''My sad heart and apparent scars
  They won’t disappear.''  (EXO D.O. 'Scream')

FLASHBACK

I though about calling Baekhyun right away, but decided against doing it. He went with his friends to a gaming convention to Busan. I wanted to go with them but couldn't because of school, and even if I didn't have school, my mom would never let me go. She liked Baekhyun, but not enough to let her minor daughter go for a five days trip with a guy to another city. I didn't want to ruin his time with friends, but I wasn't letting his mother think for a moment that she had gotten away with what she had said either. No way! Once he's back, I was gonna talk to him.

''Miss, are you getting off?'' I didn't realize the bus driver was talking to me until an old lady lightly touched my shoulder. She smiled gently and pointed outside at the bus stop. Picking up my school bag from the seat I smiled politely, thanked the old lady and got off the bus. I wasn't thrilled about going home. Jang Mi was probably still out, but sooner or later she'd be back and mom would notice something was wrong right away. Making her sad or upset was the last thing I wanted to do. She's already got a lot on her plate.

Whoever thought working as a Math high school teacher was an easy job, could not be further from the truth. My mother really loved her job. When I was younger, I thought she loved it more than her own family. She'd always stay late doing extra classes with students who were failing the subject and then would come home tired, stressed and with no energy to spend time with her daughters. Dad was working for a construction comapny in another city, so he was able to come home only on weekends. They loved each oher and adored both my sister and me. But we missed them all the time. We missed having parents.The situation has changed for the better when I got older. Well, at least with my mom. She was not staying that late and the job was not the only priority in her life anymore. Her stress and exhaustion were still evident, but she did her best to hide it. After work, she would make a dinner and later the three of us would play Jenga, video games or watch some movie. We wanted dad to share the fun with us, but someone had to work and bring the money.

The sight that greeted me when I reached my house would always be deeply ingrained in my memory. There were two police cars and an ambulance in my yard and there were people everywhere. I scanned the yard looking for my mother and sister but couldn't find them. I was well aware that someting bad had happened but a coward in me refused to move forward. Instead, I continued to scan around for my mom. My eyes landed on one police officer who was looking back at me. He stared for a moment and then slowly made his way to where I was standing.

''Are you Seo Jia?'' Someone must have told him about me. I swallowed hard and nodded, too afraid to ask anything. Whatever he had to tell me, I was not ready to hear. He leaned forward and put his hand on my shoulder. That was another sign he was about to deliver terrible news. I mean, I wan not an idiot. Two police cars and an ambulance could only mean one thing. Someone was hurt. Badly.

''My mom or sister?'' I managed to ask with a trembling voice.

''Sister.'' The police officer answered after few seconds.

''Where is she? What hospital?'' He closed his eyes and looked around as if looking for someone to help or get him out of the situation he was currently in. My heart began to pound against my chest. He didn't answer. He didn't give me the name of the hospital. He didn't tell me she was okay. He just squeezed my shoulder harder and looked at me pitifully.

''Tell me she's okay.'' I mumbled.

''She was in a car accident. She didn't make it. I'm sorry.''

She didn't make it. She didn't make it. She didn't make it. Those were the last word I heard before everything went dark.

...

The next two days blurred. People coming and leaving our house, the funeral, mom visiting the hospital for the fifth time, dad faking toughness trying to be strong for her and me just being there. Being half alive, half dead. The only proof I was among the living was the fact that I was still breathing. I haven't eaten or drunk anything in two days. I haven't spoken to anyone in two days. After I lost my consciousness two days ago, I woke up in my room. Chanyeol was sitting beside my bed, doing something on his phone. He dropped it the moment he realized I was awake and pulled me into a hug.

''I'm sorry, Jia.'' He was crying. I could tell because my shirt was already wet and not from my tears.

''She hated me.'' I said staring blankly into space. ''My sister's last words to me were that she hated me.'' Chanyeol didn't say anything. Just kept hugging me tightly. Those were the only words I uttered. My father entered my room once, just to tell me the funeral would take place the next day.

I couldn't remember a single funeral in my family where we didn't cry. No matter how hard we tried, we just couldn't avoid it. I didn't cry at my sister's funeral. I watched both, people I knew and strangers crying. I watched my parents breaking apart in front of Mi's coffin. And yet, I didn't shed a tear. People gave me ugly looks. I heard them calling me different names and saying how my family didn't deserve a daughter like me. Mi didn't deserve a sister like me. None of that mattered to me. Half of my heart was in the coffin in front of me. The remaining one was too numb to feel anything. It just wasn't aware the other part was missing.

My heart decided to work and feel again that same day after the funeral was over. Not because I accepted that Mi was gone. Not because the sorrow and pain finally reached it. My heart started beating again because of fear. Dad left the house for one hour. One damn hour was enough for my mom to decide she had it enough. To decide to leave. I found her lying in the pool of blood in the bathroom. How and where I found the strength and courage to call the ambulance was still a mystery to me. It took them fifteen minutes to reach our house. Mom was covered in blood. But she was still breathing! At least that's what the paramedics told me. I went with them to the hospital and used a phone one of them gave me to call my dad.

She was alive! They saved her. When the doctor came out of the operating theater and gave us the news, my father dropped to his knees and started crying. I have never seen him like that in my life. The man was falling apart before my eyes and I had no idea what to do to help him. He was the parent, damn it! He should have been the one comforting me, saying everything would be okay. But he wasn't.

We took shifts watching over mom that night. Dad was barely standing on his feet , so I told him to go and take a nap first. He agreed only after arguing with me for ten minutes.

Seeing my mother laying in the hospital bed was like a trigger for my heart. All the emotions that have been accumulated wanted to go out. I couldn't control them anymore. The heart is a small organ. Fragile. Breakable. The remaining half which was still beating inside my chest started feeling everything at once.

You can't do much with one half of the heart. You can feel. But you can't control! You can't control when to stop or start the emotions. Once they decide to come out, that's it. You can just let them all go and pray they won't kill you in the end.

I broke down in front of my mother. She was not aware of it. She couldn't hear or see me crying and saying how much I hated her. She would never know I cried the whole night above her head. She would never know I spent my last tear on her.

I didn't think about saving one for the other half of my heart I was gonna destroy later.