[CONTENTID1]Why telling the truth when you can lie?[/CONTENTID1]

 

[CONTENTID2]3th November. It was a busy day as the exam was ended but assignments were still present. Coming back to the Hospital, learning that his father had died had been the beginning of his depression. Hoseok got clinical diagnosed depressed but with the help of the school and the people around him, he got over it.

At least, he thought. Each year, he had a breakdown around his father’s death, shutting him from everyone and everything. He always dropped out school for a week.

He was in front of a huge table and belonging put in order on the wall that occupied a whole room. Previously it was a study room, but it was now his father’s room. All his stuff had been placed in his room and slowly it became a room forbidden to enter for Hoseok. It was too painful, and the 3th November was the only day of the year where he put a foot in it.

 

He was currently curled with his father’s favorite duvet. The windows were opened, and he was freezing to death. He saw his hands shaking but he didn’t get attention to it. During his breakdown, he always opened the windows and felt himself slowly getting frozen until his lips would be blue. Winter in Seoul was rude. Temperature such as minus 15 degrees wasn’t something unknow here. He could see his breath in his room and a souvenir hit him.

It was their first winter in Seoul and his father had paid him a restaurant near Han river. The air was colder because of the river but the City Hall had installed skating rink for families to play and shops which sell street food with drink often given free. His father was a big child and almost jumped from his seat when Hoseok accepted to go on the skating rink with him. He was afraid to fall on the floor, so he always succeeds to avoid his turn. It was possible with his friend but seeing his father eyes shining and his smile pleading, Hoseok could only accepted.

On the glace, Hoseok did fall many time but his father’s laugh, made him forget any pain. In fact, he was erasing any type of negatives thought from him. Thankful to have someone like this near him, spending each minute with his father was a blessing. Like he had suspected he fell again but this time harshly and groaned from pain.

He saw his father legs running at him through his now blurry vision. Everyone was acting slow and the light was shining too brightly to him. He then heard what seemed to be his father’s voice.

“Hoseok!”

 

~~

 

“Jungkook please stop crying. Hoseok is all right.” Jin was currently rubbing Hoseok’s back with his hands while Jungkook was wiping his tears who seemed to never stop.

Jin was working when his smartphone rang. He didn’t answer first finishing the three clients that was under his supervisions and called one of his colleagues.

“Sorry, I need to go,” he said leaving his colleagues speechless. Jungkook wasn’t the type to call and those twenty calls froze Jin’s blood. Deep inside he knew it was about Hoseok. When he woke up this morning and saw the date, he had already decided to quit his job earlier and paid him a visit.

When he entered in Hoseok apartment, the air was as frozen as outside. He ran where he heard the sobs and pushed the door. There, he saw Jungkook near Hoseok calling his name in a hysterical state. Jungkook noticed Jin’s presence only when Jin kneeled near him and asked him what happened. Jin received only more cries from Jungkook, understanding that he simply couldn’t answer. He was the only one functional here and emptied his mind before acting as quickly as possible.

“Jungkook, go wash your face and prepare something hot to drink.”

“B-But- H-Hyung, I don’t k-know-,” Jin cut him with a stressed voice and answered him hurriedly already Hoseok frozen body. “Anything, Jungkook! Even, hot water is good! Go now and do it fast!” Jungkook disappeared from the room and rushed at the bathroom. Jin sighted, mentally apologizing to Jungkook. He quickly got up and searched for a warm duvet other than the one he was already enrolled in. Jin found a huge duvet and put it on the couch of the living room. He returned where Hoseok was and saw that he was in pain.

“Hoseok? Hoseok, can you walk?” Jin didn’t get an answer and tried to lift him. He was lighter than he thought and lifted him until the living room. There, he put him on the cough and put the duvet on him, careful about each of his movements. He came in the bathroom and saw that Jungkook had let the light opened. Jin couldn’t blame him for such a silly detail here, so he let it go. He found the medicinal plant that the doctor had gave him in case Hoseok was feeling stressed and took it. He switched off the light and returned at the living room.

“Jungkook, are you done?” Jin couldn’t let Hoseok alone so he hoped that the younger would forgive him for his rude attitude. “Y-Yes! I’m coming!” There he came with hot water, enough to satisfy a whole family, and tons of tea from different taste. He put on the table and crawled next to Jin.

“I-Is he okay?” he asked still shaken by the events. Jin couldn’t say that he was completely all right but he wasn’t in immediate danger. “He will get over it fast,” he answered lost in his thought.

“Does he do that often?” Jungkook continued to ask. There Jin put his hands on Jungkook’s shoulder and massaged it. “It’s not your fault Jungkook. No one can have predicted when someone will have a breakdown. We can just feel it….”

“I wasn’t able to feel it Hyung… I couldn’t be a good friend… Not for him or Jimin…” Jin thought a little and decided to talk about Jimin’s issue.

“Why do you talk about Jimin here....” Jungkook lifted his head to encounter Jin’s eyes. He seemed to search for something and didn’t found it which made him less stress. He put his hands on Hoseok’s duvet and it slowly.

“Neither for Jimin or Hoseok… I wasn’t there for them… I wasn’t… A good friend…I will never be good. Never.” Jin saw that Jungkook’s lips were shaking and he left Hoseok for a moment to take the younger in his embrace. Jungkook had difficulties with relationships as Hoseok had explained to him. He was keeping a lot of thing for himself and worried about his friends’ happiness.

“Jungkook don’t pull yourself down. You’re a human. You can’t be perfect. You can’t read into someone mind. Even with the same background, sometimes it’s hard to understand someone actions. For Hoseok…” Jin paused and stole a glance to Hoseok who was still inert. Sorry, Hoseok.

“You may know that Hoseok lost his father two years ago...” Jin felt Jungkook’s nod on his shoulder and continued his explanation. “…Today is the day of his father’s death.” Jungkook froze and stayed silent. Slowly, his muscles relaxed and Jin broke the hug.

“Put your head on my lap Jungkook. You will feel better after.” Jungkook did like Jin told him to and they spend two hours together monitoring Hoseok’s breath.

 

~~

 

When Hoseok woke up, he didn’t feel surprised to see Jin here. But, he almost gasped from fear when he noticed black hair on Jin’s laps. He recognized Jungkook who seemed to have cried his soul out and he felt guilty. He noticed the drinks on the table and get out of the couch without waking them up. He went to the kitchen, and warmed up the water before putting the tea bag. He waited a little but when he couldn’t support his dizziness anymore, he just drank the liquid with his medicine. He did burn a little his tongue, but he immediately felt better. He patted his pocket and he took his smartphone on his hands. Like he suspected, Jimin had left a text message.

[My mochi angel]

Hyung, will you come today? 8:25am.

Hoseok look at the hour on the corner of his smartphone and saw that it was already afternoon. He could still see Jimin but with what happened he couldn’t go leaving Jin and Jungkook alone in the living room.

 

[Hoseok]

Not this week, sorry :( BUT, next week be ready to see me EVERYDAY!!! *evil laugh* 2:57pm

 

He scrolled through his received message and noticed one that come back every year at the same date. This person had a special place in Hoseok’s heart and he replied with the same text message that he sent for three years now.

 

[Jay]

You’re my hope? 11:36am

 

[Hoseok]

I’m your hope. 3:01pm

 

Hoseok erased all his missed call and put his phone back in his pocket. He turned around and faced Jungkook. He didn’t even hear him entered the room. Jungkook was wearing a worried look, with puffy eyes. His lips were shaking and Hoseok was about to speak when Jungkook broke down on his chest.

“Hyung! I thought that something bad happened! I thought that you- That you-” He couldn’t finish his sentence that Hoseok pushed him further in his embrace, muffling his cries.

died. Hoseok never had suicidal thoughts. When his father died, he was frightened to have them like many people had. In his case, they never come; letting him completely empty. He didn’t want to die, but he didn’t want to live neither. Days was passing: same clothes, same meals, same room. He was always hanging in his pajamas; the blue one or the orange one; he couldn’t change from these offered by his father. A plate with instant noodle was his only meal of the day. He generally took it between 12am and 2 pm. Gradually the break decreased until he didn’t eat anymore. His bedroom became his private World. Why going outside when he could be surrounded by his father’s presence in his room?

 

[Mingjae]

I let you one week like you asked me. So please? Hoseok I’m begging you, can you answer my phone calls? XX:XX am

[Jin]

We did like you asked us. We did everything to let you some space. But Hoseok, you need to let us help you. I know it’s not easy but please don’t take care of it alone. XX:XX am

[Jungkook]

Hyung… I heard about the news. Please call me as soon as possible. XX:XX am

 

Don’t be a burden to them.

 

[Hoseok to three contacts: Mingjae. Jin. Jungkook]

I’m fine. Leave me one more week and I’ll be fine. I promise. XX:XX pm

 

Hoseok never heard the way Jin was about to break his door, nor when he nearly cried in front of it. He never revealed how he rushed down to the building manager to obtain Hoseok’s keys. How he had to put his trust in a stranger, wishing that his friend didn’t do anything dangerous against himself or his life. Did he told him that he cried when he saw Hoseok lifeless on his bed?

Fck, what have you done, Hoseok?

He visited him every day at the hospital and never brought this subject back. Hoseok was grateful for that but right now, he felt a pain in his chest. Right now, while Jungkook’s back, he had an eye contact with Jin. He was staying at the kitchen’s entrance, watching them but his stare was glassy. He didn’t seem like to be here, he seemed… Gone.

“Can you buy