6:38AM

“Jinyoung, wake up, you’re going to be late!”

Jinyoung stays put, lying in his bed.  Staring at the ceiling.

It felt like moments ago Mark was in his arms, and now he was waking up to emptiness.  Nothing had happened, his life erased again.

“Park Jinyoung!  Get out of bed this instant!” 

Jinyoung started crying, no more silent tears.   He lied in bed bawling because he was so lost.  He had no idea what to do.  His day could play out in endless possibilities but in the end, it would always end up with someone he loved dying.

“Jinyoung, g-“  Jinyoung’s mom stopped in her tracks once she saw the state Jinyoung was in.  “Oh my god, are you okay?”

Jinyoung just kept crying in response and his mom looked like she was at a loss.  He had always hated the fact that he and his mom weren’t close anymore.  He had become a teenager and naturally started wanting more time alone or with his friends, he didn’t mean to hurt her like this.  They were at the point they didn’t know how to act comfortable around each other.  The memories of him lying in his bed and his mom comforting him until he fell asleep after waking up from some nightmare were long gone.

“It’s okay, you don’t need to go to school today if you don’t want to- um,” She didn’t even to walk into his room.  “I’ll leave now, you can come down if you want to talk about anything, I’ll be here.”

If only Jinyoung knew getting rid of his mom and skipping school was this easy.

He cried for a bit longer until his tear ducts gave up and he fell back asleep.

He had no idea what time it was when he woke up, nor did he care.

He checked his phone first, the screen pristine and undamaged.  Along with Jackson’s million messages ranging from ‘happy valentine’s <3’ to ‘where r u??” he had messages wishing him well from Youngjae and Bambam.

It was astonishing how the same day could change so drastically with the decision you make.  In some timeline Jackson is still mad at him, he’s still giving Jaebum a chance, Youngjae really did get alcohol poisoning, Bambam would finally ask someone out, and Mark… in some timeline Mark was his.

Jinyoung saunters downstairs, surprised his mom was sitting on the couch, still in her pajamas.

“Mom, don’t you have work?”

“I called in sick, I have a lot of unused sick days anyway.”

“You didn’t need to do that…” 

“I find my only son crying in bed and you expect me to not be worried?”  Jinyoung felt awfully guilty.  He had no idea his mom was that upset.

He finally got a glimpse of the time then – two in the afternoon.  He hadn’t ever slept that long before.  Perhaps his exhaustion kept piling up every time he repeated the same day.  He plopped down on the sofa next to his mom, hating the awkward air that fell over them.

“Your dad is coming home early, he’ll be back tomorrow.”

Jinyoung’s dad often had to leave town for business, but he loved him a lot and always anticipated his return.  This is the first he was hearing of this.  “Really?”

“He wanted to surprise you, but since you were feeling down I thought the news would make you feel better.”  Jinyoung’s mom really loved him, despite how many times they had argued.  Jinyoung felt so guilty.  Just yesterday he was slamming a door in her face and wishing she would leave him alone.

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry you’re sad.”

“It’s not that, I’m sorry for being me.  I know I’ve treated you awfully over the years and all this time you’ve still loved me the same…”

Jinyoung’s mom smiled at that, scooching over and pulling Jinyoung into her arms.  “You don’t need to apologize, we all go through times where we want to rebel.  I’ve never held it against you.”

Jinyoung had realized way too many things from reliving the same day over and over.  He could hardly remember what he was like before this mess.  “Mom?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you think I’m a bad person?”  This was something that had been bugging Jinyoung for a while now.  His actions, his thoughts, he regretted everything. 

“Why would you think that?”

“I’ve done so many awful things…”

“But were those your true intentions?”

Jinyoung thought about that for a while, did he hate himself for being mean to his mom?  Yes.  Did he feel uncomfortable bullying Mark?  Yes.  Even so, that doesn’t erase the fact he did all of it.  “I mean, of course not-“

“I remember when you were little, you used to cover the big ant hill in our back yard by propping up an umbrella next to it whenever it rained, so ‘the ants wouldn’t get wet and drown and die’ as you would put it.”  Jinyoung could barely remember that.

“So?”

“What it means is that you’ve always had good intentions, even though you’ve lost yourself a bit doesn’t mean your heart isn’t in the right place.  You’ve grown up but you’ll always be the same Jinyoung in my eyes.”  His mom was staring at him with such sincerity Jinyoung couldn’t help but smile.  “No bad decision is permanent; no situation is hopeless.  Life goes on and on and as long as you concede you’ve made a mistake- there’s always a way to fix things.”

“You know, I love you.”  Jinyoung pressed himself back into his mom, shamelessly cuddling.

“Of course, I know, as I said before, you’ll always be the same little Jinyoung in my eyes.”

Jinyoung had skipped school completely, dedicating the entire day to his mom.  They were at his favourite sushi place, the whole family used to go there a lot when he was younger.

After stuffing himself full of sashimi, he was about to chomp down on some red bean ice cream when he heard chanting.  An entire bus full of students had entered the restaurant.

“Tuan!  Tuan!  Tuan!  Tuan!!”

Jinyoung was initially shocked and confused, but when he turns around he catches a glimpse of what’s going on.  It’s was a middle school swim team, the star swimmer had ‘Tuan’ printed on his back and looked like a mini version of his brother.

Jinyoung got up immediately and walked over to their table, like he had something to say.

“Uh, Joey?  Some guy is standing behind you.”  One of the other swimmers nudged him and he stood right up.

“Um… did you need something?”  Joey looked frightened, probably the right reaction to a stranger suddenly appearing behind you.

“No, no, I just…”  Jinyoung smiles at him, trying to assure him he wasn’t a weirdo.  “You have an older brother, right?”

Joey’s eyes go wide, then he looks at the ground.  He must’ve thought Jinyoung was about to or something.  There was no way he wouldn’t know about Mark’s reputation.  “Yeah, Mark Tuan.”

He must’ve been waiting for Jinyoung to start laughing or something, he looked so dejected.  “Yeah, I, um, know Mark.” 

“You do?”

“Well, kind of.”  The entire table of middle schoolers was staring at him now.  “He’s um- my lab partner.”  It was a safe answer- everyone took science.

Joey finally loosens up.  “Mark’s really good at chemistry, well, he’s really good at school in general.”  He smiles then.  “I’m Joey.”

“I’m Jinyoung.”

“I know who you are.”  Joey is staring at him like he’s holding a thousand secrets.

“Jinyoung, what are you doing?  Your ice cream is melting!”  His mom interrupts them and Jinyoung tries to remember why he walked over there in the first place.

Mark’s face flashes through his mind.  In this timeline Mark’s fate is uncertain.

“Tell Mark not to do it.”  Jinyoung blurts out before he’s realized what he said,

Joey wrinkles his forehead.  “Do what?”

“Our, uh, science project thing,”  Jinyoung says quickly.  “He’ll know what I’m talking about.”

“Okay.”  Jinyoung turns and starts to walk away, but Joey calls back to him.  “Jinyoung!”

Jinyoung spins back around.  Joey is still smiling, blissfully unaware of the scale of the situation.

“I’ll have to tell him tomorrow.  Mark is going out tonight!”

Jinyoung heart sinks then.  Right, Mark is going out tonight.  To Yugyeom’s party.  Looking for Jackson.  To be pushed and punched in the face.

“I’ll definitely tell him tomorrow though!”

Suddenly, the sashimi isn’t sitting so well in Jinyoung’s stomach.

The entire drive home Jinyoung is trying to forget about Mark, but he couldn’t help it.  Mark had taken over such a large portion of his mind and heart he couldn’t forget about him for just one night.

He thinks of Mark all the way home, all evening, and even when he’s lying in bed, trying to sleep away this day. 

The thought of Mark dying without Jinyoung even trying to save him wasn’t something Jinyoung could process.

Jinyoung sneaked downstairs.  His mom slept like a log, so she wouldn’t hear the front door open and shut.  Jinyoung felt like he was breaking every rule possible doing this- Jackson sneaked out all the time and he probably never felt a shred of guilt.

He climbed into the front seat of his mom’s car and Jackson’s voice echoed in his head – you can’t even drive.  That wasn’t exactly true, Jinyoung could drive and this car existed to be shared among the entire family, but he hated driving.  He got his license and never wanted to touch another steering wheel again. He was way too cautious, every time a car zoomed past him he got heart palpitations.

Desperate times called for desperate measures.  He started the car up still wearing his pajamas, the time flashing on his dashboard.

12:03AM

He could make it if he drove fast.

Yugyeom’s house was in the most remote place of their neighborhood – up a hill deep in a forested area.  He had to wonder if Yugyeom’s parents were rich or wanted to spend the extra money to be completely secluded because they hated the rest of society.

Jinyoung had never driven this fast in his life.  The rain started pouring and Jinyoung wanted to cry he was so scared.  The hill was the worst part, he had to thank his dad the car had expensive tires that didn’t slide easily.

He doesn’t even bother pulling into Yugyeom’s driveway, he gets out and grabs a flashlight from the trunk and cuts through the forest instead.  He runs as fast as his feet could take him, sliding on the muddy parts and dodging trees.

It’s a longer walk than Jinyoung had calculated, but he finally hears the thrum of music and sees lights in the distance and he floors it.

He walks into the party, getting quite a few stares considering he’s soaking wet and still in his pajamas, but that doesn’t matter right now.  He runs to the living room, only to catch Jackson heaving and Youngjae and Bambam trying desperately to calm him down.

“Did you ing hear that?  That bastard, how dare he talk about my mother.”  Jackson pulled at Bambam.  “Let me go!  He’s dead!”

Jinyoung realizes then that he’s moments too late.

.

He turns and runs down the hallway before his friend could see him, extremely thankful he didn’t run into Jaebum.

“Where did Mark Tuan go?”  He yells at a group of girls sipping beer.

They stare at him blankly.

“Guy with bruises on his face and arms, just ran down this hallway?”

The girls’ faces light up with realization.  “Bathroom.”  One of them points.

Jinyoung suddenly feels sick.  Bathrooms have pills.  Bathrooms have razors.  Mark wasn’t safe.

Jinyoung elbows his way through the crowd and tried to open the bathroom, but it was locked.

“Mark!?”  Jinyoung banged on the door.  “Mark!  Open the door!”  He put his ear to the door.

Silence.

It’s not supposed to go like this. He was supposed to save Mark.

“Get Yugyeom.”  He turns to the same girls from before. He must’ve looked scary because all of them went running right away.

They arrive back with Yugyeom in tow in less than five minutes.  “Jinyoung, are you okay?”

“I need you to unlock the bathroom.”

“Why?”

“Mark is in there, please.  We can’t leave him in there alone.”  Jinyoung was desperate, and Yugyeom didn’t question him any further.

“Wait here, I’ll go get the key.”

The three minutes Yugyeom was gone for felt like hours.

Yugyeom finally unlocked the door and Jinyoung was so frightened.  What kind of scene was waiting for him?

He was bracing for the worst, but instead, when the door swung open he was greeted by a pristine bathroom.  Perfectly clean, perfectly normal, and perfectly empty.

The only thing out of place was the window that was wide open, the rain falling in and battering the tiles below.

“He went out the window.”  Yugyeom says at the same time Jinyoung thinks of it.

“.”  Jinyoung is running back down the hallway then, ignoring Yugyeom’s yells.  He goes back outside and grabs his flashlight from where he left it on the front porch.

The bathroom window leads out the sloping side of the house, straight into the forested area.

Jinyoung shines his flashlight at the ground trying to find footprints, but the ground is wet and muddy, steps disappearing as soon as you make them.

He runs back into the forest then, going in the direction he thinks leads to the road, hoping to catch him trying to walk home.  That seemed like the most logical option for someone trying to escape. 

The rain is battering down on him harder than before.  His vision is a mess, constantly wiping the water out of his eyes so he didn’t walk into any trees.  He was so cold he thought his bones would freeze and shatter if he stayed out there for a moment longer.

He persevered though, he had to find Mark.  He had to save him.

He’s moving faster now, desperation kicking in.  “Mark!”  He calls out into the darkness.  “Mark!  Mark!”

The rain is ice cold, it felt like daggers through his skin now.  He tries jogging to keep his body heat up, but his feet get stuck in the mud with every step.

“Mark!!”

He can’t feel his toes.  He has no idea where he’s going.  He could be running in circles for all he knows.

“Mark Tuan!”

He’s starting to get scared.  He turns around completely and started running the other way, feeling like this way was a dead end.  There’s nothing but dense trees around him and he’s getting dizzy.  He stumbles and the flashlight crashing to the ground, sputtering then shutting off, leaving him in complete darkness. 

“, , , , …”  Jinyoung falls on his knees, his pants completely soaked through.  He feels through the mud for his flashlight, but he knows it’s hopeless. 

When he’s about to give up and lie face down in the mud and cry he hears a loud noise and sees the faint outline of headlights through the trees.

He’s back on his feet then, running towards the road, knowing it was his only hope.

He finally breaks through the trees to the roadside and that’s when he sees Mark- huddled in a ball at the side of the road, his arms wrapped around his knees.  He looks like the tiniest human being alive.  Jinyoung is so shocked he almost forgets the reason he was out there was to find Mark.  “What are you doing?”

“What are you doing?”  He answers Jinyoung's question with the same question, his eyes dull and lifeless.

“I’m, um, looking for you actually.”  Mark doesn’t react at all.  “Aren’t you cold?”

He shakes his head, just barely.  Still staring at him with those lifeless eyes.

It throws Jinyoung off- it wasn’t what he was expecting.  He would’ve felt better if Mark felt something- sad, angry, grateful Jinyoung had found him- anything.  The fact that he was sitting there expressionless made Jinyoung feel uneasy.

“Listen, Mark-“ Jinyoung’s teeth are chattering so hard he can barely talk.  “It’s freezing out here, do you want to come over to my house and talk?  I know about what happened at the party and I really feel bad about it.”

Mark stares at Jinyoung for a long while before he answers.  “I’m not going anywhere.”

It’s only then Jinyoung realized that Mark doesn’t know him.  This Mark only remembered the Jinyoung that hung out with Jackson and liked to . 

This Mark doesn’t know the Jinyoung that loves him.

“How about we go to your house?”  Jinyoung tries again.

Cars are zooming by on the wet road next to them, Mark didn’t talk until they passed by and the noise died down.  “Why are you doing this?”

“I-I want to help you.”

Mark stands up then.  “You hate me.”

The words cut deeper than Jinyoung would’ve liked, but what else was Mark to believe? 

Mark inches closer and closer to the road and Jinyoung’s heart is beating faster and faster.  “I don’t hate you.  I don’t know  you.  I’d like to change that- we can start over.  I know you don’t hate me, Mark, please.”

Another car zooms by and he can’t hear what Mark says.

“What?”

“You’re right, you don’t know me.”  Mark takes another step towards the road.

Jinyoung’s ears are ringing and he feels like his chest is about to explode.  “Maybe you should step away from the road.”

Someone’s calling him back in the forest, he knows it’s Yugyeom.  He can’t concentrate on that, he’s still staring at Mark who refuses to stop moving.

12:38AM

It’s not until he sees the familiar car driving up the road that Jinyoung comes to an eerie realization.

Mark turns to him and smiles, but it’s the saddest smile Jinyoung has ever seen.

“Maybe next time,” He says. “But probably not.”

“Mark!”  Jinyoung’s yell is lost in the sound of the rain coupled with the car going past.  He was frozen, he couldn’t even reach out and grab him.  It was too late.

12:39AM

It all happens so quickly.

Mark throws himself into the road- there’s screaming, a flash of white, then a sickening crunch.

It’s not until Mark’s body flies sideways off the hood of Jackson’s car and lands face down on the road, and Jackson’s bright red Range Rover sails into the woods and explodes into a ball of smoke and fire that Jinyoung realizes he’s the one who’s screaming.