6:38AM

Jackson snoozed his alarm clock for what seemed like the hundredth time, pulling his cover over his head trying to forget that he had classes that day.

It had been exactly one week since the… incident.  Jackson hated thinking about it- how he ran out from the woods only to see his best friends get hit by a truck.

Shivers wrack through his body once again.  Stop thinking about it.

“Jackson, sweetheart!  Shouldn’t you be getting up? You have to pick up your friends!”  His mom yelled from downstairs.

For the past four years, every morning had happened like clockwork.  Jackson getting out of bed around six in the morning, showering, getting dressed, getting in his car and picking up a bagel and a coffee for breakfast from the local coffee shop and then…

Jackson can’t help it- he drives past Jinyoung’s house every morning knowing he’s not there.  Knowing that he won’t be picking him up.

It hurts him more, but he can’t bring himself to take any other route.

“Hey.”  Bambam gets in the passenger seat next to Jackson when he picks him up at his house.  Bambam always used to complain about how Jinyoung always got to sit in front, but now that the honour was his, he couldn’t enjoy it.

“Morning.”  Bambam was trying his best to keep spirits high but Jackson was still a lost cause.  “I bought an extra bagel, you want it?”

“Sure.” Bambam takes the bagel and they drive off again in silence.

“Happy Friday!”  Youngjae was fairing the best out of the three but Jackson knew he was doing it for his sake.  Youngjae cried so hard the first night Jackson thought he was going to completely lose his mind.  They were all traumatized beyond belief that night.  “I need this day to be over immediately.”

“Tell me about it, I’m exhausted.” Bambam replied.  Jackson started driving without greeting Youngjae.

They all settled back into uncomfortable silence and Jackson hated it.  He hated how awful they all felt.  He wanted them all to be normal again, but that wasn’t possible. 

Not without Jinyoung.

“Babe,” Jaebum was sitting with them at lunch, offering Youngjae a bite of his sandwich.  Jackson wasn’t entirely sure what happened between them this past week but their relationship seemed to stand the test of time past one drunken make out session.  “Open up.”

“Ah!”  Youngjae happily obliged which earned an ‘ewww!’ from Bambam.  “Don’t be jealous.”  Youngjae said to Bambam, chewing happily.

“I’m not jealous.”  Bambam shoved fries into his mouth passive aggressively.

He looked over to the corner of the cafeteria where there was an empty table.  The table Mark Tuan always sat at.

The name felt gross just thinking about it.  Mark Tuan.

Jackson hasn’t seen Mark for a full week either.  He left in the ambulance with Jinyoung that night and was never seen again.  He couldn’t help but wonder what had happened.  He didn’t seem injured himself.  Was he skipping school?  It was a lot to handle, even after a weekend of trying to pull yourself together.  If something disastrous had happened he would’ve heard news of it by now.

“Jackson, are you listening?”

Bambam tries to engage him but he’s not in the mood.  “Do you know what happened to Mark?”

“Nobody knows, everyone assumed he’s been skipping.”  Bambam says.

That answer doesn’t sit easily with Jackson.  He knew he still had Mark’s family phone number saved somewhere- he didn’t know whether he even used the same number.  He doesn’t even know why he kept it.

Jackson heaved a heavy sigh.  “Sorry, I’m really out of it today.”  They nod, knowing that’s it’s not just today.  He's been like this all week.  “I’ll go hang out in front of my next class.”

Jackson gets up before anyone can say goodbye.

It was the last period of the day but Jackson couldn’t concentrate at all, his teacher’s words went in one ear and out the other.  He kept taking his phone out of his pocket and putting it back, unsure why he was even worried.  He just had a feeling that Mark could do something to put himself in danger.  He really shouldn’t care, but…

Why was it there again?  That nagging feeling? 

He couldn’t ignore it anymore, it was driving him up a wall.

Jackson didn’t care if he was making a scene, he stood up grabbed his bag and left the room in a hurry.  His skin was crawling and it wasn’t going to stop until he picked up his phone and made that dreadful call.

He walked to the end of the hallway, crouched against one of the lockers and dialed the number for the Tuan’s.

“Hello?  Who is this?”

“Hi,” Jackson hadn’t thought this plan through at all.  Mark’s dad’s voice startled him because it was so familiar.  “It’s, um, Jackson?  You might remember me…”

It was silent for a moment, Jackson almost thought he had hung up.  “Jackson?  It’s been a while since you called.”  Jackson doesn’t know how much Mark tells them, but it looks like it wasn’t enough for them to hate him.  “Mark isn’t home, is he not picking up his cell phone?”

Jackson was relieved to Mark Tuan was perfectly fine according to his parents.  “No, I lost his phone number! Yeah…”

“Oh, do you want me to give it to you-“

“No, actually- do you know where he is?”

“He’s where he’s been every day all day this week, in the hospital.  He’s visiting someone, I don’t know who exactly-“ It all clicks for Jackson then.

“Thanks, that’s all I needed to know!  Nice talking to you!”  Jackson hangs up and skips his last class to go to the hospital.

Jackson, being Jinyoung’s best friend should’ve been here every single day.  In all honesty, he wanted to be here but it was way too hard for him.  Seeing Jinyoung, bandaged up lying unconscious… the thought made his stomach turn.

He had planned to visit for the first time that day, but he still didn’t feel as though he was ready.

When he walked into the room where Jinyoung was, he wanted to turn away at the sight.  He really wasn’t ready.

Jinyoung was bandaged up everywhere except his face.  Seeing him lying unconscious was a trip.  Jinyoung had been unconscious since the accident, his heart monitor beeping away the only thing letting them know he hadn’t left them yet.  Bambam had visited once and he told Jackson the doctor said his injuries were severe and him waking up would be… a miracle.

Jackson wanted to run away but he forced himself into the lone empty chair next to his bed.  “Jinyoung…”  Jackson whispered, still not handling the situation well.  “Why did you do this?  Why… you did this to yourself.”  The night flashed before him again.  Jinyoung jumping in front of that truck...

Jinyoung didn’t move, his breaths steady.

“I miss you so much, nothing’s the same without you,” Jackson laid his hand on top of Jinyoung’s.  “I even miss your dry jokes and awful sense of humour…”  

Jackson almost jumped out of his skin when he felt Jinyoung’s hand clasp his own so suddenly.  “What was that?  You don’t like my jokes?”

“Jinyoung?!”  Jackson stood up and leaned over the bed so far, he was almost on it.  “You’re awake?  But the doctor said… you…?!”

“I only woke up this morning. I’m as surprised as you are, even I was sure I was dead.” 

Jackson couldn’t listen for any long before tears started running down his face and he climbed into the bed.  “Jinyoung! This is impossible… how did you... I’m so happy.”

“Jackson, you can’t hug me like this!  Ow!  Get out, I have broken bones!”  Jackson was so happy he forgot how fragile Jinyoung was at the moment.  “Do you want to actually kill me?!”

“Jinyoung, I brought your tea-“ Jackson was still tucked into Jinyoung’s side when he heard Mark’s voice.  “I… am I interrupting?”

Jackson climbed out of the bed then, feeling the awkward air in the room.

“No, tea please!”  Jinyoung said, reaching out one of his arms.

Mark walked over to the opposite side of the bed.  “Do you need help sitting up?”

“I can help.”  Jackson interjected, already reaching for Jinyoung’s back.

“Thank you.”  Jackson helped Jinyoung up and he took the warm cup of tea from Mark.  The awkward silence continued.

Jackson discreetly wiped away the tears that were drying on his face.  “I’m so glad you’re feeling better Jinyoung.  If you want me to leave-“

“Don’t you dare leave.”  Jinyoung’s words were firm.

“Why is… he here?”  Jackson had been so happy to see Jinyoung awake he had forgotten he came because he was looking for Mark.

“He came to visit.”

“He’s been here every day.”  Jackson revealed what Mark’s dad had told him, Jinyoung seemed surprised by this as well, giving Mark a look.

“I just… needed to stay here,” Mark was staring at his feet now.  “You saved my life.”

Jinyoung sighed.  “You two are amazingly stupid.” 

“I’m stupid?  I didn’t jump in front of a truck for… this guy.”  Jackson felt the insults and hate rising in his throat again no matter how hard he tried to stop it.  “How could you do that?  You really could’ve-”

“Died?  I know.  I know what it feels like to die all too well.”  Jinyoung mumbled the last part.

“What?”  Jackson’s emotions were so jumbled he didn’t know whether to feel happy, angry or sad.

“You wouldn’t have felt guilty if Mark died instead of me?  Would you have felt better about yourself?”  Jackson had never heard Jinyoung talk like that to him.

“No?  I…”  Jackson looked back at Mark who was standing right across from him.  Why did he come here in the first place?  To make sure Mark was okay?  Why did he even care?  “I don’t know… I… I wouldn’t want anything to happen to either of you.”

Mark was staring at him now, his face twisted.  “You…”

“Mark, don’t say anything you’ll regret.” 

Mark took a deep breath after Jinyoung spoke to calm his nerves.  “He doesn’t care.”

Jackson felt offended, but he realized, why would Mark think he cared about him after all these years?  He had done nothing but torment him to the point…  “Wait,” Mark had walked in front of that truck intentionally, hadn’t he?  “That night, you…”

“Jackson…” Jinyoung tried to cut in but Jackson didn’t let him.

“Is this my fault?”  Jackson was shaking then.

“Calm down, it’s nobody’s fault.  We’ve all done stupid things,” Jinyoung stumbled on his words too.  “What matters is that all of us here, together, and we’re alive.  We’re all going to stay alive.  Nobody can keep blaming themselves and live in sadness silently, I’ll make sure of that.”

Mark and Jackson look at each other for a moment, the tension still thick.

“I know some things can’t be forgiven so easily, and will probably never be fully forgiven,” Jinyoung held Jackson’s hand in his left and Mark’s hand with his right.  “I hope we can agree that from now on we can all stay together peacefully, for my sake.”

There weren’t many people that Jackson loved more than Jinyoung, and he would do anything to keep him safe and happy.  Losing him once was one time too many. 

“Jackson, what the hell!  Did you skip class and come here?  We had to take the bus!”  Youngjae’s loud booming voice completely broke the moment.  “Wait, Jinyoung is awake?  YOU’RE AWAKE?”

“Stop!  Don’t jump on the bed! I have broken bones!”  Youngjae was stopped mid jog by Jaebum grabbing his arm.

“Jinyoung, oh my god!  Are you really awake?”  Bambam stood in awe at the door.

“No, I’m actually dead and this is my ghost.”

“That sense of humour!  Jinyoung, you’re really awake!”  Bambam practically skipped to Jinyoung’s bedside. 

“Wow, I didn’t realize you all cared about me that much.”  Jinyoung joked.  Youngjae almost hit him, forgetting his condition.  Jaebum grabbed him in time yet again.

“Good to see you’re okay, Jinyoung.”  Jaebum said, pulling Youngjae to his side.  Jinyoung raised an eyebrow at Jaebum and Jackson was sure they were communicating telepathically.

Youngjae and Bambam were bombarding Jinyoung with so many questions, Jinyoung didn’t see when Jackson walked past them to where Mark was standing, as he had to step away from the commotion as well.

Mark didn’t want to look Jackson in the eye, but when he finally did Jackson gulped.  It had been so long since he really saw Mark up close.  After all these years, still aggravatingly handsome.  “Mark,” The name still felt so foreign on his tongue.  “I know it probably doesn’t mean much right now, but I am sorry… for everything.”  Jackson didn’t even know how to begin singling out specific incidents- there were too many.

“Alright.”  Jackson wasn’t sure what he was expecting.  He didn’t look angry or upset, just emotionless.  “Thank you.”  Mark’s words were so stiff and unconvincing, but Jackson felt a tinge of relief that he had said something.

“Can I ask you something?”  There was one thing that had been bugging Jackson all these years.

“What?”

“Why didn’t you ever tell anyone about… my secret?” 

Mark stared at him for a moment, his expression finally softening.  “I thought one day it would pass, and you would…”  Mark stopped, collecting his thoughts before he started again.  “You were always so sad back then, I couldn’t bring myself to hurt you to any further extent.”

After all these years, Mark had been holding in all the pain because he had cared about Jackson.

Jackson didn’t realize tears had fallen until Mark reached out and wiped at his face with his hand.  “I can’t forgive you just yet,” Jackson tried to swallow back his sobs but they only come out harder.  “But please, don’t cry.  You’re too strong for that, right?”

“I’ve never been strong, I’ve always been running away from my problems instead of dealing with them head-on.”

“Hmm,” The faintest hint of a smile appears on Mark’s face.  “I’m glad you realized that.”

“Jinyoung!”  Yugyeom burst into the room.  “I brought you get well cookies!”

“Hey,” Yugyeom put the cookies on the table next to Jinyoung’s bed before joining the crowd and Jinyoung bedside.  Jackson walked back over with Mark as well.  “How did you know I’d be awake?”

“Just a hunch!”  Yugyeom said happily, glancing over to see Mark and Jackson side by side before focusing back on Jinyoung.  “Wow, are you going to be in bed for the rest of the school year?  They’re not going to let you graduate.”

“I wake up from an almost certain death and the first thing you do is make fun of me?!”

“It was a joke!”  Yugyeom laughs so hard his sides hurt.  “I am happy you’re okay, honestly.”

“Wait, you were the guy who hosted the party right?”  Bambam slides over to Yugyeom’s side.  “The tall guy?”

“That’s me!  I’m Yugyeom.  Nice to meet you…” 

“Bambam.”  They’re both smiles as they shake hands and Jackson can already see a friendship brewing.

“Okay, time for celebrations!  I’ll go buy some champagne!”

“Youngjae, you can’t drink in a hospital!”  Bambam yells.

“Nonsense!  Jinyoung has broken bones, not a broken liver”

“He’s on medication, you can’t mix medication with alcohol!”  Jackson is glad Youngjae and Bambam are back to normal.

“Hmm, you may have a point there… I can still drink it though!” 

“You freakin’ lush…”  Bambam is groaning and Jackson, for once, doesn’t feel like joining in on the bickering.

“I’m happy we’re all together.”  Jackson blurts out.

Jinyoung smiles at him.  “You’re right- if we weren’t together-“

“We would not be alive.”  Yugyeom finishes.

Jackson’s enthusiasm is hotter than the sun, Mark’s smile is as serene as the moon, and Jinyoung is staring in shock at Yugyeom like he just told him his darkest secret.

Jackson’s too content to question it.

“Why did you save me?”

Jinyoung had been expecting this question all day.

Mark doesn’t ask him until long after everyone had left, leaving the two of them alone again.

Jinyoung has so much he could say.  He could tell him everything, about how much he loved him, about how he had changed his life so deeply he felt as though Mark was the one who saved him in the end.

In the end, all of that was far too complicated to explain, so he settled for one thing he knew for certain.

“I wanted you to know that there’s someone who cares,” Mark really is an angel, Jinyoung thinks.  A real-life angel who saved him from a certain death with his blessings.  “You’ll always be the brightest star in my sky.”

Mark’s smile is the most beautiful sight Jinyoung has ever seen.