Today is another day, I need to work harder now, no more funny business. I stood up and start to dress up.

I saw the other members eating breakfast on the dining table, I sat down on a chair and start to eat as well.

“Changkyun-ah, you need to be very serious now, I don’t like the hyungs shouting on you. I don’t want to get mad at you”

Jooheon hyung whispered to me. 

“Okay hyung” I said and I continue to eat my food.

We went inside the van and went to our company, when we got to the practice room, we start to dance.

I accidentally made a wrong move but they let it aside since Kihyun hyung and Hyungwon hyung did it wrong too and it is early in the morning. I actually did well this morning.

“Your doing good, keep it up” Jooheon hyung said and he patted my shoulder. I smiled at him and thanked him.

When we are having our lunch break, I opened my social media and it is the worst decision I made this day.

I saw the hate comments, I suddenly loose my confidence. Sh*t, I should’ve opened my social media. I can see the future now, the members scolding at me.

Lunch break is over and we start to dance again and as I expected before, I messed up. Wonho hyung gave me a glare but we continue to dance, the move that I can’t do yesterday, I can do it earlier this morning but thanks to me, for opening the social media, I can’t do the steps again.

They kept their promise yesterday, they were strict today. They would scold me for not doing well, our manager even saw my hyungs scolding me, he scold at me as well since our comeback date is approaching and yet we did’t finished the choreo yet.

I could see Jooheon hyung trying his best to not scold me since I saw him clenching his fist or sighing when I messed up, but when we made eye contact he would smile at me.

I excused myself by going to the bathroom, before I got in, I heard two people talking inside. I think it’s Kihyun hyung and Minhyuk hyung. I couldn’t hear their whole convo, but I could hear some words. Heartbreaking words.

“Promotion is in next week......... not yet finished.........Changkyun........ say sorry....... not enough though” Minhyuk hyung said, I think they are talking about me messing up. The promotion is next week but the choreography is not yet done.

They said I need to apologise but it is not enough, they are right, apologising is nothing, I need to do well now.

“I miss him........... GUN........in the group....... ya! It should be him...... say sorry.... agree... better off without him” Kihyun hyung said, those are the words that the haters say to me, the words that made me loose my confidence and made me fail. 

They said it as well.

I did’t enter the bathroom and I went back to the room, Kihyun hyung and Minhyuk hyung followed as well.

We start to dance well and at the same time, we flopped. They scold me again and again, until the worse happened. Again.

“YA Maknae!!! I can’t hold my anger now, all of us know this move yet you still mess up, all of us are tired, don’t make us more tired! If you don’t want to be a burden then stop ruining the dance!” Jooheon hyung said, he gasped silently and ran out of the room.

Hyungwon hyung and Kihyun hyung followed Jooheon hyung outside while the others stayed here.

“It’s better if we go home, except you maknae, you need to practice that move until you get it right” Shownu hyung said and he left the room, the others left too, they would ignore as the walk pass me, it is like I’m invisible.

I did’t waste any second after the door closed, I start to do the move but hate sentences and words would pop up in my mind and I would fall.

I practiced and practice, which means more bruises, my breathing is heavy and my head starts to hurt but that did’t stopped me from practicing again.

My body felt hot and the pain from my bruise made it more worse, I practice again until I could see black spots. I sat down, my head was hurting so bad, I could’t keep my head open.

I missed my Nu’bility hyungs especially leader hyung, they took care of me and when I got troubled, they will show me the steps again. I missed them so much.

I wished Nu’bility debuted so I did’t need to enter No Mercy, so I did’t need to be in Monsta X. This is for my hyungs who want to debut with #GUN hyung.

If #GUN hyung is here, they probably got their first win already. They would be more happy. His rap is good, his visual is good too, but me? I don’t deserve this.

I look at the watch and saw the time. 11:11.

I don’t know if this is true, but you can make a wish during this time.

“I know this is childish” I said, barely a whisper because I am too tired. “But, I wish that Nu’bility debuted and I’m in that group, not here in Monsta X. It should be #GUN hyung, not me” I said, before I out.