Limbo

Chapter 9: An Appointment

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Somewhere in the back of his mind, Jongdae was aware that his professor was speaking, but he found that he just couldn’t focus on the lecture. Junmyeon’s laugh from the night before kept stealing his attention and refused to return it no matter how hard Jongdae tried to snatch it back. The art student rested his head in his hands, covering his mouth to hide the small smile that crept onto his face.

These feelings were nothing new. Jongdae remembered a time back in high school when he had a crush on this girl who he thought was cute. It had been a long time, but Jongdae could clearly recall how jittery he had been around her, just like now whenever he thought of Junmyeon.

Oh, .

Jongdae’s expression must have changed because his professor stopped speaking and was now staring at him in concern. “Is everything alright, Mr. Kim?”

He schooled his expression and straightened up in his chair. “Yes,” he replied, trying to exude confidence and reassurance. The professor gave him one last look before turning back to the PowerPoint.

Jongdae’s gaze dropped to his notes as he chewed on his bottom lip. He couldn’t be crushing on Junmyeon. He couldn’t afford it. It made no sense. Junmyeon was dead, had been for years. Jongdae was very much still alive, although he couldn’t be certain because according to Kyungsoo, people who visited Limbo were going to die soon.

Junmyeon’s laugh echoed through his head again. The sound taunted Jongdae, dangling what he wanted in front of him and sneering at him because he couldn’t have it. The art student held his head between his hands as he stared down at his page of half-heartedly written notes, letting the weight of his situation sink in properly.

When he thought about it, Jongdae realized that he didn’t have to worry so much. There were definitely ways to get rid of a crush, and the Internet would give him all the answers he needed.

Jongdae pulled out his phone the moment class ended and opened up a new tab. He waited until he found a place to sit before rapidly typing ‘how to get rid of a crush’ into the search bar, hitting the enter button and tilting the screen towards himself protectively. He didn’t want someone he knew to walk past and see what he was looking up.

Once the results stopped loading, Jongdae bent over his phone and began reading through the topmost ones.

Step 1: Admit that you have feelings for the person.

Well, he had already done that. For once, the silent panicking he did at the end of class wasn’t for some test he felt unprepared for.

Step 2: Forget your anger and bitterness.

Jongdae stared blankly at the piece of advice. What anger and bitterness? If anyone was feeling angry and bitter, it would be Junmyeon since he suffered such an unfair death, but that wasn’t the point. The art student wasn’t trying to deal with a broken relationship, so anger and bitterness had no place in this.

Step 3: Focus on your crush’s worst qualities.

He leaned back from his phone and tried to remember some of the more unappealing traits of Junmyeon. There was the time when they first met, and Junmyeon had been rather harsh with him that time. If Jongdae just focused on the frustration from that time, maybe he could trick himself into thinking that Junmyeon was unattractive.

The last two steps listed by the website were things that Jongdae already did: knowing he deserved the best and reminding himself how awesome he was. Those were easy, like the other methods presented, and Jongdae closed the website feeling a bit better than he did before. He checked a second website, wanting to see if it offered anything different from the first. When he saw that it did, he continued to read, getting halfway through the article before he noticed that a section of the article mentioned telling friends and family about his crush.

…Like hell he was going to talk to Baekhyun and Chanyeol about this. Maybe he could tell Jongin after making the latter promise he wouldn’t breathe a word to anyone else, but Baekhyun and Chanyeol were definitely off-limits. Chanyeol would blab to Baekhyun, and Jongdae did not want to deal with one of Baekhyun’s lectures, not to mention the film student would probably spill to Jongdae’s family.

Worrying at his bottom lip, Jongdae closed the tab and stuffed his phone back into his pocket. It was probably best if he told no one for now. He couldn’t be sure of Jongin’s reaction, but he was willing to bet that it wouldn’t be a good one, so he would keep silent. Hopefully, this crush would disappear soon.

For the rest of the day, Jongdae made an extra effort to keep Junmyeon out of his mind. When classes were finally over, the art student retreated to his dorm, shutting himself in his room and drawing furiously in his sketchbook. He purposefully shied away from drawing people, knowing that he would probably gravitate towards Junmyeon if he tried that. Instead, he focused on drawing a forest. He replaced the pines with oaks and maples and sketched a sparrow sitting on one of the branches. Then, he added a pair of squirrels chasing each other up a tree before shading in the shadows that danced across the forest floor.

He hadn’t realized that he had started sketching the outline of a person until the sound of Baekhyun entering the dorm jolted him out of his drawing trance. A rush of mixed emotions flooded him as he stared down at the crude silhouette standing amongst the trees. Then, in one fluid motion, he tore the sketch out, flipped it over, and shoved it to the side.

If Baekhyun hadn’t started calling for him, Jongdae probably would have spent the entire evening holed up in his room. Dinner was scarfed down, and as soon as Jongdae was finished cleaning his dishes, he was back in his room, this time wrapped up in a blanket with his drawing tablet out. He had gotten an idea while listening to Baekhyun blabber during dinner and was eager and nervous to try it.

In a fervor, he redrew the forest with the usual pines but omitted the squirrels and the sparrow. It was a hastily-drawn mess, but Jongdae didn’t care. He was going to face his crush head on.

Or so he thought.

The tip of his stylus hovered over the empty space between two trees as Jongdae chewed on his bottom lip. After a few seconds, he touched the stylus to the tablet, watching as a dot appeared on the canvas. Then, he removed the pen and hit the keys to undo his last action. With the dot gone, he returned the stylus to the tablet, only to lift and lower it repeatedly several times before sighing and leaning back in his chair.

Now that he actually wanted to draw Junmyeon, his hand wouldn’t cooperate and move the pen. Halfheartedly, Jongdae sketched out a stick figure, hoping that it would get his artistic side flowing again. He wasn’t surprised when it didn’t work. It never did.

Not even an hour later, Jongdae was crawling into bed, having given up on making any more progress with his art. Maybe he could sleep this problem away, if he managed to fall asleep in the first place. His brain was exhausted, but his body wasn’t, so Jongdae ended up tossing and turning for hours. Then, in the blink of an eye, sunlight was streaming through his window as he stared groggily at the ceiling.

Lethargic from a terrible sleep, Jongdae pushed himself into a sitting position and looked around. A bewildered expression replaced his blank look as the seconds went by. Did he not visit Limbo last night? He definitely hadn’t seen Junmyeon or even snatched a glimpse of the gray forest. Jongdae wasn’t sure if he should feel upset because he missed a chance to talk to Junmyeon or relieved because he didn’t have to risk embarrassing himself in front of his crush.

He was still musing over this when the sound of footsteps stopped outside his door and an obnoxiously loud voice started singing. Jongdae didn’t let Baekhyun get through the first verse before groaning. “Byun Baekhyun, don’t you have a boyfriend to annoy?”

“Yes, but I don’t know where my phone is,” Baekhyun answered, sounding a little too happy for someone who lost his phone, “Can you call it?”

Still grumbling under his breath, Jongdae reached for his phone and dialed Baekhyun. A few seconds passed, and then the telltale ring of his friend’s phone sounded from the living room. Baekhyun scampered off as Jongdae sat there, blinking to wake himself up as he waited for Baekhyun to grab his phone.

There was a click from his phone as Baekhyun picked up, and the other said, “Got it!” Jongdae mumbled a response and ended the call, tossing his phone somewhere onto his bed before rolling out of from beneath the covers and hobbling into the bathroom.

As it turned out, the cellphone incident wouldn’t be the only time that Baekhyun would bother Jongdae about that day. Later that morning, Baekhyun barged into Jongdae’s room as the latter struggled over his graduation project.

Baekhyun got straight to the point. “Hey, Jongdae, could you do me a favor?”

Jongdae lowered his sketchbook and pencil. “What?”

“Well, you see, I have an assignment where I’m supposed to make a short film. It’s supposed to be like a movie that’s condensed into ten minutes maximum, but I’m missing some pictures that I need for some critical parts in my video. Would you be able to draw some pictures for me?”

Jongdae contemplated it. In all honesty, it sounded like a nice break from his own problems. So far, he was getting nowhere on both his graduation project and his unwanted crush on Junmyeon. Helping Baekhyun with a film would give him the breath of fresh air needed to distract him from Junmyeon. Maybe he would even find inspiration for his project.

“How many drawings do you need, and when is your video due?” Jongdae asked.

“It’s due in exactly two weeks,” Baekhyun replied hopefully, “and I need four. Is that enough time?”

“It’s more than enough,” Jongdae reassured as he stood up, “What do you need me to draw?”

They walked into Baekhyun’s room, and the film student pulled out a storyboard he had prepared for the film. The two of them sat on the edge of Baekhyun’s bed, going over the general plot of the story together. Jongdae listened as Baekhyun described the physical characteristics of the two main characters and the emotions that he wanted them to show in each individual drawing. Jongdae asked a few questions for clarification, and in the end, Baekhyun agreed to lend Jongdae the storyboard for a week so Jongdae could use it to set the basic foundations for the four pieces.

As Jongdae picked up the storyboard, Baekhyun suddenly said, “About your dreams…”

Jongdae paused. “What about them?”

“I did a bit of research on my own,” Baekhyun admitted, interlacing his fingers together, “and I found something interesting. Apparently, there’s this guy who claims to have been studying Limbo for years now. His name is foreign – Chinese, I think – and I thought maybe it would be a good idea for you to meet him.”

Jongdae’s finger twitched. He bit the inside of his cheek as he remembered Baekhyun’s words about Limbo possibly being some kind of mental illness, and the thought made his stomach twist.

“Baekhyun,” he said, playful smile nowhere to be found, “this isn’t some kind of plan to trick me into agreeing to see a psychiatrist, is it?”

The rational side of him knew that Baekhyun would never do something so underhanded, but the tiny paranoid part of Jongdae imagined all kinds of scenarios where he would be unwittingly spilling everything about Limbo and Junmyeon to someone who would label him as crazy. Then, he would be prescribed a whole bunch of medicine that would only serve to make him truly crazy. Jongdae feared that it would just turn into a downhill spiral of mental illnesses and meds that would ruin his life.

To his relief, Baekhyun’s expression turned into one of horror. “No!” he denied vehemently, “No, no, no! Of course not! I joke around a lot, but I’d never do something like that to you, Jongdae!”

Upon seeing how much the notion repulsed Baekhyun, Jongdae dropped the subject and asked to see the information about the person who apparently knew about Limbo.

The link Baekhyun pulled up wasn’t even an official website like Jongdae expected. Instead, he found himself looking at an online article titled ‘Limbo: Truth or Hoax?’ in bold block letters. Jongdae took Baekhyun’s phone and started scanning the report.

The writer of the article was clearly biased. Jongdae had to refrain from rolling his eyes at the dismissive tone that was prevalent throughout the article. The author clearly thought Limbo to be a hoax, which only made Jongdae question their reasons for even writing this article in the first place.

Pushing that aside, Jongdae searched for a foreign name in the article. Baekhyun had mentioned Chinese, and Jongdae found a Chinese name in the second paragraph.

“Zhang Yixing,” he read out loud, struggling a little with the pronunciation.

Baekhyun sniffed. “So what do you think?” he prompted, “Worth checking out?”

Jongdae didn’t reply right away, so Baekhyun pressed on, “Come on, ‘Dae. At least talk to him once. If he seems like a phony or a total whackjob, then we won’t have to see him again. Besides, this may be our only chance to find out Limbo from someone more knowledgeable. Maybe he’s even been to Limbo himself!”

Jongdae found himself slowly nodding as Baekhyun babbled on. “I–yeah, okay, I guess,” he stammered, eyes still fixed on the name on the screen, “How do we contact him though?”

Baekhyun beamed proudly at that. “Oh, I searched up his name earlier, and it turns out he runs his own psychiatry clinic in Seoul. He’s got a website and all, and his office number was listed. You could call and ask to schedule an appointment.”

Upon hearing those words, a pit grew in Jongdae’s stomach. He swallowed and said, “Um, I dunno…”

Luckily for him, Baekhyun understood immediately. “Or I could schedule an appointment for you,” he offered, “I don’t mind calling for you if you’re nervous.”

In the end, Baekhyun called Yixing’s office number and scheduled an appointment for Jongdae. The appointment itself would take place in a week since, despite the article’s dismissal of Yixing’s claims about Limbo, the psychiatrist still had many patients who would visit him for health issues.

Jongdae would be a jittery mess of nerves until then, but he felt a bit better when Baekhyun announced that Chanyeol would be visiting them for lunch. It was a relief to know that they would be eating good food instead of overpriced deliveries or greasy fast food.

“He’s going to be here any minute now,” Baekhyun said as he got off his bed, “We should start the rice.”

“Do you know how to cook rice?”

“Yeah, I’ve seen Chanyeol do it loads of times,” Baekhyun assured, walking into the kitchen with confident steps.

In spite of Baekhyun’s self-assurance, Jongdae found himself trying to figure out how to use the rice cooker instead while Baekhyun stood next to him, offering unhelpful suggestions.

“We don’t cook the whole bag, right?” Jongdae asked as he hefted one bag of rice onto the kitchen counter.

“Of course not,” Baekhyun said, “We measure out some and put it in the rice cooker.”

“But how much?”

Baekhyun shrugged. “However much we’ll eat.”

Jongdae was ready to throttle his roommate. Instead, he picked up the bag of rice and placed the entire thing – bag included – into the rice cooker. He heard Baekhyun shuffle beside him and moved aside so his friend could retrieve the measuring cup from the cupboard. Jongdae watched as Baekhyun put the cup down and took the bag of rice out of the rice cooker.

Baekhyun cut open the bag and scooped up a cupful of rice. He held the cup over the rice cooker and looked at Jongdae uncertainly. “Are two cups enough?” he asked.

“Chanyeol eats a lot though,” Jongdae pointed out.

“Three cups then?”

“Four.”

Baekhyun poured the four cups slowly. Once he was done, he and Jongdae peered into the rice cooker, scrutinizing the amount of rice.

“That should be enough.”

“Yeah, I think so, too.” Jongdae put the bag of rice away. “How much water are we supposed to add?”

“…Four cups?” Baekhyun started measuring out four cups of water, dumping them into the rice cooker one after another.

“I thought you needed to add enough water to cover your hand if you laid your hand flat on the rice,” Jongdae said.

Baekhyun paused and glanced at the rice. “Really?” he asked skeptically.

Jongdae was about to answer when Baekhyun removed the bowl from the rice cooker and squinted at it. “Hey, this water is really cloudy. Is it supposed to be like this?”

If they weren’t in such a critical situation, Jongdae would have marveled at how quickly things descended into a panic. All of the rice he and Baekhyun had eaten in the past had either come from takeout or Chanyeol’s cooking, so this was the first time they had to cook their own. As a result, neither of them knew how to do it, despite Baekhyun claiming to have watched Chanyeol do it loads of times.

Luckily for their bellies and their sanity, Chanyeol arrived just in time to witness their dilemma and in a few short minutes, Jongdae made sure to learn how to cook rice so this sort of disaster could be avoided in the future.

A/N: The rice incident is totally inspired by that moment in EXO Showtime