“Choi Youngjae!” The madam screamed, scaring the maids, “Where is he? Bring him here!”

 

“Y-yes, ma’am!” The maids scurried off, frantically searching for their young master.

 

The head maid, a nice, old lady in her mid-fifties, quickly jogged down the halls, up the staircase, down the halls again, until she reached the huge doors of the mansion’s library. Very calmly, she knocked, “Young Master, your mother would like a word with you.”

 

A thud was heard through the doors. And it creaked open a little, revealing a tousle-haired Youngjae with bags under his eyes. “She doesn't want ‘a word,’ she's going to kill me.”

 

“Oh, poor child, your mother just wants to talk-”

 

“No, she doesn't! She found out I snuck out with Jaebum! She’s going to kill me!” Youngjae shouted, tears running down his face.

 

“Young Master-”

 

“Nami, save me!” Youngjae threw himself against the head maid, sobbing into her shoulder.

 

“There, there, it's okay, I'm here…” Nami patted the boy’s back affectionately, feeling bad for the child for having such a horrible fate. For having such a heartless woman as a mother.

 

They stayed like that for a while. Youngjae refused to let go and continued sobbing. Soon enough, the madam made her way up herself, anger swarming around her. The diamond earrings dangling from her ears felt threatened by her elegant, yet mean, demeanor. Ther was a reason why she's feared around town. No one dared to approach her. Choi Eunhye was a confident woman with a habit of stepping on those lower than her. For the lack of better words, she was vicious and brutal. 

 

Clawing her nails into her son's arm, Eunhye harshly pulled him away from the head maid. She glared at Youngjae, then turned to Nami, “I told you to bring him to me. Not stand here and comfort him for something he did wrong!”

 

“I’m sorry, ma’am-”

 

“God, does anyone in this house listens to me anymore? Are you deaf? Your face bothers me. Go back to the damn kitchen!” The madam roared.

 

Nami sighed quietly and bowed, giving one last comforting look at the scared young master, before returning back to where her madam had ordered her.

 

“Mom, Nami didn't-”

 

Pulling on Youngjae’s arm, turning the boy to face her, Eunhye stared dead into his glassy eyes. “What did I told you? That boy is a bad influence! You're supposed to be studying! I'm supposed to hear the news of my son's topping all his tests. But you know what I heard instead? I heard my son and that son-of-a- laughing on the streets at midnight. Midnight. Choi Youngjae, are you out of your mind?! Do you know how bad that makes me look? Is this why you've been falling behind? It's because of that bastard, isn't it? ANSWER ME, YOUNGJAE!”

 

Youngjae flinched at the shriek in his mother's voice, already feeling that uncomfortable lump rising up his throat. He looked down at the floor, admiring the pretty patterns on the carpet. “I… I’m sor-sorry, Mom… I… It's just been so stressful, and Jaebum was trying to help-”

 

“No, he wasn't!” Eunhye grabbed her son's shoulders, “He's not, Youngjae-ah. He's just taking advantage of you. You're my son. He just wants all the benefits that comes with being close to you. He doesn't care about you, Youngjae-ah. But I do. I'm your mother. I know what's best for you. That Jaebum kid isn't. He's leaving you next year. You'll just be all alone again. So-”

 

“How could you say that about Jaebum?” Youngjae looked at the woman he called ‘Mom’ in shock. How could she said all of that about someone who had been with him through all these years? Someone who was always so gentle and genuine with him. Someone who would be there to catch him when he falls. Someone who actually cared for his well-being. Someone who actually made him enjoyed this goddamn awful life. How could she?

 

“Youngjae-”

 

“You don't have the rights to say that about him!” Youngjae struggled against his mother's grasp, tears b his eyes again. “Where were you when I needed you?! He was there for me! He’s always there for me… Yet you… You don’t get to say anything about Jaebum!”

 

Witnessing her usually obedient son raised his small voice at her, Eunhye’s vision could only see red. Had that day finally came? The day that her own son would rebel against her over some scumbag? Angered and felt the daggers of Youngjae’s eyes stabbing at her, Eunhye raised her hand and slapped her son. “You dare speak to your mother this way?! You’re unbelievable, Choi Youngjae! It’s because of that-”

 

“Stop! I don’t want to hear anymore!” Youngjae screamed, frantically trying to break free from his mother’s hold. “Let me go!”

 

“NO!”

 

No matter how much he tried, Youngjae was weak against his mother. She grabbed his arm harshly, digging her long nails into his skin, as she threw him inside his room. Youngjae cried out loud, begging his own mother, but all he got was a door to his face. He beats the door with his fist, shouting and begging until his hand was beaming with a deep red and body fell to a slump. Youngjae couldn’t hear his mother anymore. Wrapping his shaky hand around the knob of the door, Youngjae twisted it. Locked. Of course. Youngjae sighed, sliding down against the door. It wasn’t the first time this happened. But it hurts everytime. He pulled his knees up and rested his head on top of them. Youngjae sniffled, feeling the loneliness washing over him at the moment, attacking him in his most vulnerable state.  

 

He just wanted to get out.  

 

<||><||><||><||><||>

 

Staring at his phone, Jaebum frowned, “Why haven’t you reply yet, Jae-ah~” He sighed, rolling onto his back as he held up his phone in the air. After a little more staring, Jaebum groaned, letting the phone fell face-down onto the mattress. “You’re in trouble again…”

 

Jaebum knew it so well by now. It was the same old song. He felt bad. Really bad. Because whenever it happens, he wouldn’t hear from Youngjae for a week or so. And that whole concept just puts Jaebum in a horrible mood. This was his last year, and he honestly wanted to spend as much time as he could with the younger. But Madam Choi became a lot stricter over the years. Jaebum scoffed, rolling onto his stomach and smashed his face into the pillow.

 

“I ing hate her,” he mumbled. Which was the truth. Jaebum had never liked Youngjae’s mother. Not even one bit. There wasn’t anything good about her. She’s like a demon sheltering inside a human vessel. Maybe she was. Who knows. Though, Jaebum was sure that she never treated Youngjae right, and that what made his blood boil. How could she be so controlling and cruel to such an innocent sunshine like his Youngjae? It doesn’t make sense! Youngjae shouldn’t even have such a mother like her.

 

A little chime went off, causing Jaebum to quickly grabbed his phone and turned it over, hoping that it was from someone he had been waiting for. To Jaebum’s immediate disappointment, it was just a notif from one of his friends at school texting him something about a project. Whatever. Jaebum could care less. Sighing, Jaebum threw the phone over to the side and returned to burying his face into his pillow.

 

It was getting late. Youngjae probably went to sleep. Jaebum ran his hands through his hair in frustration. He should go to sleep, too. But he just wanted a text back, so he could at least know that Youngjae was okay. The tips of his fingers were so itching to press a certain ‘call’ button. Shaking his head, Jaebum knew better than to call when Youngjae’s grounded. Jaebum sighed, again, lying on his back and staring at the ceiling of his old house. He missed Youngjae so much.

 

Everything ing . They can’t even meet each other even through devices. The world must harbored some kind of severe hate for them, because why was it so hard to just hear each other’s voices? They’re dating anyways-

 

Yes, they’re dating.

 

Except Youngjae didn’t know that.

 

Only Jaebum did.

 

Jaebum exhaled heavily. He missed his one-sided lover. And the pain was uncontrollable. Nothing new, though. This wasn’t a short-term thing. They’ve been dating for a while now, maybe a little over six years? Of course, it’s all in Jaebum’s head, because despite looking like he’s the best at fighting, which he actually is, Jaebum was more of a soft-hearted teenage boy who’s been crushing on his best friend for the longest time.

 

Obviously, he was scared to say anything, so he just decided to keep everything to himself. And… Dates Youngjae in his head instead. The experience wasn’t as great, but it was really what had been keeping Jaebum alive.

 

Six years ago, Jaebum was just twelve and Youngjae was ten. That was when Jaebum first felt that fierce ba-bump in his heart whenever the younger would smile at him. That was when his cheeks would start to flush like mad whenever the younger pulled him in for a hug. That was when he was so scared of this new tingling feeling whenever he stole glimpses at the younger. That was when it all started. Even though he was twelve and didn’t know anything about this new feeling, at least he knew that Youngjae has the most beautiful smile he had ever seen on anyone.

 

That was also when Jaebum’s friends at school started to have little girlfriends here and there, so twelve-years-old Jaebum just thought, why not have one for himself, too? But there weren’t any girls he wanted. There was Youngjae, though. Youngjae wasn’t a girl. So, does that make Youngjae his boyfriend? Twelve-years-old Jaebum loved that idea. And then Youngjae ended up being Jaebum’s boyfriend in this completely one-sided relationship.

 

Now, Jaebum is eighteen, and Youngjae is sixteen. Jaebum knows a lot more now. A lot more. So naturally, their relationship inside Jaebum’s head would escalated. Not quite a bad thing. It just proved that Jaebum was a maturing adolescent with a lot of hormones. But that’s only natural.

 

The heart aches grew over the time also. Jaebum’s heart became a lot more sensitive. Everything Youngjae does affectted him greatly. His heart hurts everyday, like someone was chaining it down with rope made from thorns of a thousand roses.

 

This crazy thing Jaebum has going on in his mind came to the point that it wasn’t healthy for him anymore. It was becoming so toxic. But Jaebum was crazy in love. He’d rather be poisoned. Because the poison tasted so sweet on the tip of his tongue. And he’s addicted.

 

Jaebum smiled softly, pulling his blanket over himself. Sometimes he’s such an idiot. How could he be so blinded by someone like this? How could he still be breathing? Shouldn’t he be dead by now? Jaebum swore, the more Youngjae grew, the more beautiful the younger became. And the more poisonous. But Jaebum didn’t mind. He was dying anyways, a little bit more of poison wouldn’t be a big deal.

 

He closed his eyes, allowing himself to drown deep within this pool of sweet poison that he couldn’t help but keep wanting and craving for more. This was his only escape. Only escape… Only-

 

The loud crash coming from the kitchen jolted Jaebum awake. Another crash followed and Jaebum could only rolled his eyes. He’s home. Jaebum could smell the dirty stench of alcohol from out there all the way in here. There wasn’t much of a surprise, since this happens almost every night. Jaebum was used to it. He shrugged and went back to sleep, secretly praying that the next thing won’t happen.

 

A few minutes of silence was all Jaebum had until the door of his room barged open, revealing his drunken father with a bottle of soju in his hand. Jaebum gulped, laying there as still as he can. Maybe if he looked like he’s asleep, then his father would let it go tonight. Maybe.

 

But Jaebum knew better than that.

 

Without saying anything, not that Jaebum expected the man to speak in that state anyways, his father wobbled over to his bed. The man stopped when he saw his son’s sleeping form. Jaebum waited. Maybe-

 

His father violently grabbed his hair and pulled him up. Jaebum yelped in pain as he felt the strands on his head desperately gripping onto his scalp. Why did he hoped that tonight would be different?

 

“Let me go!” Jaebum failed his arms in defense, but his father was a lot stronger and bigger. “STOP!”

 

A punch landed near Jaebum’s mouth. He staggered back and held his jaw, glaring at the monster in front of him. Tonight was going to be another long night. His father’s emotionless eyes bored into him, tearing his soul apart just from those loveless stares. Jaebum past the age of crying everytime he got beat. Now, it was just build-up anger.

 

“You brat,” the man slurred, scoffing and laughing in the most obnoxious way, “Good-for-nothing piece of . Why do I have such a son like you?”

 

“I’m your son?” Jaebum wanted to scream, to laugh, to mock how ridiculous that whole idea sounded. He had never been treated like a son.

 

“What did you say?!” His father’s eyes narrowed as he slapped Jaebum across the face, “You talking back now?! Who taught you? In this house, you respect me!”

 

Holding his cheek, Jaebum could taste the blood inside his mouth. Rage washed over him and commanded his legs to get out of the room. He did. But like a mouse caught in a trap, Jaebum was yanked back with such sheer force. His back hit the wall painfully as his father towered over him. Jaebum looked down and noticed the stick in his father’s hand. The voices inside his head kept yelling at him, telling him to get the out of the house, or he’ll end up like that night two days ago. But before Jaebum could peel himself off the wall, the first cane already smacked him right in the stomach. Well, this was going to leave a bruise for sure.

 

And every hit after that varied. The technique was so sporadic that Jaebum couldn’t predict where he was going to get hit next. There was no way to defend himself. But that wasn’t what hurts. Jaebum was so used to this. His father was an abusive man, so this was normal. Jaebum gets beat almost every night whenever the man comes home drunk. The physical pain had already been numb. It were the s that his old man would sprout every strike that got to Jaebum. Those weren’t nice words. Jaebum knew what kind of person his own father was, but it still hurts to hear those callous words. Though, Jaebum expected nothing less.

 

So he held himself together and accepted it. He doesn’t know why this happens, but it does. And he’s in no power to stop it. Just a little more, and it’ll all be over soon.

 

When the drowsiness of the intense level of alcohol took its effects, Jaebum's father dropped the stick and wobbled over to their old couch and fell asleep there. Jaebum was on the floor, curled up into a ball with fresh red marks all over any patch of exposed skin. He let go of the breath he's been holding in since the beating started. He'll have so many bruises by tomorrow's morning. Jaebum slowly got up on his feet, wincing at the growing pain at his stomach and sore back. He limped back into his room. The moment Jaebum accepted the invitation of his bed, his legs gave out. Exhaling softly, Jaebum tried to position himself in a way that it won't bother the fresh wounds so much.

 

Everything was spinning around him. He should probably go get a physical check-up, because how was he still functioning properly even after countless of beatings really surprised him sometimes. Jaebum evened his breathing as his heart calmed down a little. The anger he had before was long gone. Everything just hurts now.

 

Picking up his phone, Jaebum decided to do something selfish.

 

It didn’t take a third ring for Youngjae to pick up, “Jaebummie? It’s late… Why are you… You know we can’t be talking right now-”

 

“I want to see you,” Jaebum said.

 

<||><||><||><||><||>

 

Throwing on some pants and a random shirt, Youngjae internally freaked out a little. He glanced at the clock on his wall. One twenty-three, it read. If his mother finds out, his life would officially be over. Youngjae unlocked his window and poked his head outside. The late night’s chilly air slapped against his face. He quietly paced over to his closet and grabbed a coat. When he was sure he’s warm, Youngjae poked his head out the window again and looked down. He’s currently on the third floor. Great.

 

Youngjae took a deep breath. He could do this. So he started with his legs first, swinging them over the windowsill. Carefully, Youngjae climbed down, gripping tightly onto the thin gaps between the bricks. He made it down successfully after a few minutes. But now, here came the real struggle. Youngjae looked up, staring at the huge gate in front of him. Fantastic.

 

“The things I do for you…” Youngjae shook his head and sighed, backing up against the brick wall. With a small count to three, Youngjae took off running towards the gate, underestimating how hard it was to actually jump that high. He watched too many action movies.

 

In the end, Youngjae opted to do it the traditional way, which is climbing. Climbing up wasn’t as easy as climbing down, Youngjae came to realize after his fourth try. By the time he made it to the top of the gate, he was ready to die. Youngjae sat there for a bit, catching his breath, because it had been quite a long time since he last climbed anything. Looking down, Youngjae’s face scrunched up. This was going to hurt.

 

Without actually thinking of another better way to approach this, Youngjae counted to three again and jumped from the top of the gate to the ground, positioning his body to land properly, aiming his right shoulder to the ground to support his body weight. In a blink, he was on the ground, just lying there with his eyes closed. When he opened them again, the moon greeted him. Exhaling heavily, Youngjae smiled.

 

Youngjae got back up on his feet, took one look at his house before taking off in a sprint down the street. He kept running and running. Adrenaline pumping throughout his body, fueling his feet to run faster and faster. Youngjae felt like he was flying. He finally stopped in front of the first traffic light. Hands on his knees, Youngjae desperately tried to breath, scolding himself for running so fast with an unfit body. He lifted his head up and caught eyes with someone across the road. The smile on Youngjae’s face was so bright that the moon was intimidated.

 

“Jaebummie!” Youngjae waved, looking down the road, anxiously waiting for the lights to turn so he could run over across.

 

Hearing his name, Jaebum removed himself from leaning against the stone wall. An affectionate smile appeared on his face just from seeing his best friend. Suddenly, everything felt a lot better. Jaebum waited for Youngjae, still with a smile on his face despite the aching of his jaw.

 

“Hey, what’s wrong-” Youngjae gasped mid-sentence, eyes widened like a deer caught in headlights. Jaebum thought that was cute. “Y-you’re h-hurt!”

 

Jaebum scoffed, “Yeah, pretty sure it’s very obvious.”

 

Frowning, Youngjae rolled his eyes, “I can’t believe he’s at it again.”

 

“When has he not ‘at it’?”

 

“Let’s get you treated.”

 

“Um, it’s pretty late, I don’t think-”

 

The younger didn’t let his best friend finish. He was sure there has to be a corner store that open twenty-four seven somewhere down this street. Dragging Jaebum by his wrist, Youngjae mumbled angrily under his breath. This wasn’t the first time he’d seen Jaebum all battered up like this. But for some reason, this time hurts him more than the others. How could anyone be so violent to their own flesh and blood? It triggered Youngjae so much. Especially it was Jaebum who's the victim to that endless cycle of brutality.

 

They stopped in front of a sketchy corner store. Jaebum was suspicious, but Youngjae was running on the clock. Youngjae dragged Jaebum inside. The younger picked out a package of gauzes, a box of bandages, and a bottle of water. They went to the cashier to rang up the items. When the total came out, Youngjae turned to Jaebum.

 

“Oh, come on! You dragged me here, and you don’t even have money?” Jaebum groaned, hand already digging into his pocket. “Seriously, Jae, I don’t need all these. If we’re going to use my money, then we shouldn’t spend it on these useless stuff,” he handed to the cashier, “Here you go. Sorry for the late hour crash-in.”

 

The cashier accepted the money and gave back the changes to Jaebum, “Yeah, whatever,” he bagged the items and held the bag out with a bored expression while smacking on his gum, “Just get your s and go.”

 

Youngjae bowed awkwardly and retrieved the bag. They exited quickly without looking back. When they were outside, Youngjae pulled Jaebum to sit down on the sidewalk, just a bit ahead of the store, where there’s a light pole hanging above their heads. Youngjae didn’t say anything as he uncapped the bottle, poured a small amount of water onto the gauze. Jaebum also didn’t say anything and just watched.

 

“Turn a little,” Youngjae said, gently grabbing Jaebum’s chin to turn the older’s head a bit. He dabbed the damp gauze over the corner of Jaebum’s mouth, trying to clean the little spot of blood right there. He worked diligently and gently, afraid to hurt his best friend even more.

 

“You know…” Jaebum gulped softly, eyes peeking over to look at his best friend’s concentrated face. “You don’t have to do this…” Jaebum couldn’t breathe. Their faces were so close to each other.

 

“Stop moving your mouth, I’m trying to-”

 

“I-I can do it by myself!” Jaebum turned away, grabbing the gauze from Youngjae’s hand.

 

Youngjae pouted, “Fine. I was just trying to help.”

 

Jaebum cleared his throat awkwardly, dabbing the gauze over the split near his mouth, blushing like mad. And the light shining above them wasn’t helping him much either.

 

“I got in trouble because I snuck out to hang with you,” Youngjae started, arms crossing over his chest. “And now I climbed the gates because you said you wanted to see me. But this is how I’m being treated?”

 

“You didn’t have to come…” Jaebum muttered, face getting redder and redder.

 

“What?” Youngjae turned to look at his best friend in disbelief. “What’s that supposed to mean?!”

 

“Sssshhhh!” Jaebum hushed the younger, “Why are you so loud in the middle of the night…”

 

Because Jaebum finally turned over, Youngjae noticed something strange. So as a concern best friend, he was all up in Jaebum’s personal space in a second, “Hey… Are you okay? Why is your face so red? Are you sick? Is it because of the weather or your dad? Is it bad? Let me see-”

 

Jaebum swatted Youngjae’s hands away before they could make it to touching his cheeks, “No!” The offended look on Youngjae’s face frustrated Jaebum. “I mean, I’m-I’m fine. Really. I’m good. It’s okay. I’m not sick. It’s just, uh, um, it’s cold!”

 

“Then do you want my coat?” Youngjae asked, already making motion to take off his coat.

 

“N-no, it’s fine. Jeez, Youngjae, you’re going to catch a cold! Keep it on!”

 

“But you just said-”

 

“Your body is weaker than mine, Jae-ah. I won’t catch a cold, but you will. So, please, just keep it on. I don’t need it. Stop… Stop worrying so much about me.”

 

Youngjae scoffed, rolling his eyes as he put his coat back on. “If I don’t worry about you, then who will? I mean if there’s someone else, then all right, I’ll stop worrying and leave you to freeze out here with fresh cuts and bruises. So, is there someone else?”

 

Embarrassed, Jaebum stared at the ground, “No…”

 

“Then, just let me worry a little, okay?” Youngjae sighed, taking out the box of bandages. He took one out, “Here, let me put this on.”

 

Jaebum didn’t try to resist, instead, just obediently allowed Youngjae did as he wanted. Youngjae hummed a little, as he happily cleaned and bandaged the cuts on Jaebum’s arms. When Youngjae was finally done and gave back Jaebum’s personal bubble, he smiled warmly and daringly patted Jaebum’s head.

 

The older’s jaw slacked open, “You dare?! I’m older than you!”   

 

Youngjae giggled, “You’re like a cat! So cute!”

 

“YAH!”

 

Youngjae just laughed. Jaebum scoffed, ran a hand through his hair, and joined in laughing with the younger. When they stopped laughing, the night died down in silence again. To them, the silence was comforting. So simple. So delicate. They were fine just enjoying each other’s presence. Jaebum stole a glance and immediately regretted it. Because the way the light was shining on Youngjae’s face was so angelic in Jaebum’s eyes. Now he couldn’t stop staring.

 

“What?” Jaebum snapped out of his Neverland, questioning the nudge Youngjae gave.

 

Youngjae smiled softly, “Shoulder.”

 

“I’m good-”

 

“You look like you’re about to cry, Jaebum,” Youngjae sighed, “Take it or leave it.”

 

Youngjae was right. Jaebum was getting emotional all of a sudden. He didn’t know why. Maybe it was because he actually had someone who cares so much about him. Someone who he cares so much for. Someone who he loves so much. Jaebum closed the gap between them, resting his tired head on his best friend’s shoulder. “Thank you, Youngjae.”

 

“Anytime,” Youngjae replied, “I’ll be here, I think. If you’re stressed out about college or just adult life in general, you can always come back here. And I’ll let you borrow my reliable shoulder.”

 

“Reliable? You’re funny.”

 

“You’re always there for me. I’ll feel bad if I’m not always there for you, too.”

 

Jaebum really wanted to cry. But he didn’t. “Youngjae-ah.”

 

“Hmmm?”

 

“What are we?”

 

At Jaebum’s ridiculous question, Youngjae chuckled, “We’re best friends, of course!”

 

“Right,” Jaebum shook his head and cracked a bitter smile, screaming at himself for asking such a stupid question. The question that he was afraid of hearing the answer for. “We are.”

 

“Will we always be?”

 

Closing his eyes, Jaebum whispered, “Maybe? Who knows. I hope not…” A tear slipped through his lashes, running down his pink cheek, as he placed a hand over his aching heart.