“So this was what you were hiding...”

Wendy buries her face into her palms, trying to stop the tears from sliding down her cheeks. She should have known there was something seriously wrong when her wife was crying so much that night they were in the midst of making love. She should have taken the way Irene tried to hold back her tears as a sign that something didn't quite add up. Of course, many other people would have missed signals like these but Irene is her wife... it doesn't make sense that she would miss it too. After spending years of their life together as bandmates, sisters and lovers, Wendy believed she knew Irene inside out. If she had known earlier that this was the secret Irene was hiding, she wouldn't have tried to come up with surprises and whatnot. Perhaps more time should have been spent on what Irene was trying to hide every freaking morning; the amount of pain that could have been prevented would be worth it.

//

Irene clutches her stomach as her muscles clench and unclench repetitively, doubling over in unbearable pain. She doesn't know when this started, neither does she have a clue what the heck is happening. Every time this happens, she can't walk till the pain subsides and sometimes, it gets in the way of her life. The one positive part is that it never happens when she's in the company of her wife and daughter, neither does it happen in public. Irene might not be the brightest or strongest woman when there's no one to talk to, what with her fear of being lonely and ignored but she's thankful for the peace. It allows her to think and evaluate what might possibly be wrong with her body after so many years of being an idol in a harsh environment. She had a healthy pregnancy and a very happy baby girl, a gorgeous wife and the best family in the world.

Is God perhaps punishing her in another way?

Reaching for the painkillers placed on the dresser, Irene hurriedly pops them in before the pain can get any worse. She knows for a fact that it can't be a normal ailment, because she's never had them before and regular medical check-ups prove it. However, things might have changed because she had their baby girl.

“Oh God...” Irene heaves in temporary relief, feeling sweat droplets drip down her forehead when she finally stops convulsing with pain.

Her eyes gaze over at the wedding photo just beside the clock, finger rubbing the precious face of her wife. What would Wendy’s reaction be if she ever witnessed Irene going through this pain? Her wife might not be stranger to mental or emotional health issues but being a bystander always hurts Wendy more than ever. It scares Irene sometimes, seeing the extent Wendy would go to protect the people around her from getting hurt. Now that Wendy would be able to help with her pain... God knows what she might do. Irene thinks there is a higher chance of Wendy blowing up than anything else, especially since she doesn’t know about Irene’s current condition. If there’s anything else Irene can actually do to help herself, it’s to get checked at the hospital without anyone knowing. Receiving medicine and relieving some of the burden might be better when the others find out eventually, there might be a higher chance of Wendy forgiving her too.

“My name is Bae Joohyun. I have an appointment for 4.30 today…” Irene says, trying not to reveal too much of her face. She is still a public celebrity after all and being in her hometown where her face is printed on billboards doesn’t do her any good.

“Welcome, Miss Bae. I will be your consulting doctor for the day, you can call me Doctor Park. Today you will be going for an MRI scan and a full body checkup, is that right? And regardless of the results, you would not like to be admitted to a ward till further notice.”

Irene nods in response, her gut not feeling too comfortable with the whole arrangement. She already has a telling hunch: one that warns her the worst news has yet to come and it would be worse than the pain she's feeling. Searching on the internet for symptoms and causes for her pain was definitely not a good move, it scared her half to death when she spotted an incurable disease. That piece of news made Irene wonder what would happen if she did die; her will hasn’t been made and her plans are still hanging by a thread. What’s going to happen to her wife and their precious baby girl? Seunghyun’s is still so young; their parents are also depending on them to live a comfortable life. There is no way Wendy will allow her to go through this alone the moment she finds out about this, because that's just her wife's personality.

Needless to say, their bank accounts are more than enough and they don’t come from poor families but things are going to do downhill from there. Where are Wendy and their daughter going to live?

“Good Lord…” Irene squeezes her eyes shut as the platform moves her into the light, the machines making some very unearthing sounds. She hates going to hospitals because of this; it scares her more than her health sometimes. “Let’s get this over and done with!”

//

That very evening, Irene didn’t turn up for their dinner date as they had planned the night before. She made up an excuse about going out with some friends and lost track of time – Wendy had believed her without a single ounce of doubt. When Irene had come home, she looked dead beat and extremely exhausted so Wendy didn't question her. She too was tired from taking care of their hyperactive baby girl who was growing up so fast.

“I was so dumb. How could I have not asked more?”

“Don’t blame yourself for that, Wan,” Seulgi rubs her best friend’s back. She doesn't like that they had to find out this way but she couldn't possibly blame anyone for this; no one wants to be in this situation if they had a choice. It's so like Wendy to blame herself for something that is out of her control. “If Unnie wanted to hide something from you, you wouldn’t be able to find out either way.”

Religion is not always a good or feasible solution, Wendy knows that better than anyone else. After all, her mother did tell her to get some help from the church when she first came out. The mere thought of going through conversion therapy and unnecessary pain is enough to scare her off. Stories of people being tortured and forced into having with the opposite genders have been floating around for quite some time. She swore never to resort to any of these inhumane tactics if the people around her wanted guidance. Thankfully, her mother has already cleared her prejudice or Wendy wouldn't bother resorting to religion for anything in her life. There are many times in which Wendy now prays for a good life with her family and everyone else around them. She never stopped praying silently, especially for Irene to be strong if their marriage goes through problems that can’t be solved overnight.

“Unnie… don’t you think we should let your parents know as well? Maybe they can take care of Hyunnie too.” Yeri asks quietly; she might be one to create some banters with her members but not like this. “I don’t think it’s good for her to spend so much time in the hospital.”

Looking down at her daughter, Wendy feels her heart literally bleed when she sees the dried tear stains on her face. She knows Seunghyun might be young and fragile, but the truth is: the baby girl is just terrified because she saw Irene lying on the kitchen floor unconsciously. If there’s something Wendy is thankful for under these circumstances, it’s that their daughter is still not old enough to decipher the meaning of today’s events.

“You can bring Seunghyun out if you want but don’t inform our parents yet. I want to know every detail about her report first, I need to know how to explain and soften the blow for them. I don't even know what Joohyun wants to do from now onwards.”

Yeri opened to say something else but was pulled aside by Joy; she still doesn’t know when the right time is to protest.

At a time like this, Wendy shouldn’t be pressured to make a decision that can benefit all of them anymore. She needs to do something that can help to the best of her ability and it’s more than enough – let’s not forget Wendy practically has the weight of their family on her shoulders right now. Besides the pain of knowing Irene’s life might very well be in danger, Wendy can’t keep her thoughts from running wild. What if her wife had been hiding this for weeks, months, or even years? Irene would have been in pain all alone and still taking care of their baby without any complaints whatsoever. Then it would be time for Wendy to question herself too – she didn’t realize anything off about her wife at all. She can't exactly call herself a good wife if she doesnt even know that Irene might need her support when she was suffering in silence for so many months.

“I know you blame yourself for not paying more attention to Unnie, but you should know that Unnie meant to hide this from you till the end,” Joy opens this time. She knows the extent to which this couple can go when criticizing themselves. “All you can do is be there for her, which is what she really needs right now.”

“I know… maybe you guys should get something to eat for now. I’ll wait for the doctor to come out with the final report.”

If they had a choice, they would rather stay here and accompany Wendy while Irene undergoes her check-ups. There is no other option but to give the hamster some space right now; it's clear that Wendy can handle herself better than before.

Wendy watches with fearful eyes as the members began to take their leave one by one, probably unwillingly and begrudgingly. She wonders if they can understand what exactly she's feeling at this moment; there is nothing more she wants than to collapse in their arms and them to reassure her that everything is going to be okay. Being strong always has its pros and cons - Wendy knows that better than anyone else. The only difference is that Irene was always there to prevent her from overstretching her limits as a human being; being the group's guardian angels is probably one of the toughest things to do for a long period of time. Now that Irene, the person who is her main source of strength and will, is in pain... Wendy doesn't know how long she can hold out for everyone else. Not to mention her daughter who's been crying for God knows how long when she found her mother on the floor.

“Miss Son?”

“How is she? What exactly is the problem with her?”

The doctor flashes the latter an apologetic smile, ignoring the badgering happening to her. She herself has been in many of these situations; it's inevitable that the patient's relatives are worried and frantic over their condition that's usually unknown. Yet, seeing the fear in this woman's eyes is still an eye-opener. As a doctor, there are many variants of reactions and this one takes the cake.

Stepping into the doctor's office has to be one of the worst signs to ever receive, especially after waiting around as checks go on continuously. Wendy, for one, detests seeing the squeaky clean white walls and organized environment. It reminds her of the time she was unfortunately admitted to a hospital herself; that's a part of her life she just wants to forget and toss out of her memory. Although the doctors and nurses were always nice, encouraging her to be more positive in life and to take her survival as a sign – it’s still a reminder that Wendy actually attempted such a stupid decision. Not only was it just selfish, it was also something that should have been thought about carefully. Her parents and her sister – those were the people who would have been put through an irreversible amount of trauma and heartbreak. No matter how angry or upset she was, she should have remembered that the people around her would be broken too.

“As of now... we have detected a tumour in her abdomen,” The doctor explains kindly, taking off her glasses as she tries to break the news gently. “We’re not too sure about the type of tumour it is until she wakes up and we carry out further tests. I also suspect that the pain has been going on for some time now, because the condition of her body has deteriorated a little.”

If the world had started crashing down on her before, this is the first time Wendy truly feels that things might go wrong. She always tells Irene that nothing can break them apart anymore, not when they’ve pulled through so many obstacles. How could she not have taken this into consideration when she said that? It almost feels as if she had jinxed them, whether intentional or not. Neither of them is old enough to be thinking about death, and absolutely not ready to make wills. All Wendy wants is to spend her life with Irene, growing old and raising more children together. It doesn’t make sense that they’re in a life and death situation again.

Wendy wants to run away from it all; she wants to live in the past where all they focused on was decorating their baby girl’s room. She wants to go back to when Irene was pregnant comfortably, snuggling into her arms whenever there’s a bit of pain.

“What can we do now then? I don’t want her to find out and get the shock of her life. She’s been hiding the pain but maybe she isn’t aware of the seriousness of her condition.”

“I greatly sympathize with you, Miss Son, but we need to wait. I know patience is not a good thing and isn’t always a solution, but tests can only be done after we find out more.”

“Thank you, doctor.”

Losing her strength the moment she reaches the room, Wendy collapses into a heap on the ground. She leans against the door with her head tilted back, holding back her tears – she has shed too many tears already. Her wife might or might not be in critical condition without anyone knowing for sure what exactly the disease is. Normally, a detectable tumour that’s causing that level of pain would be a sign that it’s cancer past the first stage. If the tumour happens to be malignant, God knows what kind of impact it would have on Irene’s life. Would Irene be willing to accept treatment or rather be with her family in time of need? Does she have a long time more with them or is it short period of time that could cause chaos? All of these questions need to be answered as soon as possible.

“You’re so silly…” Wendy whispers, turning her head ever so slightly so that she’s facing the door. “How could you possibly think of hiding this from me when we’re supposed to share pain and happiness together?”

“Can you believe this is happening? The last time we were in the hospital for something so major was when Irene-unnie was giving birth and whining about Wendy-unnie not being here with her...”

What a transition this is.

Seulgi holds her wife close to her, cradling Joy’s head that’s snuggled to her neck. She knows only too well what kind of pain her