[CONTENTID1]“Put if off Hoseok… I want to see you.”[/CONTENTID1]

 

[CONTENTID2]Sun was already up, welcoming the kids going to school and people working. She finished her tea and sighted. These small details made her deeply think about the change in her life. She had more sleep, less work to the point where she envisaged to take a course in the closest university. Working with kids had been once her dream and she could obtain it now if she put some strength into it. If she wanted she could secure her future and quit her work immediately, founding another one but she couldn’t.

Jimin.

The tea that was once coffee was now a souvenir to her. Her skin got better, she saw more her boyfriend and could even eat with him and live a normal life with him. No more extra hours or skipped meals. Her life seemed fine so why was she retaining her tears in the corridor? Why did she started to hate tea, the day she begun this routine? She missed her pimples and bag under her eyes. She missed sleeping only five hours to rush at the hospital after. She missed Jimin. He was still here, breathing and having a slight presence in his cold room but she missed him.

She stood up from her seat and went to the bathroom service. There she watched her mug, a gift from Jimin for her birthday. She still remembered how embarrassed and shy he was. “I- I hope that you will like it, Clara.” His voice sounded stressed and Clara made her best to reassure. She truly appreciated his mug, coming from one of her favorite cheap shop. Surely, that one doctor or nurse advised him, and he went there without her noticing it. The mug was now put on the sink, while Clara was cleaning her face. Her so beautiful face, like loved saying her boyfriend, but could he saw that it was a mask?

Clara saw herself in the glasses, water dripping from her feature and she didn’t recognize herself. For a split of second, it was another person. A person trying his best to hide his sentiment. Tapping the rough towel on her face, she decided to close all her negative sentiments in front of Jimin. It was the best thing to do, maybe the worst but she wanted to see Jimin smiling and not worrying about her state. With so many years together, Jimin could know her state just by the way she was breathing.

She leaved the bathroom and went to Jimin’s room. While walking, she counted her breath and found a path that would sound normal.

“Jimin?” She knocked at the door and received a faint growl. She opened the door and saw him laid on his back. It was not different from any other day except that he was surrounded by four heavy tubes checking his vitals. He should have more but Jimin didn’t want it.

She opened the curtain and woke him up. She described the weather and put at the same time Jimin’s favorite playlist. It helped to not think about the pain through his whole body. She checked the engine and after seeing that everything was in control, she sat near him.

“How are you today? We are in November now…” Jimin gave a faint smile but it seemed more like a grimace. His chest moving slowly, and he asked for a glass of water. Clara immediately went to the bathroom and gave him right back a glass of warm water. He drank it and sat up difficultly.

“I’m fine.” Clara noticed how Jimin was concentrated on his breath and then continued to speak. “I’m still breathing so, … Everything is fine.” There he smiled, and she adverted her eyes. His smile was hurting her, and she wasn’t strong enough to see him like this.

Several days passed until she received a call from a number that she knew too well. It was Jimin’s personal dance teacher and Hoseok close friend but dance teacher as well. She hesitated before answering, her shift was ending in a few minutes and Jimin was still sleeping.

She didn’t answer.

 

Three hours later, she woke up from her smartphone buzzing and she checked the hour “3:36 am”. She shifted her position and answered.

“Yes?”

“Sorry to disturb you but…” Mingjae seemed to be rushed. She could hear stuff shifted from place and a sound from a wheel.

“Jimin, right?” She suddenly remembered the date and understood that he wanted to say his farewell.

“Can I come?”

“Yeah of course. Come and I’ll found you there.” She didn’t understand why he needed to see him that early, but she let it in the back of her head. She rubbed her face and noticed where she was. She wasn’t in her apartment but at the hospital. She had slept, a huge red mark on her cheek. She checked her smartphone and noticed a message from her boyfriend.

[JB]

Next time, tell me when you sleep at the hospital, so I can bring you warm clothes and change :( 11:57 pm

 

She answered while feeling guilty.

[Clara]

Sorry, I forgot~ Will come tonight, I promise. 3:47 am

 

She took a shower and changed her clothes. She always had changed from home since she practically lived here. She searched for her jeans bought in a hidden shop in Gangnam but remembered that she had put it back at her home. She took a close look, and saw that half of her clothes had disappeared. Reality hit hard and at unknown hours.

 

“Did you see a man searching for me?”

“Yes, he is heading to the elevators now. But he surely had lost himself now too,” the nurse answered with a soft chuckle. Clara was too sad to answer with a cheerful voice and only whispered her acknowledgment. She missed the worried look from the nurse.

She found Mingjae walking around in a corridor. Indeed, he was lost, he wasn’t in the good service nor the good stairs. During the few words that they exchanged at the corridor, she noticed is luggage and made a remark. He answered bluntly, as if his words were automatic and she lead him to Jimin’s room.

“Take it and put in on your face. Wash your hands with this product and avoid long physical contact with him.” Mingjae nodded and Clara monitored each of his movement during the process. He needed to be clean or Clara wouldn’t have hesitated to refuse him the way.

She opened the door for him and let them alone.

 

She leaded him in front the hospital where a cab was waiting for him. She sent her best luck and put him in a hug. A waved, a smile and he was gone. Clara returned to Jimin’s room and surprisingly he was awake and... Sobbing.

“What happened Jimin??” He shook his head trying to avoid his sob.

“At least try to calm down Jimin. Breath after me.” Clara was embracing his cold body and breathing with him using a steady breath. He had calmed down, several minutes had passed. She helped him to lay down on the bed and nervously her hair. This wave of emotions had put Jimin through stressed and he was now exhausted with red cheek. They didn’t want to sound rude, but some truth needed to be tell.

“Think about calling Hoseok. You need to see each other… You need each other, Jimin. As much you love him, if he doesn’t think that you deserve to know about his past then you should stop this relationship now.”

She had said it. Sometime, cutting relationship was the best for both party. She wished him a good night before slowly closing the door.

 

~~

 

He opened his eyes and felt the pain spreading his whole body. It was like a process now. Waking up, feeling the pain growing in each of his cell, until he sleeps again, allowing his body to get some rest. Asleep was the moment where he was feeling at ease and he knew what it could say.

 

“Did you think about what I said yesterday?”

“Make a call…” he responded, still not fully awake.

“Yes exactly,” declared Clara and then continued “Will you do it?” There, neither of them spoke. He had thought about it, more than she could imagine. He had a great night but thought kept coming in his mind. He concluded that he must see Hoseok one day or another anyway. Jimin nodded and she told him to ask for his smartphone when he felt ready. Knowing Clara, she wouldn’t put him on pressure, so he waited. Days passed, everyday awaked by Clara’s soft voice. He couldn’t eat consistent food anymore, so soup was his only meals with two pills. Those pills were the only one that Jimin allowed. His doctor recommended tons and he refused everything, snapping for maybe the first time of his life. He screamed from anger and cried. He didn’t allow himself to faint, but only expressed his feelings. The night, when his parents came to talk with him, he only approved for two pills. No more no less, he was doing this for his parents who begged him to at least ease his pain. They weren’t the one suffering so why was they the one begging him to take it?

Why is human selfish?

 

“Today we are 12th November. They announced negative temperature as well. The snow didn’t disappear yet and-”

“…Clara.” Jimin cut her in her matinal speech. He felt her gaze on his face and waited.

“Yes?” He breathed and spit the word that took him