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AUTHOR'S NOTE: My deepest apologies for leaving you guys hanging. I have nothing else to say except enjoy the chapter. And see you all soon.

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"Where did you go last night?" Youngjae asked seriously. 

 

Kang Han sighed over the other line, "You didn't come home for a while, so I went out for a few drinks."

 

"Are you okay?"

 

"Yep! Fine as a peach!"

 

"Han-ah…"

 

"Don't worry about me! You have to meet up with Mister Superstar, right?"

 

"Han-"

 

"Good luck! Talk you you later~"

 

And the call ended. Youngjae sighed and shook his head. He intended to be there for his best friend. But when he returned home after yesterday's dinner, Kang Han had already left. He couldn't get a hold of his best friend for the rest of that night. Of course, no matter how much Youngjae worries, Kang Han doesn't falter. 

 

But this wasn't the time to brood over his oddball of a friend. 

 

Pushing through the doors of a large practice room, Youngjae carefully poked his head inside and looked around. Despite the distracting music, the lawyer could spot his client in the center of a group of dancers. The idol moved gracefully in front of the mirror wall with meticulous facial expressions and artistic charisma. Youngjae was in a trance at how captivatingly Jaebum could move his body with little to no effort. This wasn't even a stage. Yet the stage presence was overwhelming.

 

Someone lightly tapped Youngjae’s shoulder from behind, “Mister Lawyer?”

 

Jolting at the sudden touch, Youngjae quickly turned around, all ready for a fight. “Y-yes?” 

 

“Sorry, did I scared you?” The woman laughed. “You might not remember me, but I’m Jaebum’s manager, Son Youngmi.”

 

“No, no, no, I remember. Hello, Youngmi-ssi.”

 

“You’re here to go over some papers with Jaebum, right?”

 

“Um, yes-”

 

Youngmi’s face lit up as she pushed Youngjae into the room, “Then why are you standing here? Just go in!” Before the lawyer could utter another awkward word, Youngmi had already got him and herself inside with much enthusiasm. She waved at Jaebum and caught his attention. The moment Jaebum’s eyes met hers, Youngmi pointed to the man next to her. Jaebum’s eyes widened for about half a second. And Youngmi swore she had never seen Jaebum dance more passionately and powerfully than right now. Right at this very moment. 

 

Following the manager, Youngjae took a seat on the bench at the back. For some reason, he felt oddly awkward for being here. There was this urge to cancel today’s appointment and postpone it to another date. He didn’t know where to place his eyes. On the walls? But he’s sitting in front of them. On the door? Well, that would give a lot of questions. On the dancers? That’s very unnecessary. On Im Jaebum? No, that’s way too weird. And so Youngjae just stared at his own stiff posture in the mirror. The weird feeling kept creeping under his skin. 

 

Practice went a little bit longer than Youngjae had expected. After a while, his body relaxed a little and eyes grew a bit distant from staring at one thing for too long. Youngmi looked over, already knew how tired the lawyer was, so she offered a starter. “He’s really good, isn’t he?” 

 

With the young lady’s voice knocking his conscious, Youngjae turned to her with a strained smile, “Yes, he’s, um, good. Sorry, I don’t know much about dancing.” 

 

Jaebum’s manager shook her head and chuckled, stretching out her arms and legs, “It’s all right. He’s a veteran idol, of course, he’s good. Though, I never really seen him dance like this… So much passion and heart…” That last part came out as a low whisper. Youngmi shrugged, “Well, he’s been working hard.” 

 

A shine of curiosity bubbled inside Youngjae’s stomach. “What kind of person is Jaebum-ssi?”

 

Youngmi stared at Youngjae for a few seconds before her pretty pink lips broke into a soft smile, “Jaebummie? I’m not really sure, to be honest. I’ve been working with him for a very long time, but I still haven’t figured out what kind of person he is yet. Back then, when he came in as a trainee, he was already like how he is now. Cold. Almost void of emotions. Everyone was wondering how a person like that could be an idol. But Jaebum’s talents were undeniable. Such talents can’t be found just anywhere, so we decided to keep him. Despite his cold eyes and silence, we made Jaebum into a star. A very well-loved one by the nation.”

 

Nodding quietly, Youngjae agreed. He’s a person who likes reading actual newspapers and barely turns on the TV or scrambles through social media. Yet Youngjae still knew who the infamous JB was. Every single person did. Even the ahjumma across the street knew and was a huge fan. “It’s rare for an idol to be approved by all age groups.” 

 

“Exactly!” Youngmi exclaimed proudly, “Jaebum pulled us out of the brink of bankruptcy in just months after his debut. We joked that people must love mysterious and cold men who can sing and dance rather than pretty and soft young boys. A lot of people thought that was his image. But really, Im Jaebum is actually a very closed-off person. There’s a reason why he’s barely involved in any acting gigs or collabs with other artists. People find him somewhat intimidating to work with. Though, I can guarantee you that he’s a kind person.”

 

“No worries. I’ve worked with all types of people. I’ll do my best.” 

 

“Oh, don’t say that! I’m sure he’ll warm up to you, Youngjae-ssi! Something’s telling me that you two will get along just fine!” 

 

They shared a laugh, feeling the air between them become more breathable. Youngjae realized he liked Youngmi. He thought it wouldn’t be so bad if he became friends with her. But with Jaebum? That’s definitely not a bet. Youngjae felt a strange familiarity with the older, but that wasn’t enough for him to let his guard down. Jaebum was the one with the hard shell around himself. If Jaebum refuses to open up, then Youngjae won’t pry. He’s here to do his job professionally. 

 

The music finally stopped after what felt like a couple of years. All the dancers started packing up and bidding each other goodbye. Soon, the large practice room cleared out, leaving the idol, the manager, and the lawyer staring awkwardly at one another. Youngmi eventually excused herself after realizing she’s probably interrupting something intimate.

 

Youngjae cried a little inside as he watched Youngmi rushed out of the room. He exhaled softly and turned to his client, “If you’re tired, we can move-”

 

“I’m fine,” Jaebum opened his mouth for the first time. He moved closer to the lawyer and leaned down to grab a nearby towel. Jaebum wiped his sweat and hung the towel around his neck. His piercing eyes stared down at the man in front of him. It took a lot for Jaebum to not soften his longing gaze. “I’ll go change. Meet me outside.” 

 

“Okay,” Youngjae nodded and gathered his coat and briefcase. “See you soon.”

 

And Youngjae quickly left.

 

Because if he had stayed a second longer, he’d melt under those beautifully piercing eyes.

 

<||><||><||><||><||>

 

If someone had let Youngjae know how uncomfortable this meeting was, he would have handed this case over to Kang Han. At least Kang Han knew how to socialize and charm people. Yes, Youngjae had told Youngmi he could handle all kinds of people. But Im Jaebum was a very special case. 

 

For an entire ten minutes, there had not been one word exchanged between them. Jaebum kept stirring his cup of coffee tensely with the little black stirring stick, while Youngjae just stared at the blank notebook in front of him. There was tension, but Youngjae found it hard to categorize what kind it was. Though the young lawyer probably would rather not know. Youngjae lifted his eyes from his notebook, only to find Jaebum's eyes already on him. They held a stare for a couple of seconds before Youngjae tore his gaze away. He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. It was unsettling. Like Jaebum wanted to say something, but he refused to open his mouth. Which gave Youngjae the impression that maybe the idol didn't like him very much. All the vibes Youngjae was getting from Jaebum were just utter coldness. 

 

That was it. Youngjae had enough. No more of this threatening silence. "Okay. Jaebum-ssi, could you-"

 

"Just 'Jaebum' is fine."

 

"..." Youngjae paused, feeling the tension hung above their heads. "Could you give me your statement?"

 

"What statement."

 

"What happened on that day?"

 

"Nothing," Jaebum stopped stirring his cup, "Why are you even here? There is nothing they can prove. Anyone could walk with anyone into a hotel without there having to be anything. All this is unnecessary.” 

 

Blinking at the sudden attitude, Youngjae didn’t know what to feel. Should he be annoyed at Jaebum’s rudeness? Or should he be relieved that Jaebum actually knew how to speak more than a couple of words in a sentence? Youngjae brushed it off and smiled politely, “I’m sorry. Your agency-”

 

“I don’t care.”

 

Youngjae closed his eyes and exhaled slowly, “Jaebum-ssi, please cooperate-”

 

“I said to call me 'Jaebum'!” 

 

At the sudden raise of the idol's voice, the very few people occupying the first floor’s coffee shop turned their heads with concerned looks. Youngjae looked around and apologized quietly before looking back at Jaebum with a stern look. If Jaebum wants to throw a tantrum, fine. Youngjae has a reputation for dealing great with kids. The lawyer smiled patiently, "Let's move to somewhere more private, should we? How about my office?"

 

Jaebum scoffed, crossing his arms like an upset child, "I'm telling you, this is unnecessary. How much did they pay you? I'll pay you double so you can leave me the alone."

 

Desperately trying to stop himself from rolling his eyes, Youngjae gathered his things and said, "I'll see you this afternoon at five."

 

"I said-" 

 

"Jaebum," Youngjae finally said the name loud and clear, "I'll see you at five."

 

Youngjae was already out the doors when a tear rolled down Jaebum's cheek. 

 

<||><||><||><||><||>

 

Well, the beloved idol was about forty minutes late to the rescheduled appointment. It's not like he didn't have a breakdown and hyperventilating or anything like that prior to this meeting. No one needed to know. Especially Choi Youngjae. 

 

Sitting across Youngjae again for the second time in a day, Jaebum still can’t find the composure he’s been frantically searching for. His anxiety morphed into something cold and unbearable. Jaebum didn’t want to act like this, but something deep within him knew that he also didn’t deserve anything nice. Didn’t deserve to see Youngjae. 

 

He deserves all the hatred in the world. 

 

He can’t let the past repeat itself. 

 

Across from Jaebum, the lawyer sighed and shook his head, “I just need a statement, please. That’s all I'm asking for. Please, cooperate.” Youngjae was showing signs of exasperation by the way he cast his tired eyes down at the opened notebook with blank pages in front of him. His suit jacket hung carelessly on his chair, and the sleeves of his dress shirt rolled up a little bit past his elbows. At least his tie was still sitting neatly where it supposed to be. Despite looking a bit disheveled, Youngjae still looked like a descended angel. 

 

Rolling his eyes, trying to show exaggerated annoyance, Jaebum slouched into the comfortable client chair. If anyone could understand Jaebum, they wouldn't approve of the mask he's wearing. Well, it's not like Jaebum approved it either. He just had to. The same awful nightmare can't keep playing. He's going to stop it. He's going to return to straying far, far, far away from Choi Youngjae. He’ll do anything to keep Youngjae from getting hurt. Even if it means making himself a ing .

 

Youngjae still patiently stared at his difficult client. And Jaebum stared right back at him.

 

Jaebum felt this overwhelming feeling clawing at his chest. The desperation to reach out and touch the only person who owns his shattered heart threw him over the edge. It had been too many years. And of course, Jaebum never forgets. 

 

Never forgets the smiles, the laughs, the soft gazes, the sweet touches, the gentle kisses…

 

All the moments of nothing but pure love.

 

But Jaebum knew better than anyone that those beautiful days would never come back into his arms again. He had lost them. It was his fault. He caused this. Youngjae’s amnesia was his torment. Jaebum didn’t mind. He deserved it. If he hadn’t let his stupid, lovesick teenage self act with his heart, then none of this would have happened. If only he had used his brain more back then, things could have been different. Could they?

 

 

Now, he reaps what he sows. 

 

"I'm leaving," the idol exhaled loudly and pulled himself up. He was about to make a run for the door until he felt a hand on his arm. Jaebum's cold blood immediately ran warm. He missed this so much. "What are you doing?!" He spat, eyebrows furrowed in an attempt to cover the fact that his frozen heart was melting pretty damn quickly from just a simple touch. 

 

Youngjae pursed his lips in disapproval at the idol's childish stubbornness. "Jaebum, sir, please sit back down. We are not done."

 

"I can sue you for touching me without my permission."

 

"You can go ahead. No one knows the law better than a lawyer."

 

Jaebum laughed, turning his body towards Youngjae in a predatory manner. His demeanor changed in the blink of an eye. His lips curled up in a playful, yet attractive, smirk. His eyes sparkled under the lights with mischievous glints. His face softened but somehow oozed of danger.

 

Staggering back a bit in defense, Youngjae swallowed nervously at the sudden change. In front of him was a whole new person. But Youngjae held on tight to Jaebum's arm, denying every ounce of defeat that flashed across his innocent eyes. "What-"

 

"Aren't you scared of me?" Jaebum advanced, stepping forward each time Youngjae stepped backward. Underneath the act, Jaebum's brain was screaming for him to stop before things get out of control. Jaebum meant to tease, but somehow he can't stop himself now. "I'm rumored to be into guys. Aren't you scared that I'll do something to you?" 

 

"N-no…" Youngjae felt his back laid flat against the wall behind him. His hand squeezed around Jaebum's arm. "You wouldn't dare!"

 

"Really," the idol slammed his other hand against the wall. Even though they were around the same height, Jaebum's figure was a lot more lean and muscular. With his broad shoulders, it was easy to tower over the young lawyer. Part of Jaebum wanted to force himself to pull away. While the part was driven by suppressed selfishness over the long years. Being able to be this close to Youngjae was a dream that Jaebum never would have, in a million years, thought would come true. His face inched closer to Youngjae's with each breath. His heart almost burst out of his ribcage. 

 

"Fine," Youngjae huffed, boldly staring straight into Jaebum's unreadable eyes. They held their gaze for what felt like an eternity before Youngjae's head muddled up in a familiar agony. He tried to hold in the pain, but the more he fought, the more he wanted to dig his own brains out. Loosening the grip on Jaebum's arm, Youngjae gasped and held his head as he slid down slowly. 

 

With eyes widened in panic, Jaebum caught Youngjae in his arms. "H-hey… You… What's going on?" Jaebum grew anxious when Youngjae didn't respond. The younger started shaking. And Jaebum almost lost it. But his voice was still sincere and full of care. Gentle and with so much love. "Youngjae, answer me. What do you need me to do?"

 

For some reason, Youngjae felt… Safe. Never has anyone's voice made him feel this way. No one… Except… 

 

Except that one voice in his blurred memories. 

 

"Ba…" Youngjae gasped, breath uneven from the searing pain, "Bag!"

 

Quickly, more like reluctantly, Jaebum left Youngjae's side and dashed over to the desk. He grabbed the leather satchel and ran back to Youngjae. "Meds inside?" Jaebum asked calmly, hands already scurrying inside for a search. Before Youngjae could nod, Jaebum already held the pill bottle in his hands and hurried to open it. “How many?”

 

Weakly, Youngjae raised up two fingers, to which Jaebum wasted not a single second and delivered two purple pills. Youngjae swallowed the pills and knocked his head back against the wall in exhaustion. His eyes closed as he waited for the pills to dissolve within his body and take effect. Jaebum was still on his knee in front of the lawyer with worried eyes. 

 

“... H…” Youngjae croaked out in a whisper, head lolling and body slightly shaking again. 

 

“Youngjae, what’s wrong?” 

 

“Hyu…” 

 

“What are you saying?” Jaebum leaned in a bit closer. 

 

Suddenly, Youngjae caught Jaebum’s arm and fluttered his eyes open slowly. His pupils were dilated and glazed over, looking completely out of it. But he kept his eyes on the man in front of him. His memories were jumbled all over the place. His face was pale and fingers were loosely gripping Jaebum’s arm. He had experienced this pain so many times before in the past ten years, however, this was the first time that the source of this pain wasn’t his head. But his heart. Youngjae didn’t understand. Tears rolled down his cheeks for a reason he didn’t understand. Why does his heart hurt so much right now?

 

“What else do you need? Tell me-”

 

Youngjae stared at the blurry face in front of him. He parted his lips one more time before giving into the throbbing pain in his heart. “Hyung…”

 

Jaebum froze.

 

“Jae… Jaebum-hyung…” Somewhere in Youngjae’s head, his consciousness was screaming at him in frustration because it was happening again. Memories of that boy were flashing by again. And once again, Youngjae couldn’t see how the boy looked like. At least… At least he remembered a name. “Name… Jaebum…”

 

And Youngjae’s eyes rolled back as his body collapsed forwards into Jaebum’s chest. 

 

<||><||><||><||><||>

 

“Thank you, Jaebum-ssi,” Kang Han bowed in gratefulness. “I’m sorry he bothered you like this. His old illness is acting up again. I’ll take him to get a check-up when he wakes.” 

 

“Okay,” Jaebum said blankly.

 

Kang Han sensed an uneasiness but decided not to push it further. “I’ll see you off, then.”

 

“It’s okay,” Jaebum offered a strained smile and a little nod. He his heels and walked out of that torturous place. His eyes began to water as he tried to stop himself from turning back around. “No. I can’t.”

 

He wasn’t going to turn back.

 

He has to keep walking. 

 

He has to.

 

For Youngjae.