I don't work with Taehyung on my next shift. In fact, I'm not scheduled to work with him again until Saturday - not that I've obsessively check the schedule. but the level of disappointment that hits me when I pick my till and see Mr. Min's blond hair instead of Taehyung's tangle of curls is so crushing. I have to give myself a mental shake. Why am I getting so worked up over a boy? This isn't like me. At all.

"We're still on for tonight?" Anna says when Yoongi is escorting us to the Hotbox, merrily whistling what I think is a BTS song. When I hesitate too long, she grabs my green vest. "Don't you bail on me, Suzy Bae."

"I'm not," I say, laughing as I push her away. "It's just complicated. I might need to lie a little to appa about who we're hanging out with, so when you pick me up, don't mention any surfers."

She wrinkles up her face, and then gives me a whatever look. "8 o'clock."

"Eight. I'll be ready, promise."

Yoongi does a little shuffling dance outside the ticketing booth door, one hand on his stomach, rapping about "Sorry Billboard, Sorry Worldwide, Sorry mom, but your son's too hot."

Anna smiles. "That must be some fine chronic you got on your hands this morning."

"Nature's medicine," he corrects, making a quieting signal with his hand as he looks around - probably looking for Lopez. "Never know who's listening around here."

A terrible thought crosses my mind. "You guys don't have sound on the security cameras, do you?" All the things Taehyung claims Anna tells him about me . . . what if he's been listening in on our conversations inside the Hotbox?

"Sound?" Yoongi chuckles. "He barely have sight. No there's no sound."

Oh thank goodness. I sigh in relief.

"Why?" he asks.

"Uh . . . I just wondered if you guys were listening in while we gossiped in the Hotbox," I say, trying to cover up as best I can - and doing a crap job of it.

He chuckles. "No, nothing like that. We can't hear unless you call us, so gossip away. The system's old. Hasn't been upgraded in a decade, in fact. They're going to have to spend money soon. The offsite company that monitors the alarm system went out of business two weeks ago. Now if anything goes wrong in the middle of the night, all we can do is call the local police."

"Just call Suzy," Anna says. "She'll chase down criminals and jump them."

I bump her shoulder. "Shut it, Anna Nguyen, or I'll start counting change as slow as Maria."

"Nooo!" She waves her hand at Yoongi. "Hey, you're going to let us in anytime soon? Not all of us have the luxury of your natural medication to make the day pass by faster."

The old security guard gummy smiles and knocks on the door, announcing. "Team Suzna reporting for duty, boys. Open up. I seem to have misplaced my keys again . . ."

After we're situated and on a roll, Anna turns off her mic and says, "Why were you asking Yoongi all that stuff about listening in on our gossip?"

"It's nothing, really," I say, but she's not letting it go. "I was just worried that Taehyung might be hearing our conversations."

"Why?"

"Because of some things he said couple of days ago. It's nothing. Stupid, really. He knows I have a sweet tooth -"

"I told him that."

"Yeah, that's what he said."

"He's been asking about you lately. Quite a bit, in fact."

"He has?"

"Uh-huh." She looks at me from the corner of her eye.

"Like what about?"

She shrugs. "Just things. He's curious. That's his personality."

"Like a cat, huh?" So this is nothing out of the ordinary. She doesn't offer anything more, so I say. "Well, anyway. That's all there is. He was just teasing me with these muffin things on the Bees, and -"

I feel rather than see Anna's head swing in my direction. "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?"

"Omo, Anna. My ears. I didn't know you could be so loud." We still have a line, so I put on a fake smile and pass tickets through the tiny hole in the window. "That actually hurts my eardrums."

"But that's what you said, right? You said you were on the lifts with Taehyung? Why were you on the lifts with Taehyung?"

"It's a long story."

"We've got six hours."

I sigh. Between customers, I give her the short version of the story. I don't tell her about my ongoing search for V, because that seems so personal - I juts tell her that I met Mark and didn't realize I was barking up the wrong tree.

"Mark Tuan?"

I sigh. How small is this town, anyway?

"He should have told you," she says.

"I should have picked up on it."

Anna shakes her head. "I still say he should have made it clearer. No way both of you got signal crossed. Shame on him."

"I don't know about that," I say, but I appreciate her show of support.

She gives me the hurry-up signal.

I keep going with my story, leaving out most  of the details, especially any details with secret feelings and legs touching. "He was trying to cheery me up," I say, when I tell her about Taehyung and the Bees. "it was no big deal."

"Hmm," is all she say.

"What does that mean?"

"It means, that's all very interesting."

"Why?"

Four quick knocks on the door. I startle. Anna squeals. Four knocks only means one person. My nerves go crazy as Anna opens the door.

"Ladies," Taehyung says.

"Why speak of the devil," Anna says, giving me a smile that is so wicked, I can hardly believe it's on her sweet little face. I immediately regret I told her anything and try to signal back with my eyes: IF YOU GIVE AWAY ANYTHING, I WILL STRANGLE YOU IN YOUR SLEEP.

Taeyung looks at me, then at me. I catch his eyes and try to look away, but it's like honey. I'm stuck. I can feel my insides melting and my heart trying to outrun a group of zombies. I can't seem to inhale enough air. stupid hotbox. It's uncomfortably hot. I feel physically ill and fear I'm going to pass out.

"Hey," he says in a soft voice.

"Hey," I say back.

Somewhere in the distance, I hear a light tapping.

"Suzy." I really like it when he says my name. How silly is that?

"Yes," I answer.

"Customer."

Damn it. I manage not to say that aloud, but I do, however, spin around on my stool too fast and bang my skinned-up knee - which still hasn't completely healed - and yelp. The pain helps to break whatever crazy spell Taehyung's got over me. Until something warm touches my hand.

I look down. Taehyung's trying to hand me a folded tissue. My knees's bleeding again. I mutter, "Thanks," and presses it against the newly opened scab, while juggling the ticket window one-handed.

"You going to the bonfire tonight?" Taehyung says. He's talking to Anna, not me.

"Yup. I'm taking Suzy, if she doesn't lose her leg before the end of our shift. You never know in the Hotbox. It's a war zone in here. Better get out while you can."

"I'm going, I'm going," he says, pretending to be grumpy. Do I detect a happy tone in his voice? Is he happy I'm going to the bonfire, os is that just my imagination? "Guess I'll see you both tonight, unless someone needs an ambulance first."

☜(⌒▽⌒)☞

Anna shows up at my house promptly at eight. I've barely had enough time to change out of my uniform into what I'm assuming is appropriate for a bonfire party on the beach: tropical print crop top, high-waisted denim shorts, and wedges. When Anna sees what I'm wearing, she looks me over and says, "Cutest thing I've ever seen, truly, but you're going to freeze to death and then fall and break your neck. Ditch the shoes and find a jacket."

Dang. I trade the wedges for red-and-white Adidas. Meanwhile, appa has fallen hard for Anna's charm and is trying to convince her to stay awhile and order pizza, play a boardgame. She has no idea what the game is, and he's doing a terrible job explaining. He's a long-winded talker when he's excited about stuff he likes, and I need to get us out the door, but now he's breaking the ancient board game box. Please help us.

"Appa," I finally say. "We're meeting Anna's friends. No time for games."

He raises both hands in surrender. "Understood. You girls have fun. But, Anna, please bring her home at midnight. That's her curfew."

"Is is?" I ask. We've never discussed such a thing.

"Does that work for you?" He asks. Now he's unsure.

"Well, that doesn't work for me, Mr. Bae," Anna says, "because that's my curfew too. So I'll have her home by a quarter of, because it takes me 15 minutes to drive to my house from here. How's that, yeah?"

"Perfect!" Appa says, beaming. he's made the right parenting voice that syncs up with the choices of the other normal parents. Life is good. And it's good for me, too, because now I can sneak out of here and go do something he wouldn't want me to do, while I've lied and told him we're going to the boardwalk. Before I lose my nerve, I grab a hoodie, tell him good-bye, and rush Anna out the door.

Anna drives a cute two-seater with a sunroof. All the way to the beach, she tries to give me a lowdown on who will be there and what the party could be like, but I'm still unprepared. The setting sun is turning the sky magneta as we pull off the road, well north of the town, and park with a hundred other cars every which way alongside the highway, half in the sand. Rocky cliffs rise up from the ocean, turning into mountainous coastal foothills in the distance. And the surf slams so hard here, it almost sounds like ominous music - only, there's that, too, pumped in from someone's car speakers. It echoes around a crescent-shaped bowl of a rock, a couple hundred yards or so below the road. And inside this crescent is a hallow sandy pit, where several dozen teens are around a massive bonfire that throws wildly flickering light around the craggy walls.

The Secret Garden.

Anna and I make our way down on the path through coastal grass. As we do, we're greeted by a array of scent and sound. Roasted marshmallows and skunky beer. Laughing and shouting and roughhousing. A boy crying in the shadows and another boy telling him he's sorry and please don't leave. Me too, dude, I think, because I'm having the same panic attack.

"Too late now," Anna says, sensing my need to flee. "It's a long walk back to civilization, anyway."

Like this calms me down.

Before I know it, we're leveling out, and she's seeing people she knows. And Anna knows everyone. She's hugging necks and waving at people. If there were any babies out here, she'd probably be kissing them. She's a natural-born politican, this girl. And she's introduxing me to so many people, I can't keep up. Tam is a cheerleader. Shara is president of the drama club. Christina was in juvie, but it wasn't her fault (I'm not sure what, but it wasn't). Junhoe is dating Tam, but no one's supposed to know that. And in the middle of all this, here's a surfer, there's a surfer, everywhere there's a surfer. Oh, a few skaters and bikers.

There are just so many people. Most of them don't seem to be doing anything wrong, so as we walk through the crowd, I feel a bit less guilty about lying to appa tonight. Sure, I see a few people drinking beer and smoking, and I smell same smell that clings to Yoongi's clothes. I mean, no sign of RM and his bunch so far, fingers crossed. No one of anyone else, either . . .

At some point during all this meeting and greeting, I lose Anna. I don't even know when it happens. One minute I'm listening to a confusing story about a fishing pole involving an ice cream truck and a electrican, and the next thing I know, I'm surrounded by people whose names I only half remember. I try not to panic. I just quietly slip away and pretend like I know where I'm going while I search for Anna, turning on my charm: look casual and bored, but not too bored. Keep moving. That's the key to no one taking pity on you, the strange new girl. Because there are certain types who always will try to take you under their wing - the drama kids, for sure - and I can spot them circling like vultures. Must avoid.

But there's only so much pretend mingling you can do before people realize that you're just walking around doing nothing - not talking yo anyone, not lining up at the keg that's sticking out of the sand, from which people are constantly pumping red plastic cups of beer. So I finally make myself scarce and find an empty spot on a log int he shadows. The seating situation is mixture of lawn chairs, wooden crates, flat rocks, and a couple of blankets. It looks more messy than organized, like maybe these stuff were washed up on the beach earlier in the day, and I'm regretting I wore shorts.

"Are you: (A) mad, (B), sad, or (C) lost?"

My stomach flips at the voice.

Taehyung or the silhouette of Taehyung, because he's standing in front of bonfire, hands in the pockets of his jeans.

"C, lost," I tell him. "I had no idea Anna was so popular. She's also compact, so it's possible she's the in middle of one of those groups and I just don't see her. I was going to give her five more minutes to appear before I texted." I wasn't really, but I didn't want him to think I was going ot sit here for hours alone.

"I think she was a fairy in her past life. Everyone believes she's going to grant their wishes or something." He gestures at the empty space on my log. I gesture back. The fragile wood creaks with his weight. He copies my pose, digging his feet into the sand, folded arms on bent knees. Firelight dances over the patchwork of his scars, etching shadowy patterns over his shirt. Our elbows are close but not touching.

I'm relieved he's not like one of those drunken people on the beach. At least he seems his normal sober self. NO plastic cup in hand, no reek of smoke. Actually he smells nice tonight, like soap. No lavender, though. I'm almost disappointed.

His head dips closer. "Are you smelling me, Bae?"

I back up. "No."

"Yes, you were." He smiles that box-like of his.

"If you must know, I was just curious if you'd been drinking."

"Nah, I don't drink anymore." He stares into the bonfire, watching some idiots roasting marshmallows whose sticks catch on fire. "I remember being a kid and my parents taking Eunjin and me over to halabeoji's house, and he'd have these wild parties. Surfer from everywhere. Free-flowing booze. People getting in the pool. Famous musicians dropping by and playing in the living room."

"I can't imagine growing up like that." It seems weird. Foreign.

"Don't get me wrong. It wasn't like that in my house, or anything. My parents are the exact opposite. Halabeoji, especially. I guess because he saw his appa partying all the time, he got sick of it. He's insanely competitive and everything is about surfing, so that means staying at the top of your game. No drugs, no drinking, staying in shape."

His appa and my appa couldn't be more different. I'm completely thankful for that and once again feel a pang of guilt for lying to him about being out here.

"As for eomma," he continues, "she's just trying to keep the shop afloat, because after everything that's happened, she'd rather have us all at home than on the water."

I can understand why. "Do you . . . plan on surfing professionally, like your sister?"

"That's a sore question, Bae."

"Sorry, nevermind."

He shakes his head. "No, it's cool. It's not that I can't do it, physically. I'm petty good." He smiles a little, giving me a sideways look, and then shrugs. "It's just that for a while, after the shark. I had The Fear. And you can't have The Fear. The ocean will eat you alive." He blows out a hard breath, lips trembling, and cuts his hand through the air as if to say, The end. "But I eventually powered through that. Funny thing was, once I did, I wasn't sure if I cared about it anymore. I mean, I still like surfing. I hit the waves almost every morning. But I'm not if I want to compete anymore. I want to surf because I enjoy it - not because I have to, you know?"

"I know exactly what you mean." And I do, because he doesn't light up about surfing like he does when he's talking about ocean currents and weather patterns."

Someone hollers Taehyung's name. He looks up and curses under his breath. A figure walking toward the bonfire.

"Hey, cowgirl."

Oh, great. It's RM. I think he's loaded. Not like that time in the crosswalk, but he's definitely been drinking, because he stinks, and he's got that stuttering laugh that stoners have when they're high. He's also not limping, which makes me think he's not feeling much pain right now.

"What's going on here? You two look awfully cozy."

"We're just sitting here, talking," Taehyung says, highly irritated. "Why don't you go see Aliee and we'll catch up with you."

"Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"What are you talking about, RM?"

"Trying to get me back for my past sins? Because I invited her here -" he nods toward me - "but looks like you're making a play for her, which isn't cool."

Um, what? Anna invited me, but no way am I getting in the middle of this.

"You're wasted," Taehyung says carefully, pointing an unwavering finger in RM's direction, "so I'm going to give you five seconds to get out of my face."

I'm getting worried now, Taehyung is more than intimidating. He looks scary. I've never really known many guys like this, more on the man side of the masculinity scale. Not up close and personal, anyway.

RM does something with his face that might be classified as a smile. "Hey, relax, man. It's cool. Forget it. Brotherhood over Jennie's."

Um, am I the "Jennie"? Taehyung's knuckles press against the side of my thigh - a warning. I guess he's got this.

"Besides, I've been planning something special for you. You know what today is, right? Anniversary of Jonghyun's death, man. I'm giving him a salute. Check it out."

RM marches off around the bonfire, calling out for somebody to bring him the "salute," whatever that means.

"Idiot," Taehyung mumbles. "It's next month, not today. He's such a waste of space."

I'm just relieved he's gone and that no one's punching anyone, but when I see Taehyung's brow frowning, I know it's not over. There's a loud noise, and sparks shoot in our direction. We move backward as the crowd o-o-ohs! Someone's hauling more wood onto the bonfire on the other side. Several someones. Wooden crates, pieces of chairs, driftwood - all of it's being tossed into the sandy pit. The fire roars up like a beast. The partygoers gasp in delight. In no time, it's twice as tall as it once was.

Loud cheers fill the beach. Fire big. Fire strong. The crowd is pleased.

Well, not everyone. Taehyung, for one. He's pulling me to my feet and cursing a string of words near the top of my head. "Do they ever learn?"

"What's wrong?" I say, and it's then that I notice the fringes of the crowd beginning to unravel: here and there, several people are starting to pull away and head up the trail to the parked cars.

"it's the bonfire," Taehyung says. "When it's too high, everyone can see it from the road. People who live around here  tolerate it until they can see it. Then they call the cops. It's like a goddamn Bat Signal. Idiots!"

But it's not just that. Something else is happening across the bonfire from us. I get Taehyung's attention and point to where two boys are lifting RM onto a large flat rock on the edge of the beach. The wave crashes into the rock, spraying his legs with foam. He doesn't seem to care or notice. He's too busy holding something in his hand that looks like a big stick, and when he shouts for everyone to shut up, the crowd quiets and listens.

"In honor of all our fallen brothers who've bashed their bones against these rocks in the garden of good and evil, tonight, on the anniversary," he stumbles, and then gets it right, "anniversary of Jonghyun's death, I'm doing a military-style three-volley salute. Ready?"

What the hell is he talking about?

"Oh no," Taehyung says.

RM turns to face the wall of rocks, perches the stick on his shoulder, and then -

My world changes.

I'm . . .

Not on the beach.

I'm 14 years old, and I'm standing in the living room of our old house in Gwangju. I just walked home from school. And there's broken glass and blood dripping on the carpet. And eomma is screaming, but I can't hear anything at all.

Then the carpet turns back into sand and the crowd's cheering and everything's back to being okay. Only it's not.

"Suzy!" Taehyung is shouting, shaking me.

I swallow, but my throat is too dry.

"Suzy?"

I really am all right now. I am. It's okay. I'm mainly afraid I'm going to cry in front of him, and that would be humiliating. But it's too late, because i check my face and a few tears have already leaked out. I wipe them away and take a few breaths.

Boom!

The terrible memory flashes again, but I don't disappear this time. It just rattles me, hard. Maybe it wasn't Taehyung shaking me before. Maybe I'm just shaking.

"Suzy, what's the matter?" Taehyung says. He's pushed hair away from my face, trying to check if I'm running a fever.

"I'm okay," I finally say, moving his hand away. Not because I don't want his help, but I need to see what RM's doing. He's reloading. Three-volley salute, he said, so there's still one more. I think he's got a shotgun. It's hard to tell from here.

I hate this. Hate being like this. It hasn't happened in a long time. And I wasn't prepared. If I know it's coming, I can brace myself. But this . . .

RM puts the gun against his shoulder. Final one. I cover my ears with both hands. For a brief moment, I see Taehyung looking pained and confused, then he pulls my head against his chest and wraps his arms around me. Boom! I jump against him, but he doesn't let go. And it helps. The explosion is muffled. I have a solid anchor, and I don't want to let go. It's embarrassing how hard I'm clinging to him now, but I don't even care, because he's safe and warm. it's just that he's prying me off him, trying to tell me something, and I really should be listening.

"We have to go, Suzy," he's telling me. "Now."

I see why.

Red and blue lights. The police are here.