3 years later

[Red Velvet to continue hiatus after one last fanmeeting!]

It has been a few years since the group has gone on hiatus following member, Wendy's temporary departure from the group due to health issues. The members have also been showing off their own abilities in solo aspects of their work. However, due to the lack of activities and heavy petitions for fanmeetings, Red Velvet will give one last fanmeeting right here in Seoul, and one in Canada before concluding their own activities for the month.

Are you looking forward?

[+1346, -20] I just want them to promote as 5 again.

[+1130, -25] They're finally allowed to do whatever they want for their fans? Everyone say thank you Red Velvet.

[+860, -100] It's time for the leaders of the new generation to come back with Wendy.

Has three years always passed so quickly?

Yeri scrolls through the various articles talking about their group’s upcoming fan-meetings for two final destinations with a roll of her eyes; the comments below aren't even worth reading. They’ve been travelling to Canada specially for Wendy’s sake, hoping and praying that she will appear at one of their fan-meetings at least. It’s been a total of more than ten, but Wendy has yet to appear at a single one. There are always so many eyes on them even when the group has been on hiatus for several years; it doesn't seem to make any difference. Three years without having all five of them as a proper group; three years without releasing new music, as chosen by the remaining four members.

“Yerim-ah! Breakfast is ready!”

Oh, that lovely voice.

While there have been several hiccups in their road of hiatus: the members always share their problems and issues, which isn't like before. Irene never used to be vocal about any of the difficulties she was facing but things have changed; their leader knows how to approach any one of them for help. Seulgi doesn't always mope around like a sad teddy anymore; she knows how to go out with other friends and have more appreciation for them. Joy... well, there is so much to say but too little time to explain it all. As for herself, Yeri is practically living the life right now, what with the way her love life is sailing perfectly fine and more freedom to accomplish more songwriting credits.

“Unnie…”

“Hey,” Irene smiles, feeling the youngest’s arms around her waist. She is starting to get used to being even closer with her members now that all her barriers have been broken down. It's a newfound closeness Irene never planned on having, one where she feels completely or when others can see through every bit of her. “Taeyeon-unnie called earlier. She said she’ll bring you out for ice cream tonight.”

The mere mention of Taeyeon makes Yeri blush effortlessly, and it is always amusing to watch from the sidelines. To be a witness of a blooming relationship between her maknae and another senior she respects so much, Irene prays for their happiness every day. She already went through hell and back, though it feels like the hell never leaves her side or any part of her because all Irene thinks about is Wendy. Distracting herself with memories or pictures of the precious hamster doesn't work anymore, because Irene can no longer feel Wendy's presence. It is so different from having Wendy by her side; Irene doesn’t know if she’ll ever get used to this emptiness.

It takes a while for Irene to realize that Yeri is no longer standing behind them, and that she is the only one left in the kitchen with a ladle still in her hand. She has these bouts of absent-mindedness time and again, where she often thinks about past times where Wendy is indeed with her. Worst part is: they come at the most random of times.

“U-Unnie…”

Irene turns around at the croak, eyes narrowing at the voice behind her. She tilts her head to the side when she sees the expression on Seulgi’s face – there is something wrong again. Whenever Seulgi greets them with that look in the morning, it only means two things: one, she has multiple schedules today; two, the news has something to do with either of the maknaes.

“What’s wrong?”

“S-Sooyoung relapsed again.”

Yes, Joy has been going in and out of rehabilitation because of her alcohol addiction that spiralled a tad too far. She refused to ask the members for help because they were going through their own whirlwind of emotions and difficulties too. She sure as hell isn't going to ask Seulgi either; that's probably the last option. Although this isn't the best option because it might impact their fans indirectly, Joy manages to hold off her urges at least for two days at a time. She began going to rehab when she first got caught for excessive alcohol consumption just before a schedule. It was the first time the company gave her an option: to either go on hiatus like Wendy or to go to rehab instead. Honestly, there was no intention to drink at all that day but Joy passed by a bar on the way there... and well, you know the rest.

It is the first time the company has reached out to help their artistes, especially after all the tragedies that have happened in this dumpster. They should have done so much earlier, nevertheless, the group is grateful for at least offering help.

“Relapsed again?” Irene whispers in slight frustration, shaking her head at the news. She can’t count the number of times they’ve been told that ever since Joy went in with just her fingers. “Have any of you visited her recently? You know her moving out means us putting in more effort to break through her defense, right?”

Seulgi averts her gaze to the ground immediately; it’s not that she doesn’t want to visit Joy either. The several times she tried to visit or even have a good intention, she was welcomed with someone who – as far as she remembers – does not live with Joy in her apartment or have a relationship with the latter. It’s like being told there is no point in trying to be there with her younger member because there is someone else already. Seulgi knows it will just sound like an excuse anyway, because no one believes in giving up before trying. She herself doesn't bother about that saying... so it shouldn't apply to Joy exclusively. It is contradicting everything Seulgi said she wouldn't do.

Why does it seem as if Irene is the only one who learnt her lesson from the past few years? Does it really have to take another member’s departure for Seulgi to learn too? Irene would rather just bury herself in a hole before she allows that to happen.

Grabbing hold of Seulgi by the shoulders, Irene makes sure she stares at the latter straight in the eye. She needs to get a message across before it’s too late. “It took me a ing suicide attempt to realise how important Seungwan was to me. Don’t ever let that happen to Sooyoung too, I swear, I will not let you off.”

It was traumatizing the first time, and God forbid if another one happens... what would happen to them? They will not be as fortunate as they were initially, especially since Joy is a lot more meticulous with everything. She will be surer of the nitty-gritty and if her goal is to, well, die, then even that plan won't fail. When the time comes, Joy doesn't want to have anything on her mind and go ahead with that plan.

The cycle of regret and torture only becomes worse from that moment on; the exact same way they did with Wendy. All that became obvious was how much they had neglected one of their own sisters and completely ignored the warning signs beforehand. There is a reason for warning signs in the first place; it's for people to wake up before the inevitable happens right in front of their eyes. In this industry, things only become more challenging for the idols themselves when they don't receive support from their closest peers or family members. It isn't difficult to understand: just be nice and observant to the people around you.

“Do something about it, Seul. Don’t live to regret it.”

With a resigned sigh, Irene leaves the kitchen with her own bowl of rice; she needs Seulgi to really reflect on herself and what she is doing wrong right now. She needs to stop spoon-feeding the latter with what to do whenever she's lost. Perhaps all of this is partly Irene's fault too, because she doesn't hold back with her advice when Seulgi comes to her. As a result of it, no one knows what Seulgi's truest intentions are. She probably follows the advice given to her without thinking about her own position in the circumstances. It's no wonder Joy doesn't want to see the teddy bear either - making it up to Joy doesn't seem sincere at all, from both hers and Joy's perspective.

Okay, Irene left the kitchen to give Seulgi some privacy to think and reflect, definitely not to witness Yeri and Taeyeon on the sofa getting real comfy. She grimaces and makes a u-turn, going back to her bedroom instead.

“Ah… I better give Chaeyoung a call.”

Putting her bowl on the table, Irene leans down and rubs her finger against the picture of both her and Wendy on the desk. She doesn’t ever forget to clean off the dust on the picture or greet it when shew wakes, before she sleeps. Sounds odd? Irene doesn’t care. It has been part of her daily routine to do so ever since she stabilized her emotions after Wendy's sudden disappearance. Irene has to cope somehow anyway; the houseline that Wendy gave to them before doesn’t work anymore, the line simply dies off in the midst of the call, or maybe it's just Wendy avoiding them consistently. She is going to stand by her word though; she will back off until Wendy is ready to come back.

“Hello? Chaeyoung-ah?”

“Unnie!” Rose smiles.

Irene wonders if the latter knows about her recent news; Rose sounds a bit too cheerful for someone who usually cares for their member who re-entered rehab. “Sooyoung is in rehab again. Do you know about it already?”

Rose looks to her side with a frown this time; she was the first one to be called when the rehabilitation centre was alerted. She doesn’t know how or why but judging by the way Joy was so happy to see her, Rose can’t complain much. The fact that Joy is still willing to accept help from Rose says a lot about the the latter, and all Rose wanted to do is help Joy out of her predicament as much as possible. She made an offer three years ago when they met outside the hospital, and that offer will always stand. After all, things haven't changed between them, Rose doesn't think it ever will since nothing has progressed. If their friendship could develop any further, it would have months ago when they became closer than friends.

Her hand naturally reaches out, Joy’s head that’s resting on her thighs. She took quite some time to make sure that the other woman was comfortable before Joy fell asleep peacefully. At first, Joy didn't dare to look at her in the eye when Rose came to pick her up so the rehab centre could let her go, feeling guilty for her actions. It was only when Rose coaxed Joy into being honest with her that everything was knocked down instantly.

“She’s with me right now, Unnie…” Rose answers softly, her fingers still combing through Joy’s soft locks. She desperately wants for one of Joy’s group members to come and help but Joy might not want to see them at all. “I can wake her up if you want?”

“I’ll be going over tonight with the girls. Take care of her for me, will you?”

With Rose’s firm stance, Irene feels an entire boulder off her chest. She always worries about Joy because while Irene has become more open and willing to talk to other about problems, Joy has done the exact opposite – practically retreated into an old shell of herself. For the three years that Joy didn't live with them, it is difficult to tell if Joy is really telling the truth about how she has been living a fine life. Now the proof reveals itself in the form of rehabilitation news, unfortunately. With Rose's assurance though, at least Joy will be taken care of some way, somehow, even though it may not be the members themselves doing the deed.

Now that Joy’s issue is settled with the latter being in good hands, Irene goes back to the desk where she sits and stares at the picture of Wendy backhugging her with a pair of soft eyes – a gaze that would put other lovers to shame, in fact. Irene always feels at peace when she looks at their pictures together. Whether it is simply the thought of them being able to go back to that level of sweetness or the memory of when and where this picture was taken, Irene's troubles or things on her mind go away without fail. The picture and memory both serve the same purpose Wendy used to serve: soothes Irene's heart whenever she feels out of place.

“Wannie… I miss you so much. When are you going to talk to me on the phone at least?” Irene mumbles, feeling the pricking sensation in her eyes. She knows crying shouldn’t be an option anymore but God, she misses Wendy so dearly. “Every time I receive an email, it’s never from you but your sister…”

It sounds too selfish to beg for Wendy’s reply in place of her sister, seeing as Wendy seems to be doing just fine without them. Irene doesn’t want that: she wants Wendy back by her side and they could spend happy times together all over again. Wendy should be happy with Irene too, not just alone. No, no… why is Irene even saying all this? Wendy deserves all the happiness in the world even if it isn’t with her anymore. After all, Irene has put Wendy through so much hardship although she promised nothing like that would happen; it still spiralled out of hand in the end. It isn't, and will probably never be Irene's place to step in and persuade Wendy to come back to her or the group.

“Damn it.”

Her appetite is gone again.

Canada, 11.23am

Sitting calmly in the spacious garden with a rather familiar baby blue-coloured iPod in her hand, earphones plugged into her ears to block out the sounds of traffic and human interactions is Wendy Son. She does this every day for at least an hour or two to maintain an interest in her music, terrified that she might not be able to continue her passion if she isolates herself completely. Perhaps it isn't the best way, but Wendy knows she can't do as much as she used to anymore. Although her vocal chords weren't fully damaged, they received enough for Wendy to be scared of singing again.

Looking down at her iPod, Wendy unknowingly smiles when she hears Irene’s rap in Red Flavour. She remembers when Irene was extra nervous because of the choreography in between her rap parts, not that it made a difference – Irene killed her parts, whether in the recording studio or on live stages. The fear was probably what encouraged Irene to do even better and have more confidence in her own ability.

“Seungwan?”

Mrs Son stands at the doorway with confusion written all over her face, tilting her head when she receives no response from her daughter. She waited for Wendy inside but the latter didn’t come in for breakfast like she is supposed to every morning.

“Darling?”

Wendy opens her eyes when she feels an arm around her shoulder, smiling when she sees her mother’s furrowed brows. Her parents always complain that she gets too carried away whenever she sits here with her iPod.

“Breakfast is ready?”

“Yes, sweetheart. I’ve called you several times and you’ve ignored me all three times,” Mrs Son rolls her eyes playfully. She loves that their relationship has improved so drastically when they came back here. The last time they were living together here in Canada, Wendy almost found another apartment because of Mrs Son’s objection to her relationship. “Can you come in and eat now?”

Without an audible response, Wendy gets up from her seat and takes off her earphones. She had a good healing session by herself again. It is safe to say that this three years have taught her the importance of mental and emotional health more than physical. Whenever Wendy feels as if she wants to break down, she doesn't hold it back anymore for fear she becomes emotionally constipated again. Wendy doesn't hide any of her past experiences either; when people recognize her on the streets, she kindly agrees to take pictures with them answers their questions as honestly as possible.

In short, this break of three years from the nightmare of being in the entertainment industry has allowed Wendy to revert back to her old self at its maximum. She is absolutely satisfied, because it is clear that she hasn't changed very much; the one obvious thing she has learnt is probably not to wear her heart on her sleeve anymore. Her suitors haven't decreased in the least but Wendy can't commit anymore.

Greeting her father and sister with kisses on their cheeks, Wendy takes her seat beside her sister. She almost leaps with joy when she sees the spread for breakfast today – it’s not often her mother cooks so much for the first meal of the day.

“Seunghee, are you going to your Aunt’s house after this?”

Oh, the food looks amazing.

“Wannie, have you called back?”

No wonder there’s so much food today – this is the actual purpose of such a feast. One, question her or two, persuade her to call her members in Korea instead of getting her sister to do it for her. All the ulterior motives only come out when Wendy is ready to dig into good food, to be honest. Everyone knows her too well here; they know how to get the answers they want, especially. Wendy grimaces and pushes the food away at once; she doesn’t want to answer those questions right now. They only make her appetite worse than it already is, plus Wendy knows what she is doing too. She needs to make the decision in her own time and target lest she starts having regrets about her choices.

“I’m not eating today,” Wendy sighs, getting up from the table.

Mrs Son crosses her arms over her chest, “get back here, Son Seungwan. Your father is not done talking to you, and we’ve allowed you to take the easy way out for three years... I think it is time for you to at least talk to them on the phone, for a start.”

Although Wendy doesn’t turn around and go back to the table after hearing her mother’s words, she fails to catch the smiles on her family’s faces before going back to her room. No matter how much Wendy wants to deny everything and pretend nothing happened like she has been for years, she knows her mother is right. Sometimes, Wendy wonders what her members are up to and even considers whether it would be a good idea to call home just for a short while. After two minutes of thinking, Wendy just throws her phone on the bed and leaves the house to get some fresh air. This has been a pattern for the past few months or so, without any kind of progress whatsoever.

“Damn it. Why is it so difficult, Son Seungwan?” Wendy grumbles, ruffling her hair with a frown. She can’t find any courage by thinking of Irene either, and that’s probably the worst part of it all. “You’re a coward, I swear.”

Irene always encourages her to do whatever she wants to do before it's too late, and she would have made the first move if they were living together like before. Whenever Wendy wanted to do something, she would ask Irene for advice and whether it was a good idea to go ahead with it. Irene assured Wendy that whatever the outcome may be, a choice has to be made individually and the correct actions to take responsibility for it must be done. If it wasn't for Irene's advice and constant encouragement, Wendy wouldn't have the courage to do so many things before. During the several years Wendy needed to make good choices, Wendy couldn't go to Irene like she used to anymore.

Yet, it seems this decision isn't too difficult to make for Wendy.

Unlocking her phone, Wendy is greeted with the picture of Irene relaxing in bed during their Level Up Project, right after they had finished bickering about the picking of rooms and roommates. It was a picture Wendy had to persuade Irene to let her take because the older woman was still pissed with her for choosing Yeri's room instead.

“Tonight… I will call back home tonight…. Please don’t pick up, Joohyun.” Wendy prays with her entire heart.

Wendy fails to realise that she still refers to the dorm as her home.

Seoul, South Korea, 4.57pm

Joy awakes with a jump, only to find herself on the sofa with a blanket laid out over her long limbs. She vaguely remembers being dragged back into the rehabilitation center forcefully after waking up in a bar with an extremely nosy bartender… and then Rose came over, with that gorgeous smile and open arms that made Joy's emotions calm immediately. It is the biggest mystery Joy has ever experienced: the amount of time they've known each other is definitely lesser than the time Joy has lived with the other members. How is it Rose is the one bringing her comfort instead? It makes Joy wonder if having feelings were always this confusing or manipulative to a person.

“You’re awake?”

The look on Rose’s face gives Joy assurance, even making her smile when Rose’s eyes widen at the hot plate she’s carrying. Rose rushes over to the table with slight tears in her eyes, her fingers burning from the heat radiating off the plate.

“Oh my gosh! That was so hot!”

“Yeah, sure it was.” Joy says with a splitting headache, her hand massaging her temples with a groan. She really hates the aftermath of heavy drinking but her body can’t resist the amazing sensation of alcohol going down . It is an indescribable feeling; one that wouldn't be comprehensible if described with just words. “You should have used gloves…”

Rose pouts, blowing on her red palms. She doesn't appreciate the snarky remark when she's been preparing a small meal for the latter all afternoon. She finds herself drifting to baking more than cooking because of the cleaning up and whatnot but for the first time in many months, Rose stepped into the kitchen to cook instead. The number of changes Rose has made because of Joy increases every time, perhaps the change might be more drastic with time to come too. At least the changes have been good or beneficial in her daily life in one way or another. There are so many people around her who have become unrecognizable after falling in love or falling out of it.

When she hears Joy start to groan at the pounding setting in, Rose rolls her eyes playfully before sitting down beside the latter on the sofa again. She doesn’t even get to open , and Joy's head is already laid on her lap. Damn, that -eating grin is getting on Rose's nerves but Joy relying on her effortlessly soothes those nerves.

“Someone’s needy.”

“Yeah right. My head hurts,” Joy says nonchalantly, sticking her tongue out at Rose. She likes that she can be this comfortable with someone else outside of the group; it isn't just a change of comfort, it is also a change of setting for both of them. “Chaeyoungie… can you massage my head, please? I won’t tease you for the rest of the day…”

“Fine, fine…”

The entire living room is engulfed in calm silence, Rose humming a tune as she gently presses against Joy’s temples. She can't resist staring down at Joy's beauty, not when Joy finally looks so peaceful and at ease with herself, for once these several years. A sight that makes Rose thankful that she made the first move to be closer than friends, although her mind told her to be rational because she'll be the one getting hurt. Rose finds difficulty in that the most: listening to her mind instead of her heart. Maybe that’s why