Is it eating you up as much as it is paining me to see you like this?

Hyuk noticed that Hakyeon could no longer meet him in the eyes like before. His tone when speaking to the younger was weak and almost felt as if he was feeling inferior towards the younger. Are you feeling guilty?

Hyuk knew what was on the older’s mind and even the psychiatrist at the clinic told him that that was a possibility.

“The reason he’s unable to get over his depression even after so many sessions could be because of you,” she said. “He took you away from your home and made you lose your friends and family. He might be going through a series of guilt and possibly, self-hatred. You have to make him know that you don’t resent him for any of it and allow him to forgive himself.”

“I understand. Thank you,” Hyuk bowed and left the clinic.

Though the bruise around Hyuk’s neck have been long-gone, he noticed that the older would glance at his neck from time to time. Even though it was no longer there, there was still a pain in Hakyeon’s eyes.

It’s not your fault, Hyuk thought to himself.

Hakyeon have always been the one who carried the most burden amongst the group not just as the oldest of the group but also being the leader. The title was much more pressuring than others would think and though Taekwoon is the same age as Hakyeon, the vocalist did not have the qualities of being a leader as Hakyeon did.

Hakyeon took all the hate by himself because he didn’t want the younger members to be upset. He looked out for the youngers when they were being mischievous for their age. Even though Hakyeon wanted to be just as immature or childish, he knew he couldn’t. He spent all of his youths training to become an idol and someone he dreamed of being. He gave up his youth to stand on the stage with five other members. He gave them everything. But when he gave more than he received, he lost himself.

He began to wonder why he was working so hard for and what reasons he had to continue being an idol when no one would understand him or appreciate him. Even despite his efforts and hard work, people still found ways to hurt his feelings and bring him down. He tried to put on a fake smile and lie to others that he was alright when everything was far from being okay.

He was at the edge of the cliff and wanted to give up.

But because of one selfish thought, because of his greed, he took the youngest away from everything along with him.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It’s all my fault,” Hakyeon started to sleep-talking within his sleep at night. It’s been countless nights since his apologetic speech and it was obvious for the younger just who Hakyeon was trying to apologize to.

Hyuk held leader tightly in his arms as they slept, trying to comfort Hakyeon and make him forget about his guilt.

“I’m alright, hyung. I really am.”

But those words were still not enough to save Hakyeon.

~

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Hyuk woke up from the annoying alarm clock that went off in his room. He opened his eyes to be blinded once more by the morning sun. As he sat up from his bed to stretch, he noticed an empty spot next to him.

“Hakyeon-hyung?”

He looked around to see that Hakyeon was no where to be found. He got up to see if the older was in the washroom but he wasn’t. He asked if the receptionist saw Hakyeon going out but she shook her head as the morning just started.

Hyuk circled around the hostel but the older was nowhere to be found. As he walked further and further away from the hostel, a strong breeze took him by surprise. The strong wind from the waves by the shore and the mist that fell from the ocean, woke him up completely. But as he made clear of his visions once more, he was shocked to see a familiar figure, standing at the edge of the port.

“Hyung!!” Hyuk shouted in panic as he ran desperately towards Hakyeon.

“S-stay back!” Hakyeon demanded.

“Get away from there! It’s slippery and dangerous!”

“No! I- This… this is for the best. The best for you and for all of us!”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m sorry Hyuk-ah. I really am. I shouldn’t have taken you away and I shouldn’t have dragged you into this mess in the first place. It’s none of your fault and I shouldn’t have blamed any one of you guys for this. It’s me! It’s me who can’t go on with that lifestyle and those people. I don’t have the will to fight them anymore! I know that you all love me even when you tease or joke around. Yet, I still blamed it on you and ruined your lives. It’s better if I wasn’t around…”

“What are you saying?!” Hyuk tried to approach Hakyeon with caution.

“No! Stay back!” Hakyeon said and was ready to turn towards the rapid waves.

Just as he was about to jump, Hyuk grabbed his arms just in time.

“Let go of me!” Hakyeon cried through his struggles.

“No hyung! Listen to me! It’s not your fault! I chose to follow you and stay with you! None of this is your fault!” Hyuk tried to reason with the older and tightening his grip so that the older doesn’t fall.

“As much as I hated your teasing or joking, it didn’t give me the right to want to hurt or kill you! I’ve committed a crime and I should pay for it! So let go of me!”

Just then, the two slipped on the molds at the dock.

Out of instincts, Hyuk let go of his grip and pushed Hakyeon backwards. Causing the older to fall hard on the port but he, himself, was swallowed by the waves.

“Hyuk! Sanghyuk!” Hakyeon cried out as he could not see the younger’s body anywhere. “No! It can’t be! I-“

Without a second thought of how dangerous it was, Hakyeon jumped in. But it wasn’t because he was going to end his life, but rather, he was going to save another’s life.

Hyuk. Hyuk. Where are you? The strong waves covered up his vision and the water was stinging his eyes. Through his blurred vision and the rapid waves, he swam deeply in hopes of finding the younger’s body. Please, don’t go. Don’t leave me alone. I need you.

He swam up to the surface once, took a deep breath and dived back down once more. He wasn’t willing to give up until he found Hyuk.

And through his desperate attempts, he felt the younger’s arms.

Hyuk! Immediately, he grabbed tight onto the younger’s body and dragged him up from the waves.

“Hyuk! Answer me Hyuk!” he shouted and shouted in panic as the younger did not show a sign of consciousness.

Though the younger’s body was much bigger than Hakyeon’s, he held onto Hyuk’s body and dragged him out from the ocean. Weak yet desperate, Hakyeon pulled themselves out of the waves.

“Hyuk! Sanghyuk-ah!” He shouted again through tears and pain. “Answer me, dammit!”

Hakyeon leaned in to perform CPR for the younger – once, twice, and three times.

Yet, still, the younger did not move.

“I can’t lose you. Not like this. Please wake up Sanghyuk-ah!”

Once more, another time. Harder and much more desperate, Hakyeon did not give up.

Please, please, please wake up. He prayed. Don’t leave me behind.

Cough. Cough.

As if the Gods heard his desperate calls, Hyuk coughed out the water from his lungs.

“Hyuk!!” Hakyeon tears were flowing nonstop, relieved to see the younger showing signs of life.

“H-hyung… you’re okay,” he smiled weakly.

“Of course I am! You idiot! Why did you push me out of the way?!”

“I didn’t want anything bad to happen to you anymore. I don’t want to see you cry again,” Hyuk wiped the tears that fell on top of him. “So, why are you crying?”

“It’s because of you! You’re such an idiot! You nearly died because of me!”

“It’s not because of you, hyung. It was never your fault to begin with. I should’ve paid more attention to you when I had the chance. I should’ve known that you were going through such tough times alone and fighting all on your own. Even though you’ve done so much for me, for all of us, I still didn’t notice how much you were going through.”

“Hyuk-ah…”

“You sacrificed everything for us since the beginning. You’ve done so much for all of us yet I have nothing I can give you in return. I’m really bad with expressing myself but I really do care and love you. I would do anything to repay you for your kindness. Anything.”

Hakyeon looked at Hyuk’s weakened state, one that just came back to life. He was moved by the younger’s words and sincerity. He was thankful that Hyuk was given a second chance. He wiped his tears away and held tightly onto Hyuk.

“Thank you. Thank you for being alive.”

Hyuk smiled and returned the older’s hug.

“Thank you for staying by our side,” he replied. “Let’s go home. Back to where everyone else is, okay?”

Hakyeon nodded.

It was time to go home. The home in which four other members were waiting for their leader and the youngest to return to.

A/N: Thank you for reading this short ChaSang fanfic! I have nothing more to say xD