“Is that really all you’re going to eat, dude?” Joshua raised a brow at Seungcheol’s lunch tray that was filled with the bare minimum.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s fine,” Seungcheol answered a bit breathlessly after taking a glance at Jeonghan who was a bit distracted by Seungcheol’s lack of lunch as well. He gulped when the other’s face twitched in concern slightly.

“You sure?” Joshua questioned again, looking between his own plate and Seungcheol’s, ready to share some of his meal if necessary.

“Yeah, Shua, it’s all good.” Seungcheol softened for the second time that day, even letting out a soft chuckle at the concern. “I’m sure you don’t want to spend all of your lunch break worrying about me, right?” Seungcheol questioned back, glancing at Jeonghan once again.

“Oh, yeah,” Joshua brightened, turning towards Jeonghan and placing an arm around his shoulder. The child in Jeonghan arm stopped eating and grabbed at Joshua’s hand happily, exclaiming ‘Shua, Shua,” over and over again. “this is Yoon Jeonghan and his son, Yoon Chan. Recently, Han’s been on break from work, so in his boredom, he whined and begged me to let him check out the workplace. I thought today was the perfect opportunity since it’s a Saturday.”

Jeonghan took in a breath, nearly unnoticeable before turning towards Seungcheol and smiling. “Nice to meet you,”

“Likewise. I’m...Choi Seungcheol. I have a son of my own, too, you know? Choi Hansol, my pride and joy.” Seungcheol tried to keep the bitterness out of his voice, and it worked; however, the bitterness was replaced with a hint of melancholy. “So...are you two...you know?” Seungcheol bit his tongue as he grinned teasingly. Joshua choked on his food and Jeonghan looked away.

“Sort...of? We’re kind of moving in that direction...I guess…” Joshua explained awkwardly after clearing his throat the best that he could.

“You should go get you something to drink, Jisoo,” Jeonghan patted Joshua’s back lightly. Seungcheol watched the two as they shared a small moment; it was a bit awkward, just like any relationship in the early stages (and maybe, Jeonghan was feeling a bit guilty about their current situation...maybe), but it was tender and cute in a way. Jeonghan and Joshua spoke to each other softly, their conversation laced with playful teasing, and they worked around Chan’s interruptions with a natural ease.

“Two Pocaris, a juice, and a Cola for you, Cheol?” Joshua checked over the drinks, hand on Seungcheol’s shoulder to get the older’s attention.

“Yeah, Cola is fine, thanks for the treat,” Seungcheol chuckled weakly before Joshua headed off to the vending machine. Seungcheol sighed heavily before turning back to Jeonghan who was already staring at him—his eyes were sad and that sparked a lot of emotions inside of Seungcheol.

“Cheol—” Jeonghan started, cutting himself off because he was already getting choked up. “I’m so sorry.” Jeonghan breathed out, voice wavering very noticeably. Seungcheol didn’t say anything as Jeonghan just kept on apologizing, the other’s eyes filled with tears he didn’t dare shed.

“Jeonghan…” Seungcheol ran a hand down his face. He truly didn’t know what else to day, which was odd. He had so many questions, so many emotions, and yet none of them came to him. He stared at Jeonghan feeling everything and nothing.

“How’s...how’s Hansol? Is he okay? Is he at school? Is he doing well? Does he have friends? Does he—does he remember me?” Jeonghan asked in succession, his voice trailing off at the last question.

Seungcheol scoffed before he could stop himself. “He’s fine .”

“Seungcheol, please—”

“Jeonghan, I can’t do this,” Seungcheol sighed and rose from his seat with his lunch tray.

“Wait—Cheol!” Jeonghan called out quietly, yet desperately, and Seungcheol hated himself for stopping and giving the other his attention once more. “Are you okay?” Seungcheol almost caved, almost broke down and gave his all to Jeonghan once again, but he managed to hold himself together. He didn’t respond to Jeonghan’s question, and turned to leave instead. He brushed passed Joshua who finally returned with the drinks, not sparing a glance nor an explanation to his leaving. Seungcheol disposed of his food before heading back up to his office, entering the floor in very much the same manner he did earlier that morning; he spared no glance to anyone, and shut himself back into his office. Seungcheol took in a shuddery breath—one that he refused to admit was an emotional one—before diving back into his work.

Seungcheol was undisturbed for a majority of his shift, and he was able to forget the reason for his unsettled nerves until soft knocks rapped at his door and Joshua’s head peeked in. “Seungcheol...can I—can we come in?”

Seungcheol held back a sigh and looked up at Joshua. Seungcheol wondered if he looked a bit rough around the edges because Joshua deflated and entered his office regardless of an answer (or lack thereof). Joshua pulled one of the chairs in front of Seungcheol’s desk around so that he could sit at Seungcheol’s side. Jeonghan entered the office with more caution, but he eventually made his way over to Seungcheol’s desk, opting to not move the chair around the desk.

“Where’s Chan?” Seungcheol questioned lowly.

“Junhui offered to look after him, he said he had nothing to do after all,” Joshua answered for Jeonghan, and Jeonghan nodded along.

“I doubt he’s done any work today, I bet he has a lot to do,” Seungcheol shook his head, peering over at Junhui’s desk, watching the younger play with the child. Seungcheol cursed himself as the image made him smile warmly—he was a very weak man.

“Anyways, Cheol, I just want to apologize—” Joshua squeezed Seungcheol’s arm tightly.

“Joshua, no, you don’t have to apologize…” Seungcheol placed his hand on Joshua’s, returning the soft squeeze. Then he looked towards Jeonghan who still refused to make eye contact. Now that he looked at him, it was obvious he had been crying, and just recently stopped. “and Jeonghan…”

Jeonghan looked up at Seungcheol. He bit lightly at his lower lip with eyes glistening, and God Seungcheol’s heart seemed to squeeze more and more every time he looked at Jeonghan. “Seungcheol, I meant it when I said I was sorry. I don’t—I really don’t know what else to say.”

“I’d say “me either”, but I have a few things to say. I mean, it’s been a little over three years, and even at this very moment, I can’t help but feel so in love with you. But, just as much as I’m in love...I’m in so much pain, too. I mean, you left me because you said you couldn’t handle a child, yet you go and adopt another one right after,” Seungcheol laughed bitterly.

“And Hansol did ask about you, he asked about you a lot, Hannie. He wondered where his Daddy went for a long time, and that hurt even worse. Hansol had always been the kind of kid to keep things to himself, but one day he just broke. He cried and wondered why you didn’t come back; he was only about two years old, but he somehow managed to think it was all his fault...” Seungcheol choked up, looking away from Jeonghan for a moment. He tried to get himself back together, he couldn’t have a breakdown for all of the office to see.

“I’m glad you’re doing well, though. I really am, Jeonghan. I’m glad you have someone—and not just someone, you have Joshua; I wouldn’t trust anyone else to be with you other than him. I’m glad you could give raising a child another chance, too. You were so amazing with Hansol, and Chan seems to be doing really well, seems like a really smart kid. He has a really smart parent after all...well, parents now, I guess?” Joshua, teary-eyed, gave Seungcheol a thankful smile. Seungcheol smiled back, tired and vulnerable. Seungcheol moved his hand across his desk and held it out, catching Jeonghan’s attention. The two made eye-contact, and Jeonghan hesitated before taking Seungcheol’s hand in his own.

Seungcheol savored the feeling of Jeonghan’s hand in his own for the last time. It was soft, a little calloused, but not terribly so. Seungcheol reminisced about all the times he’s held Jeonghan’s hands, how many times he’s kissed them, how much he just loved to hold and kiss the other in general. They had been together for such a long time, and he liked Jeonghan for much longer, so sliding his hand from Jeonghan’s to finally let go of his after all this time wasn’t easy. He drug his fingers up Jeonghan’s hand slowly, linking their fingers before removing his hand completely. Afterwards, Seungcheol sat back in his chair with a sigh and looked at the two of them, then he peeked outside of his office to see if anyone was paying too much attention to their little exchange (as expected, Soonyoung, Wonwoo, and Junhui were definitely watching them all, concerned).

“Are you going to be okay, Cheol?” Joshua rose from his seat to hug Seungcheol against his side. Seungcheol leaned into him, too tired to be resentful at the moment, not like he had much bitterness towards Joshua anyways; Seungcheol looked up at Joshua and something about the younger eased his nerves.

“Maybe. I know someone—a good friend of mine, a great friend even—who has been through something similar, and man let me tell you, she’s such a trooper, so maybe I will be okay.” Seungcheol recounted with another weak smile. The thought of Jihyo made him check the time, and while it was still early, Seungcheol didn’t think he could last the rest of the day. “I think I’m going to clock out early. Can you tell the boss that I had an emergency with my babysitter or something?” Seungcheol began packing up his things, and Joshua readily agreed, telling Seungcheol to get some rest before leaving his office with Jeonghan in tow. Seungcheol finished gathering his things together and left his office quickly, apologizing to his friends for today and promising them that he was fine before he left altogether.

Seungcheol was stepping into the elevator, finally letting his body deflate. He fell against the back of the elevator and exhaled deeply, allowing his eyes to water up once again as he thought about the feeling of Jeonghan’s soft hands leaving his for the last time.

“I caught you,” A light, breathless voice sounded from Seungcheol’s side. Seungcheol repressed the urge to groan and he opened his eyes to stare Jeonghan down.

“Jeonghan, why?”

“I just—I didn’t want to leave it at that, Cheol,” Jeonghan set Chan down, upsetting the boy greatly since he spent a considerable amount of time not in his father’s arms.

“I really don’t think there’s more to say—” Seungcheol tried to reason, preparing to step out of the elevator.

“You said what you had to, why can’t I?” Jeonghan argued, taking Chan’s hand in his and following Seungcheol out of the elevator. Seungcheol usually began stripping away his office worker persona after he got out of the building, but he was feeling extra stuffy in his suit, so he began untightening his tie as Jeonghan continued talking. “I have my side of the story too, you know?”

“Alright, then, what is it?” Seungcheol glanced at Jeonghan as he undid the few buttons at the top of his shirt. He glanced away before he caught sight of Jeonghan swallowing dryly and staring a bit too long at his exposed collarbones.

“I know we were doing so well, Cheollie, we were doing more than well. We had the cutest little family in New York of all places, it was like a dream come true—”

“It was my dream come true, Hannie. The day we adopted Hansol, everything started coming together for me, you knew that.” Seungcheol’s voice cracked a bit, but neither paid attention to it. Both of them were getting more emotional than they thought they should be getting. “So why? Why would you just up and leave like that?”

Jeonghan hesitated, clutching Chan’s hand a little more, careful not to hurt the child. “I panicked, Seungcheol. When I left with you, my parents thought I was going off to study abroad. Every year, lying to them became harder, you know how much my family means to me. I missed some of my younger sister’s most important milestones in life, and just hearing her and my parents excuse everything because I was studying well and making them proud—I couldn’t do it. Not only was I lying to the people I cared about the most, it really made me think. I wasn’t studying, wasn’t even working, and yet I was taking care of a child . I really just couldn’t take it anymore, Cheol. All of sudden, everything we were doing seemed so much bigger than it did before, and I had to escape.” Jeonghan did his best to explain without breaking down, but the longer he talked, the more difficult it became.

Through his sobs, Jeonghan talked about how much the guilt ate him up after he had left; he went home and confessed everything, and for a while, he didn’t have anywhere to go until he managed to meet up with some of their old friends from school. He recounted how he stayed with Hyunwoo and Minhyuk while he tried to get his life back together. He went to study for real—it was only an associate's degree, but it was something at the very least—and he mentioned how he worked part-time so he could live on his own. Jeonghan went on to talk about how living alone in an apartment brought back memories of Seungcheol and Hansol, and how the urge to have a family again sprung up in him. He talked about how he debated about it for a while, only to end up giving into his desires when his mother contacted him about finding a good girl to settle down with. Then, not too long after, when Jeonghan desperately needed a roommate, Joshua came in from America.

“It was supposed to be awkward, you know? I mean, I was expecting it to be, but Jisoo made everything so easy .” Jeonghan recalled with a smile as he wiped his face. Chan, who Jeonghan picked up in the meantime, also tried to wipe at his father’s face and cheer him up. Jeonghan smiled at his son sweetly, assuring the child that his pain was all gone because of him, which made Chan brighten considerably. “He accepted everything, mentioning about how things like this were common in America, especially California. He really just made me feel so at peace.” That hurt Seungcheol a bit, and it showed in his furrowed brows, but luckily, Jeonghan was still catering to Chan as he continued explaining himself.

“Even though my life includes Jisoo and Chan right now, and even though I don’t want to give this peace up for the world, I love you too, Cheol. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you. We were best friends before we were boyfriends, and being your boyfriend, and unofficial husband, were great times in my life. I always wished things could have went better—if I were a bit stronger, held on a bit longer—but I don’t doubt that where we are now will bring us happiness someday.” Chan placed his head on Jeonghan’s chest, tired, and Jeonghan cradled his son with all of the care in the world.

Seungcheol opened his mouth to say something, but a few beats went by before anything actually came out. “Yeah...just—yeah.” Seungcheol sighed at himself, running a hand through his hair. Jeonghan huffed out a bit of laughter before letting out a yawn, right after Chan’s. “Don’t fall asleep on the way home, Jeonghan. See you later…” Seungcheol raised his hand and let it hover over Jeonghan’s head, wondering if the action would be too intimate; however, Jeonghan brought Seungcheol’s hand down onto his head himself, a soft smile on his face.

“Once more for old time’s sake,” Jeonghan said simply, and Seungcheol smiled sadly as he Jeonghan’s hair and trailed his hand down the other’s face. Usually, this action would always be followed up with a kiss somewhere , but Seungcheol left it at Jeonghan’s cheek once. The two said their goodbyes to each other once more before finally parting ways. Seungcheol slid into his car silently, and he just sat there. The threat of tears bubbled up inside him for a long time, but nothing actually came from the feeling, and Seungcheol couldn’t tell if he was glad or frustrated about the fact. He figured he should be glad, and he tried to emulate the emotion the best that he could the entire ride over to Jeongyeon and Mina’s house as he went to pick up Hansol, Jihyo, and Tzuyu.