the breeze passing by is chilly, but somehow, you do not quite mind it. it is getting a bit dark, the evening transitioning seamlessly to night, a mix of orange and violet tint washed through the sky that you love (and you love so much easier now) and you think it is going to get colder soon, so it might be a good idea to get back inside. you pull your coat closer to you, watching your breath escape in visible puffs of air.

the sound of leaves crunching under a few steps alerts you to someone approaching. "hey, juhyun?"

your shoulders rest easy knowing it is just seungwan. you turn towards her, a small smile etched on your face. "yes?"

"what are you doing out here all alone?" seungwan asks, chastising you slightly. "aren't you cold? you know you just recovered from a fever."

"i just needed a quick breather," you offer seungwan a smile, convincing enough that she gets off your case immediately. or it might also be because seungwan is incapable of getting mad at you. you pat the empty spot next to you on the bench. "join me?"

seungwan sits with a sigh, and you look at her, appreciation evident in your stare. "thank you for taking care of me the last few days."

with a quick shake of her head, seungwan chuckles, very much amused with the state she found you in a few days ago. "i was worried what kind of emergency you'd be in when you called, but it was just a silly case of 'i kissed someone who has a fever and now i'm down with it too. send help?'"

"i guess that's why i'm not a nurse." you joke, garnering more delighted chuckles from seungwan. at least she can appreciate your silly jests.

"i guess so. it's fine that way though, because you are a very good doctor, and losing you would be too much. in the past few weeks, we struggled a lot in the emergency room without you there," she agrees with you, still grinning when she sees your slightly flustered cheeks, red from her compliments. she then leans back onto the bench, looking up to the sky, before she switches her gaze to you. "so, what now?"

"hm?"

"what are you going to do now? with... you know, with everything."

"i'm not so sure myself." you answer with a laugh. you fear that it is the truth.

you look up as well, breathing in the cold air. there is little warmth left from the sun at this hour, but you try to bask in what little is there for you, your eyes closed to feel them better, easier. in a bit of reluctance, you open your eyes, and it is at this moment that seungwan would have been able to see the faraway look in your eyes. and you don't mind that she is the one to see it.

the last few days have guaranteed that you would grow closer to seungwan. she had to be the one to care for you, considering that sooyoung is a lot more sensitive, and she is far too susceptible to get infected due to her weaker immune system (it is a wonder how she manages with her long hours as a nurse). she and seungwan too, knows seulgi's and yerim's secrets. and while the smaller of the couple seems to be enlightened with it, you fear that they will voice out their concern at any point in time, and have it be known publically.

unless... yerim has even seungwan and sooyoung under her control.

surely they have done something more treacherous than just silencing someone, yes?

"has yerim talked to you?" you try, picking on your hospital staff card idly.

"no," seungwan answers with a shrug. "nothing ever since that day at the safe house, i'm afraid. radio silence."

"what about seulgi?"

"she's too busy staring at you with stars in her eyes whenever i see her," seungwan teases, liking the red that dust your cheeks in an immediate reaction. "but no, she didn't like, threaten me with my life or sooyoung's life or my job to ensure i stay quiet, so..." seungwan coughs into her hand, and that alerts you that you might have been out here for too long in too little layers. "how is she anyway?"

you grip on the bench tightly then, your worry growing, gnawing painfully in your heart. "i don't know."

"wait, you don't know?"

"she left," you say, your voice a little shaky as another gust of wind blow past you. "the night before i return to the hospital... when i woke up in the morning... she was gone."

"and she didn't leave a message? telling you where she would be? nothing?"

"no."

"damn, she ruins your couch by bleeding and sweating all over it, then just up and vanish?" seungwan lets out a small sigh. "seriously, juhyun, you must have the patience of a saint."

at that, you laugh. as joyous as you could pretend to be. "it's not too bad. a couch is easily replaced."

"but seulgi is not, is she?"

"no," you blink the tears away before they could fall. "she is not."

-----

the wind outside is getting far too cold for you these days.

sooyoung is quietly watching you as you pick through the vegetables in your meal, her eyebrows raised and curious. "what are you doing?"

you hum as a reply, still busy separating the greens around your plate. doing it all rather unconsciously. that has been the way you work since seulgi is gone. and it has been... you think it is already a whole month since she left. a whole month of emptiness and lonely meals and cold commutes, and a bed that is suddenly too big for you, long nights that you spend all by yourself, missing a certain warmth, safety, that you had (and you probably took for granted). your days pass in what seems to be moments of grey, a big blur where nothing particularly exciting nor disheartening happen, and you could no longer see the differences from one day to another.

and nothing is different today either, just another day of waiting, and wishing.

"i never knew you were a picky eater." sooyoung comments.

then, you pause. "i'm not."

there is a chuckle coming from sooyoung, and now you do notice how odd it really is. "so why are you separating the veggies away from the meat?"

"i'm sorry," you say, mixing the green onions and carrots back with the caramelised beef, blinking your eyes repeatedly, a bit taken aback that tears have actually gathered. "i usually help seulgi with it."

sooyoung does not comment on that, or how you are almost crying. instead, she chews silently, her hand holding the chopstick is unmoving, as if she is in deep thought.

it is not until you are halfway to finishing your meal that she speaks up again. "hey, i might not be as good a listener compared to seungwan, but you can rant to me anytime you want, 'kay?"

"yeah," looking at sooyoung now, you can feel her assurance, her sincerity. "thank you, sooyoung. i really appreciate it. you and seungwan have been nothing but supportive for me, and i fear there is not a lot of me to return your kindness."

"there's no need for all that!" sooyoung is beaming brightly as she says so. "you're our friend, of course we will help you as much as we could."

"you know," you put down your own chopstick, letting a deep breath out. why does it feel like you could start crying any second now even if you try the damnest not to? the constant ache in your chest is starting to trouble you, and you fear there is no way to cure it anytime soon. "i've always wanted to be your friend."

sooyoung laughs loudly, catching the attention from the occupants a table over. "we could tell! but you have always been rather awkward with us, especially when we're being friendly. it's as if you didn't know how to respond to us being nice to you."

"you might be right about that."

"look where you are now. sitting in the cafeteria with me. before this you always just buy food and then eat it in your office, alone."

"that was really a lot easier."

sooyoung gasps, a hand placed on her chest, as if offended. or perhaps, actually offended by your words. "ma'am, might you be hinting that my company is arduous to you?"

"a little."

apparently being dramatic is a natural to sooyoung, as she is now tearing up slightly. "oh, woe is me!"

you do not spare her the attention she needs. "if it wasn't for seulgi, i think i would still be eating in my office."

"uh huh, and that bastard jungwoo would still be terrorizing the whole hospital," sooyoung spits, disgusted with the filthy lawbreaker. "i would say she's done a lot for you."

"yes, you're right. more than i would ever be able to repay."

"you always talk about that... owing people... returning our kindness and ..." there is a sigh, and then a finger is suddenly jutting towards you. "listen here, we don't want to be repaid!"

"um-"

"if you go out of your way to think everything we do is a favour and that you owe us, i'm going to knock your head over, got it?"

you don't usually stutter, but sooyoung just looks so menacing right now. "i-is this a threat?"

"yep! you better take it seriously!" with a puffed out chest, sooyoung confirms it. "also, chill out, okay? seulgi will come back to you."

"and how do you know that?" you bite your lower lip. you are scared, and rightfully so. it has been a month, and you do not think you have spent such a long period without her, without seulgi.

"are you kidding? she loves you. she'll finish whatever it is that she needs to do, and then before you know it she will be around again, pouting like a child and asking you to remove the veggies from her meals."

that imagery is so much like seulgi, and try as you might, it is hard not to let out a few good natured chuckles at that. "i hope it will happen soon."

"me too, juhyun," sooyoung sighs. you think that it it not news to her that you have been struggling lately, and it is obvious that all she can do right now is hope that everything will be fine, just as you are wishing it to be. "me too."

-----

"scary-unnie!" jungah is beaming brightly as she barrels into you, knocking the air out of you with how forceful her rush is.

you share a quick hug with her, chuckling lightly. "hello, jungah. you're so energetic today. that's very good."

"it's because you're here!"

"right, right, i miss you too." with that, you part from her, ruffling her hair for good measure.

the project has taken off after the initial fund is provided, and nothing has made you more proud than this. for this latest visit, the crew is to administer the second vaccination for the orphaned kids and to monitor changes that could have materialised after the first vaccination. so far, everything is going quite well. the kids are surprisingly obedient and cooperative this time, a huge improvement from the teary, screaming mess they were when the crew visited them and gave them injections for the first time.

(you also got teased by sooyoung a lot for your nickname, but that is a small matter compared to ensuring the children will grow up strong and healthy)

you are just wiping down jungah's upper arm with a cotton swab, disinfecting the area when she cheerfully chirps. "today's the best!"

"why is that? you know i'm about to push this needle into your skin, right? aren't you afraid?"

"i'm not afraid of the needle!" she huffs. and you think she has gotten used to it from the multitude of injections diabetic patients are required to do in their treatments. which, in a way, is quite sad. however, your thoughts are put to a halt when jungah continues. "it's because both of my favourite unnies are visiting me!"

"both?" you ask, the pregnant pause you make is not on purpose, but how could you even react properly should she...

jungah nods excitedly. "she's inside!"

you are going to kill her.

you quickly give the syringe to another doctor, and storms inside the orphanage building. the vaccinations are always done outside at the porch because it is too difficult to bring all of the equipments into the small building, and perhaps it is best that way. because now you can cry freely, far from any judgemental eyes, your teary gaze locked with the figure in front of you, their back turned, but you can recognize her from miles away.

you are not sure if she truly is unaware that you are there, but that is quite impossible. the van and ambulance both had sirens, and she knows, she must, that you are leading this unique crew of yours. so of course, of course she would know that you are coming.

"seulgi?" your voice croaks. your throat is so dry. your chest is heaving in and out desperate breaths.

she turns, and her grin is cheeky, and it is almost like she is being found in a silly hide and seek game. "juhyun," she rubs her nape with her fingers, a tell that has not changed. "i guess jungah told you? man, that little snitch, i told her not to- oof!"

her words are cut off when you rush to her, enveloping her in a tight hug for a little over a second. and then you let go, hitting her on her chest repeatedly with a closed fist. you are that upset. she does not retaliate. "you- idiot! where did you go?! i- i worried over you so much and i- i was so afraid! you! stupid! idiot!"

she pulls you into an embrace, and you can no longer hit her with such ferocity again. damn her and her longer limbs. her voice is so close to your ears when you are in her arms like this. "i'm sorry, i wanted it to be a surprise. i was going to go home after this, and maybe we'd have a nice dinner after you throw your mug at my face or something."

"two months," you gasp, deeply hurt. "no news, for two months."

"i know, i know... i'm sorry. you have the right to be upset." she says, pulling you in tighter, squeezing you, almost.

"is it... is it over?"

she sighs. "i don't think it will ever be. but it is at least, safe. safe for me to come home to you."

"really?"

she moves away, but her face is still close to you, her lips quivering, and her eyes teary. you think you are not in much better shape than her. "really. i'm home, juhyun."

"this orphanage is your home?" you ask as you look around, confused. yerim did say before that seulgi is an orphan and seulgi herself told you that she lived in an orphanage until she is old enough (to be cast away to the streets) but she never did say she is from the same orphanage as jungah.

she snorts, loud and unrestrained. "no, silly. does it ever occur to you that home might not be a place?"

"so what is it?"

"you, you are." she says, pulling you in again.

and all of your rage and worries, surpressed or not, are erased completely. her lips meet yours, and oh, how you have missed her, how you have missed her touch, how her body is pressed on you, molding perfectly to fit your shape. the kiss is soft and warm, enveloping you in a layer of love, and tenderness, and certainty.

you would wait again, for as long as it could take, if it means she would kiss you like this when she comes home to you.

you don't need anything more than that.

-----