should i just let go of everything?

it’s tiring to fight in a war where you’re the only one who is making an effort to fight all the enemies.

“are you fine?” someone asked me.

i felt myself tearing up.

just those three words made me cry.

am i fine?

no, i’m not fine. my heart hurts so much, “yes, i’m fine. thank you for asking! how about you?” i said forming a smile.

i lied to them and to myself.

should i just end this?

am i ready to let go of everything?

to put down all my weapons?

to let go of all the memories?

“it’s fun to see your life in shambles.”

i lay on my bed.

looking at nothing in particular.

just the darkness comforting me.

i remembered the words again, “are you fine?”

i felt tears flowing down my eyes,

my chest getting heavy.

why am i forcing myself to something that i know i don’t deserve?

why am i forcing myself to fix something that has ben damaged to the point where nothing can fix it?

why am i lying to myself that everything’s gonna be okay when the truth is slapping me that, ‘it’s never gonna be the same again even if you manage to fix it, the scar will be there, f o r e v e r.