“I swear to God, that Kim Jongin should shut his mouth up,” Seulgi hadn’t stopped swearing since this morning, now she was sulking the whole day. “Eonni, he messaged me and asked me to make it up, ugh, this guy should stop,” she showed her phone to her eonni.

Joohyun who was lying on the bed only hummed in reply. Despite Seulgi getting sulking about Jongin, she, herself, had another problem in her mind. Right after she and Seulgi entered the room this morning, Joohyun noticed the new messages from Chanyeol where he said he needed her and said he was pissed off. She sent a lot of apologies but he hadn’t replied even after 10 hours later. That was a bit new because Chanyeol never turned his phone off and the voicemail she got when she called her said that the owner’s number wasn’t active.

Joohyun got off the bed, grabbing her sweater.

“Eonni, where are you going?” Seulgi stopped her. “You’re not having another date with Sehun, right?”

Joohyun shook her head, “I’m just going to get some fresh air,” she walked towards the door, holding the doorknob. “Speaking of which, what do you think about Sehun?”

“Sehun?” Seulgi raised her eyebrows. “Well, he is much much much better than Jongin, for sure. And he sounds funny.”

That actually wasn’t the answer Joohyun expected but instead of asking more, she opened the door whilst saying, “I’ll be back in a while, Seulgi-ah.”

Joohyun left the building with some annoying worry feeling. If she had to be honest, she had never been this worried before. It was probably because she missed Chanyeol’s messages this morning. Assuming that the family gathering he had this morning wasn’t going well, she got more and more worried since she told him that she would be open for him upon the gathering.

Now she felt sorry and worried.

“Chanyeol, where are you going?” Joohyun tried to make another call but all she got was the same voicemail.

After thinking for a while, she briefly made her way to the campus studio that was left since it was 6 in the evening. The whole building was left an hour ago since the last class ended at 5 pm. But something told her to enter the building.

Joohyun found herself climbing on the stairway to the rooftop, opening the last door. Her face was greeted by the cold wind, making her cheeks immediately cold. She swept her vision to see a presence of a tall guy in a black hoodie standing on the edge of the rooftop. He was leaning on the railing, the back facing her. Joohyun finally could let out a long sigh in relief after making sure that the figure was Chanyeol.

She walked towards him as she hugged herself, “the only place in this campus where phone signal is blocked, huh?”

The guy didn’t reply, in fact, Joohyun was stopped by the sight of smoke coming out of his mouth.

“Y-You’re smoking?” there was an obviously disappointed tone in Joohyun’s voice.

“Only when I’m sad and mad,” the guy replied in his familiar deep voice, not tilting his head to the latter.

Joohyun didn’t reply for a while, staring at his side profile in sadness. She remembered how her grandfather ending up in the hospital because of lung cancer, which also was caused by heavy smoking. She noticed an empty box of cigarettes lying near his sneakers along with some used cigarettes. This guy had finished a box full, she supposed.

Joohyun leaned against the railing, still looking up at him. “So, was the fami–” she stopped as if she kept asking, she would end up hurting him. “Anyway, have you been here since this morning?”

Chanyeol didn’t reply, smoking the air through his nose.

“You’ve been missing for ten hours–”

“The gathering went bad,” Chanyeol interrupted.

“Ah,” Joohyun nodded, scooting closer to give a pat on the male’s shoulder, “so that’s why you’re sad-mad.”

Chanyeol didn’t reply, not even staring back at the girl.

“I’m sorry that I wasn’t there to reply to your messages,” Joohyun fiddled her fingers in guilty, “but you know, you shouldn’t have disappeared this long, I was worried about you.”

“Why do you care about me so much?” Chanyeol now took a glance over the shorter.

“Huh?” Joohyun blinked in mild confusion.

“You were having fun with Sehun.”

“Sehun?” Joohyun’s eyebrows were knitted. “Oh, we were having breakfast together, along with Jongin and Seulgi too– wait, how did you know?”

Chanyeol stopped talking as he remembered how he encountered them walking to the dormitory when he wanted to meet Joohyun. He clearly remembered how Sehun put his arm around the girl’s shoulders as they two walked together.

“You were– with him, laughing,” Chanyeol tried to look away as he felt something heavy in his chest, he polluted the air once again along with a long breath.

“What?” Joohyun fanned the smoke away as it covered her vision.

“Why do you care about me so much when you have Sehun–” Chanyeol hissed.

Joohyun looked at him for a while, finding this situation rather ridiculous. “So was it all about Sehun? Were you mad because I was having breakfast with Sehun?”

Chanyeol didn’t reply, letting his cigar fall on the ground then stomping on it to turn the fire off.

Joohyun let out a forced chuckle as she shook her head, “I don’t want to sound ridiculous but this is ridiculous,” she looked up at him, “do you like me, Chanyeol?”

The guy had his eyes on the trace of his cigar he had been trying to remove, the question wasn’t what he expected it to be.

“Because that wouldn’t get you mad if it’s not–” Joohyun repeated, “please answer me, Chanyeol.”

The taller still had his mouth shut.

“Chanyeol–”

“Well, yes, maybe? I don’t know!” he suddenly snapped in loud voice, more like yelling, making Joohyun flinch in surprise. “I don’t know what I’m feeling, okay? I’ve never felt this heavy before. And I don’t ing know what this is or what the hell is happening with me right now, is that– is that what you want me to say?!”

Joohyun had to admit that she had never been yelled at like this before. And the image of intimidating Chanyeol crossed her mind again. But instead of trying to back off, she kept standing there, staring into his dark sad orbs.

“You really missed out on your parents' love, you don’t even know what love is anymore, or recognize how it feels,” she whispered in low voice but Chanyeol still could hear it.

The heaviness in his heart didn’t get down, it got worse. Chanyeol put his hands into his pockets, “well, thank you for reminding me,” he took a step to the exit way since he didn’t even feel better by saying the previous words.

Joohyun quickly grabbed his arm to stop him. “I did mine too, years ago. We’re no different,” she looked up to meet his gaze. “And people who said they loved me slowly walked out of my life, my father, my mother, Junmyeon Oppa...,” the face of the guy passed on her mind.

There was dead silence and none of them both moved.

“I don’t want the next person to do the same to me,” she let out a sigh. “Please don’t leave me,” she moved her hand down to hold on to the younger tightly. “I might not be able to return the feeling right now, heck, I’m, myself, also a ed up person when it comes to things like this,” Joohyun shook her head, chuckling without humour as she reminisced.

Chanyeol didn’t say anything, finding the girl’s hand warm and it slowly made him feel a bit better.

“Please stop smoking because there won’t be any more sad and mad Chanyeol,” she slowly moved towards him, wrapping her arms around the taller’s waist as she leaned her head on his chest. “I’ll be here for you, please don’t leave me, please don’t be sad and mad.”

Chanyeol swore his heart might explode right now. He wasn’t sure what to do now with Joohyun sending some warmth on him. He briefly returned the hug as he wrapped his long arms around her petite body, whispering softly, “I don’t know what that means, really.”

Joohyun chuckled, taking a breath of the nicotine smell on his hoodie. “I don’t, either. But we’ll figure out things later,” she stopped for a while, “are you okay? Your heart is beating so fast.”

“I-I don’t know, I can’t control that.”

“Is your chest not heavy anymore?”

“Yeah, it’s much better– how did you know?”

“I felt the same,” Joohyun looked up at him, radiating a warm smile. “Let’s say that’s what love is, shall we?”

—

“To the side, to the side! Argh!” Baekhyun threw his stick in the air as he fell on the floor, whining. “I shouldn’t have played Arsenal.”

Jongin who was sitting next to him laughed, poking the older’s waist. “Come on! Let’s continue, we’re not even half time!”

“I’m tired,” Baekhyun rolled away from the rival, lying on the floor. “Do a match with Sehun. I’m going to get food from the fri