Appa's no cook, but the CPA in him can follow a recipe like no one's business. Together, however, we managed to ruin a roasted chicken, which was still raw two hours into cooking. That's when we figured out that something was wrong with one of our oven's elements. We dumped the chicken, gave it last rites over the garbage can - RIP - and called for pizza. And even though we were a little upset by the failure, our guests - Jacqueline, Anna, and Taehyung - didn't seem it mind.

It's been a week since Beach, and it's the first time Taehyung's been invited inside my house, so I'm nervous anyway. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I've hung out at Taehyung's house several times, and it's so comfortable over there, and now I'm worried it won't be the same here. He already cracked a joke about hanging out with a cop, so there's that, too. Even though I don't think about Jacqueline as being some kind of intimidating authority figure, I can understand why Taehyung might feel that way. Now I feel defensive about her and want him to like both her and appa, and that feels . . . stressful.

But when the pizza's delivered and Taehyung's thumbing through appa's DVD collection, things start looking up. Turns out appa and Taehyung like a lot of the same sci-fi movies. Taehyung has no idea what a huge mistake he's just made, because Appa is thrilled out of his mind and will not shut up with the nerd-talk: Have you seen this space-pirate gem from 1977? What about this long-lost 1980 movie? If they start talking about Star Wars, I'm going to have to shut it all down.

The entire time they're talking, I can't tear my eyes away from Taehyung. What I'm feeling for him now is like drowning and floating at the same time. When he gives me a quick look, I'm overwhelmed. Does he feel like this too? This epic connection between us? It's thrilling and frightening. Like the rest of my life.

"Man, you've got it bad," Anna whispers near my ear. "Must have been good, huh?"

Ugh, I should never have told her what happened on the beach. I didn't give her details, but maybe that's the problem. She's filling them in her dirty little mind. I bat her arm away, and our discreet, playful slap-fest devolves into immature giggling. When appa and Taehyung notice, something near hysteria rises up in me, and I herd Anna toward the sofa, ducking out of sight.

I'm trying so hard to be more open with him, to talk about . . . all of this. These chaotic feelings. About what happened in the back of the van. We haven't been together again, not like that. Haven't had time. We've had some lovely deep kisses in front of the van after work and a lot of midnight phone calls about nothing much at all, really - we just needed to hear each other's voices. but every time I try to tell him how I really feel, how much I really feel, my chest feels like a hundred-pound fiery fist is squeezing my heart.

Sheer panic.

Once a coward, always a coward.

What if I can't change? If I can't be as honest and open as he needs me to be? As reliable a friend as Anna wants me to be? What if Joon Hyungjoon ruined me forever? That's what scares me the most.

After all the mae-on-male sci-fi talk, we all retire to the porch and sit around the patio table near the tree that grows through the roof. Appa brings out the holy worn game box.

"Okay," he says very seriously. "What Suzy and I are choosing to share with you tonight is a Bae family tradition. By taking part of this game - this cherish and sacred ceremoy -"

I snort a little laugh while he continues his speech.

"- you are agreeing to honor our proud family heritage, which extends as far back as . . .well, I think the price sticker on the box is from around 2001, so it's pretty ancient."

Jacqueline rolls her eyes. "I'll give it my attention for 15 minutes, Namjoon."

"No, Sergerant Gonzalez," he says dramatically, slicing his hand through the air as if he's some stern politician at a podium, commanding attention. "You will give Settlers of Candy your attention for a full hour or two, because the colonies deserve it."

"And because it will take you at least that long to build up your settlements," I tell her.

"Is there a dungeon master?" Taehyung asks.

Appa and I both chuckle.

"What?" Taheyung says, smiling.

"We have so much to teach you," I say, putting my hand on his. "And there's no dungeon master. Wrong kind of game nerd."

"Is this more or less boring than Monopoly?" Anna asks.

"Less," Appa and I say together.

"Monopoly is for losers," Appa informs her.

Taehyung frowns. "I love Monopoly."

"We have an entire chest full of old board games," I whisper loudly to him.

"I'm not going to like this, am I?" Jacqueline says on a heavy sigh.

"Now might be a good time to break out that expensive bottle of wine you guys brought back from San Francisco," I suggest.

Taehyung smiles at me and rubs his hands together excitedly. "This looks super weird. I'm so in. Let's play."

God, I love him. I don't even know why I was so worried before. This is all fine now.

Appa unpacks the dame and explains all the rules, confusing everyone in the process. We finally just starts playing and teach as we go. They get the hang of it. I'm not sure if they like it as much as Appa and I do, but everyone seems to be having fun. We're laughing and goofing around a lot, anyway. Everything's going great until about an hour into the game.

The pizza made me thirsty. I excuse myself to get some iced tea from the kitchen and ask if anyone else needs a refill. Appa does, so I leave to fetch tea for both of us. While I'm headed away from the table, appa says, "Thanks, Giant Maknae."

Behind me, I hear Taehyung ask appa, "What did you call her?"

"Huh? Oh, 'Giant Maknae'? That's just a childhood nickname," appa says through the open doorway.

"I hear you call her that all the time," Jacqueline remarks, "but you never told me why."

"It's actually a funny story," Appa says.

I groan as I pour our tea, but appa is already storytelling mode, and I can hear him from the kitchen.

"This is how it came about. When Suzy was younger, fourteen years old, she was in the hospital for a couple of weeks." I look back briefly to see him giving Jacqueline a lift of his brows that tells me they've had this conversation, so she know about the shooting. "The entire time she was there, the TV was stuck on a show that was aways on. We were so worried about her, that by the time anyone thought to change the channel, she'd already started to actually like some of the episode and wouldn't let us change it."

I sigh dramatically as I walk back through the doorway onto the porch and set down our glasses of tea.

"Anyway, for a few days, after surgery, it was a little touch and go. And being a dad, I was worried, of course. I told her if she healed up and made it out of the hospital, I'd buy her whatever she wanted. Most girls her age would probably say, I don't know - a car? A pony? A trip to whatever country? Not Suzy. She saw those characters and her favorite was called Giant Maknae, and she said, 'Appa, I want a giant Giant Maknae plushy.' "

Jacqueline guffaws. "Did you get her one?"

"Of course," Appa says. "It was just the attitude I never forgot. And she still love the character. Is everything all right, Taehyung?"

As I'm scooting my chair back under the table, I look up and see that Taehyung has a peculiar look on his face. He looks like someone just told him his dog died.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

He's staring at the table and won't look at me. He was just laughing and clowning around a minute ago, now all of a sudden he's clammed up and his jaw looks as if it's made of stone and might break off.

Everyone's staring at him. He shuffles around in his seat and brings his hand up with his phone. "I got a text from my mom. Got to go, sorry."

No way. The old I got a text trick? Did he just pull that in front of me?

"What's wrong?" I say again, standing up from the table with him.

"Nothing, nothing," he mutters. "It's no big deal. She just needs my help and it can't wait. Sorry." He seems agitated and distracted. "Thanks for dinner and stuff."

"Anytime," appa says, worry creasing a line through his brow as he shares a look with Jacqueline. "You're always welcome here."

"See you, Anna," Taehyung mumbles.

I can barely keep up with Taehyung as he strides toward the front door, and when we're outside, he bounds down the steps without looking at me. Now I'm freaking. Maybe he really did a text, but it wasn't from his mom. Because there's only one person that makes him this intense,  and if he's avoiding appa and Jacqueline, I'm worried it might have something to do with RM.

"Taehyung," I call as he heads down the driveway.

"Got to go," he says.

That just makes me mad. He can avoid appa all he wants, but me? "Hey! What the hell is wrong with you?"

He turns around, and his face is suddenly livid with anger. "Was this some sick joke?"

"Huh?" I'm completely confused. He's not making any sense, and his gaze is shifting all over my face. "You're scaring me. Did something happen?" I ask. "Is this about RM? Did he do something again? Please talk to me."

"What?" Bewilderment clouds his face. He squeezes his eyes closed and shakes his head, mumbling. "This is so ed up. I can't . . . I got to home."

"Taehyung!" I shout to his back, but he doesn't turn around. Does look my way again. I just stand helplessly, cradling my elbows in the driveway, watching his van rumbling to life and disappears down the street.