Strangers Talking Body

Halsey x Tove Lo

Now if we're talking body
You got a perfect one, so put it on me
Swear it won't take you long
If you love me right
We for life, on and on and on

X

When I wake up all alone
And I'm thinking of your skin
I remember, I remember what you told me
Said that we're not lovers, we're just strangers
With the same damn hunger
To be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all

Kim Yongsun was 28 years old. Unlike many of her peers, she took a fast track through the corporate ladder with cunning, ambition, and—most of all—sacrifice. Charming as she was, she quickly lost contact with family and friends when she struck out on her own all those years ago. She had never been much good at meeting people outside of a professional capacity anyway, which—other than the time she got tangled into something almost romantic after a series of drunken “one-night-stands”—led to a rather lonely existence for Kim Yongsun.

On this particular night, Kim Yongsun decided to take care of herself for a change. After all, one can hardly work under such serious pressure when one was ually frustrated all the time. If humans didn’t invite so much trouble, she might have considered an alternative to this, but here she was: standing outside of a shop.

From the outside, it looked clean enough. It didn’t have the expected neon signs and suspicious people walking in and out. In fact, it didn’t have much signage at all. Not entirely trusting the plaque on the door reading “open”, she tried to peek through the white curtains to see if anyone was inside. When all she saw where a number of es on the wall, she took a breath and tried the door.

Well, it certainly was clean enough. The red and white decor was surprisingly inviting despite all the explicit images on every product packaging. Since no one was around, it was an immediate weight off her shoulder as she browsed.

There were so many things she had never seen before, much less knew how to use. There was only one whose expertise came to mind, but, sadly, that person was no longer in her life. How hard could it be? She wondered. If she could get a managerial position at 28, she could surely figure out a couple of gadgets and contraptions.

Idly, she picked up a box from the shelf. “A magic wand?” She mumbled. It didn’t look like any wand she’d ever seen before. And she read plenty of Harry Potter in her younger days.

“Hello, can I help you?”

Yongsun spun around to see a mountain of boxes above a pair of long legs that demanded her appraisal. It was only when the boxes teetered that she sprang into action just in time to catch a small, square box that fell from the top. “Oh crap,” she heard, as two other boxes followed suit. One dove into Yongsun’s arm while the other hit the floor with a thud.

“Ah, don’t worry about that one,” the shopkeeper said. “Thanks for helping me out, Miss—”

Yongsun glanced up when the shopkeeper suddenly stopped, and gasped. “It’s you,” Yongsun whispered. It’d been almost three years, but she would recognize her shy grin and wrinkled nose anywhere—she’d seen it countless times in bed, when they’d danced around that grey line between lovers and strangers. But despite everything they had gone through together, they never got each other’s names.

“Yeah,” the shopkeeper said, adjusting the boxes in her arms uncomfortably.

“W-what are you doing here?”

“I work here,” she replied with a raised brow. “Actually, I’m the owner.”

Yongsun gasped, but quickly tried to swallow her surprise. Instead she shifted her weight, looked down, said nothing. She could feel the other woman’s expectant gaze in the increasingly awkward silence, then heard a familiar sigh.

“It’s...been a while. How are you, yeba?” Yongsun looked up and caught a grin—the same cute, lopsided smile Yongsun remembered so well.

“I’m...good,” she said carefully, still treading on disbelief. “Same as ever.”

“Same as ever, eh?”

“Yeah.”

The shopkeeper put down her tower of boxes on the counter, and smirked. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised to see you here then.”

Yongsun blushed, and awkwardly shuffled over to add her two boxes to the pile. After all this time, she never thought this nameless woman would continue to affect her. It was the main reason she chose to disappear quietly from her life—the emotions and the uncertainty was simply too high a price to pay for mind-blowing and casual companionship. Disappearing made a lot of sense when your life’s plan included marriage at 40, and only after becoming CEO.

And there certainly were times when Yongsun missed the easy transaction between strangers. Ultimately, she knew it would only be a distraction, but if that were the case, why the hell did she want this distraction so badly right now?

“Sorry, that was rude, wasn’t it?” The shopkeeper sighed. Yongsun blinked. What did she say? “Everyone has their own reasons for coming in here,” she continued. “And as much as I wish we could live in a ually free society where we don’t have to hide our love and desires, I know it can be uncomfortable for people coming in for the first time.” Yongsun nodded slowly, as if the shop was the only reason she was uncomfortable. “So is there anything in particular that you’re looking for?”

Yongsun opened , but instead of speaking like a socially adept young woman on the verge of becoming senior manager, she bolted out the door like the socially awkward mess she always was around beautiful women. Especially this one.

The very next evening, she found herself in front of those curtained windows once more. It was inevitable, she convinced herself, when passing this store meant a shorter route home from work, of course. Even if parking was rather atrocious in this district. It was simply inevitable, she continued to convince herself.

As she contemplated going in and buying the first thing that caught her eye with neither conversation or eye contact, the shopkeeper stepped out.

“Oh! Hello again,” she said, looking ridiculously handsome in her black turtleneck and dashing smile. “Do you want to come in?”

Yongsun said nothing.

“Or,” the woman said slowly, “I was just about to step out for a quick bite to eat. Do you want to join me? I bet you haven’t eaten yet, yeba.”

That was when, of course, Yongsun’s stomach decided to remind her that she had indeed been neglecting one appetite for another.

And so Yongsun found herself in an udon bar, staring down at her bowl and avoiding the intense gaze of the other woman. A future CEO and the owner of a shop must seem strange together, she—and no one else—thought.

“You know,” the shopkeeper said thoughtfully, “We never did introduce ourselves formally. I still don’t know your name.”

“No,” Yongsun said quietly.

A low chuckle rumbled from across the table. “Against all odds, we’ve found each other again. Would you consider that destiny?”

Yongsun looked up from her murky broth. “I guess?”

“So given this fortunate occasion, would you consider us friends? Maybe a little more than strangers despite not knowing each other’s names?” The other woman’s smile was carefully guarded, yet playful to accompany the challenge in her voice.

Yongsun sighed, replaced her chopsticks across the bowl and leaned back with arms crossed. “You make it sound like it’s a secret. You just never asked.”

The shopkeeper’s brows shot up. “Neither did you. I’d always thought it was an unspoken agreement”—she pushed her bowl aside and leaned in as close as she could—“just in case screaming my name would get too real for you,” she added in a whisper.

Yongsun flushed crimson and hurriedly glanced around to see if anyone in the busy establishment had heard. Since it would likely be counterproductive to speak in her shameful anger, she opt for an icy glare, and a secret dilemma between punching or kissing the triumphant smirk off her face.

“Relax, yeba,” the woman said. “I’m only half joking.”

They finished the meal and returned to the store in only a moderately uncomfortable level of silence. After all, they never used to talk so much back when they were sleeping together. Yongsun hardly knew what to say now after all this time.

Perhaps she was right: it was easy for things to get too real. To open up and expose her vulnerabilities like a real relationship. No, it was best not to speak.

Fortunately, the shopkeeper went straight to business. She recommended several products at varying levels of stimulation and ease of use, and —though Yongsun’s ears burned—the transaction was quick and painless.

In fact, Yongsun had inevitably over-analyzed the complexity of this relationship.

Or perhaps that would have been the case had she not—in some lapse of reason between nervously clutching her wallet and admiring the subtle curves of the other woman’s body—leaned over the counter and kissed the other woman squarely on the lips.

Her instinct pulled her away, horrified, but the shopkeeper’s flushed cheeks and wide-eyed expression kept her rooted, kept her chewing her bottom lip in anticipation.

“Yeba, I—”

“It’s Yongsun,” She said quickly, shyly tucking her hair behind her ear. “My name is Kim Yongsun.”

“Yongsunssi,” the shopkeeper murmured. The syllables if her own name on the shopkeeper’s tongue sent a shiver down Yongsun’s spine. “I...I don’t know why you did that,” Yongsun stepped closer around the counter; the other woman stepped back, “but as much as I liked it...I...we can’t.”

Yongsun frowned. “Why not?”

“Because,” she looked down at her shoes, “I know what this...what I...meant to you. And I can’t do that anymore. Maybe when I was younger and still believed I was invincible, but I...I was devastated when you left. So I...I can’t...I—”

“Byulyi,” Yongsun said quietly. The shopkeeper looked up, surprise evident in her features. “I’ve known your name for a very long time...but you were right. Saying it made it all too real. I couldn’t tell you how many times I wanted to, but if I did...you wouldn’t be a stranger anymore. And I...I’d convinced myself that saying it out loud was different than saying it in my heart. I guess I thought that if I said your name out loud, you’d know how I really felt about you.”

Byulyi furrowed her brows. “So you chose to run away. Why did you kiss me then?”

“I don’t expect you to understand something I barely understand myself,” Yongsun replied with a nervous chuckle. “Seeing you always seems to have way of...messing with my senses. I didn’t expect to still feel...all these feelings...after all this time.”

Her quiet confession filled the air with expectant butterflies. She scuffed the toe of her shoe on the floor and waited for Byulyi’s move. The last time her heart had raced so quickly was when she had stood in Byulyi’s bedroom pulling on her clothes, making—yet fearing—the decision to never see her again.

But Byulyi just rubbed the back of her neck. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Ah.” Yongsun smiled politely, hoping her smile wouldn’t come off as pathetic as she felt. “It’s okay. I’ll...just go. Thanks for everything.”

She ducked her head and turned to pick up her bags, only to be intercepted by a hand on her own.

“Wait,” Byulyi said. Yongsun looked down at their clasped hands, then up at her fearful eyes. “Don’t go. I just...never thought this would happen. It took me a long time to get over you, you know,” she sighed, the sound driving a deep spike of guilt into Yongsun’s chest. “You...yesterday you undid months and months of work just by walking in. Then you ran away again...I can’t pretend it didn’t hurt like it did the first time.”

“I’m sorry.”

Byulyi bit her lip. “How about dinner first?Tomorrow. As friends.”

Yongsun lit up, hopeful once more. “Of course! Um, I mean,” she said shyly, “that would be great.”

The funny thing about friendship is that it is often meant as a platonic truce. And, perhaps the charade could be considered a success when two people—both intensely attracted to each other—were able to get through three consecutive three-hour-long dinner dates without giving into the any of the impulses tempting them throughout all three nights.

It was a success, Yongsun thought, that she could be so open and comfortable with the other woman. Even if being with Byulyi made Yongsun want to tear her clothes off whenever she triggered an old memory, she had to admit that it was nice to have a friend for a change.

“Are you sure you should be going out with me tonight?” Byulyi asked on the fourth day.

Yongsun had called her during a short lunch break with some inane excuse about picking restaurants. She knew she was in over her head, but she couldn’t help missing Byulyi’s voice. Surely, this was normal platonic friend behaviour.

“Yes, of course,” she said, her eyes wandering to the traffic outside her office window. “Do you...not want to?”

“I do,” Byulyi sighed, “but...have you been sleeping lately? I’m happy you want to see me, but knowing you, you’ve probably given up your nights just to catch up on the work you missed.”

Yongsun’s heart tingled at the affection and worry laced in Byulyi’s voice. Though they seldom spoke with words in the past, it had always amazed her how perceptive the other woman seemed to be.

“Well, it’s worth it,” she confessed quietly.

A chuckle warmed her ear. “Then I’ll see you at nine tonight.”

They spent a week apart after their fifth date. Yongsun knew that in spite of the clarity of her desires, they were moving quickly. It was becoming harder and harder for her to hold back. The only thing that the frequency of their meetings proved was how ridiculous it was to keep pretending. They had spent most of their fourth and fifth dates holding hands throughout their meal, and it infuriated Yongsun to no end that Byulyi wasn’t putting her feelings into words.

She couldn’t blame her, of course. Perhaps she even deserved this, but Yongsun had never wanted anything more. And she didn’t want their past to ruin their future.

They mutually agreed on the absence, but even though they had technically really known each other for a week, it would be one of the hardest weeks in Yongsun’s recent memory. Every day, she wondered if Byulyi was thinking about her too. Every day, she wondered what her life was like before she had stepped into Byulyi’s shop. How could that feel so, so long ago?

At the end of the week, she drove to Byulyi’s store, determined to set the record straight. But the store was closed, and Byulyi didn’t pick up. Fearing the worst, she waited and waited that night—ignored all the strange looks she got as she paced in front of the shop—but Byulyi didn’t come back.

Just as she was considering calling the police after three hours, her secretary called. She grit her teeth and declined the call. She simply wasn’t in the mood. A minute later, her secretary called again. Once more, she declined the call.

At the third attempt, Yongsun begrudgingly picked up. “Make it quick,” she snapped.

“Finally!” Her secretary cried in exasperation. “There’s a woman here who’s been waiting for you for three hours. She won’t leave, and her giant bouquet is weirding everyone out. Can you come back to the office, please? I have a date in two hours and I still have a lot of work to do, so I’d rather not babysit this stranger.”

Yongsun, who had often questioned her decision to hire such a forward-speaking secretary, could almost kiss her through the phone. She drove back, weaving through traffic like a madwoman, and still felt like she could not get there fast enough.

She burst through the elevator, earning a few concerned looks from the few employees still working away on her floor. She quickly smoothed out her hair and straightened her clothes, determined at least to look as dignified as possible for the rest of her walk toward her office.

Two things caught her eye as she neared, her secretary’s teasing smirk as she rushed past her, through the hall and into the elevator. And a truly giant bouquet of flowers sitting in the lap of Moon Byulyi, who beamed brighter than any of the vivid colours in her hands as she approached.

Yongsun tugged her at the sleeve and pulled her into the privacy of her office, away from the curious eyes of any straggling employees. With the door closed behind her, she finally turned to Byulyi.

“Hello, yeba,” Byulyi greeted with a truly adorable lopsided grin. She extended the bouquet toward her with a faint blush on her cheeks. “These are for you.”

Yongsun mumbled her thanks and accepted the flowers with a slight stagger. “These are beautiful,” she said, “but what are they for?”

“Oh! Um, you know”—Yongsun snorted a little at the erratic gestures toward her gift, but enjoyed Byulyi’s flustered expressions too much to interrupt her—“for...surviving the week and everything. I guess. But maybe...maybe the week wasn’t as...difficult and...strange for you as it was for me? Sorry, what am I saying? Ah, let’s just call it a congratulations for making it this far. You’re” —Byulyi peered over her at the golden plaque on her desk— “manager now! I never congratulated you on that before. So...yeah. There we go. I’ll just shut up now. I should’ve thought this through before I came here, but—ah, I don’t even know why I’m so nervous.”

Yongsun reached out under her new bouquet and squeezed her elbow. “Byul-ah,” she said with a poorly stifled grin, “it’s okay. Aish, I’ve never seen you so flustered before.”

“Sorry,” she mumbled. “I don’t know, I guess I just…”

“I missed you too,” Yongsun finished hopefully. Suddenly, it so quiet she could hear the slightest hitch in Byulyi’s breath. Emboldened by her reaction, Yongsun gingerly placed her gift on her desk, then reached out to wrap her fingers around Byulyi’s. “Do you know why I wasn’t in my office?”

Byulyi shook her head.

“While you were waiting here with my secretary, I was at your store waiting for you to come back,” she giggled. “I’d been looking forward to seeing you all week, and I don’t know, I guess we sort of had the same thought. We’re quite the idiot pair, aren’t we?”

Byulyi’s eyes nearly popped out of her sockets, but the realization soon sent her doubling forward in laughter, her head nearly crashing into Yongsun’s as she folded into her shoulder. “Quite the idiot pair,” she agreed, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye.

When laughter faded, she gripped onto Yongsun’s arms. Yongsun could feel the slight movement of her chest against hers as Byulyi took a deep breath, then her breath at her neck as she took the plunge and wrapped her arms around Yongsun. “What the hell are we doing?” Byulyi mumbled.

“Pretending we’re not feeling all these things for each other. Like we used to, I guess,” Yongsun said, smiling a little against the tender softness of Byulyi’s neck. Her scent was so familiar, and so comforting.

“Like we used to,” Byulyi repeated. Her hands s around Yongsun’s waist and pulled her closer. “Did you ever think about me over the years? I spent so, so long wondering if we ever could’ve been...I don’t know...more? Or whether we were just two deluded strangers desperate for love. Like maybe I was just so...intoxicated by the that I stupidly thought we could do it forever or something.”

“Yes,” Yongsun admitted, planting a gentle kiss on her shoulder. “And I don’t want to go back to that. I know I was unfair to you, Byul,” she sighed, “but I was so scared. I had a plan, and I didn’t want to give it up. I’ve given up...so much...to be where I am today.” She pulled away, just far enough for Byulyi to read the sincerity in her eyes. “I don’t want to give you up again. So...I hope that you won’t give up on me either.”

Byulyi grinned. “Not if you admit you like me enough to go on real dates with me,” she said, kissing her softly on her lips.

“Oh, I like you more than enough for real dates,” Yongsun whispered, hot in her ear, as a wicked smile spread across her lips. “I might even like you enough to take you home with me after those real dates. I still have a few products from your fine establishment that I’ll need a little help with.”

Byulyi blushed bright red. “I don’t know what just happened,” she breathed, “but I might have just fallen a little bit in love with you, Kim Yongsun.”

End

Notes: I've been playing with the idea of writing about "Strangers" for quite some time now, but it didn't really happen until I heard "Talking Body". “Strangers” on its own would have been an interesting story, but far too depressing, I think. It would’ve been the slowest burning angst ever, so I’m glad I found a good compromise. Thanks, Tove Lo!

(I have such a love-hate relationship with Tove Lo, but this is admittedly one of my favourite songs to jam out to when I'm driving.)

Anyway, happy new year everyone! I hope you all had a great holiday season :)