Doctors were still studying my case, they told an operation was possible but it could either save me from death or kill me on the spot. But since they still had no idea how deteriorated my cancer was, they put on trial. They prescribed me some drugs anti cancer drugs, some strong pain killers, few anti vomiting tabs and also suggested taking chemo therapy if the situation gets worse. They put me on 3 weeks long medicine trial and if I did better then an operation would be done. 

This news was like a deadline given to me by the god and with every passing day, I felt restless, I started to drift away from people around me. There was no energy left in me. I no longer felt lively. Those drugs, I hated to take them, so bitter. I felt like it s*cked every ounces of energy that my body had. It had already been 2 weeks but I could see no postive changes in my health. 

At some time, I even thought of killing myself and ending this unfortunate pain but his smiling little face would always pop up in my head and I backed down from all those negative thoughts. I was becoming pessimistic day by day.

When the 3rd week ended, they drew my blood for checking my health state and many other test were done. My whole body was trembling out of fear. My test result had arrived and as doctors had a thorough study of the reports, they surprisingly told me I was doing good. But why couldn't I feel it?? My lips didn't curve up in happiness. Though doctors clearly told me they were 80% sure the operation would be successful, my brain only emphasized on the remaining 20% chances of getting unsuccessful. I feared of dying. 

Every night went by with a big struggle. May be I was so engulfed by the fact that cancer is lethal that I didn't even believe doctors when they told me I have more than half a chance of survival. Only pessimistic thoughts ran in my head, circling it with thick coat of anxiety and panic attacks.

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A week before my operation due, I started having nightmares and all these bad thoughts flew here and there. I suffered from insomnia, restlessness and mental break down. I needed to get it all over if I were to stay n