You see, life is always a painful process for those who receive nothing but bad luck and treatment from the people around them. It's normal and others would simply say, that's life. Life isn't fair and it certainly doesn't do justice for those who deserve to be treated right. Lessons are both taught and learnt whenever a setback befalls you, whether it sounds plausible or not. These lessons often become the circumstances that you build your life around afterward; they also become the reason why your life falls apart or improves from there on.

Wendy learns all of this within the span of ten years, inclusive of her training period. She still wonders from time to time if debuting was the correct decision, because it caused her a great deal of pain. The rollercoaster of emotions that Wendy suffered through countless times and across so many years; all of that happened because she chose to debut instead of lengthening her training period. Would she sound like a terribly selfish person if she said she regretted ever debuting? Even so, that would be an absolute lie. It is because of her dream to be a musician with one of the most heartwarming voices that led her to this path and allowed her to meet a precious group of people. Her members, her seniors and her friends... most of all, the one person who changed her life beyond imagination. 

“Wendy-unnie!”

“Noona!”

The said woman turns around with a mile, giggling at all the children running towards her with open arms and open-mouthed grins. She loves seeing the genuine happiness that comes so easily for young children who know nothing but innocence. Unlike the cruel world with ulterior motives and hidden agendas where everyone looks identical, children are the absolute opposite. They don’t have bad motives when facing other people. That alone is the reason why Wendy is here for the fourth consecutive month; she patronizes this particular orphanage because it reminds her so much of how children are supposed to be – worry-free and cheerful. 

“Did you miss me?” Wendy asks, handing out the few bags of goodies she bought on the way there. She knows pampering them with presents aren’t the best way but Wendy can’t help it. The way their eyes light up when they know there are presents waiting for them is so precious. “I didn’t buy one for each of you so you have to share with each other, understand?”

If only Wendy knew who was watching her from afar.

“What do you mean you’re staying?”

“Do I have to spell it out? This is my home!”

Irene falls back onto the sofa with her face buried in her palms; this is not how she pictured this conversation to go. She had come home in such high spirits and a light heart after talking to the other members on her phone while she was out. What the younger ones told her truly made her more alert and aware of their surroundings. There’s no way she can continue staying at the Sons’ house for so long, regardless of whether they count her as part of the family or not. First of all, Irene feels like a burden here, having to prepare an extra set of cutlery and food portions for every meal. Worst part if that she feels like an intruder every time the family has their bonding time... things have changed and Irene knows her relationship with them has too. 

She had come home with the intent of asking Wendy when she plans to go back to Korea and reunite with the members. If Seulgi didn’t let the cat out of the bag earlier this morning, she wouldn’t have known that Wendy wants to be with the group again. Yet now, Wendy is telling her something totally different; an explanation that Irene never considered possible.

“I... I thought you were going to come back to the group…”

Wendy averts her gaze away from Irene’s immediately, the speed resembling someone who’s been caught telling lies. “Who told you that?”

It takes some time for Wendy to actually recall who in particular she had this discussion with, granted that they talked about this topic a few weeks ago. She groans when she realizes there are only two people who could possibly spill this secret out against her – those two are currently a couple that was well-matched in heaven. It’s obvious what they’re trying to do, especially now that Wendy recalls them asking a thousand and one questions about when she plans to come back to Korea. It is an understatement to say they were being nosy, Wendy would have thought they just wanted things to be more detailed if she was more observant. Now that Irene has brought up the subject out of the blue, Wendy knows what this is all about.

The look of heartache that is visible on Irene's face makes Wendy feel incredibly guilty about hiding it from her. Their relationship has gotten a lot better, going back to some of the usual things they do for each other. Wendy no longer holds up such guards around her heart and has opened up a lot more to Irene again, a vast improvement from the last time. Now that things are finally looking bright, this obstacle is here to intrude on their happiness shamelessly.

“I… I’m still considering.”

Irene looks up with teary eyes, fists clenched by her sides. She already knows what the answer is, whether Wendy explains clearly or not. It’s obvious that Wendy wants to stay here with her family instead of going back there with her.

“What about me?”

That line shuts Wendy up immediately, erasing any idea of explaining herself. The tone Irene is using sounds so… vulnerable and hurt when she realizes that Wendy might not be going home with her after all. Is it fate? Or is it karma? Karma for breaking Wendy’s heart years ago and not taking proper care of her own girlfriend then? Fate because their relationship is already on the right track to blossoming properly and this has to happen? Wendy might not look like it but her heart is shattering too; she detests the power Irene still has over her heart. Her heart doesn’t seem to be hers and this hurts her – everything hurts so bad. Why did they think their happy ending is near in the first place? It's only making the both of them crash just like they did years ago.

They didn't learn their lesson after all.

Wendy unconsciously starts backing away when Irene stands from the sofa, nearing her with every step. She can still feel the heat from their heavy discussion radiating off Irene’s body. Her eyes shut reflexively when Irene places her hands on her shoulders.

And the unexpected happens.

“I… I won’t force you,” Irene presses her lips against Wendy’s forehead gently, as if Wendy will disappear if she’s too forceful. She holds Wendy’s cold hands tightly in her warm ones, smiling when she realizes it’s a reversal since her hands are the cold ones and Wendy’s are always warm. “I love you so much, Seungwan. All I’m asking is for you to be happy.”

A week after that painful conversation, Irene had gone back to Korea on the earliest flight of the first day. She didn’t even give Wendy a chance to say goodbye, neither did they try to contact each other afterwards. For goodness sakes, Irene left without saying a word to her. The mere thought of the older woman packing her things and not bothering to clear the air still ticks Wendy off; a much more blunt way of putting things across? Irene still didn't care enough to tell her important factors of their vague relationship face to face. Really, Wendy can’t get her hopes off for a single second. Every time she does, people find their own way to let her down all over again. Why do people keep taking Wendy's kindness for granted? Perhaps that's a question that Wendy will never be able to answer even if she wrecks her brain over it.

It's a tug on the hem of her shirt that makes her come to her senses.

“Unnie…”

“Yes, sweetheart?” Wendy grins, bending down so their eyes are comfortably meeting at the same level. She gently rubs the tiny girl’s cheeks, feeling so much affection for the child. Maybe it is because the child reminds her so much of her old self and her joyful childhood. “What can I help you with today?”

“That Unnie is watching…”

Wendy turns around with curiosity; the little girl’s tone shows wariness and slight fear at that claim. It’s obvious she has noticed that stranger standing in the distance for some time now and that's why she's talking to Wendy in a harsh whisper. Of course, Wendy wants to see the person with the intention of reprimanding the culprit for scaring her favourite child here. She comes here every month and spends the entire day here as a form of healing therapy. Not only does she get to relive her childhood a little, she also gets to remind children that happiness is so important. Naturally, Wendy feels a strong connection to the children and teachers here along with a strong sense of protectiveness. She will stop at nothing to make sure there is no one causing unrest to the children and their families here...

Unless it's in the form of Bae Joohyun.

“What are you doing here?”

“Seungwan…”

Before Irene can take another step forward, she watches in silence as Wendy bends down to plant a kiss on the little girl’s head. The gentle manner Wendy treats the child is so heartwarming, something that makes Irene’s heartbeat increase in speed after so long. Her eyes follow every action of Wendy’s, unconsciously smiling when she sees the motherly side of the younger woman. It’s true that Wendy takes care of all of them so warmly and just like a family but it is different this time. seeing Wendy with kids is a sight that Irene wishes she could see more of.

When Wendy turns around to face her again, Irene can’t help but hope for the same smile to be present still. She takes this opportunity to scan the love of her life from head to toe, heart pumping erratically. Her decision to leave Canada and go back to Korea was one of the dumbest decisions she has ever made in her life, not even considering the part where Irene left without saying a word to Wendy herself. She should have known better than to go ahead with this decision; the consequences are going to be out of this world. Wendy already had her walls up around her heart to protect herself from Irene when she first came here and leaving would only make things harder for them to progress right now. As it is, Irene can feel the anger radiating off Wendy as the younger starts to make her way towards her.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“I…”

“Don’t tell me you’re here to make things right again, Unnie. You told me that the last time I asked, and you left me again. What else do you want from me? For me to break down and cut all contact with you so I can stop getting hurt? I'm so sick of this, Joohyun. I really am.”

Every single thought of explaining herself is thrown out of the window when Irene finally sees the raw pain that Wendy is suffering through. She has never seen this much pain in Wendy's eyes before, not even when they met in the airport. Can she bring herself to stop Wendy from leaving her alone here? Or can she even bear to approach Wendy when it's obvious the younger woman no longer wants anything to do with her? Forcing Wendy to talk to her always seems like a bad idea, especially since their timing is always a mismatch. The truth is, Irene already expected an outcome similar to this when she left for Korea but she didn't expect Wendy to take it this hard. From Irene's point of view, she was not gone for too long but it's the exact opposite from Wendy's side.

“Please… stop confusing me,” Wendy whispers, a finger brushing away the stray tear that made its way down her cheek.

And Irene is left behind in the dust.

//

“Honestly, she has issues if she thinks I’m going to give her a second chance. It doesn’t make sense for me to keep giving other people opportunities to break my heart over and over again!”

The Sons maintain their composure with their eyes glued to the television screen, popcorn being shoved into their mouths without a single person paying heed to their youngest. They are already used to her outbursts; it’s practically daily life. Wendy complaining about the people in her daily life never used to be a norm, not until that happened – and it’s obviously no surprise. They’ve seen her go through a whirlwind of emotions mostly consisting of anger and disappointment, which later morphed into annoyance. It's probably going to take some time before that emotion morphs into something that resembles forgiveness and empathy. Wendy is a human too, and her ever-so-forgiving side isn't always going to apply to everyone. 

“I can’t believe her!”

Here’s the factual and honest truth: Wendy has the right to feel heartbroken and betrayed. She already let go of herself once, all because Irene was lying in her arms. She had been touched by the amount of effort that Irene put in just to make sure she could trust her without worrying again. The whole process between them that Wendy actually pictured never followed through; her heart had gone soft for the person who changed her once more.

“Well, sweetheart, I think you have to rethink your decision about being this angry with her,” Mrs Son says, finally turning to face her younger daughter. She has noticed something and maintained her silence for the last ten minutes because she wants Wendy to get some frustration out. “If she truly wanted to give up, she wouldn’t be standing outside in our yard.”

“W-What?”

If Mrs Son didn't know any better, she would have called the police the moment she spotted a figure sneaking into the large garden through the gates. Not to mention the multiple house robberies in the next lane. It was very much with thanks to Seunghee, who was forced to listen to Irene talk this morning. Irene had been sobbing and crying so much on the phone that it made Seunghee forget about how she left without a word. Anyone would have given in if they had heard how broken the ever charismatic leader of one of the top girl groups in Korea sounded, begging and pleading to explain her view. Of course, excuses are excuses and mistakes are mistakes but Seunghee firmly believes that Irene’s intentions were admirable though a bit unorthodox this time round. 

For someone as defensive and insistent on protecting her sister, Seunghee’s blessing means so much to Irene. Everyone back home knows how close the two sisters are, always checking on each other and ensuring they’re okay where they are. More than her parents, Irene had to explain to the person who could very well stop Wendy from being with her.

“You might have misunderstood her this time, Wannie,” Seunghee interjects, her voice dropping a notch lower. She puts down her box of popcorn and walk towards her stunned sister.

Wendy’s eyes are no longer focused on them; they’re gazing out into the garden to see if there truly is anyone there. It is obvious to anyone that Wendy is clearly not over Irene as she says she is; for God's sake, the woman still dreams of Irene every night that they're not together. If that isn't proof enough, Wendy still keeps the polaroid pictures that were sneakily taken by her family - she swore that she would get them back for this but she didn't - and hangs them by her bedside. To put it very clearly and bluntly, Wendy's room is a replica of a shrine that worships Irene. That reason alone is enough to make Wendy ban everyone from entering her bedroom when she isn't home, not that they're allowed to enter even if she is.

Seunghee grabs her sister by the shoulders, “Listen to her explanation, or give her a chance to speak, then you can decide what you want to do. It’s never too late to cut ties with someone who hurts you, but you’ll regret it if that person loves you and you don’t listen.”

Waiting outside in the cold was a ridiculously terrible idea, Irene sighs. 

When she was practically rejected in the face at the orphanage, she should have used that time to come up with another idea; one that preferably does not include her suffering in the bloody snow. For someone who is so sensitive to cold weather, Irene sure is a dumb for subjecting herself to this. I mean, there is a reason why Wendy is always by her side when the weather turns cold, plus her ideal type is someone who can keep her warm. There is always a reason as to why Irene immediately looks for Wendy first whenever she starts feeling cold; Wendy knows just what to do without asking too many questions. Even the way Wendy makes her feel warm is worlds apart from when the other members try to do the same.

“Bae Joohyun, you absolute nutcase…” Irene chides herself in a whisper, tugging the coat tighter around her body. She can’t even begin to decipher what the hell is going on in her head sometimes.

God must have heard her prayers though, because the front door flies open with such a bang that Irene nearly falls back.

“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

Wendy is practically grabbing onto Irene’s coat and yelling at her face, hands shaking with how frustrated she is with the older woman. She can’t even keep up her pretense of ignoring Irene anymore, not when the latter is being so unfair. Wendy can literally feel Irene’s body shaking in her grip and her teeth too busy chattering to even try and respond to her questions or ranting. That alone tells Wendy what her next action is going to be, not that she needs any help with it – dragging Irene with her has never been easier. Not once does Wendy turn around to check if Irene is about to fall down or anything like that. The red in Wendy’s vision is making her angrier and goodness, Irene is doing nothing to change that.

“Talk about irritating… I can’t believe I have to pick up the pieces for this dumb situation again… I swear I’m in a ing toxic cycle that never gets better. Son Seungwan, you’re an idiot if you continue doing this for her...”

Despite the relentless complains that have been escaping Wendy’s lips, there is a silly smile on Irene’s face. She watches like a lovesick fool as Wendy pulls her into the house; her mind and heart practically flying to heaven. This is a clear sign that Wendy still cares so much for her, and it’s also something that Irene intends to make herself more aware of Wendy’s innermost feelings.

“Joohyun-ah!”

“A-Auntie…”

Okay when Mrs Son said that Irene was standing in the yard, she hadn’t realized that it was snowing so hard outside. If she had known earlier, she would have made sure to get Irene in the house herself instead of waiting for her daughter to do so. If Irene had fainted outside or gotten hurt in any kind of way, there is no doubt Wendy would chop off their heads one by one for condoning this act before Irene can even wake up. Don't take Wendy for a soft-hearted woman, well she is but when it comes to Irene... she behaves out of sorts and in an unpredictable manner that can very well cause chaos. As proven over the years by Wendy herself, Irene is still the only person who can turn her calm, rational mind into a ball of mush.

Mr Son comes running over with a thick, warm jacket in hand. He is a man of few words as displayed several times but even he won’t hide his affection for the young woman. All of them know very well how much Irene fancies their youngest, whether or not they support her methods of showing it is another.

“Please keep yourself warm, Joohyun,” Mr Son gently reminds, throwing the jacket around the young woman. He finds it difficult to deny that he still can’t understand how this peculiar couple function but standing in the cold like a fool? He can relate. “Seungwan will take care of you while you’re here, I believe.”

There we are again, Wendy having no choice but to obey. 

Wendy thought facing Irene properly and trashing things out would be the toughest thing to do while she’s here but she takes it all back now. The most torturous thing is to make sure Irene stops whining about not wanting to take a bath now. She almost forgot what it’s like to take care of a sick Bae Joohyun but here she is in the flesh, cuddled up into a shape of a shrimp at the corner of the sofa. It might be considered a chore to take care of sick people but Wendy finds it a pretty fun thing to do, because it brings out the much softer side of people that they don’t show willingly. Irene is definitely not an exception to this. Wendy misses seeing Irene's hundred percent real self but she would much rather it be when Irene isn't unwell and feeling weak like this.

“You’re older yet you’re so foolish sometimes,” Wendy mumbles, moving the wet cloth against Irene’s forehead. She feels a thousand butterflies being unleashed in her tummy, staring down at the beauty that is Irene. “Doing things out of the blue and making me worry like this… and I wish I could tell you to wipe that smile off your face.”

True enough, Irene's eyes are closed and her breathing is stable but there is a serene smile playing on her lips; one that shows just how at peace she is with herself. She tries so hard to stop thinking of good memories so she it wouldn't be too obvious but how can she when Wendy is right in front of her and nagging at her like a true girlfriend? 

“I know you’re awake.”

Irene peeks one eye open, fingers clutching tighter to the covers. She feels even warmer when Wendy doesn’t take her eyes off her – that gaze is going to pierce through her if she’s not careful. Let's not forget the blatant mix of emotions that is visible in Wendy's dark orbs, one that was caused by Irene's dumb actions. Irene will never forgive herself for being such a insolent woman, making decisions without considering how it might look like from Wendy’s view. Of course, Wendy is going to be mad at her; that’s probably an understatement too though. Irene always has her wrath provoked by Wendy, whether deliberate or not. She is practically an expert at knowing how to calm herself down but Wendy has always been passive-aggressive.

There is a reason why the members tend to stop themselves from crossing the line, because they can’t understand what Wendy is thinking sometimes. Wendy too is capable of blowing up and making sure that she isn't walked all over now. She is no longer the soft-hearted hamster who doesn't know when to stop thinking of others.

“What were you thinking?”Wendy’s voice drops to an all-time low, not daring to look lest she actually begins embarrassing herself. She’s trying to hold everything in because she doesn’t believe that tears can solve anything in the world.

The leader’s jaw drops ever so slightly, surprised at the soft and vulnerable tone in her voice. “Seungwan…”

“Why are you so stupid? Why would you go to those lengths just to make sure I talk to you? You don’t make any sense! After leaving me here without any explanation, you fly all the way here and mess up my mind again. I don’t know what else you want from me, Joohyun… I really don’t.”

With significant difficulty, Irene forces herself to sit up despite her inconvenient burrito-looking covers. She lifts her hands to cup Wendy’s face, trying to force the younger woman to look at her so she understands what’s going on. Just one look into Wendy’s eyes and Irene will know what to do – that’s how well they know each other after years of being friends and progressing into lovers. The break-up had caused some distance but it also emphasized their traits as individuals that they learnt about each other again. It is admirable how Wendy has so many layers to her personalities that has to be taken apart one layer at a time like Irene does. Perhaps it’s easier to find out what the other is feeling now, plus Wendy is transparent to Irene after all.

Out of the five members, only two members can be completely transparent with Irene – they’re both part of the 94-line. It’s practically fate for them to have so many similarities and differences yet be best friends at the same time.

“Look at me, Seungwan. Please?” Irene leans in, her lips inching closer to Wendy’s forehead.

Wendy finally looks up, her eyes seemingly red and welling with tears. She can’t ev