be happy.

Chanyeol looked at his reflection for the nth time that day. He probably has spent at least an hour in front of his full body mirror to check if his bowtie was crooked or if his hair needed some more dash of gel. He was really nervous; he only wanted everything to be perfect and special because it was the day. A momentous occasion that meant so much more than legal papers and conjugal properties. It’s a beautiful union between a couple who would vow their eternal love in front of the people who support them the most.

“Chanyeol?” A voice from outside called. Chanyeol turned quickly to the door as it opened, almost getting whiplashed on how fast his head moved.

Kyungsoo poked his head through the small opening and smiled, “It’s time.”

Chanyeol nodded as he walked over to his friend. They walked together to the venue and Chanyeol took his place in front of the altar as Kyungsoo took his place with the band as he was the appointed singer of the wedding.

There were only a few people in the venue, as the couple wanted it to be as personal as possible. Only family and close relatives and friends were sent invitations.

Chanyeol looked around the place and was awe-struck. It was a humble garden with the most beautiful trees he has ever seen. Instead of a white carpet, white petals were spread to represent the aisle with baskets of pink peonies and white roses along the side. It trailed until it reached the altar, which was a huge arch covered in vines, leaves, and pink and white flowers.

‘This is truly Baekhyun’s dream wedding,’ he thought, which was quickly cut off as the band started playing. Everyone stood up, phones and cameras in hand as they waited for the groom to walk down the aisle.

Chanyeol’s world slowed as Baekhyun emerged from the back and walked gracefully down the center. He was as stunning as ever with his white suit and middle parted black hair. A wide smile adorned his face, making his eyes turn into crescents as he held onto his bouquet.

When he neared the altar, Baekhyun flashed a smile to Chanyeol, which he returned. He watched as the former got closer, and when he finally reached the front, Baekhyun once again flashed him a small smile before fully turning to Jongdae,

The groom.

Chanyeol watched with sad eyes as his best friend looked at the love of his life with tenderness and adoration. He made sure to hold his hand to stop himself from raising it when the presider asked if there were any objections. He tried so hard to drown the vows the couple told each other, but all it did was make him hear the sound of his heart breaking into pieces.

He wished he regretted not fighting for Baekhyun, but he didn’t because it made Jongdae happy and Chanyeol wanted nothing more than seeing his best friend smile. Baekhyun was happy as well, and he couldn’t regret sacrificing his happiness if it meant two important people in his life had theirs.

“You may now kiss the groom.”

But that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

The reception was held inside a small hall near the garden. Kyungsoo took the stage as he sang the songs the couple requested. They were all upbeat at first, until the band decided to slow it down a bit for the couple’s first dance.

Chanyeol smiled slightly as Jongdae and Baekhyun held each other as Kyungsoo sang his own cover of Can’t Help Falling In Love. He didn’t realize that it all ended until he got confused on why Baekhyun was stretching out his hand to him.

“Come on, Jongdae and I agreed to dance each other’s best men!” The newlywed said, smiling. Chanyeol internally groaned because he knew he couldn’t say no.

“Fine.”

Baekhyun pulled him to the middle of the dance floor, which many have occupied already. Chanyeol scoffed because it looked more like a prom than a wedding; he wasn’t against it though because he knew that this what was intended in the first place and it was just touching to see people uniting because of love.

He’s pulled out of his thoughts when Baekhyun placed a gentle hand on his shoulder as the other lifted his left hand. Chanyeol carefully placed his right hand on the other’s waist and they began to sway to the music.

Chanyeol groaned as Kyungsoo started singing A Thousand Years, as if mocking the time he has waited for Baekhyun, which obviously ended unsuccessfully. He must have shown it on his face because the man he was dancing with started laughing.

“Not in favor of love songs?” Baekhyun asked.

“I just consider it insensitive for my single soul,” Chanyeol answered, eliciting another giggle from the man.

“Then you shouldn’t have attended,” he retorted. “Although, Jongdae might kill you.”

“I’d rather die from Jongdae’s hands than die from my poor lonely heart,” this time Baekhyun’s laughter was louder, earning them some glances, which weren’t too bad since everyone thought it was just Chanyeol being the joker he was.

Chanyeol, on the other hand, had his eyes glued the whole time on the heavenly man holding his hand in dance. Before he could even restrain himself, words drifted off his tongue.

“Hey, Baek,” he started. “Remember when I asked you one time to meet me privately at the park near the neighborhood?”

Baekhyun nodded, confusion already settling in his eyes. He does remember that particular day when Chanyeol texted him to meet at the park. He was studying, but of course, anything for his close friend.

“And I confessed to you about how Jongdae really liked you and asked you to give him a chance,” Chanyeol continued. His heart became heavier and heavier with each word he let go. This is it, he thought.

“Of course, I should probably than-“ But Baekhyun wasn’t able to finish his sentence before Chanyeol spoke once again.

“I… It was the wrong confession. I told you the wrong confession,” he admitted as he faced the ground.

Baekhyun’s eyes were wide in both shock and puzzlement, “What do you mean?”

With a deep breath, Chanyeol looked up, straight into Baekhyun’s eyes. His eyes were already watering and soon enough one tear found its way down his cheek and another and another, but he forced out a small smile.

“I love you, that's what I was supposed to say,” he confessed. He chuckled, laughing at himself for doing this now.

“Funny, right?”

Baekhyun shook his head, eyes already glassy from all the emotions he was feeling, “No, Chanyeol, you don’t mean that.”

“Oh, but I do, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol smiled. “I have for a long time already.”

Chanyeol slowly removed his hand from Baekhyun’s waist and made its way to the latter’s face. He wiped the tears that threatened to fall down with a soft mumble about his make-up getting ruined. Baekhyun couldn’t care less.

“Chanyeol…” Baekhyun whispered. “I’m sorry.”

The tall best man only nodded in response. As expected, he thought as he slowly let go of their intertwined hands and took a step back from Baekhyun.

“Be happy, Baekhyun-ah,” Chanyeol flashed him a bright smile before leaving Baekhyun on the dance floor as the song reached its end. He quickly wiped his tears away as he stepped out of the venue to take a few breaths and temporary recover from his heartbreak.

Chanyeol knew it was too late and he expected the rejection and the pain, but it hurt nonetheless. He probably should move on. Find another man, so that all the love he has been giving Baekhyun could be given to someone who could actually return it.

Park Chanyeol should definitely let go of his feelings for Byun Baekhyun,

But that doesn’t mean he can.

I have died everyday waiting for you.

thirty-two — in a way i can’t return.