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Author's Note: Hi all... It's been a while... *sweats profusely* By now, a lot of you probably have left and given up on me due to my incompetence. But that is a-okay! At least, I can give the remaining of my readers a closure :D Many things have been happening these past couple years... I myself went through a development that I didn't see coming. Time was tough, but hey, we all made it! I've gradudated with my Bachelor's last year and now working a boring and depressing corporate job. Like I've mentioned in my Blog post, I want to get back to writing and commit more to it this time (this promise is so redundant haha). Well, that's a quick update on my life to give you all a bit of what to expect regarding my consistency to update (writer's block do play a huge role but at the end of the day, it's really just me being occupied with my life and mental health problems). To those who are reading my other unfinished fics, this paragraph will be copy and paste :D

Also, I know I know I know Jaebeom himself said that the spelling of his name is Lim Jaebeom, but because I started this fic with Im Jaebum... I decided to stay consistent. Though my new fics will be with the correct spelling. Just want to put this out there before anyone comes for my throat.

Now off you go~

Remember to leave feedbacks and see you all again next weekend~

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Ending up eating dinner alone, Jaebum picked at his Chinese takeout with boredom. When he woke up from his nap, Youngjae had already left. As an apology and plea for a second chance, the idol planned a nice candle-lit dinner cooked by him. But of course, he shouldn’t have held high expectations for the person he had hurt so many times. Jaebum admitted how dumb he was to think he shouldn’t meddle with Youngjae anymore. His love grew too strong for him to handle. Seeing Youngjae again gave him another reason to keep breathing. Yet, because of their past, Jaebum tormented himself. He didn't want to succumb to that mentality for another second. Time for him to move forward and work with what he has been giving. 

 

Youngjae came back into his life for a reason. 

 

The universe urged him to get back on his feet and make Youngjae stay this time. 

 

“Im Jaebum, you just had to it up,” the idol mumbled under his breath as he stabbed his chopsticks into the, now, cold stir-fried noodles. “You should have taken your chance the first time and ran with it. You and Youngjae would be cuddling right now.” Jaebum sighed and cleaned up since he had lost his appetite. Everything tasted bland on his tongue at the moment. 

 

After cleaning his mess, Jaebum paced around his house with his phone in his hand. He had never been an indecisive person, however, at this exact moment, he felt quite incompetent. Can’t decide whether or not to call. If he did call, then what? What will he say? Would Youngjae even pick up? What if Youngjae sees the caller ID and ignores it? Then, does he dare to call again? Is it the right choice to blow up Youngjae’s phone? 

 

Jaebum rolled his eyes at his ridiculousness. Sometimes he couldn’t stand himself for being overly dramatic. It wasn’t as if they hadn’t dated before, so why was he making this more complicated than it actually was? The idol plopped onto the couch and unlocked his phone. He’ll just pretend that this wasn’t a big deal. Because it wasn’t. He’s just calling Youngjae on a very casual and friendly basis. 

 

His finger slipped and pressed “Call” too suddenly. The idol panicked a little before putting the phone to his ear. The first ring brought his anxiety up a notch. The second ring made his hands sweaty. The third ring created a whirlpool at the pit of his stomach. The fourth ring-

 

“Hello?” Youngjae’s voice never failed to tug at Jaebum’s heartstrings. 

 

“Hey,” Jaebum responded coolly. Or at least he thought he sounded pretty cool.

 

“What’s wrong?” 

 

“What do you mean?”

 

A sigh. “It’s weird that you’re calling me, so there must be something wrong.” 

 

“Can’t I call because I miss you?” Definitely wasn’t thinking before blurting that out. 

 

Youngjae stayed silent for a few seconds too long, which only added to Jaebum’s anxiety. When the lawyer finally spoke, the tone of his voice changed. “Stop it. Be serious. Is there something wrong?” 

 

“I am serious,” Jaebum replied nonchalantly. He hated how sometimes his own voice sounded a bit like he was uninterested and cold. Not his intention at all. He can be cold to anyone but his Youngjae. “So what are you doing?”

 

“What do you want?”

 

“Just to talk-”

 

“We don’t have anything to talk about right now. Your scandal has been taken care of. We have no need to contact one another unless you get yourself in trouble again.”

 

“Pretty sure we just saw each other a couple of hours ago. There’s no way I would get myself into trouble from the time you left until now. Talking about you leaving… Why did you leave? I was going to cook dinner for us. I planned such a grand and sincere gesture to, hopefully, earn your trust again. But you really got up and left without a second thought.” 

 

Another sigh from the lawyer. “I don’t want to be a bother-”

 

“Youngjae,” Jaebum interrupted, “You’re never a bother to me.” 

 

“What exactly are you trying to do, Jaebum-ssi?”

 

“I want another chance, please. I know we got off on the wrong foot because of me. But now, I really want us to start from the beginning. I’ll fix my -ups. Please. Youngjae, I know you also li-”

 

“No, I don’t!” Youngjae shouted over the line in defense. “You’re speaking nonsense. I’m hanging up.”

 

“Wait! NO-” And Youngjae hung up. Jaebum slumped further onto the couch in defeat. He did this to himself, so he couldn't say . That reaction from Youngjae was understable. If he were in Youngjae’s shoes, he'd probably do the same. It was hard to forget how much of an he was to Youngjae. Right now, Youngjae probably resents him a lot. 

 

Jaebum deserved this treatment. 

 

When Youngjae’s heart swayed, Jaebum didn’t take the chance to nourish it. Instead, he stepped all over it. He had done enough to lead the younger on, and then he ran away without an explanation. Youngjae struggled alone to catch up to him. 

 

Sighing, Jaebum laid on the couch, deep in his own thoughts. Only if time could turn back a little. Jaebum swore he wouldn’t it up. 

 

<||><||><||><||><||>

 

Kang Han poked his head into his best friend’s office. “You’ve been awfully quiet since you got back from Busan.” Without looking up from the file he was viewing, Lawyer Choi responded with a little wave. The visitor rolled his eyes and entered the office with a cup of fresh coffee in his hand. Kang Han set the cup down next to the stack of empty sticky notes and sighed as he watched his best friend still nosing into the paperwork. “What do I have to do in order to hear your lovely voice again, Youngjae-ah?”

 

Finally looking up from the file, Youngjae smiled weakly, “Can I help you?”

 

“Yes, you can. Help me help you. Start by telling me what’s wrong.”

 

They stared at each other for a good minute before Youngjae let out a long sigh. “I don’t know what’s wrong.” 

 

“Well,” Kang Han raised an eyebrow and settled himself on the chair, “Lucky for you. I have aaaaall day-”

 

“No, you don’t. Get back to work.” 

 

“Is it about your mom?” Kang Han observed Youngjae’s reaction carefully, eyes squinting in suspicion. No reaction there. He cleared his throat and tried again, “Your work?” Still no reaction. The word ‘giving up" has never existed in Kang Han’s vocabulary since the day his parents turned their backs on him for wanting to go to law school. Besides, recently, there was only one person who could get a reaction out of Choi Youngjae. “Your client?” Kang Han suggested carefully. He had to put bullets in his gun before firing it. Noticing the way his best friend’s movement stuttered for a bit already gave him a winning smirk. “So it’s about the one and only Im Jaebum.” 

 

There is a lot of reaction now. 

 

Youngjae closed his eyes for two seconds and opened them again to look back at Kang Han, the owner of a current annoying grin that deserved to be blasted into oblivion. Sometimes, Youngjae wished they weren’t best friends, because Kang Han surely knew way too much about him. “Are you happy now? Can you leave?” 

 

“Tell me,” the softness in Kang Han’s voice surprised Youngjae, “Maybe I can help. I hate to see you using work as a way to run from your problems. I know you. You’re never the type to fear confrontation. So tell me what’s wrong.” 

 

“I would tell you what’s wrong if I knew what was wrong, Han-ah.”

 

“And what does that mean?” 

 

“I don’t know. There've been a lot of things that’s just… Feels weird…”

 

“Such as…”

 

“I’ve been off the pills for a while now. I ran out, actually, and was going to restock but haven’t gotten around to doing so. Mother doesn’t know that I’ve been off the meds she insisted I take. And since I’ve been off, it’s like my brain and body are going through withdrawals. Like I’ve been on drugs or something before. I would get headaches, but those headaches came with flashes of what seemed like pieces of my lost memories. The memories I’ve been seeing give me such a sad feeling. My heart hurts whenever I see those moments of my life before the accident.” With another long sigh, Youngjae closed his eyes and thought about the memories that came back to him.

 

Kang Han didn’t say anything and let his best friend have some peace before continuing. 

 

“I feel like whatever pills I’ve been taking have suppressed my brain from recovering. I’m starting to think my own mother was trying to harm me by forcing me to take those for the past ten years. I obeyed her because the headaches hurt so much, and the pills really did help ease them. I never suspected that my mother was trying to hide something from me. But why? For what? What was she trying to hide that she had to drug her own son?”

 

It was not breaking news to Kang Han that Madam Choi could be this vicious. But he would have never guessed that a mother would drug her own child. Only Madam Choi had this kind of conscience. The amount of hatred he harbored for that evil woman kept stacking up. “Restock your pills. I know a biomed engineer. I’ll let them check the content of the pills for you. If your speculation is true, then what are you going to do?”

 

“I won’t confront her.” 

 

“Youngjae-”

 

“I’ll play along with her, so she won’t be able to suspect me when I investigate behind her back.” 

 

A breath of relief left Kang Han’s mouth. “Good. I thought you were going to just let her ruin you like that.” 

 

“Of course not. All my life, I just wanted to break free from her grasp.”

 

“So… Memories…” 

 

Youngjae stayed silent for a couple of minutes, deciding whether or not he should even say anything about this side of the matter. He wasn’t sure himself, so he didn’t want to sprout nonsense. "I want to be sure first. Something about Im Jaebum isn't right."

 

"Im Jaebum? Your client?"

 

"After Busan, I've been thinking a lot about him. Even when we first met, I always felt a pull toward him. What if… He’s the one who I've been looking for in those scattered memories of mine?”

 

“That could be possible.”

 

“You think so?”

 

“I mean, you said you ‘felt a pull’ towards him, and usually, that’s a big sign that you two might have some type of connection. Also, I noticed he seems to know a little too much about you. You’re a smart person, Youngjae. I’m pretty sure you already know the answer to your question. You’re just too scared to admit it.” 

 

What Kang Han said sounded a bit harsh, but Youngjae expected to be uncomfortable with the truth. He needed to hear that. Kang Han was right. The fear within him refused to let him embrace the fact that Im Jaebum definitely had something to do with his past. Maybe they were what Youngjae had been suspecting. But the risk was far too great. Even if they did have something to do with one another, the reality of Jaebum being an idol wouldn’t allow them to accomplish anything anyways. And there was no way Youngjae would jeopardize Jaebum’s career. 

 

Youngjae sighed and buried his face in his hand. “You don’t know how scary it was. That day, at the airport, people were ready to trample each other in order to catch a glimpse of him. They were like wild animals, screaming and pushing like they had no consideration for Jaebum’s own safety. They were all there for him… But if he fell right there and then, they’d be all over him, grabbing and violating him without a second thought. I can’t even imagine how he could handle all that these past years.”

 

“Welcome to the world of stardom. Their fans don’t really treat them as human beings.” Kang Han patted his best friend’s head. “Your little moment with South Korea’s biggest rockstar is all over the web. People are shipping you two now.” 

 

“Ugh. What even does that mean?” Youngjae groaned, “He clearly was just helping me. Why is everyone exaggerating??”

 

“Well, his uality is still a big topic among the netizens. Any of his interactions with another male could set them off. They love to gossip.”

 

“I’m just happy CEO Lee didn’t give me a call. I really don’t want to have anything to do with Im Jaebum.”

 

Someone tapped lightly on Kang Han’s shoulder. He turned around, a little smile appeared on his lips the moment he locked eyes with the visitor. “Looks like he wants everything to do with you, though.” Lawyer Han stepped aside and closed the door behind him as he left, whistling a playful little tune.

 

Ignoring his best friend’s comment, Youngjae went back to busying himself when he heard the door to his office close. It wasn’t like Kang Han to just leave in the midst of being an absolute menace. But Youngjae didn’t think too much into it. He just counted it as a blessing that Kang Han decided to let things go sooner than expected. Besides, there was a lot of work that needed to be done. No time for them to stand around and talk about feelings. 

 

The office drowned in silence for a good twenty minutes before someone cleared their throat. Youngjae jumped in his seat. That definitely wasn’t him. Slowly, the lawyer lifted his head from the file. When Jaebum’s face came into view, Youngjae hung his mouth open in confusion as his pen slipped from its comfortable place between his fingers. “What… Wh-when did you get here???”

 

Jaebum smiled awkwardly and rubbed his nape, “Twenty minutes ago? I’ve been here since Lawyer Kang walked out.” 

 

Youngjae wanted to facepalm himself. He knew it. There was no way Kang Han could suddenly drop the hot topic and leave. Closing the case file, the lawyer collected himself and sat up straight, hands clasped together on top of the manila folder. “I apologize. I didn’t notice you there. How can I help you today, Jaebum-ssi?”

 

“I’m doing terrible, thank you for asking, Youngjae-ssi. How are you?” 

 

“I’m being serious.”

 

The idol rolled his eyes, “I haven’t seen you in three weeks. I miss you.”

 

This time, Youngjae cleared his throat. His steady heart had already started beating another foreign rhythm in response to Jaebum’s words. And voice. Goodness, his voice. They hadn’t been in contact with each other at all for three weeks, and now, hearing Jaebum’s voice again stirred Youngjae’s entire being. He knew he missed Jaebum as well. 

 

Youngjae sighed softly, wheeling himself back into the reality he dreaded. Confident that his own voice wouldn’t betray him, the lawyer started, “I appreciate the sentiment. But we really don’t have any reasons to see each other unless-”

 

“Let’s have dinner together,” Jaebum interrupted. 

 

“Jaebum-”

 

“You owe me dinner. You left last time. I was going to keep pestering you, but I got busy with my schedule. I finally begged CEO Lee to approve a night off. I want to spend it with you. Come over tonight at seven-thirty.” 

 

“Listen-”

 

“I’ll be waiting.”

 

Just like that, Jaebum offered a soft smile before bidding a quick goodbye and leaving as quietly as he came. Youngjae was still processing whatever happened when Kang Han poked his head in for the second time today. Seeing the disbelief sitting prettily on his best friend’s face was enough for Kang Han to stifle a laugh and return to his own office. Seemed like Youngjae could handle things on his own.

 

Youngjae, however, could not handle Im Jaebum on his own. Right now, all he wants to do is crawl under his desk and never come out. Fighting against his heart’s desire, Youngjae wrecked his brain trying to figure out a way to firmly reject Jaebum. This can’t happen. They can’t happen. Youngjae told Jaebum he’d let go of the past. Even if he happened to remember again, he’d let it go. Let it all go. 

 

That was what he thought he’d be willing to do. But knowing that the possibility of Im Jaebum being the person haunting his past, Youngjae truly felt.. 

 

Deep down…

 

Youngjae truly feels like he can’t let go.

 

He doesn’t want to.

 

<||><||><||><||><||>

 

Jaebum looked at the clock again. It read nine forty-two. The Korean-style dinner Jaebum prepared had gone cold. He wanted to laugh at how pathetic he probably looked, sitting and waiting for someone who would never show up. 

 

“Is it because you remembered how bad my cooking was?” Jaebum asked the empty seat across from him. He finally laughed as he poured himself a glass of wine. “I’ve improved since then, Jae-ah. I wanted to cook for you for the rest of my life, so I learned from anyone I could ask. I wanted to be able to make you healthy meals and bake you sweets. I wanted to make sure you wouldn’t regret living with me. I knew you were used to eating high quality meals. You were used to being pampered from morning to night. And I just wanted… I just wanted to be so perfect that you would never regret being with me…” 

 

With the back of his hand, Jaebum wiped away his tears and went to clean up. He told Youngjae he’d be waiting, but seeing how the night almost ended with no calls or texts, Jaebum had lost hope. He sighed, comforting himself with a sympathetic smile as he caught a glimpse of his haggard reflection on the window. By the morning, he’ll probably forget all about this failure and continue to pursue his stubborn lawyer. But tonight, Jaebum would rather sleep on the highway than pretend to be fine. 

 

An unexpected ring at the door arrived at exactly eleven twenty-four. The idol was too deep in his own head as he packed away the leftovers in the fridge. He only took notice of the sudden disturbance after the fourth ring. One look at the guest on the camera screen almost made Jaebum drop his jaw all the way to Hell. Immediately, he opened his door. His heart thumped loudly against his ribcage. Is he dreaming right now?

 

“Y-Youngjae?”

 

The lawyer’s smile didn’t really reach his eyes. “Hi. I’m… I’m sorry I’m late. Well, I don’t even know if this is ‘late.’ More like-”

 

“No! I mean, that’s fine. You’re not late at all. I just finished, uh, cooking,” Jaebum quickly cut in and stepped aside invitingly. He watched as relief washed over Youngjae’s tired face. He also noticed the way Youngjae’s tense shoulders dropped in relaxation. “Are you all right?”

 

Youngjae entered the house, suddenly feeling a bit lighter than before. It was as if all his worries dissipated the moment he took in the familiar, cozy feeling of Jaebum’s scent enveloping the house. “For the most part, yes,” he turned back to Jaebum, “Again, I’m so sorry. I was on my way here and got myself into an accident-”

 

“What?!” Jaebum was horrified and unthinkably reached out to grab Youngjae’s arms, “Are you okay?? Are you injured? Hurt anywhere? I’ll call a doctor-”

 

“Jaebum-ssi-”

 

“Why didn’t you call me?? Was it close to here? Doesn’t matter. I’ll go wherever you are. Let me see,” the idol spun his guest around, hands patting rather boldly on the younger’s body. 

 

“It wasn’t close to here-” Youngjae tried to calm Jaebum’s wandering hands, because everywhere Jaebum was touching burned. “Nothing really happened. Well, my car is gone now. But I’m perfectly fine! I had to talk to the police and handle the whole process, so I couldn’t get to you earlier. Took way longer than I thought. I’m-”

 

Not really hearing anything Youngjae tried to explain, Jaebum dragged him to the couch, looking as pale as winter’s snow. He had the younger sit down while he rushed to the medicine cabinet. Returning about thirty seconds later, Jaebum held a bottle of painkillers in one hand and a glass of water in the other. Without saying much, he made sure Youngjae swallowed the pill and finished the entire glass. 

 

Youngjae wasn’t in any pain whatsoever, but he was glad that Jaebum stopped touching him. Any more of those gentle touches, and he’d most likely explode.

 

Finally, Jaebum settled down and scooted over a little bit to give Youngjae some space. “Are you sure you don’t need to go-”

 

“Jaebum,” Youngjae called, voice soft with a tint of shyness, “I’m fine. Just… Very hungry.” At this, the younger lifted his head, eyes bored into the man’s in front. “I know you’ve already cleaned up, but I can eat anything right now. Even ramyeon is fine.”

 

“I told you. I just finished cooking,” Jaebum smiled and got up. “I just need to set the table.” He disappeared into the kitchen in haste. 

 

In less than fifteen minutes, the table was set again. Though less extravagant this time around, given that everything had to be reheated and plated. They ate in silence. Surprisingly, a comfortable one. The pity Jaebum felt for himself moments ago transgressed into giddiness. Everything is now okay. As long as Youngjae is safe and sound in front of him, everything is okay. 

 

They ended up cleaning up together after Youngjae insisted after every objection Jaebum could find in the book. And well, it wasn’t hard for the older to cave in. Jaebum wiped down the table and repacked the leftovers while Youngjae busied himself with the dishes. When they were both done, Jaebum went to his wine cellar to pour each of them a little palate cleanser. 

 

Being left alone in the living room, Youngjae’s eyes wandered to the book shelf curiously. He remembered that the last time he was here, there was this journal… Of course, he knew he shouldn’t be snooping around in another person’s business. But he couldn’t help it. That journal was so important that Jaebum immediately snapped out of whatever insanity he was stuck in to protect it.

 

Maybe Youngjae wasn’t just curious. Maybe he was a tad bit jealous that an object held so much power over Jaebum.

 

Youngjae found himself standing in front of the shelf, scanning his eyes over every book spine. He was sure it was around here somewhere… The lawyer crouched down to the lower rows. Did Jaebum hide it elsewhere? Youngjae reached out, using the tips of his fingers to run through the titles. Had to be here… His hand stopped the moment his ring finger felt the familiar leather underneath. He smiled and pulled the journal out of its safety net. 

 

From the first look, one knew the leather was of high quality. The condition was pristine even with a slight sign of wear. Youngjae examined the front and back. Nothing special. Looked like a typical journal anyone could get from the stationary store. Standing back up, Youngjae opened to a random page. His eyes began to focus on the neat line of words. He managed to read only a sentence before the journal got snatched from his hands. 

 

Youngjae looked up at Jaebum. “Sorry I was just-” His cheeks flushed, embarrassed that he got caught abruptly, while his brain worked overtime to think of a good excuse. But what excuse is good enough for this situation? There’s no good excuse for digging into people’s personal things without permission. “I was just, um, I don’t… I’m sorry.”

 

“You could have just asked,” Jaebum simply said as he pushed the journal back to where it belonged. 

 

“Would you have let me read it?” 

 

“No,” the idol handed his lawyer a glass of wine with a teasing grin. Jaebum almost laughed seeing the way Youngjae rolled his eyes. “Not right now. Someday, I will.”

 

With a soft scoff, Youngjae brought the glass to his lips. He took a sip and walked back to the couch. “Thank you for dinner tonight. After what I went through, I really needed that. Also, your cooking wasn’t as terrible as I had thought.”

 

“I’ll take that as a compliment. Thank you.” Jaebum settled down next to Youngjae with his own glass. The mood seemed a bit sweet. But something was weighing on his date’s mind. Setting the glass down on the table, Jaebum reached out and hovered his hand over Youngjae’s arm as if to ask for permission. When the younger didn’t say anything or shy away, Jaebum gently gave a pat. “You okay?”

 

Taking another sip of the wine, Youngjae looked over at Jaebum. “I really don’t know what’s going on in your mind.” 

 

“It’ll take a bit to figure me out, but you got it,” Jaebum smiled.

 

“I never agreed to anything.”

 

“You showed up.”

 

“It was rude not to.”

 

Jaebum tapped the tip of his index finger on the back of Youngjae’s hand. “You know it yourself that you wouldn’t care for manners if it’s something you don’t want to do.”

 

All Youngjae heard was the soft tapping sound of skin-on-skin and the thumping of his heart. He tried to even out his breathing, but every inch of his being leaned towards Jaebum’s touch. This man might as well command Youngjae’s heart to jump off a bridge, and it will be done. Youngjae wasn’t sure if the confusion in his heart had anything to do with this feeling of uncontrollable want, but the fact still stood that Im Jaebum was really good at touching people. Whatever the Hell that meant. 

 

Didn’t take more than a few minutes for Jaebum’s other hand to play with Youngjae’s hair. He wore a soft expression, clearly showing that his only intention was to provide comfort. But Youngjae felt different. 

 

Youngjae felt a burning within his heart. His body. His soul. 

 

Everywhere Jaebum touched, Youngjae wanted more and more. 

 

A quiet exhale left the younger’s lips, barely passing as a moan. Immediately, the older stopped. Youngjae bit his lip. He blamed the wine for this immature behavior. Why was he acting like he hadn’t been touched in ages? Well, sort of true. But still. Choi Youngjae wasn’t much of a physical person like his best friend. Youngjae didn’t need to around just to relieve some weird knots in his body. Youngjae was career-focused, proper, sophisticated, classy, composed-

 

. 

 

Youngjae was all of that, but in front of Jaebum, he was everything opposite.

 

“I’m going to kiss you.” 

 

“What are you-”

 

Jaebum’s eyes were unreadable. The soft expression from earlier melted into something that made Youngjae’s heart race faster and faster and faster and…

 

“I’m going to kiss you,” Jaebum repeated, voice full of control and a resolute sobriety, “If you don’t like it, you can push me away.” 

 

Youngjae held Jaebum’s gaze as the older slowly closed in. At this point, he doesn’t know whose heart was beating louder. His eyes darted to Jaebum’s lips for a quick second, then back up to those piercing eyes. How he wished to close that tiny gap between them because Jaebum was moving so, so, so slow. Youngjae was sure Jaebum wasn’t trying to tease or anything like that. And Youngjae appreciated the respect. 

 

But because of it, he had time to think before giving into his heart’s desire.

 

If Jaebum was a second quicker, then what happened next wouldn’t be the reason they’re back to square one. 

 

The lawyer pushed a hand to his client’s chest. Of course, there was no force behind that push. It was hard enough that he had to will his body to do this. “I’m a little tired. I think I should rest. May I take one of your guest rooms?” 

 

Rather than showing any sign of disappointment or confusion, Jaebum just smiled understandingly. The idol got up and started heading towards the stairs. “Yeah. You’re always welcome here. Let me go get everything ready first. I’ll let you know!” 

 

Youngjae watched as Jaebum dashed up the stairs, the kind smile never faltering from the idol’s face. Youngjae sighed and held his hand to his heart. He didn’t truly believe it until he felt how wild his heart was, fighting a bloody battle against his ribcage. That was close. He almost did something he would surely regret after the alcohol washed off in the morning. Did he want to kiss Jaebum? Of course. Did he want to let it all go and spend a night in Jaebum’s arms? Yes. Youngjae won’t deny how much he wants Jaebum. Forget the natural pull he had towards the older. Forgot all about Jaebum could possibly be the person of his past. Youngjae just couldn’t resist Jaebum no matter what he tried. Anyone in his position would think the same. Im Jaebum knew how and when to play his cards.

 

But…

 

Youngjae turned his head towards the book shelf, eyes fixated on the mysterious journal. 

 

His mind reeled back to that sentence he read before all the distraction.

 

There was no way he was mistaken. Youngjae would like to believe he knew himself better than anyone.
 

So…

 

Wasn’t that his own handwriting?