For once, Jinyoung is calm.

This past week he’s been looking for an answer, why was he doomed to live the same day repeatedly?  Why is it no matter what he did, how he changed his fate, he would always end up losing someone he loved?

He read an article once, the slightest change and suddenly the entire world takes a different path.  A bird flaps its wings in Brazil and it causes a rainstorm in New York, a dog barks in Ireland and there’s a typhoon in Japan.

Jinyoung was going to continue to repeat the same day over and over until he came to one solution, and he knew now exactly what that solution was.

He had been trying to save everyone, but if life’s path took its normal course that would never happen.

Not everyone had to be saved.

That morning, Jinyoung wakes up extra early and enjoys breakfast with his mom, and tells her he loves her one last time. 

Jackson’s waiting for him outside, already blowing kisses his way.  He remembered the first time he met Jackson- he hated him.  Completely annoying, would never leave Jinyoung alone.

It took Jackson an entire summer at camp to finally wear Jinyoung down.  One of the other boys were making fun of him for the way he dressed, and his ample collection of books he read while everyone else was playing around outside.  Jackson pulled them aside and told them they probably wished they were as smart as Jinyoung while still being so good looking.

They were only 12 years old but Jinyoung believed that Jackson was the only person who gave a about him at that point in his life.  They changed a lot over the years- for better or worse- but he would never regret becoming Jackson’s best friend.  Not for a moment.  He made him the happiest person in the world when everyone else was against him.

Jackson made him feel like he was worth being treated with respect for the first time in his life. 

Bambam slumped into the backseat of Jackson’s car, complaining about being single, as usual. 

Jackson a lot- but he really loved Bambam.

When they met him, he was a real rebel- changing his hair colour every week (now he kept the same colour for at least a month or two).  Jinyoung was jealous at first, he was handsome and held himself in such high regard.  Jinyoung would never have that kind of confidence. 

Bambam was secretly vulnerable.  That time one of the upperclassmen made fun of his skin colour, saying he was dark as night and Bambam said he didn’t care but Jinyoung found him crying in the bathroom after class and held him in his arms until he stopped.  He looked so tiny then- Jinyoung swore he would protect him with his life.  (And of course, once Jackson found out he beat the out of the seniors despite being two years younger.)

Youngjae banged on the car window again, begging to be let in.

They had met Youngjae at a party, passed out on a couch in the living room.  Nobody was willing to help him, so Jackson decided to lug him into their car and take him to his house.  Honestly, it had been a joke at first but he woke up in the middle of the night and starting sobbing over how he thought he had been kidnapped and even Jackson felt bad.

Jinyoung ended up hugging him and telling him he was fine until he got up the courage to call his parents and tell them what happened- the three of them helping him make up a story about how the party was a sleepover and he forgot to tell them.

Youngjae was the sweetest person Jinyoung had ever met, and he wondered what would’ve happened to him if he never got tied up into their crowd.  He could probably create world peace with his smile alone.  Jinyoung always felt like he had to protect him and shield him from the bad things of the world, despite him being a fully capable person himself. 

Youngjae was the peacemaker, Bambam was the negotiator, Jackson was the leader, and Jinyoung was the glue that held them all together. 

Jinyoung couldn’t ask for a better group of friends.

“You guys are the best.” 

“Jinyoung’s extra soft today, did you have marshmallows for breakfast?”  Jackson jokes, shoving him lightly.

“No, I just really love you guys, okay?”

“I love you too darling.”  Jackson coos.

“Our mom, of course, we love you!”  Youngjae agrees.

“You’re alright,” Bambam says, earning a ‘hey!’ from Jackson.  “I mean, I love you too.”

Jinyoung smiles as he leans against the window of Jackson’s car.

Jinyoung heads straight to the cafeteria after making several changes to the roses in the nurse’s office.

“Park Jinyoung!  Why are you late for lunch, did you see Jaebum on the way here?”  Jackson teases as he sits down with his tray of unhealthy cafeteria food.

“Nope, Jaebum is right here actually.”  3,2,1.

“Uh,” That’s not what he’s expecting to be the first thing out of Jaebum’s mouth.  “Hi, Jinyoung.”

“Hey.” Jaebum is holding a rose in his hand.

Jaebum is staring at Jinyoung like he’s conflicted.

“Nice rose.”  Jinyoung says, trying to urge Jaebum to speak.

“Uh, yeah…”  His eyes land on Youngjae who almost chokes on his juice. “You’re Choi Youngjae, right?”

“Yes?”  Youngjae curses at himself for letting that sound like a question.  “I mean, Yes, I am.”  He says more confidently.

Jaebum looks down at Jinyoung again, like he’s looking for something.  Jinyoung nods for him to go ahead.

“You sent me this rose?” 

Youngjae looks confused, probably because he’s sure he didn’t write his name on the rose he sent to Jaebum.  Jinyoung fixed that little detail for him.  “I… how did you- I- yes.”

Jaebum never liked Jinyoung beyond his popularity and looks- and he’s probably looking at Youngjae as his chance to not be single on Valentine’s day.  Jinyoung knows though, Youngjae is exactly the person to pull out something deeper in Jaebum, whether it starts as nothing more a shallow meeting.

“Are you going to the party tonight?”  Jaebum asks, shaking off any sort of apprehension and flashing his trademark smirk.  Jinyoung could’ve sworn he saw Youngjae melt in his seat.

“Yes!”

“I’ll see you there then, Choi Youngjae.”  Jaebum walked away then and Youngjae started freaking out.

“Oh my god, Jinyoung?  I- that was your- I can explain?”

“It’s fine,” Jinyoung already knew.  “We broke up.  He’s all yours.”

“Hottest guy in the school asked me out, somebody pinch me.”  Bambam pinches him.  “Ow!  Oh god, this is real!”

“Five bucks Youngjae gets so wasted he can’t even remember Jaebum’s name tonight.”  Jackson reaches into his pocket like he’s about to pull out the money.

“I’ll take that bet, five bucks Jaebum gets wasted and forgets Youngjae’s name first.”  Bambam chimes in and Youngjae throws his fries at him.

“Shut up!  Maybe, I’ll stay sober tonight.”  The entire table can’t help but break out laughing at that, even Youngjae breaks into laughter after pouting for a moment.

Everyone was too busy focusing on Youngjae’s gushing they don’t notice Mark walking through the cafeteria, a single rose sitting in the empty water bottle attached to his backpack.

For the first time, Mark doesn’t look lifeless as he walks to his table.  He has a pep in his step and his eyes are bright.

Jinyoung can see the note hanging off Mark’s rose from where he’s sitting.

You’re the brightest star in my sky.

It’s never too late.

“Have you ever seen me drunk? I can drive fine.”  Jackson is reluctant to hand over the keys to his precious car when they pull up to Yugyeom’s.

“Yeah sure, you can barely driver sober,”  Jinyoung says as he snatched the keys out of his hands.  “I’m going to drive the car back to your house, it’ll be quick.”

“Any reason you’re being so today?”  Jackson asks as Youngjae is still trying to stop laughing from Jinyoung’s earlier comment on Jackson’s driving.

“Just want to make sure my friends find a safe way home.”  Jinyoung smiles cheekily.  “Go in!  The party started already!”  Youngjae doesn’t need any more coercing before he pulls Bambam by the arm and heads in.

Jackson is still standing outside, staring at him.  “Jinyoung…”

“Yes?”  Jackson has a look on his face that Jinyoung’s never seen before. 

“Ah, it’s nothing.”  Jackson is about to leave but Jinyoung stops him.

“Wait, Jackson.”  Jinyoung pulls him back. 

“Change your mind?”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me about your dad?”

Jackson’s face twists for a split second before he laughs it off like the words didn’t hit him deep.  “That was a million years ago, who cares.”  Jackson was being Jackson, brushing off everything like it wasn’t a big deal.

“Jackson,” Jinyoung’s voice is so serious Jackson stops laughing.  “You don’t have to be strong and try to handle everything by yourself.  You have friends who care a lot about you and it’s okay to be weak sometimes.  Bottling everything up isn’t healthy.”

Jackson opens his mouth to respond but he closes it again and smiles instead.  “What would I do without you, Park Jinyoung?  I’d be a mess!  Truly, my guiding light!”  Jackson covered his eyes like he was being blinded by the shine.

“Seriously…”  Jinyoung laughed before he wrapped his arms around Jackson one last time.  “You’re ridiculous, but I love you.”

“My love!”  Jackson hugs him back tight, before letting Jinyoung drive off with his car.

As soon as Jinyoung parks the car back in Jackson’s driveway- eliminating any possibility of him driving his car that night- he calls Yugyeom and forces him to pick him up and drive him back to his own house for the party.

“I just got my license and you’re making me work.”  Yugyeom lets Jinyoung in the front seat of his parent’s car.

“I can drive back if you want.”  Jinyoung offers.

“Do you think I’m not capable?”  Yugyeom must think Jinyoung is teasing him, but he’s not.

“Not at all, go ahead.”  Yugyeom starts the car.

“You know Yugyeom, you’re a really amazing person.  Coolest dancer, genuinely nice, I really admire you.”

Yugyeom almost stops the car then.  “Who are you and what did you do with Jinyoung?”

“I was just being nice-“

“You’re never nice to me.”

“That’s not… true.”  Jinyoung can’t recall the last time he talked to Yugyeom without teasing him.  “You know I still adore you.”

“Sure, whatever mom.”

“Brat.”  Yugyeom sticks out his tongue in response to Jinyoung.

“Eyes on the road.” Jinyoung chides.

They arrive back at Yugyeom’s house relatively quickly.  “Oh,” Yugyeom is about to get back to the party.  “If you see a guy with bright red hair, talk to him.  I think you’d be good friends.”

“Huh?  Why?”

“You’re both brats.”  Jinyoung shot one last finger gun his way before Yugyeom blew him off.

“You made it!”  Jackson practically tackles Jinyoung at the door.  “I thought you’d flake.”

“I knew you’d be here.”  Bambam chimes in from the side.

“Where’s Jaebum and Youngjae?”  Jackson snorts.

“Last time I checked they were already drunk and making out on the sofa in the living room.”  Jinyoung checks it off in his mind that he won’t need to worry about them for the rest of the night.  “Bam, get Jinyoung a shot!  The party has officially started!”

“No thanks,” Jinyoung waves away the bottle Bambam is waving at his face and checks his phone.  Eleven thirty.  “Actually, I’m kind of hot.  I think I’ll go stand outside for a bit.”

Jackson and Bambam exchange a glance.

“You just came from outside,” Jackson has his hands on Jinyoung’s shoulders as he talks to him.  “You literally just got here.”

“I was looking around for you guys for a while-“

“Nuh-uh, that’s not it.  You’ve been acting a little weird today.”  Jackson refuses to let go of his shoulders.

“Who’s been acting weird?”  Youngjae stumbles over out of nowhere.

“What happened to Jaebum and why is your tongue no longer in his mouth?”  Bambam leans up against Youngjae’s side so he stops swerving.

“Hmm, he said something about grabbing more drinks and I’m pretty sure I said ‘sure’.  Then he left.  Then I saw you guys so I decided hey!  Those are my best friends.  I should say hi.  Now I’m here.”  They were all experts in deciphering Youngjae’s drunken rambles by now.  “You have been acting weird Jinyoungie.”

“I’m fine- okay?”  Jinyoung’s desperate to prevent a long conversation – or worse, a fight.  “It’s been a long week.”  That was an understatement.

“We’re worried about you Jinyoung,” Jackson says.  “You’re not acting like yourself.” 

“Maybe that’s a good thing.”  Jinyoung pulls them all together for a hug before they could respond.

“Ah, what are you doing?  You’re going to mess up my hair!”  Bambam wiggles around but Jinyoung holds him to tightest against him.

Youngjae giggles and practically drapes himself on top of the others.  “Wow, this is cute!”

“I promise nothing’s wrong with me,” Jinyoung says.  “Friends forever, right?”

“Since when were you such a cheeseball?”  Jackson says, despite pulling Jinyoung closer to him.

“Yeah, friends forever!”  Youngjae is hollering and Bambam looks embarrassed out of his mind.

“Bam?” Jinyoung asks and Bambam finally gives in.

“I’d be nothing without you guys, I guess.”  They finally pull away, smiles all around.

“Alright!  Enough with the mushy crap!”  Jackson has both hands in the air reaching out for the bottle of alcohol Bambam had earlier.  “I, for one, came to get drunk.”

“I thought you don’t get drunk.”  Bambam says.

“Figure of speech.”

Jackson and Bambam are bickering again, Youngjae spots Jaebum and wanders back over into his lap, and Jinyoung is glad the attention is off him.

“See you later!”  Jinyoung says to nobody in particular.

Jackson gives him a half wave, Bambam nods, and Youngjae doesn’t even hear him. 

Jinyoung turns away from them one last time and he notices his eyes getting blurry.  He wipes away at the tears before they fall and checks his phone.  Eleven forty-five.

Jinyoung stakes out a place by the door, waiting until a familiar person would walk through those doors.

The swarms of people only grew bigger and everyone got clumsier and wasted while Jinyoung stood still.

Finally, Mark Tuan slips through the back door and they immediately make eye contact.  “Hey, can I talk to you?”

Mark opens his mouth then shuts it then opens it again.  “I, um, actually have somewhere I need to be.”

“No, you don’t,” In one swift movement, Jinyoung guides him back towards the door, away from the crowds of people.  “Weren’t you looking for me anyway?  For us?”

“How did you- I’m not here for you.”

“I know.”  Mark is staring anywhere but at Jinyoung.  “I know it’s bigger than that.”

“You don’t know anything.”

“I know what you have planned for tonight,”  Jinyoung says.  “I know what you have to say to Jackson.”

“He’s a… bastard…”  Mark whispers, so quietly Jinyoung almost doesn’t catch it. 

“I know.”  Mark looks so helpless then, shaking slightly.  Mark takes a step back and Jinyoung takes a step forward.

“Mark.”  Jinyoung reaches out his hand.  “I’m serious, I’m trying to tell you how sorry we are.”

“I have to go.” 

Mark tries to break away but Jinyoung shuffles around so they’re facing each other again.  “We’re sorry.”  Jinyoung tries again.

“Please, just leave me alone.”

“No, I have to come with you.”

Mark’s voice is trembling now.  “You don’t-“

“Jinyoung!”  Yugyeom’s voice breaks his concentration and before he knows it Mark darts away from him right out the back door.

“No, Mark!”  Yugyeom’s voice is lost and Jinyoung is running straight out the door after Mark.  The rain is pouring down and he’s sliding with every step, but he refuses to let the white blur of Mark out of his sight.

Jinyoung keeps running, it’s so dark without his flashlight and he’s desperate to keep following.

Images are flashing through his head from the past week.  The Mark that was tormented and bullied, the Mark that was angry and full of hate, the Mark that looks at him with nothing but love in his bright eyes, and the Mark was looked completely lifeless.  Out of them all, it was that last one that scared Jinyoung the most.

“Mark!”  Mark listens then, whipping his head back around from where he was standing drenched by the road.  Jinyoung hears the telltale sound of a truck engine rumbling and he’s running as fast as he can.

Jinyoung finally catches up and grabs onto his shoulders as the truck whizzes by them.  “Thank God.”

“What are you doing?!”  Mark tries to shake Jinyoung off.  “Are you following me?!”

“I thought you were going to…”  Jinyoung can’t breathe properly.  “I thought I wouldn’t make it in time.”

Jinyoung’s sure he’s hearing things- but the distinctive voice of Jackson calling out “Park Jinyoung!”  from the woods was too real.  He heard them all, Yugyeom, Youngjae, Bambam.  Had they followed him?  Why were they calling out for him?

“Why did you follow me?  Why can’t you leave me alone?!”  Mark is yelling and Jinyoung is shaking badly.

“I need to talk to you.” 

“I have nothing to say.”  Mark turns away and walks back towards the road.

Jinyoung follows him, a sense of calm washing over him. This is it, this is how it was supposed to happen.

“You don’t have to do this, Mark,” Jinyoung says quietly.  “You know this isn’t the right way.”

“You don’t know what I have to do,” Mark whispers back fiercely.  “You don’t know.  You could never understand.”  Mark still looks as beautiful as the first night when he saw him.  Covered in rain and his face helpless- he still looked like an angel.  So beautiful and pure Jinyoung had a hard time believing he was real.

“Jinyoung!  Jinyoung!  Jinyoung!”  The voices are getting louder now.  Jackson, Youngjae, Bambam, Yugyeom, and Jaebum.

“I want to help you.”  Jinyoung knows Mark will never understand.  Jinyoung couldn’t explain how much he both loved and hated him for everything he’s put him through the past seven days.  Mark only knows the Jinyoung of today.

“Don’t you get it?”  For the first time, he sees Mark crying. “I can’t be fixed.”

Jinyoung is sure he’s crying now as well, but he’s not afraid. 

12:38AM

Voices are roaring in his ears, but he tunes everything out.  All he can focus is on Mark crying, why was he still so beautiful?  At a time like this?

“I…”  Jinyoung stops himself before the words come out.  I love you.

“It’s too late.”  Mark says.

And Jinyoung says, “It’s never too late.”

12:39AM

In a split-second, Mark is hurtling his body into the road, straight in the path of a familiar truck.

Jinyoung runs after him, slamming into his body at the last minute.

Jinyoung hears numerous people screaming out his name but it doesn’t matter anymore.

Mark goes flying out of the way, his body slamming hard on the pavement.

Then the truck slams into Jinyoung’s side, sending him flying, the pain coursing through his side and legs was like nothing Jinyoung ever felt before.

Jinyoung!  Jinyoung!  Jinyoung!  Everyone is screaming.

Jinyoung hit the ground, fading fast, feelings lost, and his eyes shut.

He barely hears it, Mark sobbing uncontrollably above him.

“You… you saved me.”  A hand on his cheeks, tears falling down his face.  “Why did you save me?”

No.

It’s weird how one day could play out so drastically different.  Maybe in some universe Jaebum and him never dated, Bambam never transferred to their school, or Youngjae ended up hating them for pranking him instead of becoming friends with them.  Maybe Jackson would never save him, maybe he would’ve grown up teased and tormented just like Mark.

In some universe he knows for sure, Mark and Jinyoung are in love.  That calms him tremendously.

In this universe though?  He wasn’t the best person, and he never would be, but at least he went out in a blazing glory knowing he did the right thing.  Knowing he changed someone’s life for the better.

If he could, he would be smiling right now.

No, it's the opposite.

You saved me.