Ever since we got engaged together, Jessica and I were trying to scramble ideas on how to get married. South Korea does not legalize gay marriage so technically we cannot get married at all here. However, with Jessica being a dual citizen of the United States, it was possible to fly over there and get married. But as we researched more into it, even if we fly back to South Korea, this country will not recognize that we are married.

"We can still hold the celebration," Jessica suggested.

"But that would mean that we would have to save up money and fly over my relatives from here," I told her.

It was good that she was proposing the idea of still getting married. But the fact is that none of my family are even from there so they would have to apply for a passport and fly over there. That would just cost them money. If they could not fly over there regardless, then it would just be a waste of time.

To add to the fact, Jessica did not seem like she had a good relationship with her relatives over there anyway. It would just have to be like going to Las Vegas as a tourist to get married just for the fun of it.

"Maybe we should just have a celebration here..." I suggested, "... it's not like South Korea would recognize the marriage anyway. But we can still hold a celebration with close family and friends to announce to them our binding for each other."

"That's alright," Jessica nodded at my suggestion, seemingly displeased by the idea. Maybe she was wanting a huge celebration, but I do not think that she was thinking of the expenses that would have came with it.

From history speaking, I have been the one to pay most of the bills at home. For some reason, she just does not have enough money to pay for most things. Whenever we would go out nowadays, it was usually me paying for it.

Do not get me wrong, I do feel proud being the provider in this relationship because I want to take care of her and let her know that I can take care of her.

Jessica has depression and anxiety. It when she is on her bad days. But this is the life I am going to have to live with moving forward.

Most months were spent planning and saving up to celebrate our promise to each other. We are engaged and the next step is marriage. Even if the government refuse to recognize our union, we are going to let our loved ones know anyway. It was something to celebrate about, of course.

We looked at different restaurants that could hold huge parties and different event planners. It got to the point where we wanted to just call out. Neither of us did not see how stressful it was. From the time wasted moving around different places to find a venue to making appointments with different people just to find the right planner, it was exhausting mentally and physically.

Finally, we had a few venues and planners checked out. Jessica and I sat down together in front of the computer to look over the websites of different venues and event planners that crossed out what we wanted.

"This one looks gorgeous! I really want to do it here!" Jessica pointed at the monitor screen showing the photos of one of the venues we decided to choose.

"Let's see..." I was focused at the paperwork that the venue had given us, "... this costs a decent amount but the place looks gorgeous with the view."

"We should do it there instead of the other one," Jessica suggested, "it'll look pretty at night with the view of course."

"Yeah but..." I pursed my lips at the thought, "... could we even come up with a good amount of money if we hold it there? I mean... with the amount of money we would have to save up by renting the space, we could use it for something else."

Now that I am definitely looking at numbers, not proceeding with the celebration seemed like a good idea. We could use it to travel somewhere else and enjoy some kind of 'honeymoon' instead with the amount of money that we would have.

I did dream of an awesome wedding though. But it was also nerve-racking to think of everyone else looking at us. It was like performing on stage.

The Vista WalkerHill Hotel would have definitely been a good idea in comparison to the venue available in Koreana Hotel. But when looking at the numbers, Koreana Hotel seemed like a better option when choosing a venue. But we would need caterers for those. Another option was