‘Can we meet tomorrow? I have something to tell you’

He hated when she asked those kind of questions, not because he didn’t wish to spend time with her, but because he would always have the same answer.

‘Can’t, we have practice. What’s up Princess?’

Though she wasn’t in his line of sight, he could see her smile vanish instantly, could see the pain that stolen her hopeful heart. It killed him, knowing that despite his answer never changing, she always held onto a string of hope, always tried her best to stay optimistic. Yet like a sadist, he killed that little thread keeping her intact, severing it so harshly, that he wondered when it would eventually break and let go.

‘Ah, that’s okay. I should study anyways. I’ll tell you later’

Sure, she always acted as though she wasn’t hurt, but deep down, he knew. He was hurting her.

‘I miss you’

Selfish prick, how dare you speak those words to her? Even if they were true, you’re still not worthy of speaking them. You aren’t even trying to make time for her. Park Jimin, you’re truly despicable. She deserves so much better than you, your worthless trash.

‘I miss you too! More than you know! We will see each other soon 😊’

He didn’t deserve the way that his heart fluttered, to feel the butterflies within the pit of his stomach at such a simple message. He didn’t deserve to claim her as his ‘lover’ nor did he deserve the title of her boyfriend. A good boyfriend, wouldn’t harm the woman he loved. He would cherish her, delicately granting his Princess with all the royalties that consumed this world. Jimin couldn’t even offer his time, what made him so worthy of such a beautiful treasure.

‘Yeah, see you soon’

Liar. You’re going on tour in a week. You won’t see her. Why must you get her hopes up like that?

‘You okay? You seem off today…’

I’m dying, I hate myself for being selfish. For keeping you chained to dead weight. You deserve better.

‘We should break up’

God, did that hurt. It hurt so bad. So much, that even his eyes felt it, for they stung with a force that put any torn muscle, any pinched nerve, any physical damage to shame.

‘Not funny Chim, don’t joke like that ☹’

Nothing was funny anymore, life wasn’t humorous at all. It was faulty and filled with disappointment. Just like him.

‘No Y/N, I’m serious. Let’s break up. Please don’t message me anymore.’

It hurts to much. Please stop.

‘Is this because I asked you to meet tomorrow? Jimin, you know I don’t mind waiting. I’d wait forever for you.’

That was the problem! She shouldn’t have to wait, she should be given anything she demanded because she was to precious to feel like she wasn’t worthy of every second of his day. She needed someone better, someone who would treat her right. Someone who wasn’t him. Anyone other than a selfish man who yearned to have her.

‘Please… Don’t let this be over… Not like this…’

‘Jimin, I’m begging you. Please answer…’

“I can’t stand this, please baby.’

‘I’ll never ask you again, I’ll let you come to me…’

‘Five years Jimin… Over a text message?’

‘Why? Please… Answer your phone baby…’

‘You’re my world, how do you expect me to still breathe?’

‘Baby… Jimin… My love… My oxygen… I need you.’

‘Don’t let me deflate… I need to breathe.’

Days, it had been days and some how he still resisted his urges to call her, still resisted his desire to answer her messages. Of course, it helped that he was occupied with the traveling and the concerts, but that didn’t stop him from looking out at the crowd and hoping to see her beautiful smile. She’d haunt him forever, he was aware… He loved her that much. How could he not hope to see her again?

He saw her, every night when he closed his eyes, her image would come to him within his dreams that would shortly turn to nightmares. She would move on, she would find someone who could love her better, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t painful to imagine her life without him. Having someone waiting for her at home, someone how could hold her in the dead of night, keeping her safe from the tears he had selfishly made her cry.

‘It’s been a week now. A full week without you. Do you know how much I hurt? Do you know how difficult it is to wake up, and to know you will no longer be beside me? Do you even care? Was I not enough for you? Did I not try hard enough? Was I that awful, that you could throw me away without even a proper closure? Do you hate me that much Park Jimin?’

‘A month… 31 days… Without your voice. Without your laugh. Without your embrace. Without my sunshine. My world seems so dark…’

He knew she was okay, because Taehyung and Jungkook would always visit her when they were back at home and staying in the dorms. They would tell him everything, from any changes made within her apartment, to the sudden change in appetite she suddenly had. It was normal for people to crave strange things when going through a harsh time, so Jimin didn’t think much of it.

Namjoon had been the last one to visit her, and though he smiled and said she was doing alright, it was odd that he prompted Jimin to see her one last time. Selfishly, he couldn’t do it. He knew that by seeing her, his walls would vanish as though they hadn’t been built for the last two months. He would dissolve in his passion to hold her, would melt to the desire of needing her. He was selfish in that way, but he wasn’t selfish enough to make her suffer again. She would move on. She was to beautiful not to.

‘I’m going to the hospital, not like you care though, seeing how you haven’t spoken to me in eight months. I just thought you should know… that our son will be here soon. You don’t have to take responsibility for the child, I can handle my own without you. I don’t need you to come back to me, but I thought it would be wrong to keep you from the announcement. Well… Thanks for at least giving me a small piece of you. It’s enough to keep me happy.’

Wait, she was pregnant? Our son? He was going to be a father!? Omg…

“Namjoon Hyung” Jimin ran through the dorms, frantically knocking on the wooden piece that separated them “Hyung!!” Jimin screamed in both panic and excitement, unable to contain the sudden joy that stole his heart, considering it was the first time he had felt such a beautiful emotion in such a long time.

They rushed towards the hospital, the entire group filled with chatter and whispers of the exciting news, which for once included Jimin. Perhaps, he was wrong when feeling selfish for loving her, perhaps instead he should have realized that love was selfless. She didn’t have to keep their child, she didn’t have to tell him about the news, and yet she did. She still held on, even though he had let go. She still loved him, after all this time.

He was wrong for denying her, wrong for ever putting this doubt of being unworthy within his head. He should have realized that she didn’t care about material things, that she was happy enough with what he could offer her. He promised himself that he would make everything up to her, that he would give her everything within himself and simply hope that it would be enough. He’d never doubt himself anymore, but more importantly… he’d never doubt her patience and love again. He wouldn’t take her for granted.

~~~~~~~~~

‘I don’t know why I continue to message you, knowing that you will never see these words. Perhaps because it brings me comfort, that one day you might respond to me. I feel so lost without you, so completely lost. The only thing keeping me going, is this beautiful child you have given me. It’s enough to fill my heart with so much pride and happiness, but it’s not enough to fill this yearning to hold you once more.’

‘It’s not enough to kiss me in the mornings, not enough to whisper sweet nothings into my ear in the latest hours of night. It’s not enough to keep me warm when the winter hits, or to keep me hydrated when the sun shines to harsh. It’s not enough to know that I’ll never see your smile again, that I’ll never get to hold you one last time. It’s only enough to wake me up every day, and to give me just enough motivation to continue to live a purpose filled life.’

‘I know you wouldn’t want me to feel like this, I know you only wished for my happiness. But isn’t that selfish? To leave me alone so suddenly, to steal away my oxygen and expect me to continue breathing? Now I finally understand what I had done to you, and I’m so sorry. Words can’t express the regret I hold in my heart. Yet I know, you would forgive me for it, because you are simply that amazing. You were always to good for me Y/N, and I was so lucky to have you.’

Jimin was alarmed when his phone suddenly chimed with a new notification, his heart racing intensely to find her name on his message feed. She responded! He must be going crazy or something.

‘Dude, that was beautiful, but that girl… She’s the lucky one. Just got this number yesterday, so it’s best to move on now. She obviously isn’t going to answer.’

Yeah, Jimin knew she wasn’t going to answer. She couldn’t.

‘Sorry, I won’t message you again’

Jimin sighed while glancing towards the crib, noticing the child was awake and just smiling at him, forcing a smile against his own lips. He looked so much like himself yet infused within those cute little chubby cheeks and that beautiful curly wild hair, was his mother’s beautiful smile and he could only pray that he grew to have her large heart as well.

“Yeah, I miss her too” Jimin whispered, picking the child up and cradling him within his arms, rocking back and forth and humming the song that once was going to be their wedding song, the child easily falling back into dreamland. “We’ll visit her soon okay?”

~~~~~~~

It was the first time he had gathered enough strength to go and visit her, yet he didn’t have to search very hard to find her. She was under the cherry blossom tree, for she had often spoke of her love for the strange exotic tree and had one day wished to grow one. It seemed she would achieve her goal, considering the tree was sprouting with life, only after a few years of the two being connected.

“Beaussifful” Jimin’s eyes pried away from the blossoming life, falling towards the young toddler whom had just begun speaking, his imagination endless and his potential even higher.

“Very beautiful” Jimin spoke softly, his eyes than falling towards the giant rock that would forever have more meaning to him than an item planted within the ground.

“I love you mommy” the boy whispered towards the ground, and though he may not have understood why his mother was buried under ground, he did understand that it must have been something difficult.

Jimin didn’t understand it either, why she had to leave him so suddenly, why his world had to both begin and die on the same day. She could have been saved, she could have made it, but that would have resulted in the death of the child. Instead, she gave Jimin one soft smile, and it spoke thousands of unsaid words, thousands of ‘I love you’s’ ‘I miss you’s’ and most importantly, it spoke one strong promise.

She was happy, and she forgave him. Eight months of neglect, forgotten within an instant of time.