Author's Note:

Hey everyone! As I said in the notice I have been doing a massive editing and fixing this story for a number of reasons. I didn't inted to disappear THIS long tho because I've been juggling with my thesis and my internship at the same time akjdankja.
My thesis is finsihed now and I'm having my graduation ceremony at the end of August but I'm busy with my job now bcs it stretches until it's like 7 PM or so and I often felt very tired after and idk man I've been very busy lately like there's always something to do in the weekend and i haven't got the time to write.
Still with this, this story is OFFICIALLY restarted. I couldn't be more thankful to people who have been so patient and continue to read this story (i even got new subscribers i love u guys). I hope you guys would love it (or at least this story is of better quality now lol).
So yea, let's get this started.

Love,
Nat.

I.

amor vincit omnia.

love conquers all.

“We are now reporting from the Andante Palace, Palatine, Home of the Royal Family of the Kingdom of Aria, for the Royal Wedding of Crown Prince Kim Jongin of Aria and Princess Kang Seulgi of Altair-”

“-will be held at the Palace Gardens and as you can see behind me, the members of the Royal Family of Aria is arriving-”

“And here we see Crown Prince Jongin and the rest of the Arian Royal Family has arrived. You can see Crown Prince looked quite nervous, understandable if you ask me-”

“-The Royal Wedding is something that has been very anticipated by the two kingdoms, if not the whole world itself despite its controversies. Following the Decree of Peace that was signed in July 2017 to mark the end of the cold war Aria and Altair, the holy matrimony of Crown Prince Jongin of Aria and Princess Seulgi of Altair also serves as the union of the two kingdoms and a new era of everlasting peace.”

***

And it changes and changes and changes and yet still, all of those channels are broadcasting the same thing. The Royal Wedding. Her wedding. The remote clicks and the channel changes again and along with it, her anxiety rises higher and higher. Please stop it.

“Jaehyun, stop messing around with the TV.” Seulgi can hear her mother warns before another click and the TV is turned off. Finally.

Seulgi takes a deep breath. Inhale, exhale, inhale again, exhale again. She tries to detach herself from the hustle bustle of the room, everybody is speaking and their voices blend in the air like a buzzing, white noise. Combined with the thoughts in her head, they drive her mad, like oil doused over fire, the anxiousness inside her flared even more.

Trying to distract herself, Seulgi at her own reflection in the mirror. Her bridal gown is the purest white, with off-shoulder neck that shows off her collarbone and slender neck, long-sleeved and bodice covered with elegant floral lace and silk skirt that spreads like a blooming flower, designed by her dearest friend Kim Kibum. Diamond necklace wrapped around her neck, it’s small, but adds a beautiful touch to her whole appearance. It was her mother’s. Long, flowy veil, front reaching her stomach, while the back trails down past the end of her skirts and on top of her head is the Royal Tiara made of diamonds and red rubies, given to her by the Queen of Aria, Eunhee. Her makeup simple, nothing too bold or glamorous but the makeup artist takes extra care to emphasize her facial features.

“You look beautiful, the most beautiful I’ve ever seen you.” from her side, her older sister Joohyun speaks, gently holding her hand.

She can see her mother, the Queen of Altair, walks closer to them. Haesoo doesn’t say anything. In the end… what could she say? The Queen gave away her daughter to a foreign Kingdom, a price for peace, maybe. What could she say? That Seulgi looks lovely on this special day? Perhaps regret starts to kick in. Seulgi would never know.

“Everything is beautiful,” Seulgi admits with a voice that seemingly not her own, it feels like an invisible hand is wrapped around her neck. “And yet…”

Thoughts are racing inside her head and faceless voices whispering in her ears, telling her how terrible this whole idea is, that right now, she’s marching straight into a marriage of convenience, a marriage without love, that she’s definitely not the best option for this, she’s not capable and most definitely not ready both for marriage and for the massive responsibility her family has given her. Anxiety rising up through the roof and suddenly, the corset she’s wearing feels a little bit too tight, a little bit too confining and she has trouble breathing, her heart threatening to jump out of her ribcage.

“Seulgi, Seulgi, take a deep breath,” Joohyun quickly says, gripping Seulgi’s hand tighter. “Calm down,”

“I can’t do this, I can’t,” she wheezes, tears forming in her eyes and now she’s worried of ruining her makeup, ruining her appearance. “It’s not going to work out a-and… and I… I’d fail and-”

This time Joohyun releases her hands and Seulgi finds her face being cupped gently by her mother. “Seulgi, listen to me,” Haesoo says gently, softly, in a way that almost relaxes her. Her mother indeed, no matter what sort of mistakes she made, Haesoo always had a calming effect on Seulgi. “You can do this. I believe you can. Your father and I believe you can. You didn’t ask for it, my dear, but you have been groomed to be a Queen and one day, you and your sister will both be Queen and you can fight together for our people, for Altair, for peace. There is strength and courage in you that you have yet to realize, Seulgi, and now I ask you to believe.”

Seulgi inhales sharply. “I didn’t ask for it, Mother, but you shove it into my hands anyway.” she spits out, pulling herself away from her mother.

“Seulgi, we’re not having this fight again. Not today.” Haesoo replies tiredly.

When Seulgi doesn’t reply, the Queen sighs. She grabs a tissue and gently dabs it over the corner of Seulgi’s eyes to get rid of the tears.

She can hear the door opens and closes. It’s her twin brother Wonwoo and Joohyun’s husband, Junmyeon, walking into the room. They look very handsome, clad in the official Altairian prince uniform. The rich blue really suits them.

“Seulgi! You look lovely,” Junmyeon compliments, choosing not to address the tension between Seulgi and the queen.

Wonwoo’s lips curl into a smug smile. “Are we having the first fight of today?” he asks, choosing to address the tension between Seulgi and their mother. “I’d applaud your self-restraint, Seulgi, it’s the first one today and we have been up since three A.M.”

“Wonwoo, don’t.” Joohyun warns him but the young prince only laugh, clearly unnerved by the glare Haesoo gave him.

“Give her a break,” the youngest, Jaehyun, finally speaks. “Seulgi’s gonna marry someone she doesn’t love, of course it stresses her out. It’s not like this has been the topic of all the fighting in our house for the past couple of months.”

“Shouldn’t have agreed to any of this,” Seulgi murmurs darkly.

“Second that, but disagreeing is not really an option here, doesn’t it.” Wonwoo lowers his voice with a shrug.

The doubts return again and it’s really going to be minutes before Seulgi walked down the aisle, marry Jongin and stay here, in the foreign soil that used to colonize and oppress her country for a century and her heart constricts again.

She’s scared for this marriage. She really does. Scared that this marriage is not working out and scared for the outcome, scared for the extra burden that has been placed upon this marriage. She's still so young, barely reaching 25, still have so much to learn and experience and still unwise. She’s not the right person for this, really not the right person for such task.

“I really can’t do this.” she chokes, half-whispering, half-sobbing, “Please, I want to go home. Please, please, why does it have to be me, I don’t want to do it, please…” she starts to wheeze again.

“No, no, no, Seulgi, it’s going to be alright.” Joohyun quickly tries to calm her down.

“No, it’s not. It’s not.” Seulgi repeats stubbornly, wanting to shut her eyes but the false eyelashes makes it hurt to do so.

“Seulgi, take a deep breath, honey, you can do this, my dear, you’re so strong,” Haesoo whispers, rubbing soothing circles on Seulgi’s back.

Wonwoo grimaces at the sight while Jaehyun and Junmyeon stand stiffly, unknowing what to do. “Get her out of that corset, she’s suffocating.” Wonwoo mutters. “And where’s father? God, at times like these-”

“I think you better shut up or mother’s coming at your neck after this,” Jaehyun mumbles.

“She needs space,” Joohyun says, “Give us space.” she says again, casting a look at all of her family members.

Wonwoo, Jaehyun and Junmyeon quickly disperse, they’re useless in this situation anyway. If there’s anyone who Seulgi listens most, it’s always been Joohyun. Haesoo looks unwilling but Wonwoo sighs and whisks their mother away to give Seulgi and Joohyun the space they need.

“Seulgi, listen to me,” Joohyun says calmly, “You’ll get through this, okay? Everything is going to be alright.”

“I feel betrayed,” Seulgi confesses in between her deep breaths. She inhales and exhales. “I feel like some object being sold to someone. Why me? Why did everyone do this to me? Joohyun, this marriage is loveless, I wasted my youth-”

“Seulgi,” Joohyun gives her a sad smile. “We can’t dream. We have no youth. It is our curse as a princess. Our dream is our kingdom and our youth is our people. I’m sorry.”

Seulgi falls silent, hating the truth in Joohyun’s words. It’s what father always told them ever since they were young. Their life and soul are for the kingdom and the people. Always have and always been. It sounds so noble and poetic when she was young, but now… she’s not so sure.

“I know you’re scared and angry,” Joohyun starts again, rubbing circles on Seulgi’s back. “But it’s for a good cause, Seulgi. It’s for peace. Think of our people. If there’s anyone in our family that could do this, it’s you, Seul.”

“Doesn’t mean I want it.” Seulgi replies hollowly.

“I know,” her sister sighs. It’s quiet for a little while before Joohyun speaks again. “If it helps, I once had a panic attack befor