“Yerim, look at me.”

“Unnie, why is this happening? Why must this happen to Seungwan-unnie then Irene-unnie? They don’t deserve to go through this no matter what they did wrong before! Why?! It doesn't make sense that good people always get bad things! Unnie, I hate this!”

Taeyeon feels tears welling in her eyes again, seeing Yeri finally break down in front of her. She knows the youngest is barely holding her together and it's a miracle that Yeri hasn't cried in front of her yet. Every time Yeri comes to her apartment, she forces a smile because she doesn't want Taeyeon to worry about her. It's understandable that Yeri is going through a tough time. Honestly, the rift between Irene, Seulgi and Wendy has been extra obvious because Taeyeon watches their concerts from time to time. She can count the number of times she has witnessed the way Irene chooses to take Seulgi's hand instead of Wendy's or when she chooses to walk with Seulgi. 

It's one of the saddest things to watch when Wendy's emotions aren't being kept a secret and the pain she's experiencing is written all over her face. She shouldn't be forced to keep it all under wraps like the company says they have to. Having emotions bottled up is one of the fastest routes to depression, and Taeyeon is speaking from pure experience. Yeri is still young though, her mental and emotional health should be prioritized. 

“Y-Yerim…” Taeyeon whispers, opening her arms for the youngest. She herself is in shock at the news the doctor just delivered, how much worse would it be for Yeri, Joy or Seulgi for that matter? She knows too well what Yeri is doing and it’s painful. “I’m right here, I promise. I will listen to you, and I will wait with you until there’s better days ahead.”

“Unnie…”

Yeri finally lets her tears go, emotions bottled up from the start of this downhill journey gets their well-deserved release. She fists Taeyeon’s shirt in her hands, holding tightly for fear she’s going to collapse like Irene did a few hours ago. None of them have seen Irene collapse or even cry to that extent in their many years of training and debuting together.

That being said, the two fixed pillars of strength in Red Velvet have collasped one after another like dominoes. Wendy, who keeps her emotions and tears to herself whilst taking care of the others already let herself go to the demons in her head. Irene, who was too busy thinking of the group's reputation to notice that her girlfriend was losing herself to the voices and hallucinations. How long will it be until the remaining three members collapse too? There’s a reason why Irene and Wendy don’t cry in front of the others, and that’s because they’re practically crybabies with extremely fragile hearts.

“What if she doesn’t wake up, Unnie?” Yeri whimpers out, her voice shaky and muffled. She doesn’t want to get out of Taeyeon’s arms yet; her limbs are practically threatening to give way. “I… I don’t think I can take it. I need Seungwan-unnie. Although I t- a lot, I r-really like h-her…”

“Hush. She will wake up.”

Joy sits alone outside Wendy's room, unable to move a single limb. She can't bring herself to go anywhere for fear something might happen to the hamster while she's off somewhere else caring for herself. Her stomach feels so uncomfortable, especially with the amount of alcohol she drank last night. It was a huge mistake to drown her own sorrows in drinks because her splitting headache is going to kill her if the waiting doesn’t. She can't even imagine what it must feel like to collapse after seeing their significant other going to the hospital because of a suicide attempt. Perhaps her words were a bit harsh on Irene, but she can't afford to be merciful when Wendy's life is already at stake. 

Then her phone rings, revealing a very familiar caller ID on the screen; a precious senior who is more than a thousand miles away from them studying music and acting. She must have heard the news from Taeyeon.

“Sooyoung-ah… are you okay?”

Joy sniffles and tries to stop her tears before answering, “I’m okay…. we’re all waiting for more updates. Thanks for asking, Fany-unnie.”

“Take care of yourself and your members, okay? All of you need to be united when dealing with hard times or it’s not going to be good. It’s always better to have strength than fight with the others. It doesn't matter who is at fault and who isn't either, everyone has done wrong in a situation like this. If you're angry with someone, don't blame them. What's important now is Wendy and Irene's conditions. The girls and I send our regards... call us if you need anything.”

It’s almost like Tiffany is watching over them from afar because their situation matches perfectly; she knows there are problems but the part about being angry really hit home. Joy wants to blame Irene and Seulgi for everything but deep down, she knows it isn't something they intended to happen. Perhaps the company came up with this dumb idea, perhaps the two of them were stupid to go along with it and even forget everything else afterward... but the ultimatum is: no one intended for anyone else to get hurt or go through this experience instead. Even if Tiffany hadn’t called to offer them help, Joy would have made sure to get ahold of her emotions before she talks to Seulgi.

Joy sighs when their call finally ends; it has given her a lot of insight on how to deal with this issue. She feels pretty ty about treating Seulgi like that too, considering that Seulgi and Wendy are of closer relationships. Furthermore, the fact that Seulgi doesn't dare to speak to her or Yeri would only mean more emotions for her to handle by herself.

“Damn it.”

Of all places that Joy suspected the bear would be in, this surprised her over and beyond. Joy didn’t expect to find Seulgi outside the hospital and at the chapel just opposite. Seulgi doesn’t normally pray in church or a chapel because of their busy schedules, and she’s used to either praying before her sleep or when she wakes up in the morning. Seulgi is on her knees, not on the pew or the seat… but in front of the altar begging for mercy. The sounds of Seulgi whimpering and crying breaks Joy's heart immensely. The chapel only seems emptier when the sound continues to bounce off the holy walls. 

Joy clamps her hand over , tears flowing down her cheeks as she watched Seulgi continue to cry out in pain. Get over her feelings for Seulgi? Yeah right. Maybe when the world is on the verge of ending.  

The taller woman barely even realizes that she’s bawling too, until Seulgi turns around to face her. Seulgi frowns at the realization and she stumbles onto her feet, shocked at how numb her legs are. She takes the opportunity to walk towards Joy while the latter is still lost in her own thoughts. There is no way in hell Joy would let Seulgi come near her if she notices Seulgi on her feet.

“S-Sooyoung…”

By the time Joy snaps out of her own trance, they’re already collapsed into a heap on the ground. Seulgi holds her tightly in her arms, Joy’s face buried in her chest. Of course, Joy's first instinct would be to push Seulgi away first but she noticed the trembling of Seulgi's body against her own. She hasn't seen this side of Seulgi in a long while, neither has Seulgi hugged her since their fanservice bull began.

Just once, Sooyoung. Once.

It takes time for both Joy and Seulgi to calm down, and both of them sit on the stairs right outside the chapel. Joy hugs her knees to her chest, feeling extraordinarily vulnerable in front of Seulgi. How long has it been since Joy cried in front of the other members, or Seulgi for that matter? It's probably embarrassment that is hindering the both of them from speaking out but not everyone gets to wait. Seulgi has watched best friend give way to a terrifying thing, Irene, their ever-so-strong leader, has given way to her own guilt and exhaustion. She doesn't want to wait until any of their members come to harm before regretting that she never said a single thing.

“Were you thinking of what the doctor said?”

“Weren’t you?” Joy retorts.

~

“I’m going to be straight up with you on this,” the doctor says grimly, taking off her glasses. She had a really hard time trying to put it in such a way the victim’s family would understand. “Miss Son’s heart stopped twice, one in the ambulance and one during the operation. Her abdomen was swollen but we managed to pump it out. Her condition isn’t looking too good at the moment but she’s under critical watch and if she wakes up, good – but there will be implications. If she doesn’t… well, we will discuss that.”

“As for Miss Bae, her body’s just reacting to the shock and emotions that she’s going through, not forgetting the lack of sleep that her brain needs to function. She should be awake once the fatigue wears off.”

~

“What are we going to do if Seungwan-unnie doesn’t wake up?”

Seulgi takes a deep breath and looks up at the clear sky ahead, unable to consider that as an option right now. She came here to pray with the intention of having only a smooth path for Wendy’s recovery.

“Shall I tell you some stories about Seungwan and Joohyun-unnie then?”

Joy makes sure her tears are all wiped, breathing at a normal pace now before relaxing her body against the railing. She already knows Yeri is in good hands with Taeyeon down at the hotel's food court so that's one worry off her chest. With Wendy and Irene both under observation by the professionals, Joy knows that nothing can go wrong even if they're both not around.

~

20th June 2012.

Seulgi practiced day and night for her final evaluation this month; she was fairly confident about her ability, considering that she spent years trying to perfect her dancing when her vocal chords were damaged. It’s the first-time new trainees are invited to watch their evaluations too and it makes Seulgi extra nervous. What if she’s not good enough for them to look up to? Training for five years in advance compared to the incoming trainee later today… Seulgi better be good enough for them to get advice from. If not, there’s no point in being branded as the next dancing machine to ever come out of SM.

“Bae Joohyun, you’re up.”

Oh, Joohyun aka Irene… she’s a strong rapper and a pretty good dancer when she wanted to be. The only reason why Seulgi isn’t jealous of the latter is because they’re friends, and she has seen the most unattractive sides of Irene in the dorms. The more Irene continued to showcase her talent, the prouder Seulgi felt of her friend. Seulgi knows the terrible stage fright Irene used to have when she first passed the audition; the latter’s legs were trembling crazily. The jump in ability and confidence that Irene has had these few years is something Seulgi wishes her future group members would have too.

“Kang –“

“SORRY, I’M LATE!”

Everyone was taken aback by the sudden entrance of a certain hamster-resembling girl, chubby cheeks and