumonim Eum-Ag. That’s terrifying to think a girl, not much older than me might I add, sitting on a board and bossing people probably twice her age around.

Namjoon is dating an American girl by the name of Shayla and he explained to me that they had collaborated on a couple of songs before deciding to become a couple. He told me that she was a very relaxed person and went with the flow of the conversation, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t ready for a fight whenever the time came. He told me that she was having trouble back home with another producer and that I probably wouldn’t meet her for a while. The look in his eye though, it held some much affection when he spoke about her.

Eun-Yeong was Jin’s girlfriend and she is probably one of my all-time favorite models; he explained to me that she was always busy and he didn’t get to see her as much as he wanted, but he was enduring for the time they could actually spend together. She’s apparently a force of nature, a real advocate for what she wants and what she believes should be done for future generations of women. She has family troubles, but she pushes through and that’s what he wants to convey to her in a song.

J-Hope is with a Latina girl by the name of Carina and he showed me a couple of dances they did together for Carina’s dance studio. She was accepted into an academy here in Korea when she was younger and she built herself up from scratch to be able to be the best of the best. I smile as I would watch as I saw his face grow brighter and brighter with each move on the screen and I couldn’t help, but notice everyone looked so proud to talk about their girlfriends.

V was dating this girl by the name of Maggie Cho and she was also American, she was their primary translator whenever they needed to travel and Namjoon wasn’t around. She’s apparently a very shy girl and that’s why I haven’t met her either. I get a strange feeling these boys are just trying to hide their girlfriends from me, but I don’t quite understand why they would do that.

Jungkook is the only one who wasn’t really looking for a relationship right now and that is what is going to make writing the hardest on me. Sure, I can take the words that each one has told me about what they’ve endured with their girlfriends, but it won’t be the same as them actually writing the song for them. Jungkook can’t even tell me he wants the song to be like, he just said that I should think about how my body would “move for a guy.” What do you do with that!?

I sigh to myself as I go over the day's events once more, looking at the notepad in my arms. I adjust my heels, trying to get inspiration from the simple white stilettos, but that pain was nothing about love or body. In fact, even wearing heels is like hating your body, but they’re just so damn cute, I can’t take it! Scribbling out the words of pain from my blisters, I sigh as I try to think of words to describe love, but what is love?

I’ve never been in love, only the idea of being in love. Groaning, I switch the notepad behind the tablet I was given that contains today’s schedule. The boys were recording an interview and I was traveling with them as their Administrative Assistant to understand who they are as people to be able to write the songs they asked me. We’ve been up since like five in the morning and I’m already exhausted at ten thirty this morning. They all had to get ready and chastised me as I was getting ready in the car because I held them up, all in good fun though.

I watch them smoothly talk through the interviewer's questions, giving just enough to show who they are, but not enough to ruin the image they’ve spent on for the last five years. Before bed last night, I decided that I needed to get to know the fans and the boys better with my own research. Apparently, their fans are called ARMY and they have the strongest passion out of everyone for BTS to succeed.

I look down at the schedule in my hands again, noting that our day is packed until at least midnight, if not longer. Every day, these boys are working hard for their fans and for their dreams. It’s hard to believe people so young have such an impact on other people’s lives. Sighing to myself, I begin to doubt my talents once more.

I have no sense of rhythm and I can hardly rhyme, but when I write, it flows from my fingertips on to a page. Watching the boys clammer off stage in excitement, I place a smile on my face as I had each boy a bottle of water.

“Great job out there!” I praise them, looking at the schedule, “We’ll get you guys some food while we wait for the car to come and get you. Apparently were filming something else today…?” I murmur, looking it over.

“It’s an episode of Run BTS!” J-Hope informs me, quickly finishing his bottle of water. I look at him with a confused look, scrunching up my eyebrows, “You’re really not involved in popular culture, are you?” He teases, grinning at me.

“...I can tell you about American tv shows, some Japanese shows, and Korean drama, but…” I sigh, rubbing my head, “I know absolutely nothing about music.”

“I heard you singing in the bathroom this morning,” Jungkook pipes up and I can’t help, but laugh a little.

“An opening theme song…” I tell them sheepishly. Before our playful banter could continue, my attention was taken away by a tv manager.

“Ms. Tsukamu!” The manager calls, running over to me, “Sorry to bother you, but I need to discuss a few things with you…” The manager takes me away from the group, but I wish I wasn’t doing this alone. My head can barely wrap around what has happened in the past week, let alone what I have to say to this manager.

After we finish up at the studio, we make our way to the next stop: filming for Run BTS apparently. Everything is going so smoothly, I figured that the day would end on a high note, but boy was I wrong. We spent hours watching the boys fight in a kimchi battle and eventually, the losers are supposed to clean up. Sadly, Jungkook, J-Hope, and Jimin are the losers and take three years to clean up. While we stand off to the side as these boys begin their punishment, Namjoon pulls me close to him so he can talk to me quietly.

“Have you started on a draft yet?” He asks me and my stomach literally drops to my ankles. At the anxious look on my face, he gives a small sigh, “We can’t expect you to be on our level after just a couple of days of spending time with us, but you should have some sort of draft.”

“We’ve just been so busy and I know that’s not an excuse-” I began to explain to Namjoon, but he holds up his hand for me.

“I thought what we told you the other night would’ve helped.” He sighs as the boys finish up cleaning.

“You ask me to write a love song based on your experiences,” I try to explain to him the impossibility of it, but he just shakes his head at me. Quietly, the eight of us move into the van and head back to our home. Filming had taken all day, so we had to push most of today’s events to tomorrow. I glance at the clock on my phone and sigh; eleven fifteen… Where has the day gone?

When we arrived home, everyone began to trudge their way back to the bedroom. Well, everyone except for me; as I watch them all go to their respective rooms, I sit down on the couch taking off my pain filled heels and I stare at the blank tv screen. After only a week of staying with them and I still am not up to par for any matter.

Begrudgingly, I walk into the bedroom I was sharing after making sure both boys were decent and awake so I can grab my pajamas. After grabbing the shorts and the t-shirt, I walk into the kitchen, pulling out one of the tiny cakes I had bought the other night. Moving to the kitchen table, I start to nibble on the sweet treat while staring at the notepad once again.

“Heartbreak…” I whisper to myself, “Enduring… First… Unrequited… Self… Body…” Sighing, I begin to write down whatever came to my mind, but I was a novice when it came to anything about love. I know family love, but I can’t even explain all of that… I really am totally useless, aren’t I?

Hours seem to tick by as I sit and stare at the scribbles and marks on the notepad, but nothing is coming to me. Usually, when I write, I just let my hand do all the work and let the words flow right out of me, but I just can’t write anything that’s worthy of being called a love song. How do you even write a song? How do you even write in general?

Frustrated, I throw the pencil down and lean back in the chair. For the first time in a week, I felt like crying again. I can’t compete with a global sensation of a boy band; they would get better work from a slug than they would me. I’ve had script after script thrown back into my face because it wasn’t “original enough” or “the characters didn’t feel real.” The best comment was when a teacher of mine looked over one of my writings for me and told me that I should, “look into a new career path” because I didn’t have the talent. I should’ve just listened to her, but I continued pressing forward, hoping my dream could come true in South Korea. I should’ve just stayed in Japan and became a simple office work.

My prideful tear ducts refused to let loose even one tear, but I felt the turmoil of emotions turning into my stomach. Everything going on made me feel like I was going to throw up and I was just about to give up for the night when I felt something cold touch my forehead. Blinking my eyes open, I look to see a glass of water above me.

“You need a break,” Jungkook informs me, setting the glass down and sitting across from me.

“I’m sorry, did I wake you?” I put on my best smile, taking the glass gratefully as I sipped on it.

“I needed some water and noticed that you were still up,” He shrugs his shoulders, drinking his own water.

“I didn’t even hear you come in.” I realize as I look at him in mild surprise.

“You looked like you were having a moment, so I thought I’d leave you alone for a bit.” He chuckles, turning to look me in the eye. His gaze became serious as he steadily held my eyes with his own, “Are you alright?”

Trying to play it off, I smile at him and take a big gulp of water to will my emotions back into their container, “Never better!” I chirped quietly, maintaining the smile.

“You can’t bull me, you know?” He leans back, crossing his arms. I tilt my head, raising an eyebrow.

“Now, why would you say that?”

“Because you’re not okay and you’re not fine,” He huffs, “You’ve had the same fake smile on your face since we left the studio. You wanna tell me what’s going one?”

For a moment, I felt my smile waver and I was about to spill my guts, but I just can’t do it. Feeling overwhelmed by my emotions, I just shrug my shoulders at him, “I’m a little homesick, I guess.”

He gives me a look that tells me he’s not buying what I’m saying, but I still can’t bring myself to saying anything. Quickly, I stand up, making the chair squeal underneath my weight. Giving an awkward cough, I head towards our shared room.

“You can’t keep lying. You wear your heart too much on your sleeve,” He whispers, but the quiet room allows it to catch my ears. I turn to him and give him one more smile that I could muster up.

“Just because I don’t say anything in confirmation, doesn’t mean that I’m okay,” I mumble to him, “Are you going back to bed?” He shakes his head and I nod mine in return. Quietly, I crawl into bed next to Chi-Chi and fall into a deep, restless sleep.

The next day, we all scramble out of the room and head back to Big Hit Entertainment to discuss the day’s plans. The boys haven’t eaten, so when we arrive, I retrieve a tray of food that was prepared for them and it was set out in front of all seven boys and all four managers. Just as I was about to leave, Jungkook grabs my arm.

“I have something I want to talk about,” He sighs loud enough to catch everyone’s attention. He releases my arm and clears his throat awkwardly, “I think, because she’s so inexperienced, that Sakka has hit and writer’s block.”

“Jungkook.” I hiss at him a warning tone, but he ignores me flat out.

“So, I want to work with her,” He says, cooly. The words that leave his mouth are so nonchalant, I don’t think they processed in everyone’s minds until a moment later. Nobody made a sudden move and I couldn’t help shouting out my response.

“What did you say!?"