Reticence

Reticence (Silence)
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The days following Chanyeol’s win at the semi-finals were dry, sunny and with a cloud in view in the sky. It seemed like the rainy season that came with the summer had just passed and made its due, waiting to reemerge another time at a different date.

Kyungsoo started to appreciate the rain more now that it was gone because the summer in Japan was hot, humid and it made him uncomfortably sweat through his clothing despite dressing light and suitable for the weather.

Just in case it would rain again, Kyungsoo had brought a foldable umbrella with him and made sure that Chanyeol did too.

 

The resort hotel who had offered to sponsor and host the Go tournament that would take over the course of several days was located in the town of Hakone, in a prefecture outside of Tokyo about two hours by train, mostly known for the mountainous resorts.

Although Chanyeol insisted that he wanted to hire a taxi to drive him and Kyungsoo to Hakone, Takeda insisted that they take the train because of the heavy traffic during the school summer holidays.

 

 

Takeda usually traveled with Chanyeol but this time, he had to travel with the Go association’s president who decided that he wanted to be there at the tournament to represent Chanyeol in front of the press and during interviews; since Chanyeol would not be doing it himself.

Since Kyungsoo was around, Takeda just made Kyungsoo accompany Chanyeol to Hakone by train. Chanyeol preferred it that way anyway.

 

 

The association’s president, Mr. Fujiwara, had high hopes for Chanyeol to win, as well as everyone from the association.

Even the food caterer who delivered fresh food to the association’s office every day had expressed his desire and yearn for Chanyeol to win the match against his opponent.

There was a noticeably immense and tremendous amount of pressure on Chanyeol to win the match. Everyone he knew supported, wanted the best and rooted for him but Chanyeol only feared to disappoint them and crushing their expectations.

Furthermore, there was Kyungsoo around this time too. Chanyeol would hate to fail Kyungsoo by losing the tournament and failing to retain his victory from last year even if Kyungsoo never pressured him to win or whatnot.

 

Chanyeol, not being the type to argue, complied with Takeda to travel by train and bought the train tickets together with Kyungsoo on the day before they were supposed to leave.

Chanyeol’s match officially began on a Thursday but they had to be at the tournament’s venue latest on Wednesday afternoon, so they would be in time to attend the opening and officiating dinner.

The match would be played as a best of three and take place and cross over into the weekends, with one day reserved for each match.

 

 

Kyungsoo groaned at the heat the moment he stepped off the train and into the open train station at Hakone.

The summer in South Korea was pretty similar but Kyungsoo often spent his days inside the coolly air-conditioned hospital, and only stepped outside in the early mornings or late evenings when his shift ended, so he was blissfully unaware to know how bad the extent of the summer heat actually was.

The air was humid and felt suffocating if Kyungsoo were to put it into simple terms. He was a doctor and not a weatherman or meteorologist, after all. But he knew the air felt heavy and stuffy for him at least, and he wondered if it was just him who felt the way because the other tourists in the train station didn’t look at least visibly bothered by it.

 

Meanwhile, Chanyeol, on the other hand, didn’t seem to be visibly affected much by the heat and walked behind Kyungsoo with a straight face and calm demeanor, while carrying his knapsack on his back.

Chanyeol followed Kyungsoo quietly and diligently throughout the crowded train station and down outside to the taxi stands by the street.

If Kyungsoo stopped walking to read a sign, Chanyeol also stopped moving and when Kyungsoo was walking down the wrong way because he misread the signs despite it being in English which he understood, Chanyeol did not speak up to correct him either even though he knew they were going down the wrong way.

Kyungsoo glanced over his shoulder to ask Chanyeol if he was bothered by the heat and Chanyeol only shook his head. Seeing how everyone around him seemed to be fine and functional under the heat, Kyungsoo began to think that it was just him with low heat tolerance.

 

 

Kyungsoo wore a straw hat he bought the day earlier to keep the sun’s rays out of his face but it didn’t do much for the heat. Kyungsoo regretted stepping out into the heat once more when he left the air-conditioned interior of the train station to go outside to the taxi stands by the street.

Kyungsoo quickly entered a taxi parked outside, getting into the rear seat where Chanyeol followed him.

Once inside the coolly air-conditioned taxi, Kyungsoo sighed in relief and took off the straw hat from his head to fan himself before nudging for Chanyeol to tell the taxi driver in Japanese to drive to the hotel resort they were staying in.

 

Like he was breaking out of a trance, Chanyeol slightly jolted when Kyungsoo motioned for him to tell the driver where they were headed.

Chanyeol slightly stammered and was for a bit, unable to come with coherent words to tell the driver. It wasn’t that Kyungsoo wanted to put Chanyeol in an uncomfortable position; he just didn’t know how to instruct the driver who didn’t seem to speak English either.

Kyungsoo grabbed Chanyeol’s hand at his side, resting on the car seat, gripping on tight and firm to reassure Chanyeol that he was still there and that there was nothing to fear.

It worked almost instantly because Chanyeol began to still and was able to form a short sentence to tell the driver where to bring them, which the driver was able to understand too.

Chanyeol returned the gesture and laced his fingers with Kyungsoo’s, holding onto the hand belonging the person who most dear to him.

 

During the short drive to the hotel, Chanyeol whispered a low thank you to Kyungsoo sitting beside him.

Kyungsoo was looking out the window while still trying to fan himself with his hat to cool down faster, but he could still hear Chanyeol’s soft expression gratitude and although Kyungsoo didn’t say anything back, he smiled upon hearing the words.

 

 

When they had first arrived, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo saw a large banner was hung outside the building.

The bold and large words printed on the banner were mostly in Japanese that Kyungsoo couldn’t read, but he did understand the smaller English fonts and subscript that read to announce the hotel as the venue for Japan’s national Go tournament.

Inside the hotel’s modern designed lobby were more standing banners displayed throughout the lobby near the reception area, to advertise and announce the Go tournament that would be taking place beginning the next morning.

 

 

Chanyeol saw the numerous banners that were around and only felt even smaller and that he probably wasn’t deserving of his title as one of the best professional Go players alive.

Chanyeol saw not just his face but the stern glare of his opponent on one of the banners and was hit by the realization that there were just two options for him now onwards; to win or to lose, because even if Chanyeol chose to withdraw from the match, he would still be declared the loser for official terms even if a match was not played.

Chanyeol knew deep down that he couldn’t afford to lose. His life depended on Go and there was nothing else for him beyond the black and white board, Chanyeol greatly believed.

For Chanyeol did not fear the loss as much as he feared to lose his identity, pride and the very thing he had built his life around. It would kill him to lose it now.

Chanyeol knew he had to win because Go was his life and he feared to die while still being alive and breathing.

 

 

 

Kyungsoo and Chanyeol had separate but adjacent rooms to each other in the hotel on the second floor, with both their rooms overlooking the scenic river and green forests outside.

Chanyeol left his room after putting his bags down to go to Kyungsoo’s room and spend his time there, reading and scribbling some notes down on a notebook about Go, waiting until Takeda arrived with the association’s president in a few hours.

 

Kyungsoo sat on a chair by the glass window overlooking the river outside his room, admiring the scenery and surroundings from inside the cool room and not outside in the heat.

Kyungsoo did plan to go sightseeing around Hakone but maybe later in the evening when it was cooler, he hoped.

 

Kyungsoo looked to his side where he saw Chanyeol, sitting cross-legged on his bed with the book in his lap.

Chanyeol was quiet and had not said more than three words since they had checked into the hotel and their rooms.

As usual, Chanyeol looked very focused and immersed into the notes he had written into his notebook; that contained statistics and records of common moves, turns, and strategies that were often played by his opponent for the final match.

 

 

Chanyeol’s opponent was a member of the Kansai Go association that was based in Osaka, a long-standing rival to the Japan Go association that was based in Tokyo.

Although both associations played Go and the similar type of it and were both based in Japan, albeit, in different regions of the archipelago country, the longtime sportsmanship rivalry had existed since the founding of both associations.

Chanyeol’s opponent in question was a man slightly older than Chanyeol, who was popularly and mononymously known by his surname, Maruyama.

 

Chanyeol had played several matches against Maruyama in inter-association competitions in the past; and year after year for the past five years or so, Maruyama always reached the finals of the Japan national Go tournament to represent his association to play against Chanyeol.

Chanyeol was impartial to most people but he always felt something off and displeasing about Maruyama.

Maybe it was because Maruyama always looked too stern and glared too hard at Chanyeol from across the Go board.

Chanyeol felt uncomfortable when that happened and he felt restless too at times.

 

Despite that, whenever he and Maruyama played against each other, the win and loss ratio was about equal between both of them.

Chanyeol knew it was that way because it meant that he and Maruyama were about at the similar and same skill level, their alike ranks as a 9-dan professional player to reflect it; that being the highest attainable rank for a Go player.

Chanyeol also knew that unless one of them begun to improve and grow as a player more than the other, they would be stuck with the same win and loss ratio and to always go neck on neck against each other with just luck deciding the rest of the outcome.

 

Chanyeol hated to know that because of his and Maruyama’s similar skill levels, the winner was almost decided by whoever was luckier and had the odds in his favor during the tournament; both of the factors being things that were out of a human’s control.

It made Chanyeol feel lesser, incapable and like he wasn’t putting his full potential and capability into the game, no matter how hard he tried and how much he trained for it.

After such a game, Chanyeol always felt unsatisfied and displeased with himself. He began to think how he could do better and what moves he could have made instead, even days after the game was over and even if he had won against Maruyama.

Every day, Chanyeol strived to be a better Go player than he was yesterday and he had yet to feel satisfied and that it was enough.

 

 

While Kyungsoo couldn’t tell of the storm brewing in Chanyeol’s heart and in the skies a distance away, Kyungsoo could tell that Chanyeol was very determined to win and improve himself this time around.

Kyungsoo was about to say something to Chanyeol and maybe ask him if he wanted to do something while they waited for Takeda and the association’s president, Mr. Fujiwara to arrive, but decided against it when he saw how focused and attentive Chanyeol was to his Go revision.

Kyungsoo would hate to break Chanyeol’s concentration now and pulled out his phone while waiting for the envoy from the Go association to arrive at the hotel resort.

 

 

After Takeda arrived together with Mr. Fujiwara and another person from the association to help with the tournament, Chanyeol was quickly asked to shower and change into a black suit that had been pressed and readied for Chanyeol, brought all the way from Tokyo to Hakone by Takeda.

Kyungsoo was also asked to change into his formal clothes so he could attend the opening ceremony of the tournament that would take place in the hotel’s ballroom.

Kyungsoo was notified by Takeda, beforehand of the dress code, and Kyungsoo had quickly gone shopping the previous day and bought a dress shirt and pair of black trousers from a store near where Chanyeol’s house was at.

 

Chanyeol showered and got dressed and ready in Kyungsoo’s room, instead of his own. Kyungsoo considered taking a shower before the opening ceremony in Chanyeol’s room, since Chanyeol was using his, but decided to wait until after Chanyeol was done showering in his room to take his turn to shower.

 

By the time Kyungsoo was done showering and had dried off inside the shower, because he was slightly abashed and a bit shy to parade himself around around unlike Chanyeol, who didn’t car

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Djatasma
#1
Chapter 19: This was wonderful
alanahanin #2
Chapter 19: This story is amazing! So touchful for me that i'm going to cry
Reem_mohamed
#3
Chapter 19: ???
ozomana
#4
Chapter 19: It is a beautiful story
Reem_mohamed
#5
Chapter 14: The journey of realizing a certain emotion is very stressful and can take a lifetime to understand
Reem_mohamed
#6
Chapter 2: Ahh ,again I didn't expect that kind of accident happened to chanyeol
Reem_mohamed
#7
Chapter 1: At the point where kyungsoo forgot about chanyeol ,my heart broke into pieces cause I didn't expect that
ASYSSJ
#8
Chapter 14: damn.... i keep rereading this story over and over again...
ASYSSJ
#9
Chapter 19: Ouhhhhh so sweet!!
thank you for the story i really love it:)))
XOXO<333
ASYSSJ
#10
Chapter 5: U... wa...ah...
DAMN IT!! WHO'S CUTTING THE ONION T^T