''For you who doesn’t shed tears when hurt
 I want to be a place where you can be at ease.''  (EXO 'Cosmic Railway')

FLASHBACK

The next morning I went home to take a shower and have some rest. It was not easy going inside the house which didn't feel like mine anymore. It was empty, dark and cold. I expected to open the door to my room and find my sister laying on her bed, listening to music. I expected to be scolded for using her laptop. I expected her to be there.

She wasn’t.

The room we shared was even colder than the rest of the house. Mi’s clothes were scattered all over her bed. I hated that. We’ve always fought because of the mess she was making in the room. For the first time, I had to pick up her clothes without yelling. I hated that more.

After I took a quick shower, sleep seemed like a best option. I was about to lay down but the phone on my bed caught my attention. Baekhyun. I have forgotten about him. It was the first time. He’s always been the first and most important thing on my mind. I woke up and went to bed thinking about him. Yet I haven’t thought about him the last two days.

I turned my phone on and found twenty messages and forty missed calls. The last message has been sent thirty minutes ago.

                   I’m back. I’ll be by your place in one hour. You better be okay and have a good explanation for making me worry this much, Stark!

What was I gonna do? I had only thirty minutes to come up with something. I knew it would be hard to convince Chanyeol to help me with what I wanted to do, but I figured he’d still do it. He was my best friend, after all. I called him and told him about my plan asking for his help, but he flat out refused. He was surprised with the plan I came up with and was angry that I wanted him to be part of it.

‘’Listen, Jia,’’ he told me. ‘’I love you like my own sister. But I’m not doing it. I know you are heartbroken and in pain right now. But I am begging you. Please, wait! You are not thinking clearly!’’

‘’So you are not helping me?’’ I asked once he stopped talking.

He waited for a moment and responded, ‘’Whatever I do or say won’t make you change your mind. So, I won’t say anything else. But I won’t help you, either. I would do anything for you, Ji. Anything but that!’’

I thought for a moment how to answer to him. He was right about one thing. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I wasn’t thinking with my head. Or my heart. I wasn’t thinking at all. I just wanted to do it!

‘’Ok. I don’t need your help anyway. It’s not like you’re the only guy I know.’’

‘’Ji, don’t do it!’’ He begged me. It was useless. I have made up my mind.

‘’Have a nice life, Chanyeol,’’ I said and ended the call. Ended the friendship we had. Lost the only real friend I had. We haven’t spoken again. One month later, after our graduation, he moved to Japan. I heard he went to study there. Good. I was happy for him. As long as he was away from me, he would be fine.

There weren’t many guys I knew or talked with, but there was one who definitely wouldn’t refuse my offer. Do-hyun. My playboy neighbor who I couldn’t stand. Without thinking too much into it, I went to his house and asked him. We agreed he would help me and in return I would give him money.

Exactly twenty minutes later Baekhyun knocked on my front door. I took a deep breath, crossed my living room and went to open the door. He didn’t give me a chance to say anything. The moment I opened the door I found myself in his warm embrace. He was hugging me as if I was gonna disappear any second. I didn’t hug him back. I couldn’t.

I pushed him away and took a step back. Realizing what I did, his face became a mix of surprise and panic. ‘’Stark, what’s wrong?’’ He spoke quietly, the tinniest crack in his voice. His voice! God! Somehow I found a courage and was about to speak when I noticed his eyes were not on me anymore. He was looking at something behind me. At someone. At Do-hyun. I haven’t noticed when Do-hyun came out of my house. He was standing behind me, dangerously close. As if that wasn’t enough, he put his hand on my shoulder and Baekhyun’s gaze followed the movement.

‘’Stark, you better start talking because I’m about to lose my and it’s not gonna be fun for anyone,’’ he said furious. ‘’Who is he?’’ His eyes were still glued to Do-hyun’s hand on my shoulder.

‘’I think it’s pretty clear what’s happening here, man.’’Do-hyun answered instead of me.

Baekhyun ignored him and finally looked at me again. ‘’Stark?’’ I didn’t know how to start my speech. Half of the heart that belonged to the guy standing in front of me was telling me to push away Do-hyun’s hand. To hug Baekhyun back. To make him heal my pain. To make him save me. But my head decided to intervene. It was telling me that there was no place for Baekhyun in it. All the things that his mother told me the other day have returned. Two days ago I was ready to fight for him. I was ready to fight even his mother, because I was not bad for him as she claimed. But things have changed.

If I took just one step forward. If I just told him to take me somewhere far away, I would have done what his mother told me I’d do. Together with mine, I would have destroyed his future. Baekhyun was the only star in the darkness which surrounded me. But one star couldn’t light up the dark.

‘’This is Do-hyun. We are together.’’ I said not brave enough to look him in the eyes. He knew me so well. I was afraid he’d see through my façade.

‘’Together?’’ Baekhyun asked. ‘’ What’s that supposed to mean?’’

Do-hyun intervened again. ’’It means we are seeing each other. You know, together as in boyfriend and girlfriend.’’

Baekhyun closed his eyes for a moment and laughed. ‘’It’s not funny, Stark. The joke went a little too far.’’

‘’It’s not a joke, Baekhyun.’’ I spoke again. ‘’It’s over between us. Sometimes things just don’t work out.’’ Oh God, I was doing a horrible job at convincing him I wanted to break up. I had no idea what to say to make him believe me. That was the first time I was breaking up with someone. Someone I still loved.

‘’I don’t know if you’ll understand or not. Actually, I don’t care. I just don’t want you in my life anymore. There’s no place for you in it.’’ I had to do better. I had to use harsher words. I had to hurt him more. ‘’It was all fun for some time, no doubt about it. But I’ve thought about our relationship and there’s nothing left in it that I care about.’’ Final strike. ‘’You are really immature. In the beginning I was okay with that because dating was a new thing for me and you were, you know, not bad to look at. But later, I got bored. I don’t want to go out with you. I don’t want to hear your stupid, immature jokes anymore. I don’t want to hear about new video games that have been released. I hate video games! I don’t want to spent another minute of my life with you and that’s it!’’He didn’t say anything. Just kept looking at me as if it was the first time he was seeing me. The new me!

I turned around and grabbed Do-hyun’ hand. ‘’Do-hyun is older and very mature. He makes me feel like a real woman. I had more fun with him these last few days than I’ve ever had with you.’’

Beakhyun looked at the sky and laughed sarcastically. ‘’And I told my mom I’d stay,’’ he mumbled his voice barely audible but I heard him. He took a deep breath and moved one step closer to me.‘’Look at me,’’ he ordered. His brown eyes pierced into mine and he leaned very close. ‘’I hope this ‘mature’ guy here tears you apart. Into hundred pieces. So you can never rebuild yourself together!'’ I was drowning. No matter how much I prepared myself for Baekhyun’s reaction, I wasn't ready to see his face and eyes full of hate directed toward me. It was killing me.'’Have a long and miserable life.’’ He gave me one final look full of hate and disgust and added, ‘’’’, before he turned around and left my life.

‘’Here’s the money. Thank you for helping me.’’ I told Do-hyun once Baekhyun was out of my sight. He looked at the money and then lifted his gaze and met mine.

‘’I ain’t taking that money. Keep it.’’

‘’Why not?’’

‘’I’m not a good person. We both know that. I have done many ty things. Slept with different girls, cheated, did dirty do strangers, to friends, even my family.’’ He paused for a second and then continued again, ‘’but I have never felt like this before. I feel like a last piece of . I helped you out, sure, no problem. But I don’t want your money.’’ That was the last thing I expected to hear from a guy like him. I’ve loathed him for a reason. But apparently, there was some good in him left.

‘’That guy’s face, I don’t know how or when you’ll be able to forget, but I know I won’t anytime soon.’’ He said and left.

I watched Do-hyun leave my porch and thought to myself.

‘’Never.’’

Hey, guys. :) Please, don't hate me too much because of this last chapter. It was really hard writing it for me. Good thing is that flashbacks are over. For now. Hope you're gonna like the rest of the story. :)