before minseok opens his eyes, he sees the soft glow of tiny lights all around a night sky.  it's beautiful and what's more is the warm, comforting pressure of jongin's hand in his as they stare up at the stars.

when he blinks, minseok is welcomed by the harsh light of the hospital room.

"minseok-ah, i'm going on my final mission in a few weeks.  i wish you would get better before i leave."

"..."

it's been three days and the shock of the accident is disappating.  the white walls of the hospital room don't seem as scary and sterile.  his bad leg starts to ache again from bed rest.  but what doesn't disappear is the bitter disappointment of not being able to expect jongin's messages.

minseok knows that this is junmyeon's last mission before he retires.  officers usually retired early to start a family as junmyeon was doing... that is, if they were lucky enough to retire.

"at the very least you should say a thanks to the person who saved you" junmyeon sighs, running a warm hand up and down minseok's cold arm.

minseok's finger stirs.  he does remember the distinct warmth of someone that had enveloped him before he'd out.  but he had thought it was his imagination betraying him as it did often.  stupidly, he had thought (no, perhaps wished) that it was jongin coming to save him somehow. 

"there was someone else?" minseok's voice is hoarse and crackly as he's not used it in days.  "someone else got hurt?"

"ha..." junmyeon lets out a mirthless laugh that's more like a sigh.  "you sure ask early."

minseok adjusts himself on the hospital bed, careful not to disturb the IV line.

"now" junmyeon says, now looking a bit apprehensive at minseok's movement.  "don't go fainting on me again.  i don't want the doctor to yell at me, but... he's -"

minseok's carefully led down the hallway to a large shared room.  it's a little noisy unlike his own private room, secured for minseok by junmyeon.  there's a deep voice gossiping about the latest drama on day time television.  a smattering of giggles breaks out as minseok enters the room.  a group of middle-aged women and one tall man in hospital clothes turns to look at minseok.

minseok blushes deep red at the attention.

"oh, ah.  sorry for the intrusion, i'm just looking for - "

"kim minseok-ssi!" the loud voice breaks through the silence and interrupts minseok.  

when minseok looks up to see the tall man with floppy hair, hobbling over on one crutch.  his right leg is wrapped in a cast and he's still attached to an IV, so he gets stopped short before he reaches minseok.  instead, minseok rushes toward the taller man, jostling his still stiff leg.

"ow" they say at the same time.

"i'm so sorry are you ok?" the tall man asks, just as minseok asks, "oh are you ok?"

they both laugh a little while the ladies disperse and the taller man gets situated back on his bed.

"i heard you were the one who saved me during the accident" minseok starts.  "i wanted to-"

"yes, well... i tried.  i didn't really succeed" the man looks sheepish, scratching the back of his head.  "i'm really sorry about that."

"no no!" minseok waves his hands.  "thank you so much.  i actually didn't know anyone had been hurt because of me.  i was so self-centered.  i don't know what to say..."

this time the other man shakes his hands.  "no, no... it's obviously understandable.  my name is park chanyeol by the way."

"my name is kim minseok."

"haha i know.  i was with you when we were admitted."

the man's eyes search minseok's and it's at this time that minseok truly gets a good look at the man named park chanyeol.  the man's face is handsome and leaves a deep impression.  with large expressive eyes, the man looks a bit younger than minseok is.  the man bites his lips in worry and when the two meet eyes, the man's pale skin blushes into a beautiful shade of pink.

"it looks like you're doing better than when i last saw you" chanyeol says softly.  "your skin isn't as deathly pale anymore."

chanyeol hovers a hand near minseok's face and for some odd reason, minseok almost leans into it.  but at the last second -

"i'm so sorry.  that was rude of me.  i was so used to you being unconscious that my hand just moved on its own."

"...that's alright" minseok whispers, looking down at his hands.

this man is nothing like jongin.  nevertheless, the warmth that spreads on minseok's cheek is a little familiar. 

+++

"so this is deep space" officer kim jongdae remarks, not really looking out the window.  "damn it.  it says the transit time on my message is 5 years and 125 days."

"..."  jongin sighs.  "sunbae, it shouldn't affect incoming message, should it?"

"hmmm" jongdae looks up from his tablet, thinking.  "i don't think it should.  maybe you could ask officer byun about it?"

jongin hangs his head in his hands.

"you doing ok?" jongdae comes over to squat in front of jongin, who's sitting in the corner of the storage room.  "i know this can be hard.  it's hard for all of us.  you've done so well so far.  if you need any help-"

"i know.  i just... i just want to be alone."

"okay" jongdae whispers.  they've all been there at one point or another.  even though they were a team of six, the infinite span of space made you feel infinitely alone at times.

jongdae places a bag of mocha bread in front of jongin.  "let me know if there's anything we can do, ok?"

jongin nods silently and jongdae walks out after squeezing jongin's shoulder.

the door slides shut and jongin is again enveloped in darkness. 

the hardcover book next to him slides a little as he plays with the package of mocha bread in his hands, remembering.

>>>

there was famous bakery in their town.  the smell of bread would always hang in the morning air.  and though their hometown was small and relatively unknown, people from other cities came just to sample the bread from this bakery.  but to the people of the town, jongin included, it was just a bakery - something they saw every day.

 "jongin-ah!  let's stop by the bakery!" minseok calls, a sudden bounce in his step.

they were on their way home from cram school, the sun setting on the horizon and setting the whole world in a glow of orange and gold.

"minseok hyung, let's go to the burger place!" jongin says at the same time.

they stare at each other, just blinking for a split second.

"don't you want some delicious pastries?" minseok asks, looking longingly into the window.

the baker was putting out some freshly baked pastries onto the shelves, but jongin doesn't notice.

"i'm hungry" jongin whines, imagining a large hearty meal combined with the bubbly freshness of soda pop.

on this day, he's still kind of upset.  minseok is leaving him behind and going to high school next term.  jongin had only been able to spend one year in the same middle school, now minseok was leaving him behind.  yet again.

"hyung, this way" jongin says, tugging his hyung's arm.

the burger place is farther than the bakery.  the order takes longer to come out.  this all means that they'll be together after school longer.  jongin thinks it's only fair.  after all, minseok hyung will be going off to yet another place jongin can't reach in four months time.

"alright let's go, jongin-ah" minseok says, laughing and melting into jongin's touch.

minseok tugs back on jongin's arm, fixing it so that they're holding hands instead.  jongin blushes, turning his head.

"isn't this weird?  two guys holding hands?" jongin mumbles nervously.

"do you hate it?" minseok asks, looking up at jongin curiously.  "we've always held hands though.  ever since we were young."

jongin doesn't hate it, but he doesn't say so.  instead, he grips minseok's hand tighter.  

"this way hyung" jongin says gruffly, fixing his gaze straight ahead.

when jongin finally gets home, it's dark out.  his mother scolds him lightly, asking where he's been this late.  jongin doesn't give a straight reply, but goes into the kitchen to get a glass of water.  all the while, he's looking at his phone, wondering if he should text minseok.

he's so focused on his phone screen that everything else becomes like a blur, even the sound of his mother's voice going on about how jongin used to be so much more talkative before puberty.  but then, something on the kitchen table catches his eye.  when he looks up, he sees the table filled with pastries.

"what's this?" jongin asks his mother, eyes widened.

"oh, yes, that reminds me.  bring some of these mocha breads to minseok, ok?  to thank him for looking after you."

jongin frowns, lightly annoyed.  "look after me?  what am i?  a little kid?"

his mother eyes his height, which had been increasing every day.  "maybe not little" his mother muses, "but i know minseok does look after you."

"mocha bread?" jongin asks, looking away and changing the subject.

"of course.  it's minseok's favorite."

going to bed, jongin is grumpy.  adding onto his mother's remark about him being a kid, how could his mother know something about minseok that he didn't?

he texts minseok as soon as he lies down on the mattress.

[hyung, 
do you like mocha bread?]

a reply comes almost instantly.

[yes of course! it's my favorite!
why?]

jongin scowls.

[my mom brought a bunch home.
she says to deliver some to you tomorrow.]

[assa! your mom's the best.
i can't believe she remembered.]

[remembered?]

[the last time i was there, 
i was complaining to her that my favorite pastry was sold out.
haha.  i guess she remembered that it was mocha bread.]

jongin smiles.  it's just like minseok hyung to whine cutely about food to jongin's mother.  since minseok's own mother had passed away when minseok was young, jongin's mother had been like a surrogate mother ever since they were little.

[alright!
jongin's delivery service will be there bright and early tomorrow
with mocha bread for hyung]

just like that, jongin's mood changes from grumpy to a little proud.

[thank you jongin-ah!
good night and sweet dreams.]

[you too hyung.]

that night, jongin falls asleep with a smile on his face and the smell of bread lingering in his nostrils.

>>>

the pastry packet crumbles in jongin's hand as he crushes it in his fist, bringing it up to his face, eyes squeezed shut as blockades against the moisture behind them.

maybe if he wished really hard.  

maybe if he begged the heavens.

maybe then, he'd be back on earth with minseok, like they used to be.

happy.

a tear escapes, traveling down his cheek.  jongin grips his phone and opens a new message.

[hyung.
do you still like mocha bread?
i miss you.]