has anyone else ever wonder how on earth does something end up somewhere they truly do not belong?

you vividly remember this one photo of a fully grown horse that is somehow stuck in between a fence, shown to you by sooyoung who found it absolutely hilarious, considering she was slapping your shoulder, snorting uncontrollably all the while.

yeah, so you are kind of feeling that way. not the laughing at a stuck horse feeling, obviously, but you are wondering about the hows and the whys of something being stuck somewhere it should not be.

in this context, her.

how did she even end up here, lying beside you and holding you in her arms?

you watch her chest rise and fall steadily, still deep in her sleep and unaware of you watching her like this.

you are not watching her creepily, no, you are just doing so full of wonder.

you came back from the hospital last night to find her sleeping on your couch, still in her complete work suits. she had some takeouts ready for you on your dining table, and you really wanted to eat with her, but she just would not budge when you tried to wake her.

best you could do was save her portion in the fridge and just let her sleep.

that was until you figured out an ever better solution, which was to join her.

you still think this huge couch of yours is your best purchase, ever. if you had ended up taken with a smaller couch back when you were furniture shopping, you would not have been able to snuggle so closely with her like this. not at all. it is a lot more probable that one of you would be waking up on the floor instead of in each other's hold.

you dread how her suit blazer would look like after a night of sleeping in it, though.

however, you have more pressing matters to think about, like why she ends up getting closer to you, staying for you and protecting you.

you have always had these kind of questions in your mind, but you do not always have the time to think them over.

but because of her, you are a lot less busy now. you have taken her advice on lessening your overtime hours, and now that you have more time to yourself, it is quite difficult not to ever school your noisy thoughts.

in these rare moments of silence are when you usually end up being overwhelmed by your woes, but these days you hardly entertain the overgrown shadows haunting you.

and you have her to thank.

she has been nothing but a blessing to you. she has taken you out to more quick dates in the past few days, like joining you for lunch at the hospital's cafeteria (and being pleasantly surprised at how delicious the food is, compared to the bland patients' meals she had to eat before), and you have also attempted to make boxed lunch for her that one day you know she'd visit.

well, the keyword is 'attempted'.

you burnt most of the eggs, and the sausages were in tatters from your complete inability to turn them over in the skillet, so you ended up giving her a store bought boxed lunch instead. 

as you watch her eat, you also told her the truth about your own messed up cooking. as an answer, she said she would not mind in the slightest if you asked her to eat your burnt cooking if it would make you happy.

(you would mind, though, you can't have her falling ill from eating your cooking)

you realised then that you really love her, and you think it is easy to tell why.

she has given you so much support for the rather short time you have known her, more than anyone else combined (except for your late mother). she has changed you for the better in every aspect of your life - your work, your friends, your health...

but what have you given her in return?

not much, you think, is the correct answer.

'what else could you offer her?' though, is the question you think you should find the answers to, and to do so quickly.

the fund raising gala is going on this evening, and both of you need to get ready for it, her, especially.

you take a quick look at the clock hung on your living room's wall, and figured she has slept long enough. ten hours, to be exact. it is quite rare to see her this tired.

"seulgi-ah," you call, patting her back a little to rouse her from her sleep. "it's already morning. time to wake up."

she hums lowly in reply, still not quite awake from her slumber. you give her a few more minutes, moving on to cup her strong jaw instead, patting it intermittently as you wait.

finally, her eyes blink open, looking red and bleary.

"good morning," you greet her softly, removing your hands so you could rest your forehead on hers, feeling the soft exhale from her every breath. "you were shaking in your sleep. had a bad dream?"

"juhyun..." she murmurs sleepily, closing her eyes shut again after letting out a long breath that sounds relieved, you feel this too. "i fell asleep...?"

"when i arrived home, you were already fast asleep. it's been more than ten hours since then." you answer, chuckling lightly, moving back from her forehead just so you could see her contorted face better.

"crap," she sighs, pressing her fingers on her creased eyebrows, opening her eyes reluctantly. "i really didn't mean to do that."

"i tried waking you up to eat the takeouts, but you were not budging at all."

"i'm so sorry. i was making sure that my boss' daughter will have a safe passage today to, in and fro the hospital. and to be honest with you, i'm still not completely done with that. there's still a lot of things to do." she says urgently, looking quite guilty too, as if she is worried that she is not spending enough time with you.

"it's fine," you gently disentangle yourself from her, sitting up on your couch. you then shift around carefully, resting her head on your lap. she follows your eyes until you are now looking down at her. "that's your job, right?"

"yeah, unfortunately for me, there's always a buzz when that kid is out in public, so the workload could get so much heavier."

"i can't wait to meet her." you grin, a little proud of your lover, really. she does not talk much of her work, but you can easily tell she loves it with all of her big, kind heart.

"i can't wait to introduce you to her too. heavens know i blabber about you to her far too much. there was a time she almost laid me off because i was being so annoying gushing everything i could possibly think at the top of my head about you."

"you talk about me with your employer?"

"i talk about you to everyone who is both willing and unwilling to listen," she grins widely, pushing herself up as well and stretching like a cat, groaning slightly at the end of it. you wish she would stay on your lap for a bit longer, but you both have too much to do to even think about lounging around a minute more. "most of them are not willing, obviously, but do i give a bloody damn? nope. people should know you exist, and that your existence makes me so darn happy."

"do i..." you pause, thinking your question over. "do i really?"

"yes, and you have no idea how much," she pauses too, watching you closely to gather your reaction, even though you are not showing much, keeping your lips tight. she does not seem to mind, the light in her eyes is now constant, the sleepiness is gone and they are shining just as bright as when you first met them. "it's like, a lot. loving you gives me courage, but i have no idea how to explain it further than that."

again, you can't really help but laugh at her blunt honesty. "and being loved by you gives me strength. but, still... we're so bad at this love thing, aren't we?"

"yes," she laughs too at how ridiculous it is. once your combined laughter fades, she finds it fit to plant a gentle peck on your forehead. "but i think we'll get better."

"you haven't answered my question." you reproach her when she is pulling away, her cheeks dusted by a slight blush.

she tilts her head, questioning. "hm?"

"i asked you if you were having a bad dream," you repeat your question again, finding her light skinned palm and tracing over her calluses. "you shivered some through the night, and each time you would hold me tighter."

"ah," she smiles sheepishly. "i'm sorry, but this is the first time in a while that i actually slept so well."

you furrow your eyebrows in worry. "you've told me before that you could barely sleep for over an hour... that can't be healthy."

"it's not," she laughs heartily. "i might have been shivering last night, but you were so warm. i don't even remember if i had a nightmare. i really doubt that happened though..."

"would it be too much to ask you to spend the night here again?" this request of yours might be a long shot considering that she rarely spends the night unless you ask her to, but maybe this is one of the ways you could actually help her with, so you try. "if i could help you sleep better... maybe you should stay here more often."

"won't i cause you some trouble?"

"no," you quickly deny her worry, clasping her hand this time, not too tight, but with just enough force so she would understand. "not at all. i want to do the best for you as you've done for me. it's only fair."

you see it again, a gentler lift on her lips, before she lets out puffs of breath (a sign of her defeat), these eventually evolve to soft, chiming laughter. she lifts your hands to her chest, holding them close, and you could feel her heartbeat as it is beating rather quickly. "okay, i think i can do that."

"let me know when you are staying over," you warn her, though kindly. "when i saw you sprawled on my couch last night, i jumped a feet to the air."

she chuckles lightly at the image of you leaping in surprise upon discovering her all knocked out in your house.

you pull your hands away only to swat her on her shoulders. "no, i'm being serious! you're just a bundle of mass in black and snores! and my apartment was dark all over except the kitchen!"

"okay, okay, i understand," she stops your swatting hands with a grin, then leaving you on your couch to head to the bathroom. she stops at the door to tell you her decision after taking off her blazer and hanging it at the coat rack. "i won't drop in unannounced anymore, i promise."

"and stop trying to sneak in food into my cupboards and fridge!" you yell after her, though all you receive in return is more chuckles before she replies with an energetic 'they're not for you, they're for me!'

"fair enough." you mutter to yourself before you too think it is high time you get yourself ready as well, taking her suit jacket from the rack so you could iron it.

---

suddenly she is wrapping her arms around your waist, and if it isn't because you are already used to her prowling around, you would have propelled yourself up the air just like last night in great shock.

"could you please," you grit your teeth at the tell tale of delighted chuckles coming from her. "not sneak up like that on me?"

she nuzzles on your shoulder, like it would fix everything. (it does). "but you're so cute when you're surprised, like you're doing a binky."

"a binky?" you question, gliding the steam iron smoothly along her suit blazer.

"yes, it's what bunnies do. they jump and flick their head and feet. it's an expression of joy."

if you could turn and glare at her, you would have, but right now you are kind of stuck in her arms. "do i look like i'm jumping in joy?"

"no, but you headbutt and kick when you're surprised," she continues with a laugh, providing you an explanation that makes absolutely zero sense. "it's the exact same thing."

"no it's not."

"yes it is." she says confidently, and now you know you can't do anything to change her mind.

"fine," you sigh, admitting your defeat. you can't see it but you know all too well that she is beaming happily behind you because she is tightening her hold on you, though it is still gentle in a way that is inherently hers. "alright, i'm done with your suit. let me go, you oaf."

she does, and you turn with the neatly ironed suit in your arms, gaping at the sight greeting you.

she is all smiles. "what?"

"why are you only wearing your bra?!" you put up her suit to cover your reddening face, still stealing glances at her body. she is wearing a comfy looking sports bra and her slacks (thank goodness she's not bottomless as well), and you could see so much skin. you could always feel her strength whenever you are in her arms, and while you've seen them bared when you operated on her, this is a completely different circumstances.

you can also see the tiny scar from the stab wound she suffered to protect you, at the end of her hips and graced by her toned abdomen.

you are sort of having a breakdown right now.

"well, if i could, i won't be wearing anything."

"wait!" you gasp before she could get any further with that thought, throwing her suit and pointing at her everything. "just put that on first!"

"okay," she chuckles, dutifully putting it on. "there we go."

now she is standing in front of you, wearing her blazer and slacks, with her bra still peeking out, unabashed. it's not perfect, but it will do for now.

"can i borrow one of your shirt?" she grins gleefully, probably enjoying how red and embarrassed you are.

you nod quickly, anything to stop your blood from rushing up your head. "just pick out anything from my wardrobe."

"thanks," she murmurs when she plants a gentle kiss on your cheek. "you're so cute."

how did you end up stuck like this?

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