I don't know what's worse: dealing with the drama about you or you not existing.

I refuse to believe that you don't exist. You could be out there. Just not as who I know you to be. But there's also the chance that you're not here. It pains me to know that in this world, the people I look up to might not be here. There are so many possibilities that it hurts my head. It sometimes led me to sleep less because of all these thoughts. Sometimes I could barely concentrate well in school with you running in my head all day.

But I still hope though. That you are here. And I hope I can find you. Only then will my head and heart calm down.

With all my heart,

Maya