To: Donghyun

Your voice.

They heal people.

One of the reason why I fell for you was because of your voice.

Your voice that melts cold hearts that are left from the betrayal of the world.

Rumours and controversies went against me and all I could do was watch myself drown in malicious comments. There was almost no way or platform for me to defend myself and I only realized this after letting myself enjoy recognition and fame that was short termed.

Those idols, was this what they felt when all those bad things came crashing on them? If those idols weren’t as bad as what the public make them out to be, did they feel as wronged and misunderstood like how I feel now? Did their hearts break like mine? Did they doubt their choices to walk on what everyone calls a “flowery road”?

I spent days in the practice room, making sure that I was the earliest to reach so that I can bow my head down and wallow myself in self-pity. I try to straighten myself up as much as possible when the other guys enter the practice room so that no one would suspect a thing. But it seemed that from the beginning, you were able to see through my façade and look at me for the person I really am.

On many nights where thoughts turn nasty, those malicious comments caused me to toss and turn while I try to escape so that I can sleep in peace. Sleep never came and every day, my frustration builds. I wanted to sleep so badly, it was not as if I had enough sleep to begin with but thoughts of how I could have prevented all of these kept haunting me.

Donghyun, I must say that you are my lifesaver. It was as if through telepathy that you could sense my frustration at not being able to sleep. When I was tossing and turning in bed, you came to me and settled yourself beside me. You will then pat my back softly while singing lullabies to lull me to sleep. Only then will I feel at ease, as if the burden on my shoulder is not heavy anymore, because you were there to carry it with me.

A week or two later, another article came out again and unsurprisingly, it was against me. I honestly don’t know what I should feel. Disappointment? Anger? Sadness? All I know was that I needed to make a public apology. I had to forgo the red hairstyle you chose for me and dye it to black but you smiled