Note: The name of this song and the theme of this story is based on the expression, “rolling stones gather no moss.” It describes a person who is always on the move (and avoiding responsibilities). Essentially, you leave nothing behind when you’re always trying to go somewhere. This isn’t a very common expression anymore, so I thought I’d explain :)

Rolling Stone
Passenger

Sometimes I feel I’m going nowhere
Sometimes I’m sure I never will
She said it’s ‘cos I’m always moving
I never notice ‘cos I never stand still

Sometimes I feel like I’m falling
Falling fast and falling free
She said my darling you’re not falling
Always looked like you were flying to me

But I fear I’ve grown a rolling stone inside of me
She said oh don’t you know
The rolling stones stop at the sea
And that’s where I’ll be
 

I.

Ahn Hyejin stood on the curb and waved goodbye as her driver pulled away. Finally, she sighed, letting out a breath she must've been holding for the last five weeks. She turned to the building behind her with a tired smile, and extended the handle of her red suitcase.

The concierge greeted her with a toothy grin. “Welcome back, Miss Ahn,” she said, bowing deeply.

Hyejin nodded, a small, polite smile adorning her face. “Thank you. It’s good to be back.” She reached into her coat pocket and pulled out a bar of 3 Musketeers. “A small souvenir,” she said, placing the candy bar into the concierge’s hand. 

She crossed the lobby, ascended up the elevator, and covered a yawn with the back of her hand as she stepped into the familiar hallway. Her suitcase rolled behind her quietly against the carpet, her smile growing as she neared the familiar door. The last 24 hours of airport hopping had been gruelling, but here she was. The place that never failed to stray too far from her mind no matter how far she flew. 

Home.

She rummaged for her keys for a moment before she remembered that they were buried deep inside her suitcase. With a groan, she lifted a knuckle to the door and knocked gently, hoping it wouldn’t wake up too many people.

She glanced at her watch as she waited—it was just nearing 10 PM.

A quick set of footsteps pattered toward the door, followed by another set of slower steps. The lock clacked, and the door swung open.

“Mama!”

Hyejin stumbled back when she suddenly caught an armful of her daughter’s fluffy onesie. The yellow lion hood fell backwards as her eager little face looked up at her with a grin, her brown eyes practically glowing as she clung to her shin.

Hyejin laughed, and knelt down to embrace the four-year-old, unable to hold back a sigh as she thought about how much she missed this. And wow—she ruffled her hair—her little girl had grown since she last saw her five weeks ago. She quickly swallowed down the prickle of emotion with a smile. “Oh, my darling little monkey, why are you still up?” she said, poking her daughter in the tummy. 

The little girl giggled, and swatted at her mother's finger. “I’m a lion, Mama!” she cried, adding a little roar for emphasis.

“Sumi-ah, I missed you so much,” Hyejin cried, squeezing her close.

Above them, someone cleared their throat. Hyejin glanced up, her heart beating like it was the first time she ever laid eyes on the love of her life all over again. She felt like she was thirteen, awkwardly wanting from opposite corners of the classroom, awkwardly trying not to show how much that dimpled smile affected her. But, against all odds, there she was—still smiling at her fifteen years later. Still affecting her in unspeakable ways. Hyejin looked up, open-mouthed, as she marvelled at how beautiful she was, standing there in the doorway with her arms crossed. Her custard-yellow pajamas were simply too adorable for words.

“Wheeinie,” she said with a grin.

“We were waiting for you,” Wheein replied with a pout. “But I guess you only care about Sumi.”

Hyejin lifted Sumi, who clung to her neck and gave her a sloppy kiss on the cheek, and adjusted her comfortably in her arms. Hyejin grinned and returned the kiss by blowing a raspberry into her chubby cheeks, inciting a happy burst of giggles from her daughter. Wheein, who could not even pretend to be upset as she watched the joyful reunion, stepped forward to pull Hyejin into a soft kiss, smiling when Hyejin practically melted into her touch.

“I missed you both so much."

“Welcome home, Hyejinie.”

“Welcome home, Mama!”

II.

While Wheein fixed up a light dinner in the kitchen, Hyejin carried Sumi to her room. It had been weeks on the road with her band of rowdy boys: weeks of fast-paced living, weeks of gold and glitter, and weeks of watching her career skyrocket in disbelief—there were some days that she loved it, some days where she thought she must be dreaming still. First she was nobody, then it was Seoul. From Seoul, there came Tokyo, Shanghai, Hong Kong, Taipei, Hanoi. Then London called and opened up a new host of opportunities. They were still new, still growing, but they were getting out there and Hyejin could not deny her daydreams of making it to North America too. Especially not when New York came calling. Her two week tour turned to four, then five. And this, she knew, was only the beginning. 

But there were days—days like this—where she wished she could take in her baby girl’s scent, curl up next to her in bed, and just shut out the world. Sumi, asleep now on her shoulder, whined for just a moment when she set her down onto her bed. Her little fist gripped tightly onto Hyejin’s sleeve. Hyejin kneeled down beside her daughter, and brushed back the soft tufts of hair with her free hand.

She couldn’t believe her baby was almost five years old. It seemed like just yesterday when she was driving Wheein back from the hospital with the precious little bundle—it was the happiest day of her life. And now the bundle had a bed of her own. Hyejin could not resist a gentle poke to her daughter’s soft cheeks.

Won’t you stop time for me? She thought. Something rumbled in the pit of her stomach, a knot of insecurities that latched at and shook her wet eyes at the same time.

“Mama,” Sumi mumbled sleepily.

“Yes, I’m here, my little lion,” Hyejin replied, kissing her on the forehead.

“Will you be going away again?”

She tightened her grip on Hyejin’s sleeve; Hyejin’s heart wrenched in her grip. Speechless, she kissed her daughter's forehead once more.

“Don’t go, Mama.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

III.

Hyejin ate her dinner by the orange light above her kitchen island, filling Wheein in on her adventures in the last five weeks. Wheein, sitting prettily in the barstool beside her, watched and listened intently with a hand under her chin. Occasionally, she would reach out and dab at Hyejin’s lips when she spoke too excitedly while chewing. 

While she spoke now, she watched Wheein, and silently noted the slight lines beginning to form near her eyes. She looked tired, yet here she was, watching her like she was her world. She wondered whether this would last forever, or would her patient angel eventually run out of love for her. Was it too late to throw it all away and come home for good? 

“So that’s how we got to play a few songs in Wales. It wasn’t much, but it was better than nothing," Hyejin said. But Wheein watched her expectantly, bearing into her soul as if waiting for her to confess all of her deepest secrets. "That's pretty much it." Hyejin nervously returned the gaze with a half-hearted smile. 

Wheein touched her elbow. “Something is wrong.”

Hyejin shook her head, though her grip on her chopsticks was tight. “It’s nothing.”

“I’m your wife, Ahn Hyejin,” Wheein said gently, “and before that, I was your best friend.”

“You’re still my best friend.”

Wheein smiled. “Then you should know that you can’t hide anything from me. You don’t need to be the cool and powerful Hwasa here. Something is bothering you, and I know it's not Wales.”

Hyejin shook her head, put down her utensil and slid off her chair to embrace her wife. “I love you, Wheeinie,” she said, voice cracking into the soft cotton of her shirt. She had meant to be reassuring, but Wheein made her feel so safe and so loved—it was as if everything hit her at once. The stress of her career and family—all the things she was doing, all the things she was missing out on—the push and pull of her desires and obligations and—she took a breath, clutching Wheein’s shirt like a lifeline.

She held on.

She held on, but she was slipping. And when Wheein wrapped her arms around her, she knew her charade was up. “I love you, Hyejinie,” Wheein whispered, drawing slow, soothing circles on her back with a palm. “It’s okay to cry. I’m right here to catch you—I’ll always be right here waiting for you.”

And so she cried. She cried for her baby girl—who missed her every day while she was away, who she loved with all her soul, yet could never be the mother she deserved. She cried for her wife—who was patient and kind, who was as perfect as she was imperfect. She cried for herself—who was cursed with a rolling stone inside of her.

Wheein kissed the salt- trails across Hyejin’s cheeks, and a wave of relief washed over her. “I’m here,” she cooed, holding her close. “I’m here. You’re here. We’re going to be okay.”

IV.

The next morning Hyejin woke up tangled in warm blankets, her arms wrapped around her wife. Dawn had barely broken through, but she found herself suddenly awake. Secretly, she was glad that she could enjoy this quiet moment. She felt like she and Wheein were the only people on earth—like she was invincible in the silent, still morning glow. Last night’s tears suddenly seemed so far away, so out of place in paradise. She planted a kiss on the curve of Wheein’s golden shoulder, then sighed as she pulled her closer.

“Mm, morning, Hyejinie,” Wheein mumbled, snuggling closer into her front.

“Morning,” Hyejin responded hoarsely, playfully nipping at Wheein’s earlobe. “We don’t have to wake up yet, do we?”

“What time is it?”

Wheein reached out for her phone, but Hyejin caught her hand, interlaced their fingers, and held them close to her body. “Let’s not think about it,” she mumbled into the back of her neck. “We can stay here forever.”

Wheein shuffled around to face the other woman, regarding her with a disapproving look. “Hyejin-ah…Sumi will starve.”

Hyejin chuckled, and kissed the frowning lips. “Sumi isn’t awake yet. She’ll be okay. She’s a big girl now.”

“She is,” Wheein replied, allowing the smile to spread across her lips, “but she still needs her mothers.”

Hyejin sighed deeply. “I’m scared that…I’m going to miss everything,” she confessed.

“I told you,” Wheein said, “I’ll be waiting. So will Sumi.”

“But—”

Wheein pressed a finger to Hyejin’s lips, still wearing the kind of smile that made Hyejin’s heart melt unconditionally. Her voice was loving, but firm: “Hyejin-ah, I know what I signed up for when I married you. You promised me you’d chase your dreams no matter what, and I know how much you love us, Hyejin. You practically shout it at the top of your lungs whenever they interview you,” Wheein chuckled. “I still remember that time when someone asked you about your upcoming performance, and you launched into a whole speech about how you wrote all the songs about us and how much you loved us—it wasn’t even related to the question, but it was so cute that nobody had the heart to stop you.”

“Whee—”

“Let me finish.”

Hyejin nodded.

“Yongsun unnie and Byulyi unnie take good care of us, so you don’t need to worry. Sure, sometimes I wish you’d come to my art shows, but I can’t come to all your shows either,” Wheein shrugged, “so we’re even.”

“It’s not—”

“I’m not done yet.” Hyejin pressed her lips together immediately. Wheein giggled, and reached out to cup her wife’s cheek. She brushed the pad of her thumb across her cheekbone, and sighed. “You can’t stay in one place when the world needs to hear you, my love. I don’t know much about physics, but I do know that what goes up must come down. And Sumi and I will be right here when you decide to come back down. So until then, you’re going to fly as high as possible.”

Wheein’s thumb caught a tear, and brushed it away. Softly, she kissed the spot where the drop had lingered.

Then, as if on cue, a light flurry of footsteps hurried down the hall. Their bedroom door squeaked open, and their darling daughter, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, stumbled through, the hood of her lion onesie fallen back to reveal her messy, brown, bedhead.

“Mamas?” she said, waddling closer to the bed.

“Good morning, sweetie,” Wheein said, immediately sitting up. “Are you okay? Why are you up so early? Did you have a bad dream?”
Sumi shook her head.

Hyejin turned to give her daughter a toothy grin. “Do you wanna come up and sleep with your mamas?”

Sumi nodded vigorously.

“Come here, little lion,” Hyejin said, patting the spot beside her.

With some assistance, Sumi clambered onto the bed with a happy grin. She threw herself across Hyejin’s stomach, inciting a tickle war that sent her scrambling toward Wheein with a high-pitched laugh. Wheein wrapped one arm around her daughter, and pretended to ward off Hyejin’s wiggling fingers, but—just as Sumi had let her guard down as she giggled at her mothers’ antics—switched gears and joined Hyejin in attacking Sumi’s sides. Sumi screeched, laughing until tears squeezed out the corner of her eyes as she tried to avoid her mothers’ tickles.

Eventually, the three of them—with Sumi nestled comfortably between her two mothers—laid back, chests heaving, light laughter still bubbling. Hyejin reached across Sumi to hold Wheein's hand. With one last glance at the identical smiles on her wife and daughter's face, Hyejin began to drift off to sleep alongside the two loves of her life. 

Tomorrow will come, and the day after that. Eventually, she knew that she would have to leave again.

For now, Hyejin was home, and there was no better feeling in the world.

Notes: I love Passenger. Nobody quite captures the subtle balance between loneliness and hopefulness the way he does, so I thought I would try to translate this feeling into Wheesa. I've wanted to use this song for a long time, and I was fascinated with the idea of Hyejin coming home, but I was stuck on such a common theme, and I wasn't sure how to make the story uniquely mine. So I hope you enjoyed the addition of Sumi :)