I'm a mess. It's been 8 hours since Taehyung and I parted at the Bees and I haven't been able  to get his words out of my head. y as hell.

Me!

He!

What?

He didn't say anything else, barely looked at me when he told me he had to go because he promised to help his mom unload something at the surf shop that afternoon. I think I thanked him for the muffins and the chairlift ticket. I'm not even sure. I was so flustered. I might've told him I'd see him at work. Mr. Roi asked me if I was okay, so I know I stood there too long, looking like a fool. Then I walked half a mile in the sand to the wrong parking lot and had to walk back to get Eggie.

"That's all you're eating?" Appa asks from my left elbow.

I look down at my bowl. it's mostly full, but not because it's bad. It's really good, in fact. I'm sitting at a pink picnic table on the northen end of town, far from the madding crowd of the bordwalk. Jacqueline - sorry, Sergeant Gonzalez - sits across the table. It's hard to think of her as a cop now, because she's dressed in jeans, and we're eating dinner with her on the beach in front of a pop-up food truck, the infamous posole truck. Also because Appa keeps calling her Jacqueline, and every time he says it, he smiles a little, only I don't he knows he's doing it. I think they might be playing footsie under the table in the sand, but I'm too distracted to check.

Posole, it turns out, is this amazing Mexican slow-cooked stew made from dried corn, broth, chilies, and meat. They have red, green, and white posole for sale at the truck, ad I'm having white, which is pork, and the mildest. It's topped with sliced fresh radishes and cabbage, and there's plates of lime wedges at the tables. The sun is setting over the Pacific, so the sky is this crazy gold-and-orchid color, and the posole truck has these fairy lights strung up over the tables, so it's all festive and dun. At least, it should be. But we can see a few surfers silhouetted int he dusky waves, and that's making me think of Taehyung, which freaks me out.

So no, I can't eat.

But I have to. I'm hungry, and this is silly. I'm not going to be one of those girls who goes all woobly-woo over a boy and picks at her food. It's Taehyung Kim, for goodness' sake. We're practically archenemies. Look at our stupid compatibility quiz - didn't we fail that? Or did we? I can't remember now. All I remember is how cute and earnest he looked, talking about algaes and ocean currents, and how the tiny hairs on his legs tickled wen the chairlift rocked.

I feel feverish, just thinking about it again now, help me.

But then, maybe he didn't even mean it. He might've only been teasing me. Was he only teasing me? A fresh wave of panic washes over my chest.

No, no, no. This cannot be happening is all I can think, my mind gleaming with terror.

I cannot like Taehyung Kim.

"Suzy?"

"Huh? No, I love it. Seriously delicious," I answer appa, trying to sound normal as I puck up my spoon. "I had a weird day, is all."

I push Taehyung out of my mind. Eat my soup. Concentrate on watching seagulls flying around the shore. Then I hear appa tell Jacqueline in a small voice. "She had a date today."

"Ooh," Jacqueline says, mouth curving into a smile.

"Appppa~"

"Well, you didn't tell me how it went. What was his name? Mark?'

"If you must know, it went like this," I say giving a thumbs-down sign. "Turns out your daughter gets a failing grade in relationship chemistry, because, funny thing, but Mark is gay."

Jacqueline makes a pained face. "And he didn't tell you before?"

"Not his fault," I say. "I guess I just made some wrong assumptions."

Appa grits his teeth and looks several shades of uncomfortable. He has no idea what to tell me. "Oh, honey. I'm . . . sorry."

I shake my head. "Like you always say, never assume."

"Makes an out of 'me' and 'u,'" he finishes, quoting one of his favorite goofy quotes. After a moment, he loosens up and drapes an arm around me. "I'm truly sorry, kiddo. It wasn't meant to be, but don't let it get you down. This town is fill with cute boys."

Jacqueline smiles to herself.

"Aish, Appa. I can't believe you just said that in front of your girlfriend," I say in a stage whisper, letting my head fall on his shoulder.

"Me either," he admits, rubbing my back. "Being a parent is weird."

Jacqueline wipes with a napkin, nodding her head. "So true. My baby is two years older than you, Suzy. And he's just gone through a crazy breakup."

"Wait, you have a son?"

She nods. "Been divorced for five years. He's Twenty. Went to a year of community college, and now he's taking summer classes at your dad's company. Electrical engineering. He's a smart kid."

As she's telling me more about her son, I dig into my stew, wondering if I'll ever meet this guy. What if appa remarries? Will I have a stepbrother? That's weird to think about. Then again, Jacqueline seems pretty cool, and they way she's talking about Giovanni - that's her son - you'd think he was the most awesome guy on the planet. Besides, appa's like me: he doesn't make rash decisions. I can't picture him rushing into another marriage, not like Eomma - who still hasn't called, just for the record. Not that I'm counting the days or anything, crying my eyes out for her like a child who's been shipped off to summer camp and misses Eomma.

But still. One call? One email?

If she thinks I'm calling first, she can think again. I'm not supposed to be the adult here.

When I'm done eating, I get up from the table and grab my phone out of my purse, which is stashed in the seat of Eggie; I drove and met Appa and Jacqueline here. On my way back to the table, I notice some of the distant surfers have stripped out of their wet suits. They've stuck their boards in the sand, propped them up, and are walking toward the posole truck. My pulse leaps as I scan the three boys for Taehyung's face. I don't find it, but I do spot someone else limping across the beach: RM.

Dang.

I don't really want to see him again, especially not while i'm with appa. Unfortunately, no matter how low I duck as I sit back down next to appa, it's not low enough to escape his hazy gaze.

"Look who it is, little miss thing," he says. "Cowgirl. You work with Taehyung at the Vogue?"

I raise my hand for a weak wave.

"RM," he says, pointing to his chest, which is, as always - even when the other two surfers are clothed. He's shivering. Put a shirt on. "Taehyung's friend, remember?"

"Hey," I say, because it would be weird not to. But why did he have to mention Taehyung?

"Is that your Vespa?" he asks. "Sweet ride. Looks legit. Has it been restored?"

Jacqueline sits up straighter and speaks up before I can answer. "What are you doing here, Mr. Kim?"

"Oh, hello, Officer Gonzalez," RM says, seemingly unfazed by her presence. "Didn't recognize you out of uniform."

"It's Sergeant Gonzalez, and I can still arrest you, no matter what I'm wearing."

"I'll keep that in mind," he says, smiling like an salesman.

Two older girls in bikini bottoms and T-shirt get up from a nearby table to throw away their trash, and RM's friends start hitting on them in the worst way possible. All I hear is " for days" and "bury my face down there" and I want to either die or punch them all in the junk. The girls flip them off and after a short but brutal exchange, his friends give up and head to the posole truck like it's no big deal. Just another few minutes in their day. 

Now that is over, RM seems to remember he was talking to me.

"So anyways, cowgirl, you're still invited. Remember?" He holds up a finger to his mouth and winks. It takes me a second to realize that he's talking about the bonfire. I guess. Who can really tell when it comes to him. I don't respond, and he doesn't notice. He and his friends are already distracted by the next thing - another car, this time full of more dudes. They race to go meet them. Thank goodness. I'm totally embarrassed to be on the same beach as them. They're bringing society down by several pegs, just breathing the same air as us.

"So far, far away, please," I mutter.

"You know him?" Jacqueline asks, suddenly very concern in a cop kind of way.

Now appa's concerned too - in a father sort of way.

"No, no," I say, waving my hand. "He knows someone I work with."

"Taehyung Kim?" Appa says. "I thought he was a security guard, not a beach bum."

"He is. I mean, he's not." I say. Oh, crap. I don't want appa associating the two of them together. "Taehyung's not like RM. I don't even know if they're really friends anymore. I ran into RM on the boardwalk and he started calling me cowgirl because I was buying a scarf, and then he invited me to hang out, but that didn't mean I was going or anything -"

"Whoa," Appa says. "Slow down."

"RM seems like such a dirtbag, ugh."

Jacqueline seems satisfied by my answer. "Stay away from him, Suzy. I mean that. He's trouble. Every time I bust him, he gets off on a technicality. but he's barely keeping his head above water. I'm talking serious narcotics - not weed or alcohol. He needs help, but his parents don't care enough to give it to him."

Man. I think about Deja Vu and that weird conversation I witnessed - how mad Taehyung was catching RM coming out of the store.

"But Taehyung isn't . . ." I say, and I wish I hadn't mentioned his nam before I can even finish.

"Taehyung's okay," she says, and I hope she doesn't notice how relieved I am. "At least, I think he is. The Kim family's been through a lot, but they're good people. Still, you'd be better off staying away from that crowd. If Taehyung's hanging around with RM, I'd advise you to steer clear and save yourself some grief." She says the last part more to Appa than to me, and he gives her a little nod, like yeah, he understands. Message received.

Death by association. Taehyung Kim has now got a big red mark against him in appa's book. I'm not sure what that means for me, because I don't even know what's going on between me and Taehyung. But if I did want something to be going on, hypothetically, does that mean it's impossible now?

I do know one thing: telling appa about the bonfire is out of the question. Because chances that Jaqueline knows about this little Saturday night are pretty good, and he might ask her about it. Problem is, I really want to go now. Anna asked me, and I don't want to back out. Besides, Taehyung might be there . . .

But. (Why is there always a but?)

There's one person I haven't considered in any of this mess. V. Maybe I should ask his opinion. Or at least make an attempt to tell him what's going on. After all, he's probably just been carrying on, being his usual awesome self, while I've been spending the day wronging him left and right all over town, because I'm a horrible, horrible person. Doesn't he deserve a say-so in any of this?