SUMMER VACATION - 2010

I spent the first weeks of my summer vacation at home, drowned in my thoughts, avoiding every group plans we have and his calls and text messages. Because I am busy calculating and analyzing the "How to get rid of this feeling 101".

You know, after the competition I have already retreated to the truth that, unfortunately, I have feelings for Jeon Jungkook. And everyday I spent with him feels like a torture, since he makes me happy yet I feel needles prick right through my heart everytime I am reminded that he's never going to be mine -- and I have no plans of having him my own ways, anyway.

But my alibis didn't work that long to my friends when one day Jihyo, Chae and Mina barged into my house inviting me, -- no, obliging-- to go with them in one of the most sought after beach in Busan.

"So, who else will come for this overnight outing?" I timidly ask.

"Everyone." Jihyo simply answered while still scanning through the magazine to look for the perfect summer dresses to wear this year.

"Can you please eleborate?" I push once more.

"What do I have to elaborate? Everyone, Bambam, Seokmin, Winwin, Jungkook, Yug--" then Mina stops her "That's enough. She already heard the name she wants or doesn't want to hear." she straight faced speaks up.

They all look at me. "So, he's the reason why you're avoiding all our hang outs?" Chae questioned me.

"Uh, n-no!" then fake a laugh, "what the hell are you guys saying? I'm so pumped for this outing, whoo!" I exclaim.

I am sooo excited. Yeah. Really excited.

"Hey! Hey! Hey! Where did the chipmunk hide for these past few weeks?" Bambam interrogates me

"Did my absence affect you that much?" I rebut and continue "I was just busy."

And there, I heard that voice again, "Too busy to even text back or answer calls?" I turn to see his face clouded with seriousness and annoyance.

"Hmm. Well, yes? I am THAT busy." I told him, while raising my eyebrows like my brows are trying to tell him SO-WHAT?!

He looks at me intensely for good solid seconds before he clicks his tongue, shakes his head and walks away from me.

What's wrong with him?

We started our day with Bambam and Yugyeom throwing Chae and Jihyo into the water, since the two do not know how to swim, ofcourse, Seokmin did rescue Chae while Jihyo was left being laughed at for maybe a minute or two before Jaehyun finally decided to save her. Once the two were out of the water, Bambam and Yugyeom sprinted really really fast away from Jihyo, this time, to save their dear lives. Heh.

We ended up being bloated after the sumptuous lunch we had; it was like we were food deprived teenagers who have only tasted food today. Silly. In the afternoon, we tried all of their water activities. Just a trivia, it was the first time we saw Mina so frightened about something, when we tried zip lining. Whoa, so she's afraid of heights.

The day went well for everyone, except for this guy walking in front of me. He's been sulking the whole day; he has not even talked to me nor spared me a glance.

Well, it's actually a good thing, atleast he made my "How to get rid of this feeling 101" easier.

Anyway, so tonight, something special is about to happen. Seokmin will now man up and ask Chae to be his girlfriend. And you know, I'm one of the accomplices.

"Hi everyone!" I greet them while holding my guitar as I sit on the chair surrounding the campfire the boys prepared. "So, we have a special request for tonight. Do you want me to sing for you?" I ask hyping up the small crowd. "YEAHHH!" they shout in unison, cheering for me. "Ok, let's go."

I strum my guitar and sing the song meant for Chae.

I don't know
But I think I may be fallin' for you
Dropping so quickly
Maybe I should keep this to myself
Waiting 'til I know you better

OH GOD! Yes, why does everything seem to be so quick. This feeling dropped like a bomb.

I am trying, not to tell you
But I want to,
I'm scared of what you'll say
And so I'm hiding what I'm feeling
But I'm tired of holding this inside my head

YES! I am doing my best not to let you know of these feelings. I am not scared of what you'll say, cause I know exactly what it is!

I've been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don't know what to do
I think I'm fallin' for you
I've been waiting all my life
And now I found ya
I don't know what to do
I think I'm fallin' for you
I'm fallin' for you

This definitely hit it! I spent all those weeks just thinking about you and these stupid feelings I have for you. And I must admit, I really fell for you.

I just realized that the song has ended when I heard Chae said "YES!" followed by a loud cheer from the crowd.

Ugh. I once again forgot, this isn't about me. It's about them. I have to cool my mind off. So, I went to the beverage table and pour my glass some water and drink all in one go, when I felt someone beside me.

"Finally, they're together. They've liked each other for a long time now." He says while drinking his water, eyes glued to the crowd.

I just nod my head and hum as a response.

Damnit! I can clearly hear my heartbeat, please, dear heart calm down a little.

But how can I calm down when he finally looks at me now (first time for the day), he looks at me for I don't know how long "Don't do that again." He told me, still looking straight to my eyes.

"Hmm, I'm sorry? What?" I ask, since I don't get what he's talking about.

"Don't ignore my texts and calls. I was really worried that something might have happened to you or .. you're mad at me." he explains, and I can feel his sincerity.

I don't really know what to say so we stayed like that for seconds before he took off his jacket and put it on my shoulders "And, please do remember that even in summers, the night breeze here in the country is cold." and there, he ruffled my hair and leave me behind.

How am I going to stop my heart huh?

GRADE 12 - 1ST SEMESTER

It's our first day in grade 12 today. And everything went really really well. Everyone's still the same. Except for me. That's why, that afternoon, my girlfriends decided to talk to me.

"So, tell us. Everything." Jihyo tells me as she sits on my bed. "About what?" I feign innocence once more.

"Jungkook." Mina bluntly name drops. I chuckled a bit "I don't really know what you're talking about."

The three didn't speak while just staring at me with their eyebrows up.

"Ok, fine. I think I like him." I finally confessed.

"No. You don't think. You REALLY like him." Jihyo stresses out the fact.

I sigh as a sign of defeat. They read through me.

Silence filled my room until Jihyo speaks up "Stop that. As early as now." she commands.

"I am trying. So hard." I desperately tell them.

"You know, he has a girlfriend. So, it will never be mutual." Mina utters.

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