Trigger warning: Violence, mentions of violence, attempted suicide, mentions of suicide, attempted self harm.

-

Jaemin limped towards the bathroom, wincing in every step. He twisted the the knob of the door without much energy before he stumbled inside, knuckles tight-gripping the marble surface of his sink. He was faced by young pitiful boy when he raised his sight and saw his reflection in the mirror.

The blood stains in his shirt were all dried up, even those that were in his face were already pretty caked to which he grimaced. He immediately took his clothes off before jumping into the cold shower. It didn’t matter anymore, he just wanted to clean himself.

The freezing water flowed from his head, to his beaten up body covered in black and blue bruises. He checked his arms and frowned after seeing huge bruises painting his pale skin. Jaemin was thankful he didn’t have to go to school that day.

After showering he wrapped himself in a towel loosely, shivering from the coldness or from being too weak to move around, he wasn’t sure. He faced his reflection by the mirror again, now clearly displaying his bursted lips- which thankfully, was the only bruise in his face and the rest decorated his body instead- (his father knows where to hit without people wondering why, Jaemin would give him that). He clearly knew those wouldn’t heal before Monday comes, and he didn’t have much choice but to press cold compress on his whole body the whole weekend.

He didn’t care much about the state of his body- which was much more damaged than his face considering that his Father hit him with his baton like he was paddling meat- Jaemin just needed a way to patch up his lips which could be visible to everyone, and maybe do something about his limping due to the fact that he might’ve broken his hips.

The brunette sighed before retrieving some ointment from his medicine cabinet and carefully patting some generous amount on his wounds and bruises. He excited the bathroom with a struggle before he limped towards his closet to pick some comfortable clothes.

He didn’t plan on doing anything productive today, he could do all his homeworks tomorrow. He just hoped Donghyuck wouldn’t call him to come over to his house or something. It would be a huge mess if he couldn’t think of a nice alibi as to why he wasn’t allowed to go outside of his house. If Jaemin could remember correctly, his father banned him from stepping outside their house during the weekends before he passed out. It’s not like Jaemin goes out on weekends other than the casual invitations from Donghyuck to hang out with him, so Jaemin doesn’t really think his father’s command was that hard to follow.

He then proceeded to changing his sheets that had a few droplets of blood in them. Jaemin was still a bit upset about his brothers not even bothering to clean him after they brought him here in his room. They just probably dropped him in his bed and left.

After doing everything with much difficulty, he limped his way out of his room and down the stairs. His hips were killing him but thankfully, he managed to come down the stairs without injuring himself even more. The house was quite empty.

Maybe they’re all still asleep.

He walked towards the kitchen with much difficulty and started preparing their breakfast. He made it simple since he couldn’t do much. After that, he retrieved the vacuum to clean the house.

“H-hey hyung, l-let me do that.” He heared someone stuttering out behind him. Jaemin turned to see his youngest brother Jisung offering him a hand. He smiled and avoided his brother’s eyes which were surely checking on his bruises and wounds littering his arms and legs. Jaemin handed him the vacuum cleaner before he approached the sink to wash the dirty dishes from last night.

They worked silently and fast. As soon as both of them got done, Jaemin told his brother that he wanted to go back to his room, to which the younger nodded, even offering some help in climbing up. Jaemin shook his head to decline before he sped up towards his room despite the pain.

He locked his room and gently neared his bed before laying his frail body on his soft matress. He felt like throwing up at the moment, the memories of his father beating him with nothing but despise on his face came flashing on his mind as his wounds started to sting again.

Jaemin decided to sit up and open his the drawer of his side table which contained a sharp blade that he always had. He bought it the first time he thought of killing himself. The boy had always been unsuccessful, he couldn’t bring himself to cut too deep and kill himself. Even that one time he tried to jump from the rooftop of his school took him long to prepare.

He didn’t even know what was holding him back. Jaemin wanted to die, that was clear. But there’s something inside him always stopping him. He knew he shouldn’t