It's another day in my ordinary life. Like any day, I would wake up and do whatever I have to do today. Take a shower, dress up, go to school, and then go home later. I get home tired and oftentimes burned out from work, people, everything. However, if I ever do feel low, I can just open my laptop and my desktop wallpaper flashes on, which is a picture of all of you. Immediately, all the stress and fatigue disappear and a smile would appear on my face instead. Then, I would watch all of your videos. Music videos, variety show clips, you name it. It would've been the ninth time I watched a crack compilation of you.

     My happiness would've lasted until I went to sleep. That is if I didn't turn on my phone. The worst part of every day is opening my phone and see... opinions about you. There would be the praise and then there would be the unhappy things pointed towards you. I had gotten used to all of it. With you in the spotlight from morning to evening, of course this happens. But that doesn't mean that I would get used to the heaviness in my heart whenever I would see the comments about you.

     I'm so tired of it now. I'm tired of seeing this everyday. Having to see people criticizing your actions, careless or not, every breath you take, people comparing you with others to be better, I hate it and I'm tired of all of it. Either I scroll down until I see no more of them or switch off my phone, it always ends with me trying not to cry. Sometimes, I would fail at holding everything in.

     All I can say is I'm sorry. Not out of pity but me not knowing what to feel anymore. I'm numb and broken with all of this, the drama and everything. I'm so conflicted and I don't know who to listen to anymore.

     And I'm sorry again for not being there for you whenever so many things go down. In cases like this, all you need is someone to be there as a friend, a shoulder to cry on, someone to hug you. Meanwhile, I can only be in the same world and time as you are.

With all my heart,

Maya