It's 23:50 pm. 

In 10 minuets, i will be 17. Yet, without you, i dont know what to make of my insignifcate birth. 

You did so much for us, for me. Yet yesterday marked 3 months of you having been gone, and i didnt even think about it. It was my friends 18 on 18th and now on the 19th- when i turn seventeen- all i can think about is you. 

Jonghyun. Thank you for saving me, and im sorry that i couldn't help you in the same way. I still love you with my whole heart and i still cant fall asleep.

I think of that beautiful smile you had, but it hurts, all i see is the sadness. I think of the good time i had being under your wing, yet there's doubt if i noticed a sad spark in your eyes. 

If you were still here... i'd reach out to you. 

I've been trying my hardest to spread love with some pages i really respect and love, and thats all because of you. It's working. It brightens peoples days and they smile with such happiness. 

Thank you for helping do this. 

You gave me friends, Sam and Rimsha. You gave a huge family, the kpop commuinty. And i dont think i could have them and it taken from me now. 

You've given me strength to pull through the toughest parts of my life and find love, peace and happiness. Thank you. 

It is now 00:00 on Monday March 19th 2018. 

I am now 17. 

And you are still gone, but living in my heart.