Today is another stressful day. We have dance practice for 8 hours and vocal practice. These days I’ve been exhausted. Physically and Mentally.I would fall asleep between water breaks, I always get scolded when I trip, bump in to another member and when I do the wrong step.

We would do the dance over and over again until we get it. Until I get it. The reason behind this is because I’ve been receiving hate comments.

“Your visual is not that great, the other members improved. Grow up, No Mercy ended.”

“You rap so horribly”

“Monsta X did’t get their first win yet because that I.M guy is pushing them down because of his rap and visuals”

And a lot more. I was hurt because this words struck me like lightning. I wished that this is a nightmare, but this is reality, I can’t do anything. I need to accept it.

“Ya! Changkyun! Snap out of it, will ya? We’ve been doing this move for almost two hours but you did’t improve” Wonho hyung said, snapping me back to reality. Shoot, I forgot that we are practicing.

“Ah, sorry” I said quietly.

“Back to the top” And we start to dance again, I was doing great when suddenly I slipped while going to my next position. I saw Shownu hyung and Hyungwon hyung coming towards me.

“You messed up, again. The promotion is in two weeks yet we did’t even reach the middle yet. Aish” Kihyun hyung said and I apologised. Yes, your tired Changkyun but the other members are tired too, you don’t want to be a burden right? Then start dancing properly.

“From the top. Again.” Wonho hyung said and we start to dance. I thought I’m doing better but I bumped into Hyungwon hyung, Jooheon hyung and Minhyuk hyung. The music stopped playing and all eyes are staring at me.

“What is happening to you Changkyun? You are better than this, why are you like this?” Minhyuk hyung said, annoyed. Him getting angry is rare, it is not everyday you see him getting annoyed and angry.

“So-“ I was about to say sorry when he cut me in.

“Saying sorry will not bring you into anything” he said. I agree, they are just words, it will not affect me full time.

“Will continue practice tomorrow, maknae, you need to do better tomorrow. We will be strict to your tomorrow, okay? No buts. Lets all go back to the dorm” Shownu hyung said. I took my stuff and quickly went to the van.

What is happening to me? Usually I get the moved in minutes. Did minutes really turned into days? Ya Changkyun, you can’t let the hate comments overcome you. You still have fans that loves you. Don’t worry. Your fine.

I decided to lay my head on the window and closed my eyes, I don’t want to look at the hyungs yet. They are probably angry at me.

The van opened and someone hops in, they start to talk about our schedule tomorrow. It is practically the same so no big deal.

“The maknae is sleeping now” I heard Hyungwon hyung say. I want to smile but if I did, I would give myself away.

“Maybe he was just tired from all of this dancing” Jooheon hyung said.

“Aren’t we all tired?” Minhyuk asked.

“But still, you guys were harsh to him earlier”

“Let’s not talk about that, let’s go” Shownu hyung said and we moved. Minhyuk is right, all of us are tired, not just me. The comments were right, I am useless.

Stop thinking like that I.M, don’t let the hate comments get in your way. But still. I start to have a headache while thinking, I feel like tomorrow might be the worst.