I stood on the same street for the nth time that week. What am I doing here? I don’t know. My leg seems to have a mind of its own. Whenever I go out, I would always end up on this street. Why? Because everything started here. This is where we first met.

I snapped out of my trance when I felt my phone vibrated in the pocket of my shorts. I reached into my pocket and took it out.

Myungsoo oppa

I sighed. I stuffed it back into my pocket and continued walking along the street. I shivered every now and then. Unknowingly, a tear escaped my eyes.

Why am I crying? I promised myself not to cry anymore.I wiped away my tear and walked back to the bus stop to go home.

As I waited, I couldn’t help but think about him. Too many memories of him lingered here. Why did I torture myself by coming here? I’m clueless. Why do I always end up coming here?

“There you are,” a voice said. I looked up with my tear-filled eyes. I immediately blink away the tears when I saw Myungsoo oppa. I faked a smile at him. He sighed and sat down beside me.

“What are you doing here again?” He asked. I shook my head and stood up.

“Let’s go home. I’m tired” I said and walked off to his car. He quickly stood up and caught up after me.

Myungsoo oppa didn’t ask any more questions during the ride home. I was thankful. I didn’t have to lie again. I stared out of the window.

Who am I kidding? I’ve been lying all this while. Everyone thought I’ve moved on but have I? No. I couldn’t get over him. My heart always belongs to him. And only him. Nobody could ever replace him.

“We’re here,” Myungsoo oppa said. I blinked at him before realizing what he said. I nodded and walked out of the car.

Before Myungsoo oppa could ask me questions, I excused myself to my room. I lay down on my bed. I glanced at my bedside drawer.

I opened the drawer and took out a picture of him. My finger brushed his picture lovingly. Who is he, you may ask? He’s Lee Sungyeol. The first guy who had caught my attention. The guy who managed to break the barrier to my heart. And the guy whom I fell deeply in love.

Many people thought we could last forever during high school. I believed it too. But forever is too long. No love last forever.

It’s already been 2 years since he left. I wasn’t myself during the first year. I avoided everyone. Soon enough, everyone started calling me a loner. Did I care? No. I ignored them.

During the second year, I decided to move on. I was worrying everyone. I didn’t want them to pity me. I felt pathetic.

Everyone was glad. Everyone think that I had finally moved on. But did I? No. I’m still stuck. I can’t get him out of my head. Every night I cried silently to sleep.

I’m shocked that Myungsoo oppa didn’t notice about this. I smiled remembering some random memories. Another tear slip down my cheek again. I sighed.

When will I stop crying? When will I stop thinking about him? When can I actually really move on?

I’m frustrated. I need to forget him. I’m desperate. I want to stop crying every night. I want to forget everything that happened.

“~~~~?” Myungsoo poked his head into my room. I quickly hid the picture under my pillow and wipe away the tear.

“Have you been crying?” He asked. I shook my head. I lied again.  Myungsoo oppa didn’t look convinced.

“Something just caught in my eyes” I lied. He sighs and walked in.

“What have you been doing?”  He asked. I shook my head and played with my fingers.

“Oppa, I’m going to sleep now. I’m tired” I lay down on my bed and pretended to sleep. Myungsoo oppa pulled up my blanket to my shoulder. He bent down and kissed my forehead.

Myungsoo oppa off the light before closing the door behind me. I opened my eyes. I lied again. When will I stop lying?

I reached under the pillow and took out the picture. A smile lingered on my lips. I love you. I always do.

--

I woke up when I heard several voices screaming my name. I squinted my eyes as the light hurt my eyes.

“~~~~! Wake up!” Sungjong’s and Ricky’s annoying high pitch voice.

I groaned. “Oppa!! I want to sleep!!” I whined. I buried my head deeper into my pillow. I heard them giggle.

“Aigoo! Wake up sleepy head!” They shook my body. I groaned again and sat up.

“Arasso, arasso! I’m awake. Happy?” They smiled and pulled me out of bed and pushed me into my bedroom.

After a refreshing bathe, I walked into the dining room. Infinite and Teen Top were already there, eating breakfast. I smiled.

My smile immediately fell when I saw an empty chair. Sungyeol oppa should be sitting there. I gazed at the chair.

I shook my head and sat down in between Woohyun oppa and Myungsoo oppa. “Good morning oppa!” I greeted as cheerful as possible. They smiled back.

“~~~~, want to go out with me?” Woohyun oppa asked. I looked at him.

“Don’t you have work?” I asked. Woohyun oppa shrugged.

“They can survive one day without me,” He smiled. I smiled back and nodded my head.

“I want to follow!!” Sungjong and Ricky oppa squealed. I giggled. Woohyun oppa, in the other hand, disagreed.

“No! The last time you followed, all we do was shopping! Poor ~~~~, she was so tired because of you both!” Woohyun yelled. Sungjong and Ricky oppa pouted.

“Yah, Nam Woohyun. Let them follow. After all they are the maknaes,” Sunggyu oppa said. The maknaes both nodded their head.

“But I want to go out with ~~~~ alone!” Woohyun oppa whined.

I shook my head. “Jongie oppa, Ricky oppa, we’ll go out some other time, okay?” I said. They pouted again but agreed anyways.

Woohyun grinned. I smiled lightly, remembering when Sungyeol oppa used to whine like that when the Sungjong wanted to tag along during our date.

Where are you oppa? I can’t seem to ever forget you..