6:38AM

“Jinyoung, wake up, you’re going to be late!”

The constant buzzing and beeping of his phone is the most beautiful sound Jinyoung has ever heard.

Jinyoung wakes up and takes in his surroundings.  His wall was the same, his floor was the same, same phone, same bed, everything was fine.  Nothing had happened.

Jinyoung was on a mission to save some lives, and he wasn’t going to fail this time.

“Good morning mom!”  He got ready in record time.

“Someone’s in a good mood today.  Is that Valentine’s day spirit?”  His mom called out to him from where she stood over the stove.

“No, just happy to see you.”  He went over and gave her a squeeze and a kiss on the cheek.  His mom looked at him like the real Jinyoung had been abducted by aliens last night and he had been replaced with a much nicer clone.  “Breakfast smells delicious.”

“You actually want some?”

“How could I turn down a home cooked meal from my mom?”  Jinyoung sat at the table, ready to eat and his mom looked the happiest he had seen her in a very long time.

He gobbled down the most delicious breakfast he had eaten in years and grabbed his gloves from the table.  “I have to run!”

“Alright!  Stay warm, love you!”

“Love you too mom!”  He blew her one more kiss before he walked outside and ran over to Jackson’s car.

 “Good morning sweetheart!”  Jackson yelled, blowing a kiss his way. 

“Morning!”  Jinyoung caught Jackson’s kiss and pressed it against his heart.

“You seem happy, did you actually find a last-minute date for Valentine’s?”  Jinyoung slipped into the passenger seat of Jackson’s car.

“Nope, still as single as ever.”

“Doesn’t matter if we’re both single, we’re going to celebrate our platonic love, right?”  Jackson was giving Jinyoung that cheesy smile he couldn’t bring himself to hate.  “Right?  You love me?”

Jinyoung smiled.  “Of course, I love you, Jackson.”  Jackson made some happy squeaky noises.

“Wang gae?”  He tried.

“Park gae.”  Jackson let out the most satisfied squeal before he started the car.

They dropped by Bambam’s house first, who was looking down as he slumped into the backseat muttering something like ‘I can’t believe I’m single on Valentine’s Day…’

“Bambam, why don’t you ask out that tall guy in my history class?”  Jinyoung turns around and pokes Bambam on the cheek.  “He’s like my son, and you’re also like my son, so maybe…”

“Wouldn’t that technically make us brothers?”

“Gross!”  Jackson yells at Jinyoung.  “Call the police!”

“I didn’t mean it like that.”  They knew he didn’t mean it like that, all of them bursting into laughter five seconds later.

“You said he was tall though, how tall are we talking?”  Bambam leans forward, intrigued.

Jackson couldn’t stop laughing at that comment.  “Wow Jinyoung, I think we’ve finally found a keeper for Bambam.”

“Shut up,” Bambam leans back and buckles his seatbelt even though they’ve been driving for a couple of minutes already- trying to give his hands something to do.  “At least I haven’t flirted with every girl in the school yet still haven’t managed to get into a serious relationship.”

“What do I always say?  I’m not looking to be serious, it’s all for fun!”  Jinyoung only realizes it then, but it is strange Jackson dates so many girls yet Jinyoung’s never seen them last more than a week.

They dropped by Youngjae’s house next, Bambam reached over and locked the door right before he could open it.  “This isn’t funny!  It wasn’t funny the first ten times either!”  Youngjae yelled into the closed window.  “Open the door!”

Jinyoung popped out of his seat and opened the door.

“Hey!  Jinyoung, that’s no fun!”  Bambam yelled.

“Let him live, next time I’m locking you outside and not letting you in until you admit you ate the chicken wings Jackson was saving for our sleepover back in ninth grade.”

“BAMBAM ATE MY CHICKEN WINGS?”  Jackson almost slams on the breaks he’s so shocked.  “I yelled at Youngjae and you didn’t say a word?!”

“It wasn’t me.”  Jinyoung knew it was him, but he lets it slide for now.  “Anyways…”  Bambam desperately tried to change the subject.

 “Do you guys have any plans for Valentine’s?”  Youngjae carries on without realizing he saved Bambam an earful.

“I heard there was a party tonight, since we’re all single we should go and who knows maybe we won’t be single by the end of the night.”

“I’m only going if Youngjae agrees not to get so wasted he passes out and we literally have to drag him out to the car again.”  Bambam adds and Youngjae smacks him on the shoulder.

“That was only one time!”

“How about you Jinyoung, I heard Jaebum is going to be at the party.”  Jackson says, elbowing him.

“In case you forgot, we broke up.”

“He’s still pining over you though,” Youngjae added.  “You don’t have to get back together but if you play your cards right you could end senior year with a bang.”

“I’m really not interested…”  Jinyoung stares at Youngjae for a moment.  “What about you, Youngjae?”

“What about me?”

“I’m not dating Jaebum anymore, you’re interested, right?”

Youngjae chokes on air.  “How did you…”

“Oh man, Choi Youngjae has the hots for Im Jaebum?”  Bambam elbows Youngjae who was currently dying of embarrassment.  “Isn’t that breaking friend code, dating someone’s ex?”

“I don’t really care.”  Jinyoung admits. Jaebum wasn’t an awful guy, but he never dated him because it was true love or anything.  He was popular, Jinyoung was popular, the whole school thought they would make the perfect couple.  The most talked about couple maybe, but a match made in heaven chemistry wise?  They were far from it.

“You’re going to have to watch that couple, they’re going to drink themselves into a coma if they’re not careful.  You know Jaebum likes his vodka!”

“Anyways, he’s still into you Jinyoung.  There’s no chance.”

“Don’t worry,” Jinyoung smiles.  “I have a feeling things will work themselves out.”

Jinyoung fakes a headache in chemistry and he’s ushered into the nurse’s office.

This what where they stored all the roses that were given out as Valentine-o-grams.  The room was covered with trays and trays of them, waiting to be handed out by a group of girls standing around in their ridiculous cupid costumes.

He scanned the trays, listed in alphabetical order, until he got to box T, and found the single rose waiting to be handed to Mark Tuan.

He ripped the scrap of paper off the side where Jackson had scrawled, ‘Maybe next year, but probably not’ in dark black ink.

“Um,” He looks back at the row of cupid girls behind him.  “Can you help me with something?”

They all stare at him. “What?”

“I need roses, lots of them.”

By the time Jinyoung leaves the nurse's office he’s feeling pumped.  He had dished out $40 and bought two dozen roses all the be sent to Mark Tuan from his secret admirer.

How he wished he could see the look on Mark’s face when he received them.

Second period had just ended so he walked into the cafeteria, Jackson immediately waving him over when he caught his eye.  “Hurry up and get food!”

Jinyoung sits down and Youngjae launches into a story- he was waiting for them all to get there before he started.

“You guys are not going to believe this, in math class when we were getting our roses,” Jinyoung suddenly remembers Youngjae is in Mark’s math class and gets excited.  “Then one of the cupids came in and I swear she had three dozen roses.  All for Mark.  I’ve never seen so many roses.” Jinyoung is smiling to himself like a job well done until Bambam cuts in.

“Does he have a stalker?” 

“I don’t understand what happened to our rose.”  Jackson looks disappointed.

“What did he do with them?”  Jinyoung interjects.

They all stare at him. “Do with what?”  Youngjae asks.

“The roses- did he throw them out?”

“Why do you care?”  Jackson sneers through a mouthful of fries.

“I just… I don’t’ care…” They’re all staring at him blankly, waiting for an explanation.  “I think it’s nice?  Someone sent him all those roses… it’s nice.”

“He probably sent them to himself.”  Youngjae giggles.

Jinyoung loses his temper then.  “Why would you say that?”

Youngjae jerks back like he got hit.  “Why would you care?  It’s just Mark.”

“It’s a joke Jinyoung, calm down,” Jinyoung can’t calm down.  “Yesterday you said you wanted to avoid him in case he had rabies or something.”

Jinyoung feels completely awful then.  Yesterday – six days ago- felt like a world away.  He couldn’t relate to that Jinyoung anymore.

“Jinyoung’s right,” Jackson winks at him.  “It’s Valentine’s Day, you know?  A time of love and forgiveness, even for the weirdos of the world.”  He raises his juice box like it’s a glass of champagne.  “To Mark.”

Youngjae and Bambam raise their drinks in unison.  “To Mark.”

“Jinyoung?”  Jackson raises an eyebrow.  “Care to toast with us?”

Jinyoung slams his tray down and gets out of his seat then, walking out of the cafeteria.

“He didn’t throw them out, okay?”  Youngjae yells at him, but Jinyoung keeps walking.

“Hey, Jinyoung!”  That’s the last voice he wants to hear.  “Jinyoung wait up!”

He stops and turns to find Jaebum running after him. 

“Did you get my rose?”

“Actually, I skipped history class.”

“What?  You skipped?”

“Listen,” Jinyoung starts. “Can we talk later?”

“You have time to skip class but you don’t have time for me?”

“Jaebum…”  Jinyoung leans in closer.  “We’ll talk at the party tonight.”  Jinyoung has a plan.

“Jinyoung-“

“Please.”  Jinyoung was using one of Jackson’s trademark pouts and he could see Jaebum breaking.

“Alright, fine.  I’ll see you tonight.” 

The party is the same as always, crowded and gross, the stench of alcohol permeating the air.

Jinyoung was focused tonight though, ready to put his plan into action.

His first stop is the kitchen, where Jaebum drinking his senses away as per usual.

“Jinyoung!  You came.”  He runs over to Jinyoung who dodges his sloshing drink.  “I didn’t think you would show.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“You were acting so weird today,” Jaebum was already too drunk.  “You going to apologize?  I can think of a way you can make it up to me.”

Jaebum’s practically undressing him with his eyes.  “Oh yeah?  I’d like that.”  Jinyoung acts like he’s interested.

“Yeah?”  Jaebum wraps his arm around him and Jinyoung tries not to lurch back out of his grip.

“I think we need some one-on-one time, don’t you?  We can work everything out.”

“What were you thinking?”  Jaebum is practically drooling and Jinyoung wonders if he’s doing the right thing.

Jinyoung tiptoes so he can whisper in Jaebum’s ear.  “There’s a bedroom on this floor, Chris Brown poster on the door.  Go inside and wait for me, and I promise to give you the best apology ever.”

Jaebum’s eyes are bugging out of his head.  “Now?!”

“Now.”

He detaches himself from Jinyoung and stumbles down the hallway.  “You’ll be there soon, right?”

“Five minutes, promise!”

Next stop is the living room, where his best friends were already gathered on the couch.  “Youngjae!”

“Wow Jinyoung, you disappear for so long and you want Youngjae, not me?  I’m betrayed.”  Jackson pushes the girl off his lap and pulls Jinyoung on top of him anyway.  “I was worried you were upset after lunch.”

“What is it?”  Youngjae is slurring and he wonders if he’s going to regret this, but he says it anyway.

“There’s a room upstairs, Chris Brown poster on the door.  I uh… left my wallet up there, can you get it for me?” 

“Why do I have to get it?”  Youngjae whines.

“Jinyoung is buuusy!”  Jackson pulls Jinyoung into his arm and squishes him.  He said it once and he’ll say it again, Jackson always unknowingly saves him at the most random times and he was thankful.

“Fine fine.”  Youngjae put his red solo cup down on the table and begrudgingly walked upstairs.  Hopefully, Jinyoung wouldn’t see Youngjae again for the rest of the night.

“Jackson,” Bambam got their attention.  “Look who’s here.”

That was Jinyoung’s cue to move, fast.

He got up and grabbed Mark by the arm, pulling him along into the bathroom.  He shut the door and locked it, remembering when he did this two days ago for very different reasons.  Back then Mark looked confused and lost, today he looked cold and angry.  “What are you doing?”

“I came to talk to Jackson.”  Mark looks like he’s ready to punch someone, and now that Jackson wasn’t here Jinyoung was worried he would be the next best target.

“I know, he’s a bastard, right?”

“How did you-“

“Listen, Mark-“ Jinyoung has to make his words count.  “I know Jackson- or any of us- haven’t been the nicest towards you, but we really feel bad about it- I do at least.” Jinyoung tries to gauge what Mark is thinking but he’s just staring at him, waiting for Jinyoung to finish.  “We never really meant anything by it, you know?  I don’t think he-we… we didn’t realize what we were doing was bad.  We didn’t know.”

Mark hasn’t moved at all and it was freaking Jinyoung out.

“You haven’t been the nicest towards me?

“I- yeah.  Sorry about that.”

Mark’s eyelids flutter.  “People have been putting in my locker, shoving me in hallways, pulling mean pranks on me, making up rumors, and genuinely have hated me for the past nine years all because of Jackson, and you’re still trying to defend him?  Jackson, Youngjae, Bambam… they’ve all hurt me so many times.”

With every word Mark spoke Jinyoung felt like he got stabbed in the chest repeatedly.  “What I’m saying is, I want to apologize on their behalf.  We all did things we weren’t proud of- things are going to get better.”

Mark had his fists clenched, almost trembling against the bathroom door.

“I mean… you got those roses today, right?  A whole bunch of them?”

Mark shudders, instead of gratitude Jinyoung can feel Mark burning with hatred.

“I knew it was you guys.”  Mark’s voice was full of rage, Jinyoung had to take a step back because he was scared.  “What was that?  Another one of your little jokes?”

“What? No-“

“Poor Mark Tuan!  No friends, no roses.  Let’s screw with him one last time.”  Mark is practically hissing.

“I didn’t want to screw with you, it was supposed to be nice-“

“Did you want to remind me that I have nobody?  No friends?  No secret admirers?  ‘Maybe next year, but probably not,’ right?”

“I swear that wasn’t the point- I thought it would make you feel better!”  Jinyoung wants to sob.  Mark looks so angry with him.  It wasn’t supposed to go like this- he had a plan.

“Make me feel better?” 

Jinyoung can’t believe it.  Those gorgeous eyes and handsome features, all twisted and contorted in the worst angry ways.  He wanted so badly to pull Mark into his arms and kiss the life out of him pretending everything was as it should be, but he couldn’t do that.  His friends messed up.  He messed up. 

“You don’t know me.”  Those razor-sharp words pierce Jinyoung again.  “You never knew me, and you can’t make me better.  Nobody can make me better.”

Jinyoung’s expecting the worse, was he going to get hit?  Beat up?  Have things thrown at him?  Instead, Mark turns around and reaches for the door handle, pausing right before he turned the door open.

“You know, I used to be friends with Jackson,” Mark’s voice is eerily calm.  “We did everything together.  We hung out together, ate together, played together, he even got me a friendship bracelet.  We always wore them, always matching.”

Jinyoung wants to ask what happened, but he too scared to speak.  Mark continues anyway.

“That was right before Jackson’s dad left for good.” Mark looked over at Jinyoung, the lifeless gaze returning.  “Jackson was so sad all the time- we used to have sleepovers and he would lay down next to me and cry.  I had to hold him until he fell asleep.  Every. Single. Night.”

Jinyoung felt weak in the knees.  Part of him wanted to hear the story while the other half wanted him to get out of there.

“One night, we were both only ten years old, he turned to me and said ‘I like you, Mark.’”  Jinyoung didn’t know about this.  “I told him I liked him too but he said complained, said he really liked me, loved me.”

“Wait-“ Jinyoung had to stop him there.  “Jackson likes girls, only girls.”

“Is that what he tells you?  Guess he doesn’t trust you so much after all.”

“What are you talking about-even if he did like guys I wouldn’t care, nobody would care?  Why would he hide it if that was the case?”

“I was little confused back then, unaware of my own uality.  I freaked out when he told me, asked to go home, he must’ve felt humiliated and betrayed.”  Mark turned back towards the door.  “I only found out later that he was terrified of his mom finding out.”

Jinyoung swallowed hard, seeing where this story was going.

“The next day at school it had already started, people giving me weird looks and Jackson never talking to me again.  Pummeling my public image, trying to hold power over me because I knew his darkest secret.”

“All these years…”  Jinyoung took a shuddering breath.  “Why didn’t you ever say anything, tell his secret?”

“Jackson was my best friend, yknow?  He was so miserable at the time… I couldn’t do it.  I thought it would pass.”

“Mark-“

Mark nodded his head.  “It doesn’t matter anymore.”  Mark turned the handle and left in a rush before Jinyoung could do anything.

“Mark, wait!”

“What was that about?  You’ve been hogging the bathroom forever.”  Yugyeom pops out and Jinyoung’s still shaken.  “Jinyoung?”

“I-I can’t talk now.”  Jinyoung’s sinking again, trying to figure out what he needs to do- everyone is still alive.  He can still save everyone. 

He ran upstairs to where everyone’s stuff was sitting in a pile, pushing jackets out of the way until he found Jackson’s expensive leather jacket that probably shouldn’t have been dumped into the pile so carelessly.  He reached into the pocket and pulled out Jackson’s car keys- the word WANG hanging off the keychain encrusted in rhinestones.   If Jinyoung kept his keys there was no way his car could be on the road tonight.

Then Jinyoung pulled on his sweater and stepped out into the pouring rain, running down the driveway to where the road was.  He was cursing in his mind, thinking back on Mark’s words repeatedly.  Nine years.  He kept Jackson’s secret for nine years, after being bullied for so long.  He thought it would pass.

Jinyoung hated today.  Hated Valentine’s day.  He wouldn’t let this be Mark’s last day.  He wouldn’t let anger and hurt be the last thing he experienced.  He had to do something right.

He lets himself think about a different reality, where he never hated Mark.  Where he met him properly, and they got to know each other under better circumstances.  Jinyoung would’ve fallen in love with him so much sooner.  He would’ve been happy.  Mark would’ve been his.

He wipes the angry tears away, even though they were drowned out by the rain anyway.  He really needed to stop hurting himself more.  Don’t’ think about it, you have to save Mark.

Every time a car zooms past Jinyoung his heart beats faster.  He’s terrified, but so far, he hasn’t seen Mark.  He’s relieved, perhaps he went home? 

Then, in the distance, he saw him.  Curled up in a familiar ball at the side of the road- Mark Tuan looking as lifeless as ever.

“Mark!”  Jinyoung is running as fast as he can.  “Mark!”  He doesn’t answer, instead, he stands up, staring at the road.  Jinyoung knows what happens next.

Mark tried to make a dash into the street but Jinyoung slams his body into him as hard as he can, sending them both flying into the pavement.  Jinyoung feels searing pain all down his shoulder and he’s sure he twisted something in his leg.

“What the hell are you doing?!”  Mark yells from underneath him.

“What am I doing?”  They both sit up, and Jinyoung lets his anger out.  “What are you doing?  Jumping in front of random trucks- I thought you were supposed to be confronting Jackson-“

“You don’t know anything!”  Mark is yelling at him again and he hates this feeling.  His heart kept dropping lower and lower.  He didn’t know how much more of this he could take.

“But why…?”  Jinyoung didn’t understand.  The fight didn’t happen.  He didn’t get to confront Jackson.  “What’s the point?  Why did you come here?!”  Jinyoung was pleading at this point.

“I’m not afraid anymore.  I wanted to speak my mind, but it doesn’t matter anymore.  I’m not even afraid of-” Jinyoung completed Mark’s words in his mind.

I’m not even afraid of dying.

“This isn’t the way…”  Jinyoung says weakly.  The rain had poured down on him for too long, he felt wet, cold and useless.  His brain was shutting down.  He thought he had everything figured out but he didn’t know anything. 

“Please,”  Mark says quietly.  “I want to be alone.”

“What about your family?”  Jinyoung’s losing him.  He’s losing Mark again.  “What about your brother?”

Jinyoung hears the telltale sound of engines in the distance, two trucks heading straight their way.

“Mark, I can’t let you do this.  Not tonight, not ever.”  He takes a step forward and grabs Mark’s arm tightly.

Mark turns and looks straight through him then, his eyes so lifeless but this time there was something else. 

Genuine sadness.

Jinyoung is so startled his grip loosens and the next thing he sees is Mark flying through the air after being hit by the truck passing by.  Sailing and sailing, his white shirt contrasting against the dark sky.

Then he hits the ground, and Jinyoung almost loses his voice screaming.

A half an hour later Jinyoung’s parked in his driveway, sitting in Jackson’s car, watching the raindrops slowly ease up until the night sky is clear.  They already dropped Youngjae and Bambam off at their homes in eerie silence.

“Jeez, what a night.”  Jackson is leaning against the window of his car.  “I know Mark was a little off but I didn’t think he would ever… y’know?  And you were there.” 

Right after the accident, the police had come.  They asked Jinyoung so many questions but he couldn’t bring himself to talk.  Did he say anything?  Did he give a reason?  Why did he do this?

“He really didn’t say anything?”  It takes a moment for Jinyoung to realize it’s Jackson who’s’ talking to him.

“He didn’t say anything.”  Jinyoung lied.

“That’s too bad, guess we’ll never know what happened.” 

Jinyoung reaches for the car door.  “Thanks for dropping me off.”

Jinyoung is about to step out when he sees Jackson looking extremely nervous.  “No problem.”

“Jackson?”

“What?”

“Remember when you told me never to mention the fact that I liked guys to your mom?”

Jackson stares at him, his eyes sunken into his face.

“Why did you want so badly to hide me?”

“I wasn’t trying to hide you- I love and respect you Jinyoung, It’s just…”

Jackson is trembling.  All the years he had known Jackson he had been proud and strong, fearless even.  Jinyoung realized then that was never the case.  Jackson was terrified people will see through him.  He was terrified of disappointing his mom to the point he would push away anyone and everyone to make sure he kept her happy.  He would even push away his own feelings.  He was so terrified he was living a lie.

“Mark told me- about the last night you two spent together.  He told me what you said-“

“And you believed him?”

Jinyoung ignored him.  “Why did you have to start rumors?  Why did you have to make everyone hate him?  I thought you…”

“I never liked him, he’s lying.  He’s always lying.”

Jinyoung is frightened by the unexpected manic tone Jackson’s voice takes.  “Jackson, it’s okay-“

“I don’t like guys, I only like girls.  Don’t let anyone... don’t ever…”  Jackson was shaking even harder than before.  “I can’t…”

Jinyoung had never seen Jackson like this and he didn’t know how to react.

Jackson clenched and unclenched his fist.  “I always thought it wouldn’t last.  All these years- I thought he would tell someone eventually and stick up for himself.”  Jackson’s voice breaks.  “He just took it- why?”

Jinyoung almost wants to get back into the car and do something- but he can’t.  His body won’t move.

“Jinyoung?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m really sorry… about everything.”

Jinyoung catches himself before he says it’s okay.

“Your mom would still love you, Jacks.”

“What?”

“I know your mom would love you no matter what, so stop worrying so much.”  Jinyoung knows Jackson can read between the lines of what he’s saying. 

Jackson is sniffling, trying to hold back his tears.  That’s another thing Jackson always tried to hide- he cried very easily.  “T-thanks..”

Jinyoung shut the car door but calls back through the open window.  “Park gae?”

Jackson finally stops shaking, a sad smile forming on his face.

“Wang gae.”